Deb: Okay, I am so afraid to say this out loud or to put in print in case I hex it, but ... MY JUNK MAIL HAS GONE AWAY. I did nothing to bring this joy about, I swear. If I did, I would spread the word, but I cannot take credit for the fact that MY JUNK MAIL HAS GONE AWAY! It started quietly, insidiously, about a week ago. I thought it was some sort of a cruel joke. I thought that maybe at the APPLE annual picnic one of the geniuses had picked my name out of a barrel as a target for geek taunts. Maybe I was an experiment. I woke up one day and rushed to my computer––sad but true––and there were only five junks sitting in the junk area. As the week went on I had four, three, two, none! What? It has been none for days and days now. I whispered this news across the table to my husband, but he had only time to sneer at me as he was busy deleting numerous marriage proposals from Russian brides and scores of ads for the Viagra he would surely need if he was going to service them all! I don’t get it. I feel like I just won the lottery. Callee callay!!!!!!!
And now I sit there in front of my screen wondering what the hell I am going to do while my kettle is boiling and my toast is toasting. I am devoid of things to delete. Sigh. Maybe I’ll keep myself busy by answering this lovely email from a very nice young man who is new to the country and has lost his money on “our very clean and efficient subway system” and who needs me to send him $2000.00 right away. Poor devil, he misspelled “monie”. He clearly needs my help. I’ll just get out my checkbook as I celebrate the fact that MY JUNK MAIL HAS GONE AWAY!
Barbara: lol!!! So funny, Deb. Knowing how tech-illiterate we both are, are you sure this isn’t just some random computer typo (like we are both wont to do)? The kind that cures junk disease, but that can never be re-created as it is so obtuse and far-fetched? You know, like mistakenly punching an “option” “command” “f3” “junk mail” combo that makes no computer sense, but succeeded in eliminating all those unwanted pleas for help, sex, or money (or rather, monie)? Because otherwise I have no explanation for you. Computer glitches usually foul everything up, lock the system down, cause crashes. Not THIS. It’s a miracle.
Wait a minute … it’s a miracle! Everyone! We should form a pilgrimage to Deb’s! We should stand together in reverential awe before her empty junk mailbox! We should make ritual offerings to the Computer Gods and hope they deign us with the same fortuitous blessing! Yes! Please join me while I pray.