tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post4740072784998301746..comments2023-09-24T11:26:16.606-04:00Comments on The Middle Ages: Self-Esteem: How Low Can You Go?Deb and Barbarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04444390852070865517noreply@blogger.comBlogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-77960237971778800762012-02-14T18:39:45.566-05:002012-02-14T18:39:45.566-05:00You're here, and you are brave enough to let t...You're here, and you are brave enough to let that all spill out here. There are fantastic people here who, I'm sure, have similar stories that they've also been afraid to tell anyone. It may just inspire someone to tell someone else how they feel. You may never know, but it's something you may take with you, if you can believe in it. You are incredibly strong, because you're still here, and something in you still wants to communicate with the world, you're trying, and that's a BIG Something right.Dawnhttp://boom-child.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-62731857839585237532012-02-14T18:34:57.246-05:002012-02-14T18:34:57.246-05:00Steph's right! I have to believe that, or I...Steph's right! I have to believe that, or I'm in serious trouble. :DDawnhttp://boom-child.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-69175959742031566312012-02-14T18:33:56.158-05:002012-02-14T18:33:56.158-05:00Molly,
I think your dear husband is lucky to have...Molly,<br /><br />I think your dear husband is lucky to have gotten YOU. You've given birth to and are raising his five (FIVE!) children, who are healthy and happy. That can NEVER be taken for granted. It takes the efforts of a wonderful mom to teach love and nurturing. They can NOT be okay "just because." Believe me on that. Also, if your house isn't quite as neat as you might like it to be, then good for you. Your priorities are your family, anyway, not whether all the towels are folded or that glass is still in the sink. (If I may, you can teach the younger ones to "help" you by putting things in the dishwasher. For the older ones, just stop bringing the foods (snacks, that is) that they want, and only the essentials and fruits, until they can learn to wash a dish or two, too.)<br /><br />I know it's tough to get out and meet new people, and I'm not going to push ideas that I've been given but haven't tried yet. :) I do want to point out that this board is a social setting where your presence is enjoyed, appreciated, and respected. Don't knock that at ALL, because it got me through a LOT of tough times and "solitude."<br /><br />Give yourself for ONE thing. Just one. Is the room decorated the way you want? Did you choose that end table that looks wonderful there? Was the spaghetti cooked to the right tenderness? (Don't knock ANY of those things. I make chewy spaghetti, when I try, that is.) ANYTHING can count. You got out of bed. With five kids, I might be hiding under the covers. Be proud of what you do. So many people admire that you do it.Dawnhttp://boom-child.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-43658791268311087112012-02-14T18:24:03.726-05:002012-02-14T18:24:03.726-05:00well said, Deb, well said!well said, Deb, well said!Stephnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-77506930713775256202012-02-14T18:22:19.122-05:002012-02-14T18:22:19.122-05:00Oh, this was amazing, Barb. You know... I have his...Oh, this was amazing, Barb. You know... I have historically had very different self-esteem in different domains. I am a compartmentalizer by nature and I've known since... I was maybe 10, that I was smart. (now I'm not SUPER smart, but I actually was never AWARE of THAT--I just knew I got math easily and had the easiest time with school of the kids I wanted to hang out with--which, at that shallow age, was the cool kids). I was NEVER the boy magnet though. At least not before I left home. And then I learned a really tricky fact. My weight roller coasters--college was MOSTLY but not ALWAYS good that way--controlled food supply, daily running. And when I weighed what I liked my self esteem would sky-rocket and I got hit on a lot... but the same weight, if it was RISING made me down and sad and nobody hit on me. So I learned that self-esteem lesson early, though perhaps with a few really sleazy strings of trying to make up for the lack of attractiveness with plain old sex... I ALSO find I am treated as more attractive when I am WITH someone--because I am not TRYING to impress--that insecurity thing--the counterpart of low self-esteem... <br /><br />It's been a long time since I had self esteem problems, but I think where I am unusual is in my 20s I said to hell with the 'everyone' metric and have not tried to compare myself to anyone in any domain since. I still hate my weight, but that is about me and what I know I can look like. And I know it doesn't make me a bad person, or less talented, or less smart.Hart Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17599570189253229318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-19859490701920580562012-02-14T16:35:28.404-05:002012-02-14T16:35:28.404-05:00Thank you so much for your kind words.
You always ...Thank you so much for your kind words.<br />You always cheer me up! <br /><br />Smiling is some sort of a magic key, I guess. :)<br /><br />I'll try that. I own a T-shirt which says: "Did you already smile today?"<br /><br />Maybe that should become my slogan.<br /><br />Talking to strangers is not the thing I love to do...<br />But...it's weird, because a lot of people tend to speak to me...like ask for directions or the time, or if I could explain something...so there must be something about me, right? ;)Beckihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11056971028004881629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-67792751924191440182012-02-14T16:31:40.022-05:002012-02-14T16:31:40.022-05:00Hey...your post nearly made me cry.
I think you ar...Hey...your post nearly made me cry.<br />I think you are pretty amazing, because wow you raise(d) five kids. That's an awesome job. And don't tell us that the kids were born this way...you helped them a lot! And being a mother is a full-time job.<br /><br />People, who don't like you, because you are not as thin as them, are stupid. They don't deserve you!<br /><br />*hugs*Beckihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11056971028004881629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-15254306147969854002012-02-14T16:27:18.470-05:002012-02-14T16:27:18.470-05:00Oh, that sounds very interesting. Keep on writing!...Oh, that sounds very interesting. Keep on writing! :)Beckihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11056971028004881629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-1781915941884084602012-02-14T15:53:02.986-05:002012-02-14T15:53:02.986-05:00Hi everyone, I don't know if any of you will r...Hi everyone, I don't know if any of you will read this comment as we have moved past this blog now but I was in Halifax and having issues with the internet in the place i was staying. I am in awe first of all that these same ladies with self esteem issues are the same witty bright interesting gals who's comments I read every day. Although I said I have the put down moments, that is all they are moments and as I get old they get less and less. In the end of this after reading all the comments I would say one thing-Why not opt to love ourselves? Why not?? What can it hurt? All it can bring us is love. And love will build on love until we are exactly who we wish we were. xo Thanks for sharing your innermost thoughts. It has been a privilege to read them.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-20105754722760584712012-02-14T15:23:15.279-05:002012-02-14T15:23:15.279-05:00Barb--thank you always for your beautiful replies ...Barb--thank you always for your beautiful replies that extend the conversation in my own head and honor me with your very present attention. It's posts--and comments like yours that keep me coming back over & over again to your very substantive and interactive blog......xoLorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03930415413376102535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-65706450038828866992012-02-14T15:07:07.245-05:002012-02-14T15:07:07.245-05:00Wow, Lori. Beautiful. I don't want to push you...Wow, Lori. Beautiful. I don't want to push you on the novel thing, but I would sooo read this book! And it always comes back to the need to re-wire, to not step in time with our bad habits, but to constantly be breaking them and stepping upward. Away. To the light. Thank you so much.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10020502430509158737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-60056373316692513422012-02-14T15:03:17.211-05:002012-02-14T15:03:17.211-05:00Yup, totally get this (quoted you down there *poin...Yup, totally get this (quoted you down there *points down a few*)Deb and Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04444390852070865517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-64727592147556585592012-02-14T08:24:53.765-05:002012-02-14T08:24:53.765-05:00I think I will let a passage from my own writing (...I think I will let a passage from my own writing (a little known, shelved novel NOT in process at the moment) speak for me: It's one of those sections of fiction that is based on utter truth. Self-esteem is a state of mind. And unless we "wake up" and notice what that reactive and resident state of mind even is, we are captive to it, because it springs from our past, from what we've experienced or been told, or from faulty assumptions left over from childhood. We have a choice: we can focus on how we feel separate and small, or we can rewire ourselves to re-connect to the whole and remember that we are like a drop of water from the ocean--made of exactly the same stuff as the sea, separated only by the borders of flesh. The following musing from my own work expresses what a struggle it can be to choose to lift out of the mud of conditioning. <br /><br />"On one hand, she appreciates that out of the whole world of possibilities, there are so many things that she is interested in, so many threads that curl around each other into connections in her mind. On the other hand, there are many times when the threads snarl themselves into loops that become torturous, circuitous paths, making the inside of her own head a hostile and uncomfortable environment. <br />It doesn’t take much for her to fall into the pit of overthinking. A funny look from someone, an indecisive moment, an insecurity can send her spinning her own thought wheels in the muddy waters of self-doubt. It’s a habit that is shared by her husband Michael, so she knows how much it can annoy people, how obsessive it gets, how narcissistic. Today, sitting on the floor with the contents of a lifetime strewn before her has been both a good thing, and a trigger. She loves the feeling of cleaning out clutter to make way for new spaces. But there is something in it that also sends her into a reverie where the past rises up to meet her like a brick wall, where all of the objects seem to grow hands and fingers and pull her back into old thought patterns, old habits, old tapes that block out anything she’s learned to keep herself moving forward."<br /><br />In order to transcend the pull of old, destructive thought patterns, we must learn to replace them with self-love and more important, self-awareness.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03930415413376102535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-13292061731296334252012-02-14T08:14:43.886-05:002012-02-14T08:14:43.886-05:00Oh, so hard, isn't it??? I don't know if y...Oh, so hard, isn't it??? I don't know if you've read any of the comments, but I hope you might try some of the suggestions here to building your sense of self (taking up your rightful place in the world). Dawn points out that it's different for everyone -- and she really needed something specific for her, but she found it! And these other small "tricks" that re-train your brain to start feeling more positive really do work. The mirror exercise, the greeting (or at least smiling at) strangers. The other thing is that you have to expect that not everyone will respond, or respond in a way that you like maybe, but many people will, and pretty soon the positive responses will outweigh the negative. It's a retraining process. It's building emotional muscles you maybe never had, but have the potential for. It's baby-steps. You've made us so happy here, so you have it in you in spades to connect in a positive, special and meaningful way. Good luck and love!!Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10020502430509158737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-35144123066920113332012-02-14T02:35:44.652-05:002012-02-14T02:35:44.652-05:00Awwwwh no problem Erin I am happy to cheer you up....Awwwwh no problem Erin I am happy to cheer you up........lemme know when you feel low....I'll start blabbering my pep talk ...lol love xoxoShalakahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00782094985343645473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-14230133212084053292012-02-14T00:21:38.473-05:002012-02-14T00:21:38.473-05:00Wow I read the topic and felt a sick feeling in my...Wow I read the topic and felt a sick feeling in my stomach. This one is very hard for me and it may take me a while to open up. But I will say straight up, I have always hated myself. If that's too strong at the very least disliked myself. God's honest truth I have always avoided mirrors, I find it difficult to make eye contact (always have) and I am very awkward when meeting people and in a room full of people. I feel judged when I walk into a room and instantly start putting myself down as you can tell the self confidence is zero. I wish it wasn't true and I envy and admire those who have great confidence in themselves. God Bless those of you who do and are happy in your skin, often in my prayers it is peace I pray for. The worst sin of all is I'm afraid that at least to some extent I passed that lack of confidence on to my kids and I'm not proud of that at all. : (Rickaman's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08020933722154084356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-9164484511710868812012-02-13T23:51:03.919-05:002012-02-13T23:51:03.919-05:00So funny. This is definitely in the "to each ...So funny. This is definitely in the "to each his/her own world", right?Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10020502430509158737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-75324276180914505772012-02-13T23:50:26.279-05:002012-02-13T23:50:26.279-05:00Thanks, Aimee! xoThanks, Aimee! xoBarbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10020502430509158737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-82266312278236493852012-02-13T23:17:35.607-05:002012-02-13T23:17:35.607-05:00Great postGreat postLyndsiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08474928538640746195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-35807584720377955962012-02-13T23:00:19.252-05:002012-02-13T23:00:19.252-05:00I'm watching Joan Rivers' "reviews&qu...I'm watching Joan Rivers' "reviews" of the best and worst-dressed at the Grammy awards. I KNOW I look better than so many of those women, and I could (and would) dress much better than those "ladies." Makes me feel better to see a woman in a pink gown with fake Uzis stuck to it and know I look better in my nightshirt than that. :)Dawnhttp://boom-child.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-58006872641852806982012-02-13T20:55:47.351-05:002012-02-13T20:55:47.351-05:00Please do not misunderstand me. I am VERY PROUD th...Please do not misunderstand me. I am VERY PROUD that I am in college and am making it!!! And the opinions of others not mattering; every day they bother me less and less. But it has taken YEARS for me to achieve where I am today. And I'm thankful. "someone's opinion of you does not have to be your reality." Thanks Linda!!! :] I have a lot of people I know that need to hear that. Myself included at times<br /><br />Sometimes I think I did crappy but then I end up doing better than I thought!! (today was an example of that!)Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06785247788175367281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-85222900222881469462012-02-13T19:21:45.295-05:002012-02-13T19:21:45.295-05:00I totally agree with speaking out. I sometimes get...I totally agree with speaking out. I sometimes get those looks of "did she really just say that? She's smart? She's funny? She was listening?" <br />Yeah, I'm very shy. "Talking" here is easier than in person. I am one of those people that worries about what I'm going to say, so I tend to say very little. If I can start a conversation with someone about a book or movie or whatever, something we have in common, then I'm okay. I just have a hard time getting the conversation going. I have never liked to be the center of attention. I never craved the spotlight. I avoid most of the time. I actually refused to give a speech at my senior honors day in high school (I was salutatorian) because I was too nervous. The speech wasn't anything serious though, just something about the next graduating class following in our footsteps. I regret it a little (partly because the student that ended up doing it was...not the best person for the job, shall we say?!). <br />I don't know...shy is how people see me. I'm friendly, I'm funny(ish), I'm smarter than the average bear (I hope)... Just not the loud, attention-seeking sort. I am happy sitting on my own reading Shakespeare rather than talking to a group of people about the new sequel to such and such movie series. Actually, it is often easier for me to talk to my professors than with my peers because they get it, they like talking about Shakespeare or Austen or whoever. I have had teachers that never seem to learn my name because I don't speak out in class. As long as I get the grade I deserve. I don't really care if they know my name or not. In some of my classes, especially English, I do speak out because it is something that I care about, something I know about. <br /><br />I would rather be shy than be too outspoken, I think. I wouldn't want to hurt people's feelings or anything, which is sometimes the case with the extremely outspoken. Maybe I care too much about people. I don't know...I want everyone to be happy, which I know I cannot make them all happy, but hey, I try! <br />I only answer questions in class if I am 110% sure I know the right answer. I don't want to be wrong. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to do well (in colleg, in life) and I have a hard time taking the pressure away.Stephnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-89700148472305060432012-02-13T19:05:31.442-05:002012-02-13T19:05:31.442-05:00Being kooky and weird is a good thing! The "n...Being kooky and weird is a good thing! The "normal" people are the ones to watch out for!Stephnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-80645718596187625012012-02-13T18:59:58.014-05:002012-02-13T18:59:58.014-05:001. YOU are a MOM! That is something to be proud of...1. YOU are a MOM! That is something to be proud of accomplishing, girl! Those kids are lucky to have a mom that cares for them the way you clearly do. Embrace mommyhood for as long as possible. (I'm not a mom, but I do have a mom, so...yeah...)<br />2. I hate the word "overweight." You are not overweight. How can anyone be OVER weight, weight doesn't have a starting or stopping point so people just have weight. You never hear anyone say "oh, I'm overheight" if they are tall. <br />3. I'm guessing your husband is with you because he LOVES YOU! Don't doubt it. <br />4. You have skills: you are a mom (see #1). That requires skills. You keep those kids alive and thriving. That is huge! Teachers only have them for a part of the day, you really have them 24/7/365. <br />5. YOU ROCK!!! DON'T DOUBT YOURSELF!!! YOU ARE FAN-FREAKIN'-TASTIC!!!Stephnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-54653009464857442032012-02-13T18:49:48.678-05:002012-02-13T18:49:48.678-05:00I knew you ladies would pull out something good fo...I knew you ladies would pull out something good for this high pressure pre-Valentines period. Turns out I was right, you have not disappointed!<br />(I say "pre-Valentines" but here in the future (NZ) it's already Valentines Day!! :) )Aimeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16572155707631091585noreply@blogger.com