tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post7201734874337917691..comments2023-09-24T11:26:16.606-04:00Comments on The Middle Ages: Knee Jerk Lessons From The BlogDeb and Barbarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04444390852070865517noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-27708926327067147392012-05-23T14:19:31.593-04:002012-05-23T14:19:31.593-04:00I'm still waiting for you two to get down to a...I'm still waiting for you two to get down to a serious mudwrestle!<br />:)Blondi Blathershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15656970490122824720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-17291218070751970582012-05-20T11:15:00.137-04:002012-05-20T11:15:00.137-04:00Personally, I don't get the whole slamming/tro...Personally, I don't get the whole slamming/troll thing. It's like the TV. If you are reading someone's blog that you don't like/disagree/etc why post any comment? Just go read something else! Turn it off. I think the folks who feel the need to spew venom are doing it not to educate on their position but just to stir up trouble. They fall into the category of having "way too much time on their hands"Annehttp://fivepennydeposit.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-85835902398083987622012-05-19T16:58:18.292-04:002012-05-19T16:58:18.292-04:00I think that you ladies do a great job at communic...I think that you ladies do a great job at communicating the feelings and thoughts behind the words that you type. Growing up I was taught to be respectful in other persons house. The same rule applies to blogs. Be respectful. You don't have to agree with what has been written, and it is better to hold your tongue then have regrets of words that cannot be taken back. <br />With blogging, I find that it is easier for people to pretend to be "braver" with typing then would be in person.<br />I have always enjoyed your blog and will continue to do so with a smile and a thank you for allowing me into your home.Good Helper Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985533174869116166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-50461831154348104682012-05-19T12:43:31.060-04:002012-05-19T12:43:31.060-04:00Deb, just had to chuckle when you said above that ...Deb, just had to chuckle when you said above that you got "snarky" (or something like that) in your response to the disrespectful commenter. This happens to me once in a while with email; you know how easy it is to misread the tone of an email. My natural response is to get snarky in return; I have mostly learned not to hit the Send button when I feel that way. Oh I WANT to hit the Send button, yes I do!!!! But I'm always glad that I didn't. Usually instead I do the "Kill 'em with kindness" thing. This is because in my job I try to be diplomatic and "professional" and so even upon occasion when I run across someone with a big diva head or unreasonable demands, I still play the "Nothing ruffles me" game. "You may be an asshole," I can think, "but I am not sinking to your level. And I'm STILL not going to do everything you want." Tempted as I sometimes am to tell someone what I think of their behaviour and attitude-- and sometimes, well, people NEED to be told! Don't they? Lately I've been practising giving my husband the deserved gears With A Smile On My Face. His reaction is quite different than when I do not appear to be speaking lightly. I think he actually hears me. <br /><br />Sometimes just the fact that our opinions and attitudes are what they are, seem disrespectful to others, no matter how we express them. Example: I think when a woman takes another person's surname at marriage, she is doing herself a disservice. Now no matter how sweetly I say that, a woman who has taken a man's name is going to feel I have no business feeling sorry for her or thinking she is weak or unduly traditional or feeding the patriarchal beast. She will have her own reasons for doing so and if I think they are poor and even unexamined reasons, it's going to seem disrespectful to her, plain and simple. So ... do I have to tell her what I think? Nope. It's not my business what she does, or why, although if it's a good friend you might think we could at least discuss it before she gets married. Still ... it's risky to do so. And I find that as I'm getting older, I'm more willing to let certain discussions not take place. I don't know if it's fear of conflict and losing friendships because certain subjects seem to create hostility, or what. <br /><br />For a woman who's breastfeeding her kid till he's ready to quit, beyond the time limits our society tries to impose, and doing it blatantly and publicly, your (generic "your") discomfort with / criticism of / musings about it can seem judgmental. It won't matter how you put your misgivings or ponderings. If you do anything but clap your hands in approval and support, you are "part of the problem, not the solution." You can't win, really. <br /><br />Except with us, of course!Blondi Blathershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15656970490122824720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-88027265953328618372012-05-19T07:12:47.342-04:002012-05-19T07:12:47.342-04:00I only read the last 2 comments but I didn't s...I only read the last 2 comments but I didn't see any spite. Even if I had, I would've understood where you were coming from and would have realised that you were behaving in a way different to your usual self. I am SURE that I'm not the only one who would see it that way.<br />Basically, if you did misbehave a little every now and then it wouldn't be too much of a big deal because you have enough merit points (from your everyday lovely self) to get you through ;)Aimeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16572155707631091585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-86744731836445388572012-05-19T05:36:06.622-04:002012-05-19T05:36:06.622-04:00I'm a little late, but just wanted to say that...I'm a little late, but just wanted to say that I support you both completely. There's nothing wrong with a healthy debate, but there's no excuse for just being plain rude and disrespectful. It doesn't get anyone anywhere and it certainly doesn't give any validity to their point of view - rather the opposite. Your blog, your rules, honest opinions dosed with love and respect all round. Anyone who doesn't want to play nicely can sling their hook. :)Rozhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07324771087522337757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-38742947328195999452012-05-18T22:22:15.026-04:002012-05-18T22:22:15.026-04:00Its your's and Barb's show....we trust you...Its your's and Barb's show....we trust you both to keep us entertained, engaged, enlightened....and yes....edited! Don't come here for anger and angst!<br />Next time I suggest you respond with..."No soup for you..come back..1 year!"Tithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-36265963808855155162012-05-18T19:53:34.317-04:002012-05-18T19:53:34.317-04:00Erin! Another good one. Your Internet home. And of...Erin! Another good one. Your Internet home. And of course in some ways, given the time we all spend on it, it becomes a part of what our home is. And when any part of that home is invaded, we protect. I see that it is part and parcel of the same thing, so thank you for that. You have hit on a very interesting area. Home from home computer-has a church and state kind of thing going on doesn't it. So great. More food for though. My brain is gaining weight!!!!!!!!Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-79702605144795677762012-05-18T19:50:29.862-04:002012-05-18T19:50:29.862-04:00You have made sense Molly and it is deeply felt, t...You have made sense Molly and it is deeply felt, thank you. Today I have been able to let go of this I think. That is the best part of it. I have gotten world class therapy today and have seen fifty sides and points of one issue. I am the better for it I hope.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-38363637682324009322012-05-18T19:48:24.357-04:002012-05-18T19:48:24.357-04:00Thanks Aimee because you really showed both sides ...Thanks Aimee because you really showed both sides of the coin. For my part I have to admit that this person made me so mad that I did not handle myself the way I usually do. I got spiteful in defence. I really don't like that side of myself and I take full responsibility for that. It should be a democratic space though, I see your point on that too and I thank you for this side of things. At this point I am feeling so grateful for all the great advise I have received today. Not a bad one in the lot. I guess, like life, I am going to have to take this one blog by blog.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-46671429416343378012012-05-18T19:43:39.657-04:002012-05-18T19:43:39.657-04:00Sheyla wow, we could write a book, all of us with ...Sheyla wow, we could write a book, all of us with these great phrases today. "Give respect to receive respect". True enough. And thank you.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-29803264471821500772012-05-18T19:08:11.769-04:002012-05-18T19:08:11.769-04:00I hope it gets better! Right now they're both ...I hope it gets better! Right now they're both asleep in separate rooms. The hissing has temporarily ceased. :]Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06785247788175367281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-17202759835905675252012-05-18T18:50:12.196-04:002012-05-18T18:50:12.196-04:00Wow Kim, thank you so much. So interesting that yo...Wow Kim, thank you so much. So interesting that your whole morning revolved around this kind of thing. I liked when you said "showboat their unhappiness". Yes, good point. That is what they are doing isn't it. I very much appreciate this story and your point of view. I hope your husband's situation improves very soon!Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-72683156992958708842012-05-18T18:30:14.096-04:002012-05-18T18:30:14.096-04:00I love the idea of this kind of choice being "...I love the idea of this kind of choice being "empowering". That really resonates with me.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10020502430509158737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-69403106734938480872012-05-18T18:29:25.501-04:002012-05-18T18:29:25.501-04:00Lori, as always, utterly beautiful and true. The s...Lori, as always, utterly beautiful and true. The story is gorgeous in its simplicity. I do want to add though -- and, Deb, you may disagree!-- but Deb called me as she was writing this piece and basically said she was "over it" and wondered if she should even bother to write about it anymore. I guess I kinda encouraged her, thinking as I did that it was such a fundamental question in the bloggy world that it bore discussion. After a long talk, Deb and I decided to wade in. And ta-da!Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10020502430509158737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-5710721071378755222012-05-18T18:25:44.806-04:002012-05-18T18:25:44.806-04:00I agree! (okay, couldn't resist). It's rea...I agree! (okay, couldn't resist). It's really true that Deb and I intended to have different opinions when we first started to blog -- but I guess that was a manufactured conceit that couldn't really work if we are such like-minded thinkers to begin with! But we certainly believed that it was OKAY to disagree -- and to say as much in a respectful way.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10020502430509158737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-61783218663521515052012-05-18T18:24:32.445-04:002012-05-18T18:24:32.445-04:00I’m reminded of the adage “if you don’t have anyth...I’m reminded of the adage “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. There are ways, many ways, to have a differing opinion without being disrespectful. If you felt it was disrespectful then you had every right to delete the comments, you would protect your home from disrespect why not your “internet home”?<br />I think, and it’s possible I’m way off base here, that what is bothering you is that you feel it was in some way an emotional or knee-jerk reaction. That you worry when a response wasn’t thought out and was instead emotional that you can’t be certain you did what was “right” and it is clear that doing what is “right” is something you always strive to do. <br />Or at least that’s how I am if I respond to a situation in a way that feels emotional I end up questioning myself. Most of the time I come to the conclusion that thought and consideration couldn’t have given me a better option. I didn’t see the comments myself but I’m confident you wouldn’t have done it lightly and did what you felt was best at the moment. Can’t ask for anything more than that even from our selves.Erinhttp://awrittenexperiment.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-59199866825187596492012-05-18T18:22:03.192-04:002012-05-18T18:22:03.192-04:00LOVE that quote!!LOVE that quote!!Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10020502430509158737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-62340481485501369822012-05-18T17:32:33.398-04:002012-05-18T17:32:33.398-04:00Right on, Sistas! It's certainly OK to disagr...Right on, Sistas! It's certainly OK to disagree, but there needs to be an element of respect. No one should be attacked for their opinions. I think you did right on this. Lori made an excellent point about still carrying it with you. I have a hard time letting go when I feel attacked. I don't know the solution, but for those of us that love to come to your blog, come because we love you. We must forgive when we feel attacked and work hard not to make anyone feel like we wouldn't want to feel. Feelings are hard to put into words. I hope I've made some sense. ((hugs))Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16733860973554500488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-5690892147633403202012-05-18T17:16:31.027-04:002012-05-18T17:16:31.027-04:00Kelly you got it! Don't mind the disagree but ...Kelly you got it! Don't mind the disagree but the way some people go about it. Unhappy kitty! Oh how I know that. When we brought the new puppy home the old gal pup was not at all happy! The good news is-it got better!Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-59538820865411872042012-05-18T17:14:59.598-04:002012-05-18T17:14:59.598-04:00Yeah Kelly you're right. Move on quickly. Good...Yeah Kelly you're right. Move on quickly. Good point!Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-55589396337137801362012-05-18T17:08:45.411-04:002012-05-18T17:08:45.411-04:00On the one hand you should feel safe in your own b...On the one hand you should feel safe in your own blogspace. On the other so should other people even if their comments are not liked by anyone else - even if they're disliked for very good reason. Your readers are capable of drawing their own conclusions from interactions in your comments section, yet at the same time having aggressive or poorly mannered comments could potentially damage the "safe zone" that you have set up so that we can share opinions without fear.<br />That's what I'm tossing back and forth in my head with no answer to give you. Although I did read the last two comments remaining from your last encounter and I have to say that when I saw how you were being talked to I was not happy. I totally understand where you're coming from; and, like I said, have absolutely no solution for you :DAimeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16572155707631091585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-48188789305028299092012-05-18T17:08:21.664-04:002012-05-18T17:08:21.664-04:00Lori-another excellent point. I don't really k...Lori-another excellent point. I don't really know why. I will say that I have all my life suffered from the strong desire to be liked. If there are twenty people in a room who love me I will try to impress the one who doesn't! Seriously though I am not that bad anymore but I sure used to be. Don't we all like to be well thought of? Clearly I still have a few issues with it. thanks for your insight.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-89162913680635942352012-05-18T17:07:23.408-04:002012-05-18T17:07:23.408-04:00Hello to all,
IMO, Deb, I agree with your decisio...Hello to all,<br /><br />IMO, Deb, I agree with your decision to delete the comments because this is your blog. Some people don't grasp well the "Can't we agree to disagree" concept, or just won't accept when they make a mistake in misunderstanding/misinterpreting one's point of view. If you felt that person was disrespectful, no need to tolerate it. Lord knows I won't. I always say "Give respect to receive respect", and be acceptant of other's opinions, even if you don't agree with them. But unfortunately not many people understand or accept that.<br /><br />Just my two cents. Much love to all. Take care everyone.<br /><br />SheylaSheylanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1528510907038944744.post-29826873634221179752012-05-18T17:05:23.705-04:002012-05-18T17:05:23.705-04:00Donna, boy that one percent has been a real theme ...Donna, boy that one percent has been a real theme in the world this year! :-) Thank you.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041122116481448321noreply@blogger.com