To Don't List

Barbara: The other day, Deb and I were working on a script and we were looking for some touchstone differences between a husband and wife for one (funny) scene. We asked Deb’s husband for some input: what bugs him about his (mostly perfect) wife? It didn’t take him long: when they are snuggling in to watch a movie at night (an activity that Deb has probably just rallied for), it is always a matter of seconds before a telltale ping of an email sounds and Deb’s eyes glance sidelong to her computer (this is really funny when reenacted by our Deb, btw), and only a matter of a few more seconds before Deb must––MUST, I tell you––sidle over to the computer to just––JUST, she swears––peak at what the email might be. Movie on hold. Probably not for the last time that night.

We laughed and laughed.

Beyond the laughing, I didn’t say much. But oh I could recognize Deb’s actions deep in my bones. Lately, it seems that I’m on my computer 90% of the time. If not to write with Deb, well then there’s my other screenplay, a novel re-write, 3 TV show concepts, and 3 other co-written projects. If that’s not enough, I’m blogging (case in point) and emailing and facebooking. The computer has become my other arm. And, you know what? I’ve been waiting for this kinda busy. I remember years ago watching in wonder as a busy colleague opened her datebook and it was FILLED with appointments, jobs, and meetings. I was still a fulltime actor (which means you only work a few handfuls of days a year) and new mom to 2 kids, and I would have given anything to squeeze in a few more commitments. I wanted my day-timer to be FULL. I wanted to be busy busy BUSY.

Be careful what you wish for. Today I found myself with a rare day “off” (after hosting a houseful of teens for my daughter’s 17^th birthday––love you, sweetie!). I kicked up my heels and picked up a magazine. Haven’t done this for AGES. And it was lovely and relaxing. And then I got to the inevitable article that was going to burst my happy little bubble. It was an article about how overworked and overwhelmed we all are now. Especially women. With our appointments and jobs and commitments. And that we––here’s the stinger––wear our busy-ness like some kind of badge of honour.

According to the article, it’s one part true need, one part over-extending ourselves, and one part indulgent self-absorption (what, me?). We are making our own worlds. Like busy bees on a mission to build that perfect hive. Then it gets worse: apparently if we never turn our busy-ness off, we might in fact be giving short shrift to the bigger picture of our lives … because there’s no quiet time to really meditate on our choices.

The article does go on to say that it could also just be a phase. You know, you’re crazy busy this month (or week or day), but not so much the next one. It all levels out. So which is it? Coveted (even secretly) busy-ness, menial self-absorption, or a simple and inexorable life-phase?

Deb: Honest to Pete, I was roughing out my post for Wednesday and this was the subject. I love it! But I was a little thin in the fleshing-out department, so this, as it turns out, is perfect. I can respond with the smattering of thoughts that I had.

What I was going to say was that I am constantly amazed by the fact that the thing that can catapult me into the best mood, the happiest headspace, the most solid stress-free zone, is simply––TASKS COMPLETED! I find myself buoyed by the organization of the rec room. I am struck with giddyness when I reconfigure the dog drawer. I dance for joy and dream the dream of innocents when the ironing is done. And I don’t even need to pick up a magazine afterward. But if I do, I turn the pages distracted with giddy self-satisfied thoughts of clean drawers and raked leaves.

This, I was thinking is the adult version of “hitting the clubs”! But instead of false eyelashes and slinky dress, I am all unwashed face and overalls. And deodorant? “I don’t need no fucking deodorant!” That can wait till day’s end and my well-deserved shower! And it’s a long, long shower because I am standing under the hot water reveling in the tidiness of it all. I don’t even notice the shampoo in my eye, so focused am I on the memories of the day’s clean, neat, orderly hours. 

Ahh memories ... like the corners of my mind. Hmmmm, still have to get to those. Another day perhaps. 


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