Barbara: In light of all our
recent talk of back-to-school and parenting, I’ve been thinking a lot about an article I read in the Globe and Mail a few weeks back. The article was about a
book that Canadian journalist, Paul Tough, had written called How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity and
the Power of Character. Now I haven’t read the book—we’re not really doing
book reviews here—but I still feel intrigued by the theory he puts forth (with
which I familiarized myself through the article! … is that cheating?)
Anyway, looooooong story
short, Tough (how’s that for a name for a guy destined to write about grit?)
has determined that the single most important factor in success—more important
than schooling, intelligence, income, genes—is GRIT. Now obviously, schooling,
intelligence, income and genes will offer advantages and disadvantages, but the
fascinating truth, the truth I think we all know in our hearts to be true but
which we sometimes dismiss because we’re too depressed, angry, frustrated, and spent,
is that every disadvantage we face (or feel we face) can have its ass KICKED in
the face of determined, committed, persistent GRIT.
Tough’s book is geared to
parents; I think to give them some ideas of shape and structure to then offer
to their kids. And I think offering kids life lessons that embrace and
celebrate perseverance is absolutely essential. But as I start this next kidless
phase of my life, it has never seemed more important for me, grownup and
supposedly all “done”, to remember.
It’s not just hollow
condescension to tell yourself (or your beloved) to “never give up” (or to, as
Nike owns, “Just do it”); it is, in fact, a measurable, firm and logical plan.
It works. Because when all seems to be failing, when everything seems to have
hit a wall, inevitably those of us who are open-minded and curious, will
suddenly see that barely visible chink in the wall of “Not Possible” backlit by
its seemingly otherworldly glow, and we will scratch at that hard place and we
will chip at it (and, in the focus of our concerted effort, we will forget that
we were just about to give up) until more and more of the glow pours out, until
before we know it Not Possible is awash in so much light we no longer see it at
all.
This has happened to me more
times than I can count. The things I “have”, the accomplishments I most cherish
and value, the calm, the peace, the happiness, the wisdom I’ve managed to hold
close enough to examine, have all come after not minutes or days or weeks of
effort, but after YEARS of it. Years and years and years. And, like I said
above, the only time I notice the effort, the only time I resent it!, is when I
stop and, well, notice it. If I’m in
“the zone”, if I’m just “doing it”, if I’m not even dreaming of “giving up”, it
is the most wonderful, exciting, transcendent feeling. But if I’m evaluating my
effort, judging it, breathing down at its disinterested little face, it
huuuuuuuuurts. Like muscles after a long workout. And this is the moment we all
need to face at some points (at many, many points). This is when you need a
little GRIT in your back pocket to pull out and rub all over your hands before
you slap them together … and start again.
A University of Pennsylvania
researcher developed a Grit Test to measure your grit (or GQ, maybe?). Click here if you want to try it. She says that most people are pretty honest when it
comes to how they rate their own grit quotient. I scored high, but then I
could’ve told you that without the test. It’s the one trait I can say
absolutely has gotten me through every single challenge.
Many of you have shared
stories here of your own grit over the years, or the grit of your children. I
never get tired of them! How gritty are you?
Deb: This is
fascinating and it was so interesting taking the test for me, and here is why.
Some of my “focus” answers, when I answered them honestly, had nothing to do
with grit and everything to do with, well ... focus. My focus is a one part
grit and one part focus-impaired. The desire is there, but there are other
obstacles that come into play. So, in conclusion, I would say that I have true
grit in the face of some learning challenges!
