We were at
dinner the other night (for my hubby’s 50th, yay!) and we tried this
really special highly recommended restaurant. It was one of those meals where
every bite––even the friggin’ bread they serve are these little one-off
bites of baguette or puff pastry—makes your eyes roll into the back of your
head. Orgasmic bursts of flavour. Unusual combinations of ingredients but viscerally
familiar. It was divine in the truest sense of the word. So as we eat, I’m
effusing it up—even the waiter who must get lots of positive feedback about
the food seemed surprised at my enthusiasm.
Then my daughter
(another food effusivist) and I started to compare notes as to who we would go
back there with—and who we wouldn’t. Because, you see, we’re both sensitive to
the “rain on your parade” brigade. So we decided we were not going to share our
gem with anyone who might just cut the place up (or down). We don’t want it
ruined for us.
Just to be
clear, this is not a rant against “rain on your paraders”, although we can do that
if you want; it’s more an examination of WHY this is so anathema to me. I’m
usually a pretty go-with-the-flow person, but when it comes to my beloved
treasures, I just shrivel up with disappointment if someone doesn’t love what I
LOVE. Why? I’m great with criticism, by the way, or constructive feedback; you
can tell me any number of things about myself or my work. Just don’t shit on my
diamonds.
So why do I care
if my cup of tea isn’t yours? It’s okay if we both love it, it’s okay if we
both hate it (nothing like cutting up a thing together), I can even do the I
hate it and you love it (because I try and back off the criticism if I know
it’s your thing). But why oh why can’t I take it if I love it and you hate it?
We have some
friends who I swear are NOT rainers on paraders, and yet every time—EVERY TIME—we
recommend some thing or place, they have a terrible experience with it. Sadly,
it ruins the thing or place for us.
I should say
this: I am trying to get over this. I am trying to fully embrace the things I love,
whether it’s music, places, clothes, or food, knowing there’s a whole array of
different opinions out there and a whole world of variety to cater to them. I
want to fully appreciate my own taste, for better or worse, and to do so I have
to celebrate it, for better or worse.
So do I tell you
the name of that extraordinary restaurant … or do I keep it a sacred secret???
Okay, okay, because I love you: it’s
Campagnolo in downtown Toronto. Enjoy or don’t. Just don’t argue with me about
it.
Deb: I LOVE THIS
POST, BARB! I too am an effusivist! And, yes, I am always so reluctant to
suggest for the same reason. But here’s my simple solution when someone
recommends something that does not turn out well. LIE. For the love of all that’s holy, LIE. If someone you
care for waxes poetic with a heartfelt recommendation and you go and do not
share their enthusiasm––LIE. LIE LIE.
It always kills me when someone does that “yeah, we really didn’t like
it and it was this and it was that ...WHY? What is the purpose of this
response? Will it change their bad experience to a good one? Will it change
your wonderful experience to a bad one? NO. Neither of these things will
happen. It is totally unnecessary. “How did you enjoy the restaurant we sent
you to?” “We loved it, thanks.” Easy? YES. Even if you do not want to sing its
praises, you can surely find something nice to say. Even one thing. And then
change the damn subject. The people who sent you clearly thought you would have
the same wonderful experience they had. They sent you because they like you and
wanted and expected you to enjoy it. They did a nice thing by sending you. So
do a nice thing back. Did I say this before? LIE! Something I always try to live by: ”would I rather be right
or would I rather be kind?”
