First sign of insanity?

Deb: When I was growing up, my mother would pass my bedroom and say, “Who are you talking to?” to which I would respond, “Myself”. “You know that’s the first sign of insanity,” she would say. Of course, she also said the same thing when I bit my nails or twirled my hair. I quickly realized that it was her way of stopping me from doing anything she didn’t want me to do. I was sure that before I knew it, a messy bedroom, kissing boys and listening to records at top volume would be added to the long list of these harbingers of insanity. 

I find myself thinking about this because as I get older, I...well...find myself talking to myself. Every day. Sometimes in an animated fashion. And I have to say, it’s great. I love it. 

Sometimes when you’re alone and something out-of-the-ordinary happens, being silent just doesn’t cut it. A well-placed “Good for you, Deb!” or even “Stupid git, now you have to go back upstairs for your lipstick,” makes me feel like I am on it!!! 

I had to make a couple of difficult business calls this week and found myself saying, “Well, that’s over, wasn’t easy, but it’s over.” After saying that out loud, I was able to let it go. When the brain just thinks it, you can so easily think, “No, it’s not over, not NEARLY over!” But when you say it out loud, it’s done––stamped it, black magic, God, no rub-outs. Done. 

I keep telling myself that there is nothing wrong with me just because I engage in verbal solitary intercourse, is there? I mean, at least I haven’t started arguing with myself. But I still bite my nails.

Barbara: I so get the “when it’s said out loud, it’s a lightened load” thing. Totally believe in that. Never tried it on myself, though. Maybe you’ve converted me to “therapeutic insanity”, Deb….But then, on second thought, I’m definitely the type to end up arguing with myself …. Except, I could force myself not to argue, couldn’t I? I could be calmly reassuring, right? … Except, when have I ever been able to calmly reassure myself? Other people, sure, but myself? ….I don’t know…exhausted already…. 

PS: “Stamped it, black magic, God, no rub-outs”….Huh?....

Deb: From when we were kids. “Stamped it, black magic, God, no rub-outs!” The phrase of a kid laying claim to his or her proposal! 

I remember like it was yesterday the day it all fell apart. Two kids and the language of the streets at stake: “Stamped it, black magic, God, no rub-outs!” 

“You don’t need to say ‘no rub-outs’ cause God’s highest!”

“Okay then, God...Infinity!”

“Infinity doesn’t top God because God INVENTED infinity.”

“Did not, ‘cause infinity was there first. ‘Cause it was infinite!”

“Doubt it, ‘cause God INVENTED infinity and then decided to FILL it!”

“Well I call ‘Black Magic’ cause I’m an ATHEIST!”

“Doesn’t matter, ‘cause God INVENTED atheists.” 

“Doesn’t count ‘cause I don’t believe in Him.”

“You said HIM so that means you know He’s real so that means you believe in Him...So GOD’S HIGHEST!”

You couldn’t argue with that so we all cheered and, just as we started to play again, the streetlights came on and we had to go home. 

Barbara: I love that.