Monday, August 30, 2010

Where Has All The Junk Mail Gone?

Deb: Okay, I am so afraid to say this out loud or to put in print in case I hex it, but ... MY JUNK MAIL HAS GONE AWAY. I did nothing to bring this joy about, I swear. If I did, I would spread the word, but I cannot take credit for the fact that MY JUNK MAIL HAS GONE AWAY! It started quietly, insidiously, about a week ago. I thought it was some sort of a cruel joke. I thought that maybe at the APPLE annual picnic one of the geniuses had picked my name out of a barrel as a target for geek taunts. Maybe I was an experiment. I woke up one day and rushed to my computer––sad but true––and there were only five junks sitting in the junk area. As the week went on I had four, three, two, none! What? It has been none for days and days now. I whispered this news across the table to my husband, but he had only time to sneer at me as he was busy deleting numerous marriage proposals from Russian brides and scores of ads for the Viagra he would surely need if he was going to service them all! I don’t get it. I feel like I just won the lottery. Callee callay!!!!!!!

And now I sit there in front of my screen wondering what the hell I am going to do while my kettle is boiling and my toast is toasting. I am devoid of things to delete. Sigh. Maybe I’ll keep myself busy by answering this lovely email from a very nice young man who is new to the country and has lost his money on “our very clean and efficient subway system” and who needs me to send him $2000.00 right away. Poor devil, he misspelled “monie”. He clearly needs my help. I’ll just get out my checkbook as I celebrate the fact that MY JUNK MAIL HAS GONE AWAY!

Barbara: lol!!! So funny, Deb. Knowing how tech-illiterate we both are, are you sure this isn’t just some random computer typo (like we are both wont to do)? The kind that cures junk disease, but that can never be re-created as it is so obtuse and far-fetched? You know, like mistakenly punching an “option” “command” “f3” “junk mail” combo that makes no computer sense, but succeeded in eliminating all those unwanted pleas for help, sex, or money (or rather, monie)? Because otherwise I have no explanation for you. Computer glitches usually foul everything up, lock the system down, cause crashes. Not THIS. It’s a miracle.

Wait a minute … it’s a miracle! Everyone! We should form a pilgrimage to Deb’s! We should stand together in reverential awe before her empty junk mailbox! We should make ritual offerings to the Computer Gods and hope they deign us with the same fortuitous blessing! Yes! Please join me while I pray.

13 comments:

  1. Can I rain on your parade, Deb? I think Google is using some new spam filter, because my junk mail has gone down too- from a couple of hundred every couple of days, my spam has gone down to three a day for the last ten days.
    Might as well enjoy it while it lasts- but what does one do with all that extra time?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Rayna, I don't see how your comment is raining on my parade. I do not feel rained on at all. It doesn't wreck it for me that other people's spam has gone away too. Thrilled really. And clearly Google is working on it, which is great. And even if it doesn't last, right now..MY JUNK MAIL HAS GONE AWAY! YOURS TOO! Think positive and it will never ever ever come back. And the extra time thing was a joke, given that it only takes two seconds to delete email from one's computer, but frankly it takes a heck of a lot longer to delete it from one's phone! Time that would be better spent playing solitaire or reinventing the wheel!

    ReplyDelete
  3. teehee--too funny! I snickered particularly hard at the Russian bride/Viagra comment.

    I would though, look through your spam screeners, because though it sounds like your filters are doing an amazing job, they MAY be screening out some stuff you want.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have almost none of my live.com account but a bizzilion on my aol. Great filters on live. Thanks goodness not on aol anymore but leave it on websites for junk then go and delete without even reading. There seems to be a lot of people who have lost stuff and appealing for help. New scam. I have used junk mail removers to get all the junk mail stopped at my home as well. I love saving trees and being green.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks Hart I will do that. Just have to figure out how. Would the screener just do that on it's own? We didn't change anything. But it's funny you should mention that because my husband thinks his email is way down in numbers and worried that he is not getting some. Thanks for the tip!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Deb -

    You should have a box or a folder labeled "spam" or "junk" just like you have an inbox and a sent box. You should be able to click on it, open it, and peruse it before deleting the stuff in it.

    Some email systems only keep the spam box content for so many days (14 or 30 or something) so if you feel you need to prescreen it before deleting it, you'll need to do so often enough that you stay in front of the automatic deleting.

    I know my email's filters have been tinkered with to up the intensity when regular newsletters (e.g. list of comics coming in that week at the comic book shop, the recipe e-newsletter I get through a magazine I subscribe to, etc.) that I'm used to getting every day or every week are suddenly being routed to spam box.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I hate junk mail. I have 5 email addresse's so I get 5 times the amount of junk mail. I get juck mail from everything. I even get emails from people I don't know. Whats your secret on getting junk mail away. What ever it is I need to know it cause I have a lot of junk emails. I think from now on I am just going to stick with my facebook and twitter accounts so that way I can't get junk mail.I like those better anyways.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Deb- not to sound pessimistic, but if it is indeed google that has done something right, it can only be a matter of time before some spammer gets around that and we get flooded with spam again :-(
    But you are right, if we keep the positive thoughts up, maybe spam will disappear.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Rigel,
    Yeah I do have junk files but lately some stuff that is not junk is going in there so I do check it and will continue to,thanks. Lyndsie, my husband loves the facebook and twitter too. I tried Facebook and lasted two weeks! Think it's great but too much for me. Rayna I agree that those spammers work overtime. Let's keep our fingers crossed that google wins the ultimate battle! Wouldn't it be nice to live in a spamless world???? Including the meat?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Deb -

    I wasn't trying to insult your intelligence or anything. I hope you didn't think I was being offensive by pointing out something that might've been obvious. Barbara mentioned how you are both "techno-illiterate" so I was just playing on the safe side.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Deb I think I found some of your and Rayna's junk mail. I hardly got any junk mail until just recently. But luckily it not too out of hand yet.
    I just go ahead and send yours to the Twilight Zone with mine. Maybe the Russian brides would like something to read while they wait.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Deb I think I found some of your and Rayna's junk mail. I hardly got any junk mail until just recently. But luckily it not too out of hand yet.
    I just go ahead and send yours to the Twilight Zone with mine. Maybe the Russian brides would like something to read while they wait.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I for one actually like Spam...the meat that is! Can't stand all the email junk that darkens my inbox. I ended up creating a junk email account and everything except work or school gets routed through there. I do have to check it occasionally to make sure something important didn't slip between the cracks, but for the most part it's the best way I've found to keep the nastiness out of my life :)

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.