But I do have a topic of discussion I want to throw out there for any of you who might want to play …. So here goes. Like the title asks: are you afraid of change?
The reason I’ve been mulling this question is because I’m back home now after an intense week of moving my daughter into her college apartment (she’s not in residence so there were a ton of unexpected chores to the whole “moving in” thing. Like scrubbing corners and hooking up internet and building beds and waiting for subletters to vacate.).
So I’m back home now and finding myself down in the doldrums. She is happy and I am happy for her and I am excited for the next phase of her life and my own, but mourning periods are sometimes both inevitable and necessary. Either way, they still suck.
And as I was wallowing in the doldrums of my exhausted blues, I wondered––as much as I’m looking forward to it––if I’m not just a little afraid of the next phase of my life. Not because I worry about it in any substantial way, but because this life is going to be inherently different. And then I began to think of all the friends I know and acquaintances I’ve spoken with over the years who are clinging to a way of life or an aspect of their lives that they frankly hate because they are more afraid of change. “The devil you know” and all that.
I was curious so I googled “stress list” and found the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. Now obviously there are a lot of truly horrible events on this list, like losing a loved one or getting a divorce. But I also want to point out that a lot of the events on here are positive events like “vacation” and “getting married” and “outstanding personal achievement” (?!). And if you look at the top of the chart you’ll see that the 43 events are rated on a scale of “life change units”. So obviously Holmes and Rahe recognized that “change” is the inherent, measurable part of stress.
So if change stresses us out, are we less liable to instigate it––even if it would benefit us enormously––just to, you know, keep the peace???
Deb: Barb this really got me thinking. Really. I was resistant to change all my life. Could oft be heard to say “I will never...” or “I will do it this way forever”. Since I hit my fifties and particularly in the last few years I have come to embrace change, and in some cases to welcome it. Not, as you said of a tragic nature, but change that brings the unexpected, the surprise the “wow, I didn’t know I liked that” kind of change. And, frankly, I adore it. I say, bring it on!!! Adventure, travel, a new experience, I am there. Our boy’s life is changing and growing and given that I am three years into that metamorphosis, I have come to embrace it. I think I started with faking trying to embrace change, and then evolved to embracing change, with reservations and finally SPLAT––CHANGE, Exploring. Discovering. That is what I want for this period of my life. And trust me, these are things I have really wrestled with this week. So they are fresh and some of them hurt. But they are clear. For me, change is growth. Wow, look at me, all growed up.