Friday, April 27, 2012

Talking The Talk: Full Disclosure

Deb: As promised, I am coming in with full disclosure. If there was ever a topic where this F.D. was shouting to get out, it is the stream of Talking the Talk about women and self-esteem and the lengths we will go to make ourselves look better, younger, slimmer, shapelier.

I had a facelift. A full facelift. A big old facelift. This lift was the take your face off and place it on a table, pull your skin behind your ears, frankenstein bolts in the head  kind of facelift. I was 8 hours in surgery and I had this lift fourteen years ago at the age of forty-five.

I should be clear about the full disclosure aspect of this. This is only “bloggie full disclosure”. Pretty much anyone who knows me, knows that I had this procedure. And not just because I can’t keep anything to myself. They know it because I wanted them to know it. I always thought it was important that women should know that I had a lift and I’ll tell you why. 

After my facelift settled (yes, it has to settle, just like the poured cement sidewalk), women would tell me how great I looked and how young I looked. Often this statement, although coming from a sincerely generous place, was accompanied by a look of wistful longing. I knew they were thinking, “I am the same age as her. Why does she not have jowls or bags under her eyes, and where the hell did she get that taut chin?”  So I felt it was incumbent upon me to tell them that I look this way because I have had a facelift. If I had not had said facelift, I would resemble a very cute and well-meaning Shar-Pei pup. It was important to me that these woman knew that I was not better or younger looking, nor had I sprung from a superior gene pool. I had simply gone under the knife. And if you had seen me the weeks following the lift you would have assumed I had gone under a full set of Ginsu knives, such was my train wreck of a face.

I felt very strongly about being honest about my lift and have never been anything but. My thinking was that women, especially middle-aged women are already beating themselves up without worrying that someone of the same age looks better than they do ... or at least tighter. I know many women who have had lifts and they have sworn me to secrecy and I will keep their secret. I am not even judging them for wanting people to simply think they look better than other women our age. That is part of what makes their facelift resonate with them and that’s their beeswax. For me, full disclosure is more freeing. Any women who envies a facelift on face value and is given the truth can say, “Hey, I can do that too”. Or, “Not worth it to me, I’ll be happy with the way I look”.

I know that by now in the story, many of you are swiftly typing your responses, such is the emotions that facelifts bring about. And I totally see and appreciate all angles on this. I respect all points of view on this one because it is such an intimate choice. But I will tell you my personal take on the concept of facelifts. I subscribe to the SOMEBODY STOP ME rule of facelift. The thing is, you can do your nips, your tucks, or a full facelift, but have the words of The Mask, ringing in your ears. When you think of doing a second, third or forth, just call up your Somebody Stop Me! mantra.

My decision was to do it, and then age naturally. At least that is what I have stuck to for fourteen years and what I intend. I have aged of course, since then. And sagged a bit since then. But I am done. I am done because two things have happened in that fourteen years. I have started to look in the mirror and like what I see, and I have come to realize how very lucky I was to come out healthy and unscathed from elective surgery. I have appreciated that I gave myself the gift of elective surgery, but since then, I have seen too much necessary life saving surgery and I have grown to really appreciate how very lucky I was, and still am.

Sticking to the full disclosure theme, I will tell you my reasons for doing my facelift and how it left me feeling at the time and also 14 years later. I am very tiny-boned with a very tiny face and features. I had too much skin for my face. Even as a sleep deprived toddler, I sported big bags under my eyes in the morning. Family trait on my Mom’s side. After the boy was born and I had been big little big big big and little, my extra skin was aging me beyond my years. It was not helping me work-wise or esteem-wise. I interviewed many plastic surgeons, but only one asked me what I wanted to look like after the surgery. I did not even have to think about it. I wanted to look like a well-rested sparkling forty-five year old, which was my age at the time. And bless his skilled hands, that is exactly what I came out looking like. I don’t think I looked particularly younger but I don’t mind saying that I looked great. At our last appointment before my surgery, the surgeon did try to sway me towards cheek implants and botox as I am sadly lacking in both cheek and lips areas. But I said no. I said I wanted to look like a slightly taut but relaxed Deb. I felt that Mother Nature in her enthusiasm to give me all she could, went a tad overboard. Clearly that extra face skin was meant for a woman destined to reach five foot nine, not five foot nothing.

But in his defense, my surgeon did not want to pull my cheek skin back, as we so often see in Hollywood. He felt it was too pully, and that it made the mouth have that wide unnatural horizontal slash. So he asked instead if he could just inject a bit of fat from my butt into my face.  So we did that, forever giving me rights to the title of Assface. And I wear it proudly. No butts about it. You KNOW I had to go there.

As to the people in my life, my husband said he adored me the way I was, but knew I was hell bent so he supported me. My friends were divided on the idea and I am sure talked voraciously behind my back. As you may know I am a huge supporter of the “behind the back”. Gets the issue out, saves feelings. One friend said to me, “I have never seen one facelift that looked good.” My response was, “But you have seen hundreds of facelifts you did not know were facelifts”. She saw my point.  And I did it. And it was, outside of husband and boy, the best thing I have ever done. Ever. After the lift settled, I looked like me! I looked like the me I knew was there. I looked like the me I had strained to see in the mirror. And so now, I am an older version of Deb, but not 1954 Deb. I am an older version of Facelift Deb and I couldn’t be happier. I reckon that 1954 Deb gave Future Deb this gift.

And before I leave you, dear reader, and in the spirit of the Full Disclosure (shout out to Annette who got the ball rolling), I also had a breast job in 1980. Anyone who has seen photos of me on the blog is saying, “I knew it!!!!!”. But ironically you would be wrong. Truth be told, I had a major breast reduction. Yep. 1980. Grew back they did. Yep. But as I said before, an older and wiser Deb has not only made her peace. She has learned to love her body.

Can a woman say that old loud?

Barbara: Well, I say, yes we MUST say that out loud!! I love my body too. Not in that it looks like my dream body, but in that it is serving me well and I have made my peace.

As for the facelift disclosure: I admire your honesty, Deb. Yes, of course, I knew you’d had one—although we weren’t friends yet when you’d had it done—because that’s the kind of open person you are. Knowing you after the fact, I can fully confirm, it is EXCELLENT work. And the truth is, I used to think I would absolutely certainly get a facelift one day myself. But ironically, over the years, I’ve actually fully lost my appetite for it. Not because of you or your experience, but because of my own. I worry about the pain, about the afterward, about the cost, mostly about not recognizing myself. I want to really get used to this whole “loving myself for who I am/how I look” deal. I want to embrace it. But I am not immune to the lure of a shinier face: instead, I’ve invested much much much money into creams and facials. What’s the diff, I ask you?  

64 comments:

  1. I can't... I can't form an opinion...can't.... can't get past the part about 8 hours of face peeling surgery... 8 hours of surgery... aaaacccggghhfrrrrrfasdfggggggggggggg....

    *curls up in ball hiding under covers*

    I could not care less that you had a face lift. I just can't believe you volunteered for 8 hours of surgery!

    *whimpers* *decides to take up thumb sucking* *fails to cope*

    I must stop thinking about this now.

    *hugs Deb*

    *backs away slowly*

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    1. I refuse to understand those sentences that has the words "8 hours of surgery" in them. Will not even think about it. It did not happen..

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    2. Rigel...RELAX...BREATHE...BREATHE...BREATHE!!!!!

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    3. Ladies lest you faint dead away I should remind you that I was asleep throughout. For me it seemed like one second!

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    4. ACK!!! But, you don't understand. THAT'S the worst part to me! My absolute #1, overriding, hugest phobia in the whole universe is anesthesia. Any form of sedation. I don't even take "might cause drowsiness" over the counter meds! I'm not scared of surgery. I'm scared of anesthesia!!!

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    5. I don't mind being asleep. Worst part would be not knowing... And after that knowing would probably be even worse, but I would just need to find out.

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    6. But lest you forget, this story had a happy ending!

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  2. Oh wow! I would not have guessed it! You look wonderful, Deb. Of course, you would look wonderful no matter what. I don't know anyone personally that has had one (that I know of) but, to me, if it makes you feel better, then go for it, just be careful and safe. I know I will never have any elective surgery because I have a huge fear of needles. It's not even the idea of them cutting into me, it's the needles, IVs, etc. I once had an allergic reaction to an IV (it wasn't the medicine, it was the actual equiptment they used) so I just have a hard time with it all. Plus, with my grandmother and everything, I have spend my fair share of time in the hospital.
    Like Barbara mentioned, I too use creams and such. Although I am not too worried about the whole aging thing (says the 20-something year old me) for now. The women in my family are lovely at any and all ages, so I don't fear it. As long as I like the way I look and am happy, then I'm fine.
    But like I said, if it makes someone feel better about his/herself, then go for it. As long as you stay the same on the inside, then do what you want with the outside. Our physical appearance is like an accessory for our inner self.
    Have a great weekend, all! xo

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    1. Steph it is tough indeed and I have never been so scared in my life. Vanity was my strength. And you do make a good point that you have no issues with the age thing at twenty. Neither did I. I had no problem at thirty! And regards Barb's comment about creams and such, I agree that we do what we can with what we have and my creams ritual has always been extensive and stellar. Aging has nothing or at least very little to do with that. It is genetic. And to respond with full disclosure to Barb's comment that she lost her taste for plastic surgery, I must point out to my gorgeous friend that "of course you friggin did!!!" because you don't need it. I think it is fair to say that when your face is perfect it is easy to opt out of it. Would you agree?

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    2. Ha!!! Just got back from my trip! And I won't speak to my face's "perfection" because of course I don't see that: I see the frown lines and the angry mouth and the chin sag and all those things I worry give the "wrong" impression... but I do see your point. If I felt like you say, like a Sharpei (not that I think you once were), my whole comment may well have been moot. So point taken. But still, even botox for the frown has lost any appeal. ... For now...

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    3. Barb you bring up a good point and one that I forgot to address. I have NO issues with lines. None! In fact of course, botox was offered to me and that was the other thing I refused to do. I think lines are beautiful. Truly and I would never banish them from my face.

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    4. Lemme Add something more here...I also LOVED painting the lines... !!!!! They were absolutely beautiful !!! In any face-painting, painting lines is one of my favourite 'painting moments' :)

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  3. Where to start? So many things I'd like to say... Oh, my brain I know you, you'll loose most of by the time I get my head sorted.

    I am against plastics when it is just for sake of plastics. There needs to be something that you gain out of it. My Granny had plastics, she had something that made her see better (the eye lids shrinken?), my aunt has had moles removed from her face (cancer check at the same time). So Deb, no judgement from me. I probably would have been a bit more judgemental if you would have chosen to look as much younger as you could, used the botox, etc. (It's just because I wouldn't understand why.)

    On another note: They grow back?!? Cheez... I have thought about going down a size or five, but if they grow back what's the point. Now don't get me wrong, I like my body. What I don't like is the back pain.

    Näh, I lost the trail of thought. Maybe better to try again later when not multitasking.

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    1. I agree with you Kasku. I think plastics for plastics is bad and I think we have gone too far as a society. And don't be alarmed. They don't all grow back. My Mom's didn't. But mine sure did. With a vengeance I might add!

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    2. With my luck, mine will grow back too :)) Also they might not yet even take me as a candidate as I haven't been to the doctors about my back (and I have been too young). Well the private sector takes everyone I think, but I like that the public sector makes you think about it more (long lines).

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  4. A BIGGGGG SHOUT OUT.....I LOVE ME!!!!!!
    And about the face-lift disclosure - I dunno How you do it Deb..how do you manage to be ADORABLE ALL THE TIME ?????...I think I LOVE YOU AND ADORE YOU MORE !!!!!!! Its sounds like something I would do...I mean If I were 45 and I got a face-lift... I'D WEAR IT PROUDLY!!!! I mean you are right, women get insecure about their looks why would I want to add on to it....!!! I dont think its a big deal....but getting gazillion of them....sure NEEDS A "SOMEBODY STOP ME" antidote. I am really not the right person to weigh in here lol I am BARELY 20 !!!! But I'll tell ya this..the face-lift...just made me love you even more !!! And I'll ALSO say this....I dont care about the face-lift....(and I AGREE with Colin) I'm sure you LOOKED ADORABLE even before that...and EVEN MORE ADORABLE AFTER THAT!! xoxoxo

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    1. And you got a little BRITISH there towards the end....I "RECKON" !!!!

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    2. Thanks Shalaka for the boost. I am happy with my second time around face! And yes after I wrote I reckon I thought "who are you?" :-)

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  5. Of course, now I'm on a mission to rummage about on the internet and find evidence of pre-face lift adult Deb. Hmmmm..... I've having trouble imagining Deb being anything other than gorgeous.

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    1. Me too !!!! She CANNOT be anything other than gorgeous !

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    2. I didn't look awful gals. I just had baggy extra skin. Even my extra skin agreed it was time to go! Plus what you would find out there online would be me done by pros. I promise to post some befores. I was going to do it for this post but no time!

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    3. Aww....I was just gonna say that Deb! I wanted to ask you for the befores...Please post them soon !!!!

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  6. Diet Coke just went up my nose.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=490lwnYJpcA

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    1. Okay you just found one. And frankly I look better now than I did then and it was almost thirty years ago. So other than the fact that I was made up to look plain, I really did not like my look too much!

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  7. Rigel, you can save yourself the effort...The sun has never come up on a day when Deb, who I've been proud to count as a dear friend for our entire adult lives, was ever anything but gorgeous as you've so intelligently intuited.
    I remember the time leading up to Deb's decision to get a facelift well..It was a thoughtful and aware process...and I believe it had as much to do with her choice of profession and the attendant pressures therein as it did with anything else. Like it or no, acting is a job where looks matter more than most and it's no secret that women are judged more harshly as the bloom begins to fade. It may be unfortunate but acting can be as much about looks as it can about craft. Her admission herein about wanting to look like the sparkling 45 year old is absolutely true...We were sitting on airplane when she told me of her decision and we both ended up cackling hysterically as she demonstrated the "salmon" lips that she so DID NOT want. Like everything else in life, there was a choice to be made and Deb made it based on the factors that influenced her thinking at the time. Did I as her friend talk behind her back about it...you bet I did...but more to say how impressed I was with her thinking and her decision-making process than to frame any comment on how I felt about her undergoing the procedure. That didn't matter either way...Deb's always has been...and always will be a true beauty to me. That said, do the fish lips for them Deb...

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    1. Thanks Annette! Spoken like a true friend! And I am doing the lips as I write this!!!

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  8. imdb + youtube = 1994 and NOT A SHARPEI IN SIGHT!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXNHXcGC8KY

    *wanders off shouting, "Down with Robocop! Down with Robocop! Down with Robocop!"* *giggles*

    (Bambi Taker? Tammy Faye Bakker? Really??? *groans*)

    But, seriously, if you were in a different line of work, do you think you would've had the surgery anyway for yourself?

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    1. Wow you've been doing your homework girl! If I was in a different line of work I would have still done it. I did it for me. I did not like what I was seeing and I knew I could do something about it and we only live twice and I seized the day! Could not be happier with the decision! Thanks for the stroll down video lane!!!!

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  9. Very glad the lift worked out so that you didn't end up looking like one of the Stepford Wives, as so many seem to.
    One of my sisters also had breast reduction surgery, then had to have another one years later, as those breasts were determined to take up their pre-allotted space.

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    1. Yes I have to say that of all the body parts, breasts seem to be the most tenacious.

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  10. Deb, I love you story and your reasons for doing it. Since I had my breast reduction and tummy tuck (both with issues) I am happier I did it than not. Up until then I had had my eyelids done years ago because they flopped over each other (my dad had the surgery when he couldn't see well) and I wanted it. I did look rested after that :). Because of all my complication with the wounds I am clearly done with everything plastic but, if you are bothered that much by anything I say make yourself happy and do what it takes. For the most part when you see someone my age 63 and they look great here in LA, they have had something done:).

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    1. Wow Madge I'm sorry you had issues. But I am so glad you are happy with the results. Yeah. Done, me too. But happy happy that I took the plunge. But I have to say, can't we also look great at 63 without having something done? I think we can!

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  11. It was clearly something you did for yourself so I'm glad the experience worked out well and that you've come to love the whole package. If the face lift helped you to do that then that's great.

    The only thing I've seriously considered having done is my nose but that's also because I've broken it three times and have some breathing issues, the extra lumps don't really bother me. I was told thought that surgery fixing my breathing was about a 50/50 chance though so I said forget it. With my luck I would just end up breaking it again anyways! What can I say, I'm a clutz.

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    1. Erin that's too bad. Wow three times! Maybe at some point you will find someone you trust and get it done. In the meantime, be careful girl!!!

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  12. My opinion: Do what you like. ;)

    No...seriously. You have to live with yourself. You have to feel comfortable in your body. And if you don't...why not try to find some help?

    I'm glad it turned out all right for you, Deb. Surgery always has risks (and after what happened to my Mom, I'm not very fond of them anymore...).

    I'm thinking about a breast reduction, too. I don't have kids...I'm not "that" old...but my breasts are...ugly. There's no other word to describe those damn things.

    Also thought about some liposuction, because although I don't take riding lessons anymore, I always wear my full outfit.

    I just want to look in the mirror and actually like myself.

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    1. Thanks Becki, and the thing is, you have to follow your heart. My breast surgeon here invented a new method in 1980 where he could take fat and avoid milk ducts. And he did and I was able to nurse my boy all those years later. If you find you cannot like what you see in the end, the only advise I would give you is do your homework. Interview doctors, ask questions! Good luck. In the meantime, try to fall in love with your reflection.

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  13. Dearest Deb,
    I believe on the day we met at the tourco auditions the first thing out of your mouth was " okay, we can improvise but whatever you do, don't touch my breasts!"
    I've been in awe ever since.

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  14. Carolyn I love it. AND you are right. I had just had the reduction weeks before! So funny!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  15. I wonder if Colin didn't make a special offering to Mother Nature to get them to grow back. ;)
    I'm very glad your surgeries turned out great. I've had way too many surgeries for non-elective things so no way I'm gonna have it done. At any rate, you look fabulous. I can't imagine the pain you must have had afterwards, having your skin flayed. As mom used to say, "Ouchie WOO WOO!"
    ;)
    hugs,
    Karen

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  16. Karen Colin might agree with you! But to be honest I had no pain. Nothing. I was given prescription pain killers and the like and I took tylenol over the counter for one day and that was it. Nothing. It was a long time recovering my strength back from the hours of surgery. Days and days where I could only walk for fifteen minutes at a time.. But pain? No.

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  17. You're so brave, not just to have a surgery but to tell a potentially judgemental world about it so freely :) I definitely see that as a version of female empowerment.

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  18. Thanks Aimee. I'm just putting it out there so people will see both sides.

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  19. The thing that worries me about plastic surgery and breast reductions and implants, etc. (besides the faces I've seen on TV that no longer look natural; they have put me off) that are done for cosmetic reasons is this: what if the surgery gets done, and then you still don't like what you see? You still have a tendency to see flaws where others don't when it comes to your own self, or you start focusing on another part of your body and wanting to change it, because the driving force wasn't external but is something internal? Low self-esteem, hypercriticality, perfectionism, whatever. Society's judgment of aging women. Society's idea of acceptable appearances and desirable beauty. And so forth. Particularly when old age IS coming and there's no wangling out of looking like it. (Tell that to Phyllis Diller, I guess.)
    I wonder how many people this happens to, who become addicted to plastic surgery or, if they can't afford it, become plain depressed or develop related emotional problems. OR whom it doesn't help because they still can't accept themselves. Ever. That is just sad. Thank goodness your story has had a happy ... not quite ending ... but bunch of chapters. You have your feet firmly on the ground.
    Or maybe this doesn't happen often and I'm imagining things, and people are mostly pleased with the results.

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    1. You make an excellent point. I have seen people who did not like the result. Some were because they are obsessed, some because the results were not good. I have also seen others who should not have liked the results but did. Yes plastic surgery is a risk, no two ways about it. I had done my research and I had seen my doctors work on six people, none of whom looked like they had had anything done at all. And...I was lucky. No two ways about it. They people who do face work over and over again are these unhappy people I suppose. It is sad but it is here to stay I think. I wonder if the trend will ever swing away from it?

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  20. I like that you said you did it to look more like yourself. I think that's the best reason for any plastic surgery!
    That's so interesting about the breast reduction. I didnt know they could do it without damaging the milk ducts. I have a friend who got hers reduced years ago then really regretted it when she couldn't breastfeed her kids.
    Anyway, love the policy of full disclosure, and you're both gorgeous!

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  21. That's too bad about your friend. I am sure other doctors do this given that mine invented it in 1980. Maybe they stopped doing it for some reason. Too bad. And thanks for the compliments.

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  22. Jennifer Munro JackApril 28, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    Hey Deb, I totally understand the need and reasons for your facelift, you industry is very unforgiving and hard on the psyche. Glad you love your self now. I love the wisdom we gain as we age and our confidence. But, quickly to add I too have the cursed "Munro Boobage" and have dreamed of getting a reduction and a lift. I always admired your confidence to do that. I am truly considering it. I'm 54 now and love my bust, but hate the sagging and would love to get up lifted and go to a 36C But do they really grow back? After I had Taylor, mine never went down. Even when I lose weight!!! Whats that all about lol xo

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    1. Jennifer you are so beautiful but I totally understand this. I found that I did it in stages-interest-information-interview-sugery. Or not. But I think if it is in your heart and you are confident medically and you want it and can afford it, then you at least owe yourself exploration whether or not it comes to pass.Trying to like what you see in the mirror is the cheapest and most soul satisfying but it doesn't always work. I know. I would love to talk to you about it in depth and give you the benefit of my experience. Any time you want just let me know. Love you cousin,
      Deb xo

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    2. Jennifer Munro JackApril 29, 2012 at 11:19 AM

      Love you too xo We'll talk on day. But yes, self acceptance is probably the best way to go :) P.S. I love this blog, can I referred Andrea to this for enlightening another young women? Let me know x

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    3. Of course you can refer Andrea! I would love it. And I agree with you wholeheartedly that self acceptance is the way to go. xo

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  23. Deb - I think a person's choice to have any kind of procedure done is exactly that their own choice and no one should have to feel the need to justify that decision. Our bodies are our own to do with as we please. I think you are beautiful Deb on the outside in your heart

    Sorry for the absence I have a lot going on. Hoping to rejoin the group more actively in the near future! Hugs to everyone

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  24. Mary thank you for your comment and never feel you have to explain why you are not here or even for that matter, why you are. Every blogger that posts here shames me into regret of not being on their posts every week. But then I think, we all do what we can with our bloggie life and our personal lives. I am, as is Barb, thrilled to hear from old friends and new. I hope that your goings on are good and if not, i hope they are eased soon. Take my good wishes with you. xo

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  25. Thank you Deb to be honest Thursday was a difficult day, difficult anniversary but I got through. I'm thankful as always I have this "place" to come to. Maybe my paranoia makes me worry that I'll be forgotten. : ( My best to all

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  26. I'm sorry Mary but I am glad you got through. Sometimes getting through is all we can expect isn't it? You are never forgotten!

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  27. Surgical facelifts can be difficult since the recovery is long and the results might take awhile. I’m glad you got through it all. We can always fight sagging skin and aging by eating right and through a healthy lifestyle. Keeping a young attitude and being positive will make you look youthful and lively.:)

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  28. Jennifer you are right. Attitude is everything! But I have to say that healthy lifestyle and eating right while wonderful for your body and longevity, did nothing for my genetically patterned sagging skin. It's a great thing to do but it does little to stop what destiny has in store jowl wise. :-)

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  29. Deb, good for you doing the facelift. You did it for the right reasons. For yourself. That is where I think women go wrong. If they think plastic surgery will make others like them more. But if you do something just for yourself good on you.
    Heidi

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  30. The length of surgery varies on the extent of the procedure and the number of additional procedures that need to be performed. Times can vary from 1 hour to up to 7 or 8 hours. Mini-lifts can be performed in less than 2 hours. On the other hand, full extensive facelifts (rhytidectomy) with a neck lift and tightening (platysmal plication) may take 8 hours. The length of the surgery is not as important as the result, its longevity, and the quality of the work done.

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    1. Thanks David. It's true. I had the full deal. And I agree that it is about the quality of work. Mine was excellent.

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  31. Good going, Deb! I like the fact that you did the facelift for self-improvement, not because you were pressured to do so to please other people. Getting a facelift will surely boost your confidence and improve your confidence while interacting with other people. I’m so glad things worked out for you!

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