Barbara: I mentioned on Monday that depression has been a big topic of conversation with me lately. It
seems many people around me are struggling with it—especially right now. And,
yes, I’m sure we can blame the season in some part (certainly in Canada), but I
also know that in all the cases I’m familiar with, there has also been a major
life shift or change that has precipitated that low-grade, tenacious, and
numbing persistence that’s known as “depression”.
I’m going to try not to make
any pat, “uplifting” statements today. In fact, as I said to Deb, I’ve learned
not to be a cheerleader through someone else’s pain. Not because I don’t deeply
yearn to be of help or to shine light, but because I find that we all have to
go through what we have to go through. And my shoulder or my reassuring smile—while
useful and sweet maybe in the moment—is not going to stop or hold off someone
else’s time of (excruciating) change.
Because here’s my theory—and
it may sound banal or trite, but the thing is, in order for us to measure the
merit of a theory, we kinda need to look at all the evidence and decide if we
think it fits, or if we think it’s a load of bull (kindly phrased conflicting
opinions are welcome!):
I think depression is the
surest sign that we are in a time of transition. In every example I can think
of that comes from my own personal experience with depression (and I do mean
“depression”, not “clinical depression” or any other medical or chemical
imbalance), or that I’ve been privy to through other people’s periods of depression,
there has also been a meaningful change going on.
And change, for all its good
and wonder and importance, is not easy. Especially if set off by a wracking,
heartbreaking personal tragedy: the end of a marriage, the loss of a loved one,
the loss of a job, etc. But depression usually sets in after grief or any other
major outburst of emotion has had its way with us. I think depression is more
the detritus of upheaval. To me, it
signals that we have begun to work at accepting
something. And that’s exhausting. Because acceptance is work, never mind that
we’re also busy now mourning what we know we have to leave behind—which is of
course, fundamentally, our “old self”.
How depressing is that? To
leave behind that comfy old self we know so well?
The other depressing fact? Change
often takes its sweet-ass time to do its thing...
So, what do you think? In
your experience, in hindsight, has depression also marked important periods of
change for you?
Deb: Since I read this, Barb, I have been searching for the quote one of my FB friends posted
today about change and acceptance and I could not find it, but it was
brilliant. Basically it said that if we always accept the fact that what is
happening to us in the natural order of our lives is what is supposed to happen
and as a result we do not fight it, that it will lead to a healthier way of
looking at the changes in our lives, however painful. It said that the pain
comes from resisting the pain. Does that make sense? I am paraphrasing but it
totally resonated with me. Really moved me actually.
