T...T...T...Timing

Deb: They say timing is everything. It certainly is in my business. That is, the business of being a comedic actor. The truth is, without timing you are not a comedian. I bring this up because I was watching a documentary called All About Me, hosted by and about the great Katherine Hepburn. In it she says, “I came on the scene at just the right time wearing pants and sporting an athletic style and a strong-willed attitude. It was just the right time for ‘my style’ and so I became a star.” I am paraphrasing that comment as I did not memorize exactly what she said, but that is the gist of it—and I put it in quotes so you would know it was her saying that more or less. Can I be sued for that?

It got me thinking about timing. Timing in life. When I was a kid I so wanted to be a STAR. Being a successful actor was not enough. I wanted the world to see what I could do. I loved the limelight and would put on shows in my basement, garage, the cottage lawn, you name it. And I was always the STAR. A classic example of my take no prisoners you are going to notice and love me if it kills me attitude was when we did Bye Bye Birdie at the cottage to raise money to keep the local bingo game going. Please feel free to re-read that last sentence ... hilarious is it not?

Anyway, we were doing Bye Bye Birdie and I was of course Kim MacAfee, the Ann Margaret role, and my cousin Pam who is a really talented singer, and clearly too sweet for her own good, was playing Albert Peterson, the Dick Van Dyke role. But here’s the thing. I loved the song Put on a Happy Face, so I explained to Pam, who I love, that I needed to do that song too and of course Pam, being sweet Pam, relented. Every time I think of that story I howl with laughter. The nerve of me, honestly! But you see, I justified it as being for the good of the production. I was, after all, the future STAR.

Cut to: Not a STAR. Wasn’t in the cards clearly. Now some may say it’s because I wasn’t good enough and that may well be true. But I wonder about the timing of it as part of the reason. When I joined the famed Second City in Toronto, I was in a cast of hugely talented people. The cast before us was most of the SCTV people, and I remember thinking at that time, that we had just missed the boat, that timing had not been on our side. And so it has gone for me, my entire career.

Now please do not mistake what I am writing. I am not crying the blues here at all. I am perfectly happy with how things turned out for me. I love my life. Hell, I love life, period. Every second of it. Good and bad. And I also don’t have the sleep patterns to be a STAR! I would go to the Oscars, yes, but would fall asleep on my way to the Governor’s Ball. See? Wasn’t meant to be. On the other hand, when I married my lovely husband, he was a talented but struggling improviser/actor. When I fell in love with him I thought, Great, marrying an improviser! This will pay off in spades!!!  But timing was on his side. He came up just at the time that this old form of performing was going to go viral. His timing was great. It was nothing he did. It was just his time. He brought the talent and timing did the rest.

We all want timing to be with us, don’t we? No matter what we do in life we want something we have said or done to be on the cutting edge. We want one of our ideas or business reports or skills to be ahead of the curve. We want to be fresh and new or to kick off a trend or to see our dreams realized. But it doesn’t happen to all of us and it doesn’t always happen to the deserving (insert Snooky, Kardashian, Paris Hilton photos). But sometimes it is meant to be. So is it fate? Or is it timing? Or is it both? Or is timing a part of fate?

When Colin and I were first married, my STAR was on the rise. Many people have asked me about this and how I feel about being married to someone famous or, as my husband calls himself, “a small ‘c’ celebrity”. People have asked me if I am disappointed with the way things turned out. YES, THEY HAVE, you KNOW it’s true!!! “Gee, I thought you were going to be a STAR, what happened?” Ahhhh, the subtlety of people ... anyway, that’s for another blog.

And here is what I have to say about that. I am a STAR. I am the STAR of my own life. I think I was meant to STAR in my own life-story while it was going on. Who would play me in the Deb McGrath Story? I would, of course! And I do. I am the STAR of Deb McGrath’s life. I have a beautiful trailer which is my home and it resides on a gorgeous set which is our yard and my catering is done by the STAR Colin Mochrie. My wardrobe is perfect for me as if I bought it myself! I watch the Oscars on TV and if I fall asleep in the middle of them it doesn’t matter. No one is taking photos of my cellulite and posting them in the national rags. As for timing? It has been on my side every step of the way. Only it took me a while to realize it.

“Knock, Knock”

“Who’s there?”

“Interrupting cow.”

“Interrupting cow wh..

“MOOOOOOOOO”

Timing is everything.

Barbara: This is sooo interesting, timing-wise! (How many times have we all noted the serendipity of timing here on the blog?!) We were just, all of us here, talking about this. You know, I know a LOT of people who believe (when we speak of it in hushed tones amongst ourselves (who are only the nearest and dearest and most trusted in our lives)) that we/they are/were “destined for greatness”. Those very words: “for greatness”. From young and old alike I’ve heard the term.

My friend and I used to talk often about feeling we were “meant” to live “extraordinary” lives and not “ordinary” ones. The thing is, those of us who feel it, who believe it, who can “taste it”, are very often already leading extraordinarily great lives ... without even being aware of it. And it takes this kind of standing back and observing, of really listening to the truth in your gut, to truly grasp that.

Timing is everything in terms of the kind of “greatness” we’ve grown up to accept—you know, stardom and fame and everyone knowing your name (that and a shit load of luck) … (or maybe those are the same thing)—but if you are one of those who aspire to greatness, you are probably already living greatness in every moment you cope/invent/conquer/overcome/triumph/support/cheer and love. 

The Biggest Little Decision

Barbara: The other day I was talking on the phone with my daughter (yes, I’m hanging in there) (she, btw, is flying high) about her course choices at university. She was contemplating how overwhelming and sometimes confusing the sheer volume was. And I found myself telling her that if she didn’t worry about opening herself up to new experiences, if she really paid attention, really listened, she might find herself learning something critical from even the most unlikely course, something utterly unexpected that could impact her whole life.

Later I told my husband about this discussion and he reminded me that he’d wanted me to watch the Steve Jobs video of his 2005 commencement speech at Stanford (you know, the genius behind Apple and Pixar and other such minor accomplishments.) So I did (and I’ve attached it at the bottom here), and within the first five minutes, Steve describes a calligraphy course he dropped into at college out of random curiosity and how that calligraphy course ended up informing the signature design esthetic at Apple (and, as a result, at all their competitors too).

I’ve made a lot of huge decisions in my life. I can feel the whoosh of that leap of faith in my gut. And those big leaps are great and important. But I started to count all the things that have come into my life thanks to seemingly random and innocuous events. And I realized just how many so-called little moments in my life turned into huge turning points.

For the sake of brevity, I’ll describe one—maybe my favourite. On a whim, out of creative boredom maybe, maybe just for the excuse of a girl’s night out, I went to a series of seminars with my dear friend, Angie. They were interesting and informative, but never ended up changing my life in and of themselves (there was no light bulb moment, no epiphanies, no major shifts) … until Angie and I found ourselves in conversation with a director looking for a project and a team to produce it. Angie happened to have a wonderful story idea that she threw into the mix—and a team was suddenly created, a film was soon born. Out of nowhere, out of nothing but chance and curiosity and, of course, creative flow. Now this film went on to be blessed with not just that one stroke of amazing synchronicity, but with many others as the cast, crew, and financing came together in probably record time for film world. Within less than a year we had wrapped production on a little indie film called Expecting that ended up touring the North American film festival circuit (and even won some prizes and accolades along the way), being made into a DVD, and still sometimes airing on Canadian television.

And the cherry on this cake of a story? That project is where I met and fell in love with Deb McGrath and Colin Mochrie. And while the film itself may be far from the buzz now, the memories and this friendship topped all my expectations. Not all our random conversations or crappy course choices will necessarily turn out to be that important, but I can say this: that random conversation certainly ended up changing my life. 

Deb: Barb, to remember that seed of a friendship, growing from such a time as 9/11 still amazes me.  Our friendship quite took me by surprise as you well know. I didn’t notice it at the first snap of the photo, but when I looked later at the picture, it was stupendous.





And thanks to Karen Frazier who just found the trailer for Expecting!

What If EVERYTHING Happens For A Reason

Barbara: It sounds like a serious philosophical question, I know, but I think it could also be a fun question to bat around for a bit.

I’m sure most have us have found ourselves at some point in our lives saying, “It happened for a reason,” either to ourselves or to a friend in trouble. But I haven’t always been sure I believed it. So much so that I invented my own turn of phrase in answer to it: “I don’t know if everything happens for a reason, but I do know you have to reason with everything that happens.” A trite turn of phrase, I know, but come on, as a thinking human, you DO have to make peace with the stuff that happens to you, especially the crappy stuff.

On the other hand, if you’re like me and if enough years have passed, you also can’t help noticing that this handy reassurance also seems to be true. For instance, when I was young I always promised myself I’d try my acting luck in L.A., but I never made the trip. Instead, I concentrated on raising my girls in my native land. I’ve sometimes wondered what would’ve happened if… but I also look at my grown daughters now and know with full certainty that they’ve had chances to grow and develop and we’ve had a family life here that would never have been like this if…

On the same hand, I’ve also had to deal with crap too terrible to go into here that has absolutely had a lasting––and ultimately positive––effect on me and the people around me. It just took years to find the “reason” behind it.

Another thing I believe: the horrible things that have happened in the world have also taught humankind lessons that we would never otherwise have learned. It’s not the “Secret” philosophy where you attract your own fate, but the opposite. It’s the butterfly effect. Everything makes a ripple. And ripples are a fact, not an evil. And all those ripples, even the terrible ones, make the fabric of our lives denser, richer, more profound.

Oh dear, this is sounding way too much like a deep philosophical chat, isn’t it? So let me get back on “fun” track. What if it’s not just major events that “happen for a reason”, but every single little thing as well?

I’ve suddenly found myself contemplating this question everywhere I go. And as a result the world has suddenly gone into super-saturated mode. Sound bytes, random occurrences, a song on the radio, all suddenly take on a real SIGNIFICANCE. And that stuff people say about living in the “now” seems to be much easier to accomplish––because the now is so present. Because when everything is important, well, then EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT. It’s been a fun few days. And I swear it feels way less cerebral than (I think) it sounds.

Try it and let me know what happens to you when everything happens for a reason… 

Deb:  I think this blog today happened for a reason. It coincided with that fact that I was just thinking today about something in our lives, and the life of the boy, and how it had happened for a reason.

We were driving him up to camp this morning for his summer job and as we weaved past each yearly signpost I kept thinking of his camp and how I didn’t grow up going to camps and never figured that camp would be a part of the boy’s life.

I remember the day I heard about this wonderful arts camp. Luke had stated in no uncertain terms that he was not interested in camp of any kind. But despite my need to have him with us in the summer, I knew that this would be a place he might thrive in. Just a week I thought. Ha ha.

And he went and it became the thing he looked forward to every year. It brought him a whole new world of possibility and friends. And all these years later after picking him up each year and seeing the joy and the growth in him, we know that it happened for a reason. He and his girlfriend of three years met there and she certainly happened in our lives for a reason. He became a loving partner with her. He learned the joy of a shared relationship and we have stood in awe of his maturity with her. He has learned to love a woman and he has learned to love children through this camp. Mostly he has discovered a new and wonderful side of himself that we could not have brought out in him.

I remember the day I saw the name of that camp and read the description. Even then, I knew it was a fit for the boy.

I knew I had found it for a reason.

PS A new fun, practical deco tip and yummy, easy recipe were published on Saturday!