From PerezHilton.com/Posted by jerkstore on Wednesday,
1/21/2009, 11:21 P.M.
jerkstore:
“In my opinion Tina Fey completely ruined SNL. The only
reason she’s celebrated is because she’s a woman and an outspoken liberal. She
has not a single funny bone in her body.”
Tina Fey:
“Dear jerkstore,
Huzzah for the Truth Teller! Women in this country have been
over-celebrated for too long. Just last night there was a story on my local
news about a “missing girl,” and they must have dedicated seven or eight
minutes to “where she was last seen” and “how she might have been abducted by a
close family friend,” and I thought, “What is this, the News for Chicks?” Then
there was some story about Hillary Clinton flying to some country because she’s
secretary of state. Why do we keep talking about these dumdums? We are a
society that constantly celebrates no one but women and it must stop! I want to
hear what the men of the world have been up to. What fun new guns have they
invented? What are they raping these days? What’s Michael Bay’s next film going
to be?
When I first set out to ruin SNL, I didn’t think anyone
would notice, but I persevered because—like you trying to do a nine-piece jigsaw
puzzle—it was a labor of love.
I’m not one to toot my own horn, but I feel safe with you,
jerkstore, so I’ll say it. Everything you ever hated on SNL was by me, and
anything you ever liked was by someone else who did it against my will.
Sincerely,
Tina Fey
P.S. You know who does have a funny bone in her body? Your
mom every night for a dollar.”
Deb: All this talk
lately on the blog about the future and making connections with people has got
me thinking about a far-reaching connection that, despite all the technological
advances, I am still yearning to make. I am talking about our frenemies, the
aliens. I’m talking your Martians, your Siriuns, your Moon people, your
Uranians. As we can now literally reach across the planet, why not the
universe? Where are my alien Facebook friends? I don’t have one single alien
friend. I have some that seem not of this world, but that’s another story.
Deb's keychain
Full disclosure
and I hope this concept is not alien to you—YOU KNOW, I HAD to do that—I
believe in them. The aliens, I mean. I have never doubted it. It always seemed
so shortsighted not to at least believe in the possibility of life on
other planets. I figure, where does Earth get off thinking it is the centre of
the universe? Does the earth think it’s Toronto!?!? Don’t get me wrong, I love
me some Earth. Earth rocks. It’s my favourite of all the planets. But as I
stare into the night sky I just cannot believe that we are ... alone.
Yes, I loved
X-Files, let’s get that out of the way.
Is it just that
the internet is so last millennium to the aliens that they don’t even bother?
Or are they wishing they could connect with us too? Do they have WIFI? Or are the aliens being coy? Shy? Do they
need prodding? Maybe this very blog will open their minds and they will post
anonymously and say witty and brainy things to us.
My love affair with
aliens started with the 1951 version of The Day The Earth Stood Still. I
have been besotted with aliens since. Maybe I was just besotted with Michael
Rennie. At any rate, I loved the kind, wry, condescending Klaatu played by Mr.
Rennie who despite his prejudice for the lowly earthling, found himself falling
for us. I have been fascinated since the first time my Mom and I sat down to
watch the movie together when I was a kid. We would curl up on the couch and
scream, “Say it, lady, say it!!!” as Patricia Neil was backed up against the
steel fence stricken with fear as Gort advanced. Despite the fact that Gort
could disintegrate a tank in seconds with the flash of his eyesheild, he was
not an aggressor. He only retaliated. Never took the first shot. Or first laser
in this case. He wasn’t the kidnap and probe kind of alien which, let’s face
it, really gave aliens a bad rap. Hmmm
maybe aliens invented the colonoscopy?
Should I change my
password to Klaatu, Barada Nicto? Is
that the welcome our neighbours seek?
My real true love
affair started as a kid. I would look up at the sky and I would know in my
heart that we had friends out there and, despite media to the contrary, it
never seemed to me a frightening concept. I was comforted by it. The thought of
our little ball rolling around this endless space in time was far too isolating
for me.
At any rate, if
they are out there, I would love them to make themselves known. Let’s face it,
if they are out there and they are as brilliant and advanced as we think
they are AND they are evil, they would have dusted us centuries ago. Maybe they are just a tad insecure and given
all the bad earthling to alien movies and press, they just haven’t found a good
way to make a peaceful foray into our world, what with Michael Rennie being
dead and all.
Alien contact for
Dummies. Someone should invent an app for that. I
would pay top dollar.
I wait in peace.
Barbara: I love me
some aliens too! I would be all over having them as my FB buddies, or weighing
in on the blog about what they might say to their little alien selves. I agree with you, Deb, that if they could eviscerate us, they totally
would have done it already. On the other hand, maybe they’re waiting until we
do the job ourselves…
I also believe
that alien worlds exist, but I have slightly different (and not nearly so
hilarious) take: I feel that—if our human experience on earth is just a tiny
blip in the HUGE picture of time—it’s entirely possible that these short blips
of human activity could be happening all over the universe, but at VASTLY
different time-frames. Maaaaaybe all this soul-stuff we’re feeling is us
traveling from earth to earth over millennia, inhabiting one place after
another until we wear out our welcome, disintegrate to nothing, and the planet
continues without us. Maybe WE are the aliens. Hmmm … Alien for thought.
