Spitting Mad!

Deb: Why? Why? Will someone please for the love of all that’s holy, explain to me why people spit on the streets? Is it some rare incurable condition that I don’t know about? Do these spitters have a reservoir of saliva the rest of us don’t have? What would be the worst that could happen if the spitters, dare I suggest ... SWALLOW IT??? Would they pass out, or break out in boils? Are the sidewalks too dry for these people? Are they like dogs, marking their territory? Or are they fearful that they are being poisoned and must run to the streets to expel this offending toxin? What the hell? WHY? There is nothing that can set my gag reflex to dancing like a well-placed lugie in my path. And why (insert your gagging here) is it yellow? What the hell are spitters eating? If you spitters are ill and dying, please beat a path to your nearest health-care facility. Otherwise, save your spit to cool your soup! 

Barbara: Oh god, I can hardly respond -- just this post was enough to "set my gag-reflexes to dancing" (and it's not the samba)! Thanks for that, Deb … 

But in case anyone wants to know more about spit, what it is, and why we do it, you can click over to this very child-friendly explanation. Personally, I like my explanations child-friendly …

Grammar, I hardly knew her

Deb: I confess that my computer helps me with spelling and I also confess that sometimes I spell so badly, my computer doesn’t even recognize the word and has no options for me. At least these humiliating moments are between me and my Mac––and Mac keeps my hillbilly spelling in the vault.

But grammar-wise, I have a bee in my bonnet (2 N’s and 1 E): When did the word “anyway” become “anywayS”? When did the plural-ing of the innocent “anyway” become widely acceptable? Even my lawyer now says “So, anywayS....” ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! WHY DOES THIS AFFECT ME LIKE A FORK SCRAPING A DISH???

Why are we accepting this laying/lying/? down? You may be one of many people out there who would respond with “Well, I could care less”! And if you do, why the hell are you saying “I could care less”? It’s “I COULDN’T care less” for the love of God! “I COULD care less means you actually DO CARE because you have stated that you COULD in fact care less! If you “couldn’t care less” it means you really, really DON’T care. Let’s solve the world’s problems by starting with grammar.

By the way, I spelled “grammar” with an “e,r” first. But Mac––bless him––set me straight.

Barbara: “Anyways.” Shudder for me too. (Although I do love using it through a character’s voice in my writing!) Apropos of language, you know what word I love that I never knew was an actual word till recently? “Whatnot.” How cute is that word? “Whatnot.” I’m just gonna keep saying it now: Whatnot, whatnot, whatnot …

Deb: Speaking of grammar and whatnot, why do we call lots of email “emails”? We do not refer to snail-mail as “mails”: “Got lots of mails today.” But we say “emails”. Bugs me. Can we stop it?

Barbara: Argh! I have caught myself not once but many times using “emails”––even after your very sensible plea. Even tried mid-sentence to change it to “email”, but then felt all wonky and slipped the “s” on at the end!!! I’ve been infected! Does this mean I have to start calling the stuff in my mailbox “mails”?

Oh, and if you like grammar, check out this site: Grammar Girl.