How many times have we wished for that moment in life? How many
times have we fantasized that we could call upon irrefutable proof when we are
defending ourselves?
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| Art by Deb's finger |
Last week we endured a huge kafuffle when someone in our lives
angrily insisted that I had failed to impart to them some extremely important
information, thus causing them undue stress, anger, and fear. They were very
upset and proceeded to tear a strip off of me and three other innocent parties.
The people he was dressing down had no idea to what he was referring as they
had done nothing wrong. They were confident that I had done my part as promised
and yet they were being lectured by this irate person.
The thing is, I had
done my part. I had delivered in detail every piece of essential information
needed, leaving no stone unturned. But my angry friend would hear none of it
and insisted that the conversation had never taken place. I was miffed and
frustrated. It had taken place. This
I knew. But how to prove it?
Grasping at straws, I glanced around to see if Marshall McLuhan
was maybe waiting for his cue in our powder room or crouched beside our piano,
but he wasn’t.
So what does one do when these unfair moments occur?
I will admit that many times a day I may not be able to remember
why I came upstairs, or what your name is, but when it comes to important
conversations, I have a mind like a steel trap. As I was being dressed down by
this irate person, all I could see in my mind’s eye was the replay of the exact
conversation that had taken place between us. The problem was, only I could see
it.
In the end, I was saved by my husband who piped up that he had
been there for the conversation, and that I had indeed imparted every single
morsel of information. Bless his beak!
But what about the other times when you do not have a trusty
witness to jump to your defense? What then?????????
My husband, as I have reported before, often laments the “heinous
lie” that was the jet-pack. He was positive that by now he would certainly have
his own jet-pack charging in the garage. He does not give a damn that they have
not cured the common cold. In fact he would be perfectly happy if they would
give up trying for a cure and put all their brainpower behind his beloved,
unrealized jet-pack.
Me? I want an earring. Just something simple, maybe a tiny gold
stud ... but with the ability to instantly playback moments in my life in a
full HD 3-D projection that also includes any person I am trying to prove my
point to.
A sample usage might go this way:
Doctor’s secretary: ”Ms. McGrath, I am going to have to charge
you for your missed appointment last week.”
Me: “But I called more than 48 hours before and cancelled my
time.”
D.S.: “Sorry, Ms. McGrath, but I have nothing on the record to
indicate that.”
Me: ”Well, I called and I spoke to a ‘Diane’ who took the
message.”
D.S.: “Well Ms. McGrath, there is nothing in the record, so...”
Slowly and without emotion, my hand reaches up towards my gold
stud and I tap it, ever so slightly. Before you can say Princess Leia, out
streams a tiny projection flowing freely between us, showing clearly and with
stereophonic sound, me making the call a full two days before the appointment.
The projection ends with “Diane” hanging up the phone, spilling coffee on her
desk, cleaning it up, and resuming her duties, the conversation with me, gone
from her mind.
I tap the stud. Projection ended. I look the receptionist in the
eye, my face neutral, my demeanor calm.
SNAP! BAM! GOTCHA! EAT THIS! SUCK IT!
Oh what joy that would bring. Oh the satisfaction of it. I would
have to go home and nap after such a triumph!
Okay, yes, I have allowed myself a generous helping of petty
today.
But oh ... oh ... ohhhhhhhh, wouldn’t it be swell? Oh the places
I could go. Oh the conversations I could recreate! Oh the points I could make,
the proof I could offer.
Now I should say at this point that I am not an obsessively “right”
person. By that I mean I do not always have to be right. Far from it. I am the
first to admit wrongdoing or mistakes and I always apologize immediately and
profusely.
But when I am right, when I have done my due diligence, when I
have covered my bases to the nth degree and it is denied me in a loud angry
tone?...
Where is Marshall McLuhan when you need him?
Barbara: Oh, Deb, this made me laugh so much!! And I know
the actual situation you speak of because I was there when it was going down. This is so much
more frustrating than the simple “two different versions of a story” because
there were real repercussions here. I always like to imagine what would be the
most beneficial response to any complicated human shenanigan, but, damn, if I
can’t think of anything else for this sitch. I think you handled it perfectly by
simply stating your case, presenting your defense, and finally letting it go.
That said, I LOVE your earring idea. That is by far a more elegant “final word”
than anything I could’ve come up with!
