Never too late to make friends

Deb: First of all, through tears, I have to say how touched to the core I was by this blog. So nice for us “straighties” to get a love letter from a straight sister. I am sadly lacking in lesbian love letters.

It was different for me, this friendship thing. I was the girl in school who had a gang. Old-school gang, which meant we called ourselves “The Roger Ramjet Club” and we would eat candy rockets and blackballs at recess and recreate moments from the previous nights “Laugh In” episode.

I always had gobs of girlfriends and they would fit into various categories from “nearest to my heart” to “good for gossip” friends. But mostly they were and remain dear to me. I still have lots of friends from public school, high school, college, neighbourhood, work and travel. I treasure them and I really work at my friendships.

So when I met Barb late in my forties doing a film together, I was not looking to add to my roster! As it was, I was hard-pressed to serve each friendship with support and time. Barb was not even being considered for membership. I thought we would end the film and go our separate ways, as actors often do.

Then something surprising happened. Behind my back and without my knowing, she became a soulmate. Without lobbying she worked her way into my heart and my life. I don’t think even she expected it to happen. But chemistry works for friends as well as lovers. Her purity of spirit was so compelling and is the thing that I love about her most to this day. And she came with perks in the form of her husband and daughters who have enriched my family’s life more than we can say. And she did it quietly and with grace.

She came and she stayed without even trying.

Barbara: Aw, Deb! See what I mean about supportive and loving?!

But straight on the heels of this uplifting “love-in”, I read this article by Leah McLaren in the Globe and Mail about loneliness.

Funny how even the “popular girl” suddenly finds herself unmotivated to reach out––on the one hand, knowing she kinda needs her friends, and on the other, unable to work up the energy to join the troops. Just reinforces the realization that effort is 50% of the end-result. Loneliness begets aloneness and vice versa oftentimes (but not always!).

Just wanna say again, it’s so worth the effort when you finally find “the one”(s). And keeps that ol’ lonely wolf at bay.

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