Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Pee Ew

Barbara: Warning: this is a bodily-function post and must not be read by anyone who prefers not to think of either Deb or myself as having bodily functions (ie, my husband. Bye, sweetie, love you!)

One of the best parts about my friendship with Deb is that she gives me the straight goods from the perspective of a woman a few years older. She’s often been there and done that. You have no idea how much easier she has made this road of Aging for me with her insight and humour. In fact, paying it back and forward is one of the reasons we started this blog.

Lesson number one from Deb was that at some point in my older years I might find myself peeing arbitrarily. You know, like not in toilets, and not when I expect it. As with much of Deb’s shared wisdom, I listen, I process, and I PRAY IT WON’T HAPPEN TO ME.

So after years of hearing pee stories (some of which I hope she’ll share here because––when it’s not happening to you––pee stories are very funny), I was horrified to find myself not once but TWICE in recent days spilling urine. Now the question is—what do you do about it???

Deb: First of all, Barb, thanks for saying that I am a “few” years older. Nine, really, but God bless you for that. Here is what I do:
1. I wear a pad or liner when I have a cold for the “sneezing and coughing” pee.
2. I ALWAYS take bathroom breaks. If I can sense a bathroom within 50 paces, I go.
3. I go whether I feel like it or not. Even releasing a bit can save a nice pair of shoes.
4. I do NOT hold it in if I can help it. Thought it helped and found out that it actually makes it worse.
5. I ALWAYS carry an extra pair of undies. Sometimes they make an appearance in public when they become attached to my keys or wallet. Don’t care. Worth it.
6. I have been known to have full on “like I am sitting on the toilet” pees when I laugh. I have done this on stage, on set, and on the street. Mortifying. What I do, is just laugh some more. I mean I’ve already peed. Might as well enjoy the laugh.
7. I pray that they will come up with something simple, natural and not surgical for this issue. NOT THE SLING. For me anyway. I have heard horror stories.
8. I figure, what are you going to do? So I just laugh it off and ... uh oh….

Oh well, that’s what the extra undies are for, right?

Barbara: I have been with Deb when she has filled her panties, so to speak. For something so potentially mortifying, her humour and aplomb turn peeing into a stand-up comedy routine.

Okay, Deb, you gotta tell at least one of your tales of pee.

Deb: I have a friend who simply cannot hold it. Got caught one day. She got into her car in the parking lot of a mall. The dam was bursting. She opened the back door to shield herself as she squatted beside her driver’s side. Suddenly, mid-stream, the guy who owned the car beside her walked up to his car. She pulled herself up quickly and said, “I, uhhh, what, I, the, I’m, it’s, why, I, can’t, uhhh …” He said with a smile, “If you gotta go, you gotta go”. God love him!

I have another friend who keeps a cup in her car.

And still another who keeps diapers in the glove compartment although her kids are grown. Genius all!


  1. Okay, I just wanted to acknowledge that this week we went from the sweetness of "Granny and the Queen" to pee. Talk about the sublime to the ridiculous. Anyway, just wanted to say "I know" ... *sigh*

  2. I had the sling put in. Miracle surgery. I did it at 59. There is a difference from peeing when laughing and things like that and urgency (like when you put your key in the door and leak to the bathroom (for example). Actually caffeine is one of the easiest things to set off urgency. Watch intake of diet drinks, chocolate, coffee and wine. I have found it is so much better without these food and drink choice. There are two peeing issues. The surgery cleared completely the laughing, coughing one and the lack of caffeine in my diet clears up the other one. Just in case you needed more info. :)

  3. I like Deb's style, handling it with frankness and honesty!

  4. WHAT????!!!!
    When does this start?????
    Frig. It isn't bad enough that our boobs sag and our asses get cellulite. Next thing you know, they'll be insisting that women actually *fart* too. My sons will never believe it.

  5. Jumping on a trampoline. 'Nuff said.

  6. Thanks, Madge -- you never know when we'll need more info (yikes). And it's an enormous comfort (for me, anyway) to know there are experiences of every kind out there to tap into.

    And My K(so many K names) -- I know, the insults to injury never seem to cease. But apparently young Rigel and vanillacardomom enjoy rubbing it in. Trampoline, indeed...

  7. I worked with a girl when I was in retail that really had this problem. She would start laughing and suddenly disappear from view. If she felt herself start to pee she would drop into a crouch with her legs crossed until it passed and then run for the bathroom. If she didn't make no worries, we worked at Victoria's Secret.
    Her problem started after she had her baby and never stopped.
    I too have had this happen, but I was wearing blue jeans at the time. Luckily I happened to have just gotten a new pair.
    Deb thanks for the advise. I think I will take a page out of your book. Like I said before you can laugh or cry... and crying makes your eyes puffy and your nose red.

  8. Barbara -

    Me on a trampoline:

    *boing* *leak* *boing* *leak* *boing* *leak*

    Ever since I had my son.

    So, really, I'm not rubbing it in. Honest. I've glimpsed my urinary doom.

    Love and hugs,

  9. Ha ha! Oops, Rigel, mea culpa. I get it now! But kudos for keeping up the trampoline despite the leakage.

    And TJL, that was great! I LOVE the save of working at Victoria's Secret. And, absolutely -- better to laugh than cry.

  10. DAMN! I was SO SURE this was a 'not enough kagels after childbirth, can fix it thing! Have had the sneeze/cough version and been MORTIFIED. One of the reasons I haven't convinced myself to take up running again, too... but MAN, I did not want to know this was going to get worse!

    (though I'm glad I now DO, because feeling 'un-alone' on the matter helps!)

  11. I find any little rushing-to-the-loo accidents stopped when I stopped drinking 10 cups of tea a day along with 8 glasses of water. I fully agree that finding a loo even when you don't think you need to go is great advice.


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