Monday, May 9, 2011

A Furry Teen In Our House

Deb: I remember the day she stopped paying attention. It was a week ago Tuesday at 6:21 PM. She was now ten months old. A teen. A friggin furry teen.

I did what I always do when she starts to bark. “Bairn, come!” Works like a charm. Say it only once or the word will cease to mean anything.

Waiting. Waiting.................................................................................................Waiting.

No come. Not a come to be found. Now what?

Can’t say “Bairn, come” again. The trainer told me that. DO NOT SAY IT MORE THAN ONCE.

So now what? Me waiting. She running amuck. Waiting. More amuck. Waitingness. Amuckness.

Me putting on rain boots. Yes, raining. Pouring. Downpour. Monsoon. I knew it would happen like this.

Out I went embittered and soggy. I stand my ground. She circles the pool. I reach for her. She eludes my grasp. I strain my back and curse her. She doesn’t give a flippin damn.

So ... after ten minutes of this Tom Foolery, I cave.

Bairn, come....................Bairn, COOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She comes faster than the speed of light.

And when she crosses the threshold I shout “NO COOKIE. NO COOKIE! You are bad! Bad Bairn! Bad. Bad. Bad. BAD. BAD. No cookie! No friggin cookie because you DID NOT COME. Ha ha. Yeah you think there’s a cookie coming, but there is NO COOKIE.”

I stood there soaked in triumph.

And she looked at me trusting and wide-eyed.

Gave her a cookie.

Who’s the asshole now?

Barbara: Oh, Deb! So funny!! This is like me and my teenaged girls. “Girls, pick up your stuff. Girls, pick up your stuff. Girls! Stuff! Pick it UPPPPPP!” Except, wait, they never look at me wide-eyed anymore. And my bribe isn’t “cookies”, it’s chai lattes. Okay, we’re back on track here—I definitely give into those even when stuff isn't picked up. Even un-wide-eyed, these girls sure are cute. Plus I’m a sucker for chai lattes (which in order to get, by the way, requires leaving said stuff-strewn house).

PS: Stay tuned for a wonderful new 3-way on Wednesday!


  1. Who could not give that face a cookie?
    I have cats, one blind and one deaf. It's like a bad Dr Seuss poem: black cat, white cat, blind cat, deaf cat. While the blind one will usually come when I call ( unless he thinks he's going to the vet), the white one always ignores my calls. But who keeps calling her? Me

  2. I hear ya sister! And yeah that face! I KNOW! But...when I am angry with her, I try to look at her legs! Still cute, but easier.

  3. Teenagerness. *sigh*

    I have a 12 1/2 year old son who is rapidly becoming more and more infuriating, exhausting, aggravating, annoying, maddening,...

    I'd like to file a formal complaint. Who gets that paperwork?

    And, where's my combat pay?

  4. Your combat pay arrives the day you realize it has been a whole month of peace between you. And that day is coming...not really soon but it's coming. In the meantime Rigel, stare at his paws and give him a cookie!

  5. Deb -

    His "paws" are seemingly in constant need of a new pair of larger size shoes.

    And, a cookie? Ha! The kid's eating me out of house and home! Groceries upon groceries upon groceries! I can't afford to feed this bottomless pit! Who knew someone that skinny could eat that much?!?!?

    I go back and forth between thinking: a) Where'd my little toddler running around the house giggling in Superman pj's go? He's growing up so fast. I can't imagine daily life without my little boy. and b) Six years and 2 weeks. He graduates in 6 years and 2 weeks. Then, his dad gets to take him on. And, I get to run laughing like a lunatic in the moonlight.

    I predict that, from here on out, the scale is going to accelerate in its tipping towards b. I think his evolving really crappy teenagerish attitude and my increasing consumption of Excedrin Migraine is God's twisted plan for what seems to be some secondary form of weening.

    (OK, so obviously, we had an unfun morning getting him ready and out the door to school today.)

  6. Oh the woes of animalhood. I am not an animal lover but I can see why people are. I would have just locked the door and left him out there in the rain until he was begging to "come in" and then wait some more. I would do the same thing with the kids as well until they go to college and come back thinking you are so smart and educated and thankful for all you taught them. It does happen-just wait for it, wait for it, wait for it.

  7. Ah Madge the ways of a terrier know no bounds. Her stubborn little self would be standing out there still. And of course...we love her.

  8. I love hearing kid stories, even when they are furry kids.

    Rigel, my son is the same age. He will turn 13 in two months. I'm not ready for the teen years! He's taller than I am, eats like there is no tomorrow and his paws are huge. We always figured he would get taller than his 6'2" dad, but at the rate he is growing, he will be there before he is 14. Good thing he is so cute. (He looks just like my hubby at that age.)

  9. Your son sounds like a doll. How lovely that he looks just like his Dad. Cute is key for the teen years. But honestly, our son was a doll in the teen years. Don't believe what people tell you about teens. I always said when people would give me warnings, "don't put that on me".

  10. Well, truth be told, all it takes is an afternoon of volunteering at my son's school to remind me that he really is a good little guy --- esp. compared to some of the dubious characters in his class. I truly worry about some of those kids. They are not turning out to be good people. *frowns* It's sad and disheartening.

    I think much of my aggravation with my budding teenager may be arising from the contrast between mom's house and dad's house. Dad's house is pizza on the coffee table, staying up late and sleeping till noon, unlimited hours of video games (including rated M games), rated R for violence/language movies, trips to the city dropping $200 in a day, and no-manners-required (burp? poot? no napkin when eating? no problem).

    So, obviously, in my house --- the house of limits on video game hours, manners, chores, bedtimes, homework, and expectations of civilized behavior --- there are clashes.


    On the cute canine front, since first reading your blog entry this morning, I've been wondering if Bairn is being a pesky teenager toward Fanny? Or, are they partners in crime?

  11. Trust me Rigel, your son will thank you for the boundaries you set. He will be grateful when he starts to date that he can go to his girlfriend's home and know how to conduct himself like a gentleman. I believe so strongly that children want and need boundaries to grow. You'll get your rewards. As far as Bairn goes, she love love loves Fanny. It's Fanny who sometimes gets fed up with Bairn's energy. I always have to keep Bairn off Fanny's head in the morning until she has her morning pee!

  12. LMAO. I'm sorry, but being able to picture this keeps giving me more giggles. Watch out. Those eyes, that whole face, is going to become a lot more "here" at the dinner table if you keep giving out the cookies. Better find low-fat cookies. :)
    I've had those "you THINK you're getting that" conversations with myself. They weren't SUPPOSED to be with myself. They were directed at my teen daughter, who had by that time taken the "that" and left the room. The necessary stuff gets through to her. The rest is just so much static.


  13. lol, Dawn. I so relate to your last comment about your daughter!! Funny how despite the apparent "tuning out", they do seem to GET the "necessary stuff".

  14. Yes Dawn you picture it right. It is a spectacle. She ends up looking like a normal terrier pup and I end up looking like a LUNATIC!

  15. She is so cute. I wish my dogs would come when I called them. I am starting to think that dogs have selective hearing. Maby they just hear what they want to hear kind of like people do sometimes. My dogs are not bad dogs but they just do not come when called they just sit in the grass and look at me and they wait for me to come get them. Your dog is so cute. So if your younger dog does not come does your older dog follow in her foot steps and not come as well. My dogs tag team up. That face is just adorable.

  16. First of all, Bairn is simply adorable! She is entirely too cute to be just one dog. That seems to be the way with our furry, four-legged darlings- they stand there and look cute, and we end up giving them what they want. I have a dog and 4 cats, and I can tell you now that they're all spoiled rotten. I love them to bits, but they're spoiled rotten. And in some bizarre twist of fate, the cats are better trained than the dog! How on earth did that happen?

  17. Thanks Lyndsie, honestly until a week ago, that dog came on a dime. but it is spring and she is all head up with the smells of the woodland creatures. April, thanks she is a sweetie this li'l gal. I think cats are too proud NOT to behave. Dogs don't give a darn, right? I love cats too but we can't have them. Husband and son would swell up like balloons.


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