Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I’ve Won The Battle With Cellulite

Deb: Got your attention, didn’t I?

Yes, it is true what you heard, I have won that battle. And I didn’t win it with creams, machines, or plastic surgery. I have been looking for five years to find a way to conquer this bodily bubble wrap. It’s too bad it’s not like the shipping bubble wrap, although if it were I would never leave the house, all day pop pop popping.

So it’s with a teensy bit of smug satisfaction that I share my epiphany with you.

It all started in Italy four summers ago. It was a steamy day and husband, boy, and I sat at an outdoor cafe. My lovely summer blouse measured specifically partway down my arms and my shorts, partway down my legs, conspiring with me to keep bubbles at bay.

Shifting weight from time to time to prevent the sun from casting shadows on any offending area, I suddenly looked up. Coming towards us was a sexy early 50’s Italian woman dressed in an outfit that can only be described as so beautiful, so chic, so perfect, that she doesn’t care if you like it or not. In fact, it’s probably better if you don’t. There she was, just owning the street with each cobblestone click. And then I saw it. Her arms were covered in cellulite. She was bubbling over.

I said to my husband, “Why do I think my cellulite looks so horrific and yet she has it and still looks so hot?”  My husband said that I was an idiot, which is his sweet and sarcastic way of saying that he loves the way I look, bless him. So I vowed then and there that I would never ever ever cover myself up! That I too would own it.

And four years from that moment ... I was transformed.

You see, I woooooooooouuuuuuuuuullllllllllllddddddddd have done it sooner and I tried. I mean, philosophically I was behind it one hundred. But as a public practice I couldn’t make a full commitment. And every time I would get ready to bare arms, I would catch a glimpse in my full length mirror as the sun was softly setting ... aaaaaaaaaaaaand-no.

And yet this summer, I am just feeling so summery and so free, I brazenly donned a bathing suit in front of friends who had never seen my dimpled goodness lo these past years. And as it turns out, no one sneered, shunned or scorned, even though in certain light my upper left thigh looks like Shirley Temple eating mashed potatoes. I’m sure they noticed and yet they did not shun, not even a little. Mind you, given the number of middle-aged friends we have, it is remotely possible they actually didn’t see it.

Whatever the case, this has been an almost five-year battle for me, one I was too vain to be sensible about. And now I’m outed and free to play in the sun with the other kids.

I mean let’s face it, ten years from now with aging’s new charms and surprises and looking back on this 57-year-old Deb, I will be awestruck by my crazy-ass hotness.

So I figure I might as well just think it now. Too humid for insecurity. 

PS And if you think you’re getting a picture with this one, think again. I’m not insane. But in the meantime, enjoy this lovely picture of a cloud.

Barbara: Hey, my Yoda Master and my birthday near-twin, I’m having a similar sort of summer as you! Haven’t worn shorts and even skirts the last few summers (not just cellulite woes, but those new, shocking eruptions of extra meat where once was lean). But this hot and hazy summer has been all strapless this and swishy that. I feel AWESOME! Sidelong comments be damned. And, thanks to our lovely readers here and their encouragement, I’m getting so much better about not giving a shit about that shit anyway.

On another note, maybe when it comes to the body-confidence arena our hot-climate sisters have it over us cold-livin’ gals because too much coverage in warm weather is uncomfortable at best and suffocating at worst. Let’s face it, when you’re hot, you’re hooooot. 


  1. See, now you two needed to be super-sized teens. Then you might have come by the philosophy TAN fat looks better than WHITE fat. And to GET the fat tan, you need to leave it uncovered... *nods*

    I finally gave in to a swimsuit that covers my belly if there are other people around, but mostly I feel like if people don't want to see it, they can look away. I like the sun kissing my skin.

    It's possible I think y'all are only figments of my imagination anyway... (congrats for your liberation!!!)

  2. Hart I am with you on the tan trick. It's true and I have employed such a scheme this summer. I have disguised myself with tan.

  3. Ok well I don't have this problem,but I do have probls with other parts of my body. Where u have problems with this I have problems with my skin .yes it's true I am very light colored .I am so light colored I have got called a ghost many Many times. I am very very pale which i hate. I don't tan . And hate to try to. And covering up in the summer time is not even an choice. Oh we'll. I may be pale but I do work it. And I am very cute doing it. I say just work it .

  4. Yeah Lyndsie, owning it is the key isn't it? Work it and own it.

  5. Good for you Deb, you are being a real summa girl and enjoying this gorgeous summer. What I learned awhile ago is that people are not looking that closely, because quite frankly, lets face it , they are more concerned with how they look!! And you are right Bar, it is far too hot this year to cover enjoy and thanks!!

  6. opps, I meant Barb.....why don't I spell check!!!

  7. Ha! Well, actually there is a cure for it. Massage. True. Seriously! That's all the creams are doing too. They're making you rub your skin. It's the rubbing not the cream.

  8. Lol, Mary-Jo, that's okay! Jessica, I do love the massage too, and I swear by the stretching. But I think it all just makes you feel better about yourself. And that's the best and biggest key of all!

  9. I long ago gave up the dilemma you had. I just love the water so I am forced to wear a bathing suit. I try not to judge myself anymore for anything. Life holds too many treasures to let a little swim suit angst keep me from enjoying hot tubs, the ocean and pools. Glad this is the new you Deb. I would have been more impressed if you did show a photo. :) But baby steps all the way.

  10. Mary-Jo that is so true. People are concerned with the way they look. And the typo made me laugh because I thought you were just being friendly "Hey Bar". Didn't realize you typoed.(SP?)
    Jessica I get weekly massage. Dear God what would I look like if I didn't??????? Thanks for the tip.

  11. So true Deb. I remind myself all the time - that whatever state we are in, in ten years we will look back and pine for that body. So why not enjoy it now? Gawd I wish I had enjoyed my twenties and thirties when I was skinny but found fault with myself constantly. Too late- guess I'll just have to enjoy what I have now.
    And one more thought...if dimples are cute on a face, why can't they be cute just below an ass? It's all how you look at it....

  12. yeah Madge I know...just couldn't yet. I've made my peace with it but don't want to put it under a microscope. Hollye, so funny. Yeah I think we have to change the way we think. Dimples everywhere! Dimples for all!!!!!!!!!

  13. Oh and Madge, if it helps, the cloud looks like my thigh.

  14. You ladies are awesome! They key is attitude, just like you said. If you are loving it, working it and owning it, nothing anyone else thinks is important. I'm a hider, though. No one is going to see anything that is above the elbow or knee. I admire women who wear what they want and love, no matter how long or short it is.

  15. After suffering yet another injury that caused me to give up my competitive ballroom dreams, I'm now faced with a closet filled with clothes that fit a body that can wear those tiny Latin costumes. My current body doesn't. It took 6 months, but I'm actually okay with that. Those extra lumps and bumps seemed bigger when I was skinnier - and worried about parading around in something skimpy.

    Like Lyndsie, I don't tan. Years ago I learned to embrace my translucent skin. Thank goodness for 70 sunblock that lets me stay this color, but Hart, you are right - tan does look smoother!

  16. Thanks Molly! Yeah I'm just going for it. At least till the next body disaster hits. Yeah Tammy being a person that tans I think the greatest gift you can be given is that you CAN'T tan. This helps you to resist doing it to your I sometimes do.

  17. Good for you Deb, every pic I've seen of you looks gorgeous, same for you Barb! I think it's something every one fights with in some way, we all have our insecurities.

    I know I'm not as confident as I try to appear to be otherwise it wouldn't take me days of searching every time I need a new bathing suit. Gotta love that store lighting and mid-winter skin tone.

  18. Ahh, it is all perception and we can all be very hard on ourselves. In the middle ages it is cellulite, however, as teenagers it is pimples, or this or that, being too plumb, to flat, hair too curly, hair not curly, not being blond, and not being a brunette. Three years ago while assisting my girls on a film montage of our family for my parents 50th; we came across a picture of me in a tiny green bikini. I was as a teenager on the thin side, and rather flat cheated. All I focused on was my flat chest, thus I was rarely in anything low, and usually wore a Speedo bathing suit (which did nothing for my figure). My high school prom my friends tried to get me in a sexy dress, it was low in the front and low in the back and I could not buy it. I bought a safe shirt and skirt a la (Annie Hall style) At the urging of a friend I bought this tiny bikini for a cruise the two of us took. Every time I wore it all I could think of was that I was flat chested and was very self conscious of it. As long as I was swimming I was fine, but I hated to be tanning, so I usually put something on top of me. When the girls saw my picture they said mom, you were hot. I never thought of me that way. Then they said you have and had a great body. I looked at that picture of that girl of long and go and indeed a cute body. Why we focus on our small imperfections is beyond me; however this thought me a lesson. I no longer am that girl in that tiny bikini, but whatever form I am, I am me. I am here, and I am healthy. Beauty really can be projected by how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about others. Self confidence is the best beauty product and it can make a second hand dress look like designer chic. I so wish I could go back to that girl of long ago and tell her you are beautiful, you are healthy, you have a great smile, and you are gorgeous. In my 20's I never thought I was good looking, I thought people liked me because I was funny. In my 30's I was too busy taking care of my husband to even notice what I looked like. In my 40's I started to have time for me and my girls who are more girly then I ever was, started giving me some fashion tips. In my 50's I now feel better about myself then I after did. I have aged, I have wriggles, there is grey carefully covered, and I have curves now, however, after losing some dear friends these last few years, all I can think of is I am here. To live so long to have cellulite is a privilege, and I will rock the cellulite. In terms of Deb, I saw her a few weeks ago after not seeing her for at least 15 years, and she looked fabulous. She was radiant in the summer evening. However, it was her words, her eyes, her laugh and the fact she came across as being confident and happy. I saw this petite red head, with such wit, and enthusiasm. Cellulite what cellulite, all I saw was what a great person to have a conversation with, and how fortunate I was to run into her.

  19. You so touched me with this post, Bernadette! Thanks for sharing your experience. As for Deb rockin' it, man, does she ever (although I always think of her as a blonde!) She is my rockin' it guru.

  20. Hmm, maybe I'll have to try that. I'm still at the "don't look down in the shower" stage. :)

  21. Erin I think you are right. Even the stunning among us have insecurities. Thanks for the compliment by the by. Bernadette what a lovely note. Thank you so much.
    Hi Barb.
    Erica I always dress in a robe in the bathroom for the same reason. Lately I'm not reflecting on my past body, but my future one. So honey, I be hot!

  22. jenniferjack@sympatico.caAugust 4, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    Deb, that inspires me as I have always looked up to you. Your right as I am in my fifties, I have made peace with alot of my inperfections and itss just too damn hot to give a crap. Floating in my lake is so freeing and being free is very sexy x

  23. Jennifer, you float baby! And ignore those imperfections, you are gorgeous!


  25. And the fish are probably insecure about the size of their scales Mary-Jo.

  26. lol Deb, most likely they are, and haven't even noticed me.....

  27. I used to be concerned that people could play a rousing game of Chinese Checkers on my thighs, but hey, that's entertainment. If I ever have grandchildren, my legs will provide the perfect Matchbox car 4-wheeling course. I am cultured like cottage cheese. I have dimples on my southern cheeks. If folds in our brains make us smarter, then the folds in my thighs must make me sexier. When people have a choice of chairs, they rarely go to a rock hard, small seat - so I rock a marshmallow-couch-style boo-tay for my comfort. I don't have cellulite, I have celluLOT. But on the beach, what difference does it make if I am smooth or have legs reminiscent of the lunar landing? A bikini or a one-piece doesn't make me any less flubby. And frankly, since I don't have boobs anymore, I will rock the curves down under.

    :) Steph

  28. Oh, Steph, this is awesome. Not just for your ownin' it vibe, but for your great quipster quips. I bow before you!

  29. Steph, you are the queen of the owning! Love it.

  30. speaking of Massage:

    OK, So just me? Or do any of these thoughts cross your mind while getting a massage;

    -I’m going to get a massage more often. Seriously. Life is short, this is good.

    -I wonder if she can see my cellulite in this light?

    -This is the longest I’ve gone in the presence of someone else without talking. Very much.

    - Shit, those stones are hot.

    - Would it be such a crime to walk back to the suite in the spa robe? I’m too tired to put my clothes back on.

    - I wonder where she got those cute shoes?

    -I should play this music in traffic.

    -What should I have for dinner?

    -I wonder how long before the creases from this face doughnut will be gone from my forehead?

    My forehead never used to get doughnut hole creases….

    I can’t breathe in this position much longer…hey- being a Spa Maven is hard after all…

  31. Mary-Jo I loved this list. My fave-wonder where she got those cute shoes.


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