We realized that this new age
of online life really has produced—especially in younger people—a knee-jerk
impulse to immediately deal with whatever is going on. If you get a text, you
answer the text. If you get a call, you answer the call. Only if you are
legitimately occupied (say, at work, or eating with parents who outright forbid
the phone at the table) can you let yourself
get away with not responding. I
emphasized the “let yourself get away with” part because, of course, the person
who is looking for you has no idea if you are legitimately busy or just, you
know, relaxing and unwinding.
See, we older folks have no problem
with letting our responses wait. (Or at least we didn’t, back in the day.) If
you call us, text us, email us, Facebook us, etc etc, we will get to you when
we bloody well get to you. If I have a meal to enjoy, or tasks to do, or a
conversation to have, or an ice cream to lick, or a story to write, I will do
them and ignore your every effort to contact me until I decide the timing is
right for a return to my online life/responsibilities. (… Or at least this is
how I think I am. I’m not entirely convinced, even as I write this, that I
don’t find myself a bit anxious at missing or ignoring or postponing certain
requests for contact. I’m not entirely convinced that this new technological
age hasn’t, in fact, re-wired my neurons a bit to convince me that if I don’t
answer that text or email immediately I am betraying some sacred (unwitting)
oath to the online gods of Constant Accessibility.) We middle-agers were not
brought up—as you younger peeps have—in a time of utter transparency; we’ve
been more inclined to prioritize what needs to be prioritized in order to
maintain a kind of necessary balance between “I’m here for you” and “I’m here
for myself”.
My daughter was a bit
gobsmacked to realize that—by always being transparently available—she had led
herself down a tricky little black hole. So, after a bit of discussion, I began
to walk her through the old tricks of the coping-strategy trade by reassuring
her that she could—in all honesty—“miss” texts/calls because she is “otherwise
occupied”, no explanations necessary. There will always be time for a more
timely catch-up. No ill will to beloved friends, no ill consequences for a bit
of “me” down-time.
I think she got it … in
theory. But in reality, I’m not really sure if she’ll ever feel totally
guilt-free about putting down the phone and stepping away from the screen. I’m not even sure I will.
Deb: I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
DISAGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I don’t
disagree at all! Sorry, Barbara, I tried. (see: Agree To Agree) I know that the youngs are so much better
than we are (generally) with all things online. And thank God for their ease of
knowledge as their help has saved me lots of time and given me lots of laughs
as they regale me with clips of comedy shows I no longer stay up long enough to
watch. But what the boomers and beyond have going for us in spades, what we
excel at, is the perspective. I “flag” my emails now, to help me prioritize,
but if I am socializing or really just relaxing, I am not responding. And other
than genuinely time-sensitive emails, I take my time responding. I try my best,
I really do, but I am not putting my life on hold for hours at a time to
respond to things that can honestly afford to wait. And, frankly, I am not
guilty about it. At all. It is not Hal (yet) and therefore I am still the boss
of it.
wow. i was just thinking about this earlier. i had a friend of mine who ALWAYS left her phone on. She comes into class the next morning exhausted because she didn't get any sleep. i asked her why and she said people kept texting her.
ReplyDeleteuh....turn your phone off??!!! my rule is when i go to bed the phone does too. one of my professors said "keep your phones off in class. you can be unplugged for 50 minutes." but it is. it's like an impulse for me; whenever my phone rings or buzzes when i have a text, i almost always answer!!! i don't know why. it's like a reflex. geesh.
off to classes now. first day!!!
I know, the not turning the phone off at night is SUCH a slippery slope... Have a great first day of class, Kelly!!
DeleteHope your first day of class was better than mine!!
DeleteI agree totally with you Barb, and it's funny, but the person who taught me the same lesson is my eldest son. He is very in-tune with keeping his spirit healthy and maintaining a good balance in life. I was always one to "clear my slate" so that I was always on square one. Red has also helped me with that because there are no blackberries in his world and I have to be totally present. So these two lovely souls have helped me see that I can get to it later and still give good service to my clients. I think it was a very good lesson or discussion that you had with your daughter Barb and your points about prioritizing were very important. You always express it so well too!
ReplyDeleteJo, this conundrum is even trickier if you rely on the phone for your work -- as you do. What a great thing that your son taught you how to manage that obligation. And, of course, Red is the PERFECT online foil :)
DeleteI totally know where your daughter is coming from on this, Barbara. I feel guilty if I don't respond right away to texts and calls. Although I put my phone on silent for part of every day so that I don't have to deal with calls and texts while I am working or in class. I do check my phone to make sure there are no emergencies, but other than that, everyone else can just wait. In general, I am not a big texter to begin with. I think I annoy some of my friends because I refuse to use "text lingo." My texts always take longer to type and read because I use REAL WORDS!!! I have to respond to most emails right away since they mostly have to do with my education and such, but I really don't spend that much time emailing anyone else.
ReplyDeleteLately I have got into the habit of turning my phone off. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is to me. I take an hour or so of no contact with anyone. It's my time to relax and try to clear my head of all the stress that surrounds me on a daily basis. I spend time online, but usually I am not contacting anyone while online (this blog being an exception!); rather, I take time to look up videos of shows I miss or look for books that I can't find in any stores or look up movies, etc.
Well, we're very glad that we're still on your list of online routines -- but I hope we're part of the "relax and unwind" :)! It's that guilt thing, though, right? Maybe if we can find ways to put the to-text list aside during inconvenient times, that sense of guilt will lessen... Sounds like you have some good strategies in place already -- especially the "using real words" stance. I bow to that!
DeleteOh yes, this is part of my "relax and unwind" activities!
DeleteAnd I think since I am such a word-person, I just hate to see people butcher them into things that don't make any sense! But I deal with it when friends use it. Although sometimes I have to ask what they are trying to say!
I think if you have grown up with the idea of texting like most young people have , it can make you a bit impatient . you must answer every text the second you get it ( no criticism intended to your daughter barbara )
ReplyDeleteif my phone rings or i get a text message and i can answer it i do tend to look and see who it is from and if it is someone i want to talk to i will reply if not i leave it . i never reply to anyone when i am driving , call or text . i can't control and car and operate a mobile phone .
my boyfriend lives in the UK and texts me every evening . I hate missing the chance to talk to him so i tend to reply straight away , i am usually in form the hospital and sitting at my desk so i disturb no one by talking to him . the last time i was texted at an bad hour was i got a spam text at 06-30 , a few days ago . i could have shot the spammers !
kelly i have to say i am like your friend . I never put my phone off unless I am at a place where it is necessary so to do such as a concert hall or church for example . this comes form the fact I used my phone for my work ( in the days when I had work) as I was co running a small business form home I had to be on call. if you couldn't reach my dad you had to be able to get through to me especailly as the main part of my job was delivery driving . also with dad now in hospital it is important that either mom or i can be reached 24/7 in case of emergency.
this raises another good point to me . the stupidity of texting while driving . I have seen people do it and it always strikes me as an insane thing to do . most people can wait if you are on the road . as i have already said i can;t even drive and take a phone call never mind type a text . just goes to show you what an impatient world we live in at times . people can;t wait until they get home . if you need to be connected on the road buy a bluetooth for your phone .
No criticism taken, my dear! In fact, this is why I brought it up -- because sometimes we don't even see what we're doing. It becomes a habit without our awareness. On the other hand, I can totally see how you might want to respond immediately to your beloved :)
DeleteThe texting while driving - grrr, don't get me started!!
OH!!! OH MY GOSH. My best friend tries to pull that stunt with me (the texting and driving). I have called her out on it before. I'm just like...no. You're not doing that when I'm in the car. She's very respectful, thankfully. I just don't go there. EVER
DeleteYeah Kelly I know. I have seen it as recently as yesterday on a fast HYW. I have started to realize that I guess we all need to stop our friends from doing it by simply refusing to answer the text and then later, tell them why.
DeleteI don't text. I'm holding out as long as possible. My husband doesn't text and my kids don't have cell phones yet, but as we have entered the teen years, I don't know how much longer we can hold out. :) I certainly know what you mean though, and I've seen it a lot among my friends and their children. The wonders and blessings of technology comes hand in hand with the curse of technology, doesn't it? I remember hearing once that we don't always answer our children right away, but we always jump up to answer the phone when it rings. I have found that I do that. And then I feel so guilty when I realize that I'm too busy to help my child with a task (or I just don't want to get up), but I jump up the moment the phone rings.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is relevant or I'm way off on another topic....
Noooo -- this is SUCH valid point!!! I think this is at the heart of this -- why are we prioritizing one "obligation" in favour of another, probably more important one? That's the question in a nutshell! Because, of course, we're often not wanting to avoid calls or texts because we want to relax, but often, if not mostly, because we want to commit to something else that is, in that moment, really more important. (wow, way too many words in that last sentence!!)
DeleteI rarely turn my phone off, but I do have to say that I don't have that much traffic (texts or calls) that I would need to turn it off. If I am in a situation where I can't answer, I put it in silence. In movie theather and airplanes I turn it off of course. Not to brag (too much) I just today picked up a gift from my boss (and aunt). It was a new nexus! This in mind, I think I won't be letting my phone down for few more hours (well I am on my computer at the moment, but that is just because I will have my first introduction to our new school software in an hour). Sometimes I am like my sister. I can't remember where I have put my phone. She might go for a small trip with her family and leave her phone home.
ReplyDeleteI spend so much time on the computer (when I am not on vacation and school has started) that I really just turn it off and watch a movie or read a book. If my head hurts I try to go for a walk (because the hurting comes from too much stareing to the screen) and get some fresh air. Sometimes I feel that I would be so much happier if my work wasn't online, as then I wouldn't be tied down to my home so much.
But back to the phones. I do recommend putting the phone on silence and maybe not turning it off. Then you can see who has tried to contact you. Then when you feel comfortable enough you can turn the phone off. :)
Colin and I had this issue a year or so back Kasku. Our computers would be on our desk table near the tv and I could not resist the call of the "ding" when email came in and I would run to check it making our one hour tv show last three hours! :-) So I resolved the sitch by turning of the sound and now, I am so over it. It can ding all it wants and I will get to it when I get to it.
DeleteI do that too Deb. They are times when its just "BING"ing away...and I run like hell to what happened just to find stupid "lol"s or "k I'll be here when you get back"s.... Damn annoying that is! So I did that too.....Switched the sound off....
DeleteBING AWAY SKYPE! Thats what you get for annoying me when I'm trying to pee.... OR do something less awkward...I SHOULD SHUT UP!
I find that many people are very attached to their "devices", and I agree that it is predominantly the younger folks that have a harder time stepping away. I'm amazed at the behavior I often witness, whether it's texting while driving, chatting while checking out, or interrupting a conversation to answer a call. On a related note, I have also noticed that many people never respond to calls/messages at all. I'm not sure why, but I suspect it might be due to information and connection overload, as well as the new norm of passing off personal responsibility.
ReplyDeleteEileen you are so right. Information overload! I have and do experience this. I get wonderful little things from people all the time but if it falls on a busy day, it just doesn't get read. Then more and more email come in and I feel swamped. I often get upwards to 100 email a day. I just find myself turning off. Self preservation.
DeleteIt's interesting this conversation. My son and I are completely opposite. I am the one furiously texting and checking emails with my phone. Granted, a lot of it has to do with work (as in, "Gee, is my client going to show up for class?"). When it's just friends, I return texts at my leisure.
ReplyDeleteI still remember getting Odin his first cell phone. I was willing to get him a smart phone with all the gadgets and thingies and whatchamaycallits. He was adamant. He did NOT want a smart phone. He got the phone that only dials and does some texting. That shocked me. But, hey, I never claimed my kid was typical. Heck, he's refusing to join facebook!! LOL. :)
Wow Jo, you do have a rare one there. I will say though that the boy is not obsessed either. Not so much as your Odin but he is what I would call moderate in his usage.
DeleteOMG!!! I am laughing my Ass off here.... I was laughing so hard when I read the first two paragraphs...and Laughed harder after that.... First I was like "Geez sometimes I forget the age difference between Barb, Deb and me --- OK ALWAYS! (Because you girls are Awesome!)." But after reading the rest LOL...I thought..."THAT EXPLAINS WHY PEOPLE SAY I HAVE AN OLD SOUL" I'm EXACTLY like you "Older Folks"!
ReplyDeleteI dont take calls much....which means I ACTUALLY dont take calls much. Not on purpose. My cell's on silent mode all the time. Its not allowed in school and I wouldnt risk forget switching it off sometime by mistake when I go in the classroom. You can't risk the "Doctor Who" ringtone playing suddenly when the professor is trying to explain why you should keep the grid on when you are creating three "DIMENSIONAL" objects.. My friends always curse me for that....they swear at me.... Everytime we meet up...they BEG me to keep it on normal mode.....but..MEH! I mean I'm not a phone person. I dont even text that much. I reply sometimes.....always if its important..
My Best friend made me get an android phone...I swear I dont know why...I can't even get into the FREAKIN' APP STORE....and when I do I have no FUCKING IDEA WHAT I'M THERE FOR! But Ya know what I'M PROUD OF this behaviour of mine! I see my friends getting tensed if they wait for a second before replying to a text....like its a compulsion... I honestly feel good that I got off that hook a long time ago!
Well the good thing about this texting or emailing is that you can reach anyone, anywhere, anytime.. So thats good in emergencies ya know. My mom's getting ok about me moving because of these things....BLESS TODAY'S TECHNOLOGY! My Friends have started planning my "SKYPE 2013 BIRTHDAY PARTY" already..Coz I'll be in Toronto then. That might work... only thing thats complicated is.....HOW AM I GONNA GET ANY GIFTS ???
P.S. Deb, I tried emailing you a couple of times..When I didnt get a reply..Geeez I thought there was something wrong with my account...its been going on for a while...My emails just dont get sent..And I dont use email much...and when I do this thing happens! I thought someone hacked in or something...Good to know you got them!
Shalaka, your ring tone made me laugh. My ring tone is one of Colin's raps off Whose Line. There is no mistaking my cell phone ringing when Colin starts singing. :)
DeleteAww....WHERE CAN I FIND THAT!??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? I need it now....
DeleteMolly that is a riot! I love it. Shalaka you always make me laugh. Yes I do get them and Rigel can tell you that sometimes it takes forever. I will have a free night and I will go back in my mail and start to answer. Sometimes it takes all night. Right now I have 97 email flagged because they are priority. They have been priority for a month!!!
DeleteGosh...Good to know...my account is not hacked...! And Funny thing...Rigel DID TELL US THAT XD.
Delete97?!?!??!!?!? YIKES!
Well, I'm sure you're wishing they were kinda emails you could just reply "LOL" to....But would just invoke more awkward convos if you did...!
My text tone is from Hats when Colin is wearing that hood thing. Cracks me up. I want to change my ringtone to "Staying Alive" (those of you who are Sherlocked should get the reference..)
DeleteOH YEAH. TOTALLY got that reference!!! My sister wants to do that too!!
DeleteLOL...I didnt get it..I'm not THAT Sherlocked yet....just started watching it. :D
DeleteOi, Shalaka...you go and hurry up. Sherlock is awesome! :P
DeleteIt is. It really is. :)
DeleteMOFFAT!!!!!!!!!! >.<
DeleteLOVE MOFFAT! <3
DeleteI would have to agree with Barb's assessment as to the slippery slope of being on call, if only to your smart phone, all the time. While we forbid texting at the dinner table, my daughter is always pushing the envelope to reply to that one last text instantly as "it is considered rude" not to...It's the only subject I've ever had to repeat myself...ad infinitum I might add...with her. She's literally wired into that device 24/7. She can hold a conversation with you and appear fully engaged while her fingers fly in response to someone's demand for her attention elsewhere. I don't really have any thoughtful analysis beyond it truly is a compulsion and I have a vague worry as to how it will be accommodate at different stages of her life...i.e. if she was to be at home with a newborn.
ReplyDeleteBut then, I spend a fair amount of time popping in and out of Facebook and people have commented as to how I live on it. Actually don't...have two screens so when I'm sitting working at my computer it's easy enough to comment and post while still getting my work done. Since I work at home, I consider it the electronic equivalent of the exchanges you have with your office co-workers. I also can walk away for weeks with nary a pang...If I go on vacation. I just log off and totally forget about it until I return home. Don't miss it a bit...don't think my daughter could make do without her phone for an afternoon much less weeks...
Annette you are right. You work at home so FB and the like is akin to a convo with a co-worker. I love that. Maybe your daughter should try the no screens for a day with her friends. Make it a party, a challenge. Might be fun!.....OR SO NOT!!!!!!!
DeleteOur children are growing up in an instantaneous world where all information is immediately at their fingertips; internet searches now preclude trips to the library to research topics, planning is becoming an ancient task as now we know instantly who is where and what they are doing and can pick and chose from those choices and the art of discreet, coded talk is dead (I am recalling my teen years of having to plan things I didn't want my parents to know while holding our rotary phone handset of the phone with a 2' wire from the wall, standing between the kitchen and dining room - truly amazing how we perfected the game of 20 Questions!) While there are great benefits to our new technologies, I also fear that this generation will lose the value of relaxing. More and more I see my friends filling their children's days endlessly with programmed activities, then they become teens and now are joined 24-7 with the world. I don't know what the end result will be in a decade or two, but I hope the value of doing nothing but hanging out, unconnected will be realized for the good it also can provide each of us.
ReplyDeleteTherese that is key! The value of relaxing. Oh man, I hope not. But you have hit the nail on the head.
DeleteMine is off at night always. If someone wants to call me at night they use my landline (yes, I still have one). Bad news travels fast and for me there is no other need to answer if it is not easy for me to do so. My kids never answer their phones or cellphones. But texts they usually respond to the fastest. Of course I am their mother and they know I won't care. If it is really important I keep calling and texting until they answer but that is really rare. Nothing truly is that important unless a kid was left at school when another person forgot to pick them up. Both adult parents didn't pick up but good old grammie (on her landline) answered and went to pick up the twins. It was a mix up between a friend who was picking up the twins as their Mom was out of town. Still neither picked up the call on their cells. I am one who picks up my landline but with caller ID that is much easier now as I don't pick up unknown names or telemarketing calls. My cell is truly for immediate requests and emergencies. I own apartment buildings so for tenants it is on but most just use email. It can be done. Also, dinner out and with friends I turn the ringer off. I would rather have live conversations than not with friends. Fortunately, really bad news usually can wait, if it is that bad (usually can't do anything faster than what is already being done). Sometimes things are just meant to be out of reach.
ReplyDeleteI am like that too Madge. I do not answer the phone (yep landline for me too!) at all at night unless it is my Mom and Dad or a timely call that I was waiting for. "Sometimes things are just meant to be out of reach." Good sentence.
ReplyDeleteOhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Barb! lol
ReplyDeleteI have a friend, who is basically a little sister to me, we've been friends for ages. But she sometimes calls me multiple times a day. Like yesterday, she called me and we had a nice chat, and THEN she called me again about an hour later!!! She does this a lot! Later that night my phone rang (it was my mom), but I said if it's her again, I'm not answering.
It's hard for me to stay unplugged, but it's something i'm working on. I need my me time too!
It's not easy at all is it Holly? But you are working on it and that's good.
DeleteP.S. When I go off (to bed), so does my phone!!!!! You do NOT want to wake me up at 3am! lol
ReplyDeleteFortunately my friends know better than to call late at night so that's a relief. If the phone rang in the middle of the night I would panic and pray that it was a wrong number!
DeleteI figure if it's an emergency there's always voicemail. But I don't have a landline...
DeleteI let my phone rule my life too, for a bit. But have detached deliberately, and am much happier for it.
ReplyDeleteBut much harder for kids to do it, because they grew up "connected".
True Natasha. Maybe we should give them the freedom we have found in turning off for a while.
DeletePeople texting, people phoning ... my time is not anyone else's to command, and I remind myself of that before I leap out of bed to answer a ringing phone (No I Do Not, but there was a day...) or even to answer it when I am watching something interesting on TV (no I don't. The answering machine will pick up and if it's important a message will be left). My husband thinks this is terribly snotty of me, as if I don't have the right not to respond immediately whenever my figurative door is knocked upon.
ReplyDeleteI hear you Kate. And I agree. Took me a long time to get there but I can honestly say it is a good place to be. Also the people you are not leaping to get do not know you are home...till NOW! Oh oh. :-0
DeleteMy eldest teenager could not leave his phone at all, it was a struggle when he was so sleep-deprived, trying to get him off to school feeling 'gross' and therefore not willing to eat. It affected everything. In a heart-to-heart, he tried to explain that he needed to be connected to his friends right up to the moment of falling asleep, and that if he woke during the night he could check right away to see who was up he could talk to.
ReplyDeleteNow I find this disturbing, when you think as parents we are taught the importance of children learning to self-soothe and to get to sleep on their own. I'd like my kids to be content with themselves. Often the connection is deceptively shallow, I'd like them to know deep friendship.
... That being said, I have just purchased my first cell phone. I am starting life over asna single mom, and need to keep track of my teenagers. The one sweet thing I wasn't expecting is that texting has connected me to the boys in new ways. One temperamental boy allows me to give advice via text, or he can apologize or ask for help. It also has opened up a playful and silly dialogue with them, and I don't have to witness the rolling of the eyes!
Great point Moira. It is a great connection, a wonderful connection. Except when it goes too far. I remember talking till sleep on my princess phone and loving it. The difference was back then, that the rest of the connection was face to face or voice to voice. But...time marches on. As long as it doesn't march all over us! Good luck with your new life Moira. I think of you so often. xo
DeleteLol, Deb's response was partially related to what we talked about last time :3
ReplyDelete(When we briefly talked about finding a topic to disagree on for you both)
I'm also kind of the same way when it comes to texts or missed calls :/. I like to respond right away because if i don't, and i can help it, it feels rude not too. The only exception is when the person is texting because they're bored and have no topic to build on. If that is the case then they can just wait until I have nothing going on like they do :P
Garrett, I find it so easy as you do to ignore when it is just a bored fleeting comment. As far as feeling rude, i have been there too but I have to remind myself that they have no idea where I am and if I am free and I always get back to them when I can. Try that on for size and see if it fits.
ReplyDeleteTehe, I know what you mean...
ReplyDeleteI traveled a long way to meet with my friend, and she only looked at her cellphone...helloho, I'm standing right in front of you!
I hardly ever use my phone. First: I have a phone-phobia (I hate to call someone. When I have to talk someone on the phone, my heart races like mad, and I'm close to freaking out...). Second: I don't have many friends. So no one texts me (only if they want something from me...or if I text them first). And Third: I don't have a smartphone, only an old Nokia phone, and it's prepaid. So I cannot write as many messages as I want, because I have to pay for every single message. :P
But I love posting stuff on facebook or twitter (I can go online with my iPod - at least at home or when there is free wifi)... Sometimes, I don't know why...maybe I need to show somebody, what I do...or tell someone, what I think (no friends available :P), and receive some feedback...I don't know. I just like to read what others are up to...especially if they live on the other side of the earth...or hundreds of kilometers away. It makes me sad, when I lose some "online" friend. You cannot reach him otherwise, and he will simply vanish.
I love to write emails or longer personal messages...I don't respond immediately. Only when I feel like doing it. Sometimes I forget. Sorry. But in the end, I always reply. I don't like it, when you don't get a reply (I had friends, who promised me to write back, and never ever did...at first I thought it's my fault. Then I was mad. Then I was crushed and disappointed. Didn't help. They don't give a damn. And that's one of the worst things for me...to ignore me...it's as if you tell me: Hey... I don't care about you. What do you want from me? - Sorry...I could write more about that...but that doesn't belong here).
One of the very few ways to piss me off: PAY MORE ATTENTION TO YOUR PHONE THAN ME! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
DeleteI wish more people were into writing letters! Seriously.
True enough! But I also think Becki that you should not take it personally. None of us knows what goes on in each others lives. Instead of thinking it is a reflection on you, you might want to consider the possibility that someone has had something urgent or have been overwhelmed. It might not at all be a case of ignore.
DeleteI agree, Deb. You are a good voice of reason. I will try to keep that in mind next time. :)
DeleteCould be true... But if these people are my friends (like close friends) they could tell me someday why they hadn't time... I'm a patient girl, I really am, and I always try to understand people... A little note can't hurt, I think. Btw this is a longer story.
DeleteI was thinking about shutting down for the day when I got this notification about a new posting at The Middle Ages. Damn. Must... take... a look...
ReplyDeleteHow lovely, thanks James!
DeleteThere are times where I love my cell phone and I hate my Cell phone. I love that people can call me but when it comes to text messaging people I do text people just not so much. Then there are times when I get mad with my phone and shut it off all together because I tend to get people texting me in the middle of the night. That's when I get mad . Don't get me wrong I do love my friend to death but I wish if they wanted to talk I wish they would just call me. I love to talk,im very much a talker just not so much a texter. Expecially when I get home from work,there is nothing more that I like then to just be left alone. I love to just have that time to get my head and thoughts together for a few hours so after work the cell phone goes off.
ReplyDeleteI usually also turn my cell phone off when I feel myself getting good and mad or good and stressed. which at times happens very much. Sometimes we just need to brake away from our phones
ReplyDeleteGood that you turn it off Lyndsie when you are pushed against a wall. I do that as well. It's tough for you guys who are younger because you feel responsible as their is an expectation. Generally me and my friends use it for actual necessity like "I'm here, looking for parking" or "sorry ten minutes late" That kind of thing, I appreciate.
DeleteThere have been so many instances in recent years that someone has needed to get in touch with me quickly that I'm now uncomfortable without my phone. It's kind of become my security blanket. At the same time while I'm attached to having my phone I don't think I'm attached to answering instantly either. I'll check who it is but if I'm busy and it's not likely to be something important I never feel bad responding later. We do have a no gadget time for our family but even then I'll still have to glance and see who it is just in case. It's paid off though so it kind of reinforces the security blanket aspect. I guess being first contact for someone who has already out-lived their life expectancy by well over a decade can make you a little paranoid.
ReplyDeleteAt the same time I'm trying to teach my girls not to be so dependent on gadgets but it's definetly getting harder the older and more plugged in they get. Also my husband is tech mad as well as a self-proclaimed and obvious geek not to mention gainfully employed because of it so that's a whole other aspect to the gadgetry life.
I agree Erin, it is really tough to be tough about it. But I think you are doing the best you can. They'll get it. Some of it anyway.
DeleteOne more thing, love hearing what everyone has for a ringtone! Canadians will get mine; the hinterland who's who song. It always makes people smile when they hear it.
ReplyDeleteAh, I love interesting ringtones. :)
DeleteI have Take That - Never Forget (yup, my favourite band :D)
Erin that is fantastic! I have some great ones actually. For Colin it is "The Summer Wind" for Barb it is Joe Cocker's "With a little help from my friends" With my Dad it is Al Jolson singing "April Showers" For my friend Cheryl it is "Friends" sung by bette Midler, for my Brother it is Lighthouse singing One Fine Morning. A small example there!!!!
DeleteAh, I need to set my ringtones. I had scooters fire for my sister and que tengo que hacer as general. I liked it when I knew for sure that it is mine alone in this country.
DeleteWas able to lay off the pain meds today so I'm not floating as high as I was yesterday :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway I have a phone that costs $15 and it only texts and calls. no internet connection. It isnt a smart phone. So I am unconnected from the internet and facebook and such unless I am home on my computer. I am with you Barbara on this one. So I dont have a problem with the 'I will get to you when I get to you' thing. I usually answer calls more regularly and stop what I am doing to check them just because that is my moms rule. If she needs us kids she calls and it is a rule we have to answer or get back to her ASAP. but I can let a text go for a few hours if I am busy. It doesn't bother me at all. And people who I talk to know that I am like this so they just call if they need me that bad or just leave a text for later. : )
Makes life less stressed without worrying who or what I mught be missing at every second : )
Just as an extra tidbit my texts play the Batman theme tune. and calls are YODA saying 'Incomming call you have, answer quickly you should' : )
I want my phone to talk like Yoda!! My ring tone is Ozzy Osbourne screaming "ALLLL ABOOOOOOOARD!!" That's so I can hear it. :)
DeleteOh Kelly I LOVE your ringtones. Or should I say "like them I do, have them I must!"
ReplyDeleteI don't think MY kids would mind if I share a few tactics they've come up with to deal with technological on-call sydrome (shhhhh, don't tell their friends ;) ONE of my kids simply disabled his answering machine and does not use facebook anymore. Another leaves his cell in his room and, gasp! doesn't carry it around with him. And yet the third regularly "loses" her phone or "forgets" it. None of my kids like the way it feels to be attached by the cord to the phone, but all of them feel a certain loneliness because their friends all are so accustomed to being able to reach out and touch everyone whenever they want, and get a bit miffed when they find themselves dangling on the other end of my kid's line. I have always tried to tell my kids that they are entitled to their own thoughts, without having them constantly interrupted by electronics. I only hope that my kids continue to de-emphasize cell phone and computer interruptions, and set boundaries....great thoughtful post as always......xoxo
ReplyDeleteOur biggest defense for our daughter not having to deal with this is, she doesn't have a cell phone. Okay, it's not OUR defense, it's her dad's. I do know, however, that I usually have to drag my daughter off the computer. It starts with, 'Okay, time to say good bye." Couple minutes go by. "Off now." ... "Goodbye only has 7 letters, then hit "enter"...
ReplyDeleteHer answer is always, I'm waiting for "whoever" to answer. It's a horrible, frustrating, unnecessary struggle, because she doesn't HAVE to wait for an answer. But she thinks she does. (I think it's more of a "stall, baby, stall!!!" but it still pisses me off.
My parents have caller id. My mother answers the phone when she does NOT recognize the number. Ma, it's a 1-800 number. You KNOW You don't know them and nothing good will come of this. "But I don't know who it is! It might be important!" Believe me, ma, a 1-800 # isn't that important. Let the machine get it. (And, inevitably, the message is "beeeeeeeeeep." We've gotten a LOT of important "beeeeeeeeeeeep" messages.)
I, on the other hand, have NO problem letting things go to message when I'm otherwise occupied.
(I don't answer or talk on the phone while I'm in the bathroom. Is this just me, or do others avoid those calls, too?)
I don't answer when I'm driving. I don't even have the phone ON when I'm driving.
I'm "off-line" of chat on Facebook. If I want to talk, I'll message. If it's vital, I'll chat something at someone, like "Are you okay???" But, call me selfish, my cell phone is for my emergencies, not anyone else's. I'll answer anytime my daughter calls, and, MOST times, when my mother calls. (The woman's an addict. I refuse to feed the need if I can avoid it.) If I'm up to something else, I don't want to be someone's "I'm bored, I'll call Dawn" person. I don't do it to someone else. No one will do it to me.
(Just for the record, "Ma, please get coffee before you get home" constitutes an emergency. Dunkin Donuts' coffee rules my world. Thank god for drive-thru.)
Just back from Montreal (where I was moving my baby into her new college apartment). Am happily catching up on all I missed! Thanks for all the call/text stories. It really seems like it's a fine line -- even if we know on which side of it we want to be, it's sometimes still tricky to get there. Loved all the inspiration from those who do succeed (will share stories with my daughter!) XO
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