Monday, August 13, 2012

How I Learned To Love My Grey Hair (…but not in the way you think)

Barbara: I wish I loved my grey hair in that way: the way that means wearing it proudly and showing it off. I have a few friends who own their natural colour and I am in true admiration of it. They look beautiful—the grey compliments their complexion and plays up the sparkle in their eyes. But the truth is, I am not in that particular headspace. I actually find the whole idea of going full-on grey a bit hairy, or, without wanting to split hairs, maybe more hair-raising. In fact, I am in a bit of a follicle just thinking about it. (…sorry! okay, I’m done.)

I have never actually loved my hair in any way. It is too fine, too blah, disobedient, inglorious. I remember standing in front of the mirror when I was younger and bemoaning the lack of thick lusciousness that I admired and envied on the heads of—apparently—everyone else (especially, of course, on the heads of movie stars and super models; you know, ordinary people like that). Far from being my crowning glory, my hair felt like my naughty nemesis.

I can say that age does (or can) bring wisdom in this regard. Truly, all the stuff that made me feel so less-than, so lacking, so icky when I was younger begins to mean less and less. As you all know well from our blogging here, the best part of aging is caring less to measure yourself against others, and caring more about owning who you are, flat hair and all.

My hair turned grey well before its time. I mean, my dad had a whole head of grey hair in his 40s, so maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised, but my mother still doesn’t have much grey and she’s in her 70s (don’t tell her I told you!). It took me a while to notice because I’ve been a die-hard hair-colourer since way back. It was my hairdresser who finally pointed it out—not in a cruel way, but noting that she would need to keep the grey hairs in mind when she coloured. “Grey hairs?!!!” Arggghh. I watched my roots in horror as the random greys became the “skunk” became the “all over”. There it was—another unwelcome change I would have to make peace with.

And then my hair surprised me!

Those greying hairs that were winnowing their way under my artificial colour? They were also improving the texture of my fine hair, giving it more body and movement. Random—but once much coveted—flips and waves were suddenly animating the blah limpness. And if I brush it into a ‘do, it—finally, for the first time ever—staaaaaaaays!

So, while I’m not making any grand strides forward for the age-movement here, I did want to share the giddy news that not every change we’re predisposed to think of as “unfortunate” has a sigh-inducing outcome. No, some ends aren’t split at all. Some ends are smooth and silky and have a perky little bounce.

Deb: Barb, you are so very right, although as I write this I can’t help thinking of our blog tag-line which in part says “different opinions”, which I realize we rarely have. I think I’ll blog about that!

Annnnnnnnnnd back to this post––A hairdresser once told me that he found that his clients who take HRT (don’t you love the things we tell our hairdressers?) fared better in the hair department than woman who did their menopause naturally. My first thought was, “Why are you telling me this?” (given that I was not taking said drug), but as I got grey I experienced exactly what Barb has just said. My hair is bouncier than ever and I love it. I do dye my hair and plan on continuing to do so for some time. I highlight it too and it is really all about the highlights when it comes to hair body. Very recently a friend said that her hairdresser said it was time for her to go grey. She is 58 and her hairdresser said that we should let ourselves grey when we get a certain amount of grey, because as we age our faces take on a colour that supports the grey, and not the colour we are choosing. That may be true, but clearly I am not there yet as I like the way I look right now. I think there comes a day when every gal looks in the mirror and says, “It’s time.” And I will do it some day, but I can tell you for sure, it won’t be any time soon! 

53 comments:

  1. I have decided to take the leap. My hair grows very fast and I'm sick of dealing with the roots. If I don't like the way it looks I can always revert. I'll let you know how it goes.

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    1. From your pics, you look like you have an enviably gorgeous head of hair. I would love to see how it grows :)

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  2. Firstly, Deb you will know when its time. And You're hair is ADORABLE....and will always be that way!

    And Barb, I know what you mean coz, well, I have a 58yr old Mother. Like your dad, her hair went grey in her early 40s too. With her...its WAYYYY DIFFERENT. She just.doesnt.care! I mean people kept telling her to dye her hair coz it would look good (and seriously it would) but she's too scared of "what people will think?" (Yep...very common fact about Indian women...I'm glad I'M DIFFERENT!)But her life, her choice! but it is true... she can pull it off now. Her grey hair is like her own highlights! its nice..it suits her.
    And ya know Barb, like Deb said, in this case.. my opinion is different too... I always loved my hair. Well, most not how it looked maybe (but thats worthiness issues in general) I love my hair. Love the volume, the texture, the smell....I ADORE IT! And I really wanna colour it... I'm just not yet coz Ive got hairfall issues right now. Anyway.. I'm sure...I'll love my greys when I reach that point in life!

    P.S. 16th August is right around the corner :D...20th year.....HERE I COME! :D

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    1. You still want to colour it, even though you love it??? Why??? I love your hair too, btw. You would've been on my "envy" list back in the day! PS Happy early birthday!!! Deb and I will be gone for those few days and may not be able to send our wishes on the day itself, but you have to know how much we love you and wish for you to have the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!

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    2. Awwww....Thanks sweetie!!!! Its ok.. I know on the 16th wherever you are you'll be thinking about me!! I love you girls <3


      Really. You love my hair??? Aww...thanks! IDK I'm still thinking about colouring it...I'm not sure coz well.. its kinda gorgeous in the sun, it gets brown in sunlight.... you mustve seen my pic on the beach....

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  3. Thankyou, this gives me hope for the future- my hair is thin, mousy, flat, frizzy, and blah. Bring on the grey hair for a bit of bounce please! About to turn 32 next week and I found a grey eyebrow the other day so surely it can't be too far away...
    People promised me my hair would be thicker and shinier and beautiful when pregnant... They lied.

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    1. So sad, Samara (but I still laughed :) ) I hope I haven't lied to you about the glorious grey, but this has been my experience, so fingers crossed!

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    2. I didn't notice my hair was even thicker than usual when I was pregnant until the very end. Afterwards though I really saw it as all that extra hair I'd developed while pregnant began to come out, in huge frightening amounts, thought I was going bald for awhile.

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    3. My hair was a lot thicker during my pregnancy and for a few months after. I made the mistake of getting it permed about a month after the baby was born. That was a mistake. THICK brillo pad. SO wrong. LOL

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  4. Speaking of which I need a haircut...haven't had my locks trimmed in a while.

    Deb, my mom is about the same age as you and she has not greyed at ALL!! It's unlikely that she will either (blondes if I remember correctly don't grey or as much...). I've known people to start grey in their 30's!!!

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    1. Yeah, my mom is blonde, which is probably why she has so few (if any) grey...

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  5. I am 90% grey and I will never stop dyeing it. I have 3 colors added to the grey at the roots and with highlight and lowlights and it is the best money I spend every 6 weeks.:) I have some friends who have gone all grey and you will never convince me they look good. :)

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    1. Well, I can sincerely and truly say my grey friends look amazing. Maybe it comes down to the grey itself, but these are gorgeous greys: clean white or silver. Stunning. Still, not so much for me... yet... but never say never, right?!

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  6. Awwww btw. I'm REALLY excited about my twentieth so... I'll be yapping more than EVER...and more about it.... until 16th.... so thats 3 days wortha torture.... XD

    JUST GIVIN' A HEADS UP!


    Oh and P.S. I might remain in the afterglow for a few days too...! What can I say...I REALLY LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!...and because you are my friends...You'll have to endure it :D I love you guys...thanks! xo

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    1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!

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    2. Happy almost birthday Shalaka!!!! The 20's are a blast, I've loved every minute! :D

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    3. Thank for the "heads-up", cutie! Now you can sit back and enjoy the love :)

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    4. Happy 3-days-until-your-Birthday day : )

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    5. Aww...thanks....I LOVE YOU girls...!!!!!!!!!

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  7. I think I have a hair that quite many actually is jealous about. My friends hates that my hair grows really fast. 2,5 years ago I cut it quite short (just under my ears) and now it is mid way down my back. Well I haven't cut it in the between (as there has been no need for it) so that explains why it has grown so much. Also the color is quite interesting. It is blond, I admit that, but it has been mixed with red. So not pure blond. Sometimes you can see a red glow in pics... It's funny when people think that there is something wrong with their camera. Yes you can clearly see that I am pretty proud of my hair. I think it is the best asset that I have. :)) But Still I do have to admit that I have been and still am jealous of my sister's hair. She has long, thick, red hair. Her's grows faster than mine and is so shiny! So I think that it is very normal to be jealous of others even though we would like our own perfectly well :)

    I'll be off to Bulgaria tomorrow, so in case I will miss any B-days I will say Happy Birtday! now. So At least to Shalaka: Happy Birthday!

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    1. Aww thanks sweetie! I love you!!!!! xo

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    2. teehee...thanks...still 2 days left...!!! But THANKS ANYWAY!

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    3. Kasku, I love a girl who owns her great assets -- and it sounds like you have a beauty there! Your hair does indeed look spectacular from the pic I've seen. Have fun in Bulgaria!!!!

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    4. I will! :)) In 24 hours I will be arriving to the hotel! Yay! Here I come sun!

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  8. My mother has greys and she doesn't color them. She just embraces it, but early on, she was not so accepting of them. I think that everyone just has to decide when (and if) they want to let themselves go natural. Barbara and Deb, you both are lovely, no matter your hair color!

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    1. Thank you, Steph! And I agree that we should each decide what's best for us at any given time. And there are so many extenuating circumstances -- ie, one of my grey friends CAN'T die her hair -- terrible allergies. Lucky for her, her soft white hair is stunning.

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  9. I must dispel the theory that blondes don't go grey. Most of my Dad's side of the family is blonde including me and we're all going grey. I found my first grey at about 27. It did blend in for the first few years with my almost white blonde sections but you can tell it's grey not blonde now. I've got thick wavy hair and I hated it until I realized that if I loved my daughters hair that I was nuts because her hair is my hair. Same texture and wave her's just isn't as blonde as mine. Well that and I actually learnt how to control my hair, well most days anyways. Wish I'd gotten a few more years of loving my natural hair colour and all before the grey though. I wish there was a dye that would match your grey to your natural colour and leave the rest alone, now that would be revolutionary!

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    1. Okay, thanks for the disclaimer, Erin -- Sounded too good to be true! Your blonde hair really does look gorgeous in the pics. And I do hope hair colour will continue to evolve with us...

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  10. Oi, one thing to look forward to, then ;)

    I don't like my hair, either...it's thin, I can't grow it long enough, because I always have split ends...it doesn't know if it wants to be curly or straight. *sighs*

    My Mom wears her grey hair with pride. She did dye it at first, but then she said: Screw it...I'm getting older, why should I hide my hair?

    (But she has TONS of hair. It's unbelievable...she always had thick, curly hair...)

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    1. But your hair looks soooo pretty in all your pics!! Hats off to your mom!

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    2. Awww thanks, Barbara...it got a little bit better. :)

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  11. I have thick long hair and hate it. I bet you i have tried every hair style ever. But oh well i will have to deal with it.

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    1. Again -- so surprised to read this: your hair looks sooo pretty in the pic. Aren't we a funny bunch???

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    2. Aww thanks Barb. The curley hair is natural. I have had it since I was little. I thnk it;s more of a long hair hate because it's hot with long hair and i hate being hot. on the up side it keeps my head warm in the winter. Only me. lol

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  12. My mother's hair thinned out a LOT when she was pregnant with my brother, to the point where she was wearing wigs. That was 40+ years ago, and it hasn't thickened any. She's fighting the grey on what she does have, determined to stay some shade of her natural blonde.

    I have medium-ish brown hair. My eyebrows are very light, as is my skin. (Yep, I am the definition of "porcelain.") I thought my hair was TOO dark for my features, so I started it coloring it in my early 20's. I spent a lot of those richer days and years as a bleach blonde. There were also phases of any and all shades of light brown, reddish, and, on one memorable occasion, eggplant. (The box lied to me, I swear.)

    I lost my hair color in household budget cuts, and figured it would be interesting to see what color my hair really was, anyway. Turns out I had silver strands here and there, as if I had put them there specifically. PERFECT. There are a few more there now, but I'm not worried. I love my natural FREE highlights.


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    1. Ideally, I would like to have NO hair. I hate hair. I hate styling it. I hate washing it. I hate having to do ANYTHING with it. It's never been fun for me. That's probably because, when I was young, it was halfway down my back. I spent a lot of time with my head being yanked back and forth while my mother braided it or put it into a ponytail.
      Now I have it shaved with a razor and #4 clipper. LOVE IT. And it's got a nice silver sheen to it. :)

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    2. (don't tell that to Samara!) (anyway, I also didn't get glorious thick hair in my pregnancy but never lost any either) Okay, your description of your hair made my day. It does indeed sound PERFECT. But the best part is the "no hair" solution. Again, couldn't go there, but am veeeeery intrigued!

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    3. I also have an entire headfull of cowlicks, so my hair literally has a mind of its own. Might as well keep it short enough and maintain the illusion that I have some control over it. :)


      RIP Johnny Pesky. Sox fans everywhere will keep you in our stocking'd hearts forever.

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    4. haha, too late- I already read it! I just have to keep my fingers crossed I guess- I did get a few bald spots when Sanjay was born, but they grew eventually... Unfortunately hats look a bit stupid on me so that's not a good solution if it happens again!

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    5. So you should be okay, Samara! (too bad about the hats thing...I finally found some I can wear and love - but it took a while)

      Dawn: RIP Johnny Pesky...

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  13. well my mom went grey at 19! she has been coloring her hair ever since, and since I just turned 19 in june I will admit that it was in the back of my mind to be on the look out LOL.
    But my dad is almost 50 now and is just starting to go grey so heres to hoping I take after him : )

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  14. Luckily I have good genes in my family - apparently my great-grandmother didn't go grey until she was well into her eighties, and my mum is nearing her seventies and only has a few. Just as well, seeing as I've just turned 34 today! Forty is creeping ever closer...

    My hair is awful at the best of times. It's so fine that it breaks really easily and becomes a mass of split ends. I've never coloured it completely, but I do like having highlights put in. Just to lighten and lift it a bit. :)

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    1. Happy birthday, Roz!!!!!!! Hope it was an amazing one, that you were spoiled, and that you were feted. xoxo

      As for the hair thing, all I can say, there may yet be hope for good change...

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    2. Thank you!! {{hugs}} Yes, I had a very lovely day with my family. :)

      Oh, in that case, I might not mind getting old so much! xox

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  15. I have really thick hair in that I have A LOT of it. But, the individual strands are very, very fine. So, most hair clips and hair barrettes don't work worth anything for me. I've found a couple of styles that can handle my follicular bizarreness and stick with them. Most barrettes, combs, and clips have a failure to cope with my copious yet scrawny hair.

    I do have some gray, just a little, coming in. But, luckily, it's a white kind of gray. And, while I know it's there, I know something's different, it's hard for other people to tell. I have dark, sandy blonde hair that naturally highlights white blond streaks each summer. So, my hair hides gray/white very well. It's there, but it blends with the pre-existing tones. Yet another tone in my already multihued head. (I was a toehead blond as a child.)

    I don't really care much about going gray. I gave up on the vanity of aging when my boobs decided to try toe touches. Once the tits quit being perky, there wasn't anything left worth fighting for in the way of youthful body traits. Whose Line? fans: I have "milk duds" that are "flat and flappy." Thank God for strong sports bras that can yank D cups back up and give me V-neck worthy cleavage.

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    1. You see? It's all about the coping strategies :) tee hee

      Okay, as for the hair: another gorgeous head that I have envied as I have gazed upon your photos. Sooooo pretty!

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  16. So true. Not all those changes that you dread turn out to be all that bad after all.
    I spent most of my 30's with coloured/ highlighted hair- quite a pointless exercise really, since my hair is SOOOOO black, nothing will ever make it look too different.
    And then one fine morning, I decided I had enough, and wasn't going to let colours touch my hair again. Got a sprinkling of grey, and love them. Wonder if I will continue to love them when they get more numerous. Let's wait and watch!

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    1. And can I just add to this thought, Natasha, that I love love LOVE this photo!! How sexy-dignified. Gorgeous.

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    2. Sexy-dignified and ME????? But if that is indeed how you see it, I am flattered, specially since it comes from someone as gorgeous as you.

      Incidentally, Thing One is the photographer- decided to shoot me on a lark, and I agreed.

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    3. Really, Natasha??! Wow, amazing. Maybe we have a future Karsh on our hands here!

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