Thursday, September 13, 2012

One Crazy Thing: Epitaphs


Deb: I was told at lunch today by a friend that a friend of hers had auditioned for a series; she felt she had done very well but did not get the gig. When she sought out feedback, she was told by the producers that she was "too funny and her tits were too big". I immediately told my husband to make this my epitaph.

One Crazy Thing: Your Epitaph

And the challenge: it’s gotta be in ONE sentence!

Barbara: Oooh, good one, Deb! HARD one!! Okay, how about this for me: “She was better than she thought.”

105 comments:

  1. Awww NICE....this is a TOUGH ONE!

    Love yours! But both were perfect for me! Damn I have to think of something else!!!

    How about this for me:

    "Her Life Saga is... HAPPY,HEALTHY,HAPPY,HEALTHY,HAPPY,HEALTHY,
    HAPPY,HEALTHY,HAPPY,HEALTHY...........DEAD!!!!!"

    I think this one's cool...What do you think it should be?

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    1. Funny Shalaka! Made me laugh out loud!

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    2. Haha... I heard this in a LOA seminar once.....and Yelled "DIBS" in my mind :D

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  2. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *sniff* *snort* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    I'll have to give mine some thought. When I'm through completely falling out laughing over the perfection of yours, Deb.

    teeeheeeheeheeeebbwwaaahhhhaaaaHHHAAAAHHHHAAAAAA!!!!

    Oh, Deb. I love you so much.

    Giggling doesn't even begin to cover it.

    *tries to serious up* One sentence? This is gonna be hard! Gotta think. *fails to serious us*

    *goes back to laughing LOUDLY* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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  3. LOL. Ya know what that was PERFECT for me too... Oh well! XD

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  4. Holy Shit!!! What a hard business you are in!! And what absolutely stupid opinions many people who may just be having a "bad day" are able to hold within their hands. You have to be mad of incredibly strong stuff to do what you do and carry on so beautifully. Deb and Barb, you have my total admiration you both are awesome in the extreme!!! Keep calm, Carry on! xo

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  5. Of course I didn't spell check ONCE AGAIN......i MEANT "MADE"

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    1. I think "mad" is still legitimate. :D

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  6. I love this topic. My hubby would certainly say mine should read "shes not worrying anymore". Maybe I do worry too much, but don't we all.

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  7. Katrin that's a good one. That would apply to many of us wouldn't it? Well done!

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  8. Ya know....we should have one for the people who hate us
    "(OUT LOUD)She's a very Lovable person...
    (in mind)She's dead, she'll probably hear me and then haunt my ass for eternity!"

    That would scare the HELL outta them :D

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  9. She Died Doing What She Loved...Living..Which, Until Recently, She Was Very Good At!

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    1. Annette this made me howl!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    2. LMAO!!!!!!! OMG I want to marry your brain!

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  10. Replies
    1. Perfect for you Rigel. Just perfect. Would not change a thing!

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  11. My Dad's says "He loved and was loved" and my Mom's (when she dies) will say "She Lived". Mine will say something like "Madge loved life" and that's it. I will leave this up to my kids to write. My Mom and Dad's were paid for and written long before they would die.

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    1. They are all lovely and perfect Madge. Don't leave it to the kids. They may just write a dinner request! :-)

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    2. Funny Deb. I will probably think of something. Every other thing is planned down to the service I want.

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  12. Hi Deb and Barb,
    Another fun ride with you both.
    How about the classic "I told you I was sick"

    Or just "Times up"
    edschonberger@hotmail.com

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  13. To be very clear, though, I'm not going to have an epitaph because I'm not going to have a grave. No way, no how do I want anyone to spend $$$ getting my meat stabbed with trocars, drained of blood, filled with toxic chemicals, and thrown into an outer box and inner box into a tiny peace of wasted real estate. Nope. That's fine for other folks and other families. But, for me, the idea of being buried in a grave does not work at all. So completely NOT my style.

    I don't even want to be cremated. Don't bother.

    Nope. Once my soul has phased out of my body, I want my corpse to get all used up in a useful way. I want my death to be highly practical and efficient. Some of me is still viable for transplant harvesting. Someone like Dawn could come and pop my eyeballs out. My kidneys and liver are good. My heart is not, though. And, of course, bones and skin could be taken for the bone bank and for grafting. Whatever gristly bits are left, let a surgical student or pathologist practice on them. Let some neuroscience grad student have fun slicing up my brain. Use me up. It's not me anymore, anyway.

    If, for some reason, my meat won't be viable for harvesting for transplants and educational purposes, by all means, I want to have the paperwork in place that my body will go to the corpse farm over in Knoxville, TN. Let the forensic anthropologists pick a way to rot me down. Let some really hot police detectives dig around in my decaying corpse and learn stuff. The investigators and forensics folks will learn from my decomposition, and that'll help find justice and resolution for the families of murder victims.

    No grave. No headstone. No epitaph.



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    1. What can be done will be done. (Hey, I kinda like that line. Only, "What could be done, was done.")

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    2. rigel while i certainly agree i will not be having a grave either ,there is another way to ask what you're epitaph will be . how do you think the people who knew you would sum up your life ?

      by the way my uncle was cremated back in 1994 my cousin and aunt placed his ashes in the memorial wall in the cemetery where he was cremated , so despite the fact there is no grave a small epitaph still applied .

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    3. This was just for fun! Actually these days you assume most people get cremated. But still, you can leave a "drawer" epitaph!

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  14. I learn more new vocabulary words here lately than in school : ) Yeah I had no Iead what an epitaph was : )
    On that note I totally agree with Rigel on the donate the body to science thing but I will play along for fun

    lets see......

    Mine would be 'Could you please bring me a glass of water? I'm dry as a bone!'

    My gram says that dry as a bone thing all the time. But I think it is funny in this context as well : )

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    1. I also can't spell properly :/ **Idea not lead......they aren't even close!!

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    2. Funny AND personal. Good one!

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  15. My EX-husband said I spent too much time on the phone so he was going to have a phone engraved with the words " Jesus called".

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  16. My EX-husband said I spent too much time on the phone so he was going to have a phone engraved with the words " Jesus called".

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  17. Now appearing in your dreams...or nightmares!

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  18. Deb, that epitaph could be mine as well!

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  19. Replies
    1. Hahaha!! Oh, what about "Watch were you're walking!"

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    2. I meant WHERE not WERE...

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  20. My bravery surprised me!

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    Replies
    1. Sydney! I love that one! So great!

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    2. I agree Rigel, that one really killed me. Perfect.

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  21. Grr...This is a hard one!
    How about "She lived, she laughed, and she loved."

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  22. I like "Now appearing at a new location" or since I'm a Bugs Bunny fan maybe just "That's all Folks"

    A little off topic here but to all who encouraged me I will be going to the Colin/Brad show tomorrow night. The final push came from my son himself even though the ticket were his graduation present he told me to go and laugh enough for both of us. I'm taking my mom since no one else was free but Deb please apologize to Colin in advance. He's my mom's favorite improviser but for some reason she believes Colin's name is Colon! : ( Don't know if they do anything like a meet and greet but just in case warn him. XOXO

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    1. It is the BEST!! You will laugh so much your head will hurt the next day! And please meet them if you can; they're super nice! :)

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    2. Thanks Holly I'm going to try to get a Brad autograph for my son but not sure if they do any kind of meet and greet. I know I'm gonna love it though.

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    3. Oh, Mary! SosososososososoSOOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you!!!

      It is the happiest laughter you'll ever know!!!!!!!!!!!

      Your abs will ache the next day!!!!!!!!!

      It is...... EBULIENT!!!

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    4. Mary, yay!!!!! So happy for you. So relieved and PROUD!!!

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    5. So so so happy for you, Mary!!! You are going to have such a wonderful time!!

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    6. You all make me feel so good! Thank you! XOXO I will tell you all about it when I get back Saturday night. I have to stay in Ithaca overnight because mom has athritis in her back and can't sit for too long but she is turning eighty this year. I hope she has a lot of fun too.

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    7. Mary you will have a ball!

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  23. I couldn't resist; here's Shakespeare's epitath:
    "GOOD FREND FOR JESUS SAKE FORBEARE TO
    DIGG THE DUST ENCLOASED HEARE.
    BLEST BE YE MAN YT SPARES THES STONES AND
    CURST BE HE YT MOVES MY BONES"

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    1. Love that Steph! I have ne'er seen it before!

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  24. If buried:
    "He's down to earth"

    If cremated:
    "Bacon anyone?"

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  26. Replies
    1. (Wish I could say that's an original, but I heard it somewhere along the line...)

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    2. Ah, Jim, I don't even care. Thanks for the laugh!

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  27. DO
    NOT
    LOOK
    BEHIND
    YOU

    Heidi Peach

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    1. What? you think after I am gonna, I am not still goning to go for the cheap laugh? ; )
      Heidi Peach

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    2. LOLOL Oh my gosh, that reminded me of the Whovian, "Don't blink!" which would be super scary in a cemetery because of all the angel statuary! :) LOLOL

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    3. Cheap laughs are the best, Heidi!!

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  28. hahaha, you are awesome. It would made the people smile, and not grieve so much, when they visit your graves.

    Barbara, I love yours...could be mine, too.

    I'm a little bit scared, because I fear that nobody will take care, when I die...I fear I might die lonely and forgotten...

    Wish I could say something funny, but I did some thinking recently...and I don't know.

    Maybe things will change, and I can write something like: "She didn't give up." or "What an awesome person"....Maybe it will say. "She finally found peace."

    BTW, on Föhr (where I went on vacation - pics in my blog) there are talking tombstones. They tell the whole life of a person, how many children he/she had, what he/she did, why he/she died...that's pretty cool.

    P.S. Rigel, the thoughts of being buried or cremated make me cringe...

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    1. Any one of those is great Becki. And yeah I am sorry for stuff this one might have dredged up in that regard but I hope it was harmless fun?

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    2. Of course! :)
      I think it's awesome! :)

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  29. Replies
    1. I'm going to donate anything that can be used. Then I'm going for cremation. My grandparents bought a plot that fits 4 caskets (with full kitchen, two baths, and a view of the pond). One casket holds 4 or 6 urns. My dad wants to be cremated, so he and I can just go into the 4th space. One paranoid fear I have is of being buried alive. Less chance of that happening when I'm just ashes.

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  30. Hi, newbie here who's been lurking for ages! Finally this topic tickled me into posting - albeit somewhat terrified :-)
    In The Netherlands we have a very famous epitaph for a poet called Hubert Poot, which always gets me. It simply says: "Hier ligt Poot. Hij is dood." In English, I guess it would translate to something like: "Here lies Fred. He is dead." Says it all really, doesn't it!

    I guess my own epitaph would be from a James Blunt song: "I've been everything I wanna be. So no tears, no tears for me". Just because I hope I will be able to say this (and really feel it) at the end of my life. In fact, I wish it for everyone!

    Margo

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    1. Welcome to "comment lane", Margo! So happy you jumped in today. Love the Poot/dood epitaph. Your own? Works for me too!!

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  31. SO LONG FOR NOW AND HAPPY TRAILS

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  32. BTW, y'all, it's getting real! I think I've picked out my tattoo artist for my 40th birthday adventure in identity. I'm driving over the river tonight to get a quote on the designs. Yes, designS. I'm getting 2. Right ankle and left inner wrist. I'm totally sure of the left inner wrist one. I've got some thinking to do on the right ankle one. I'm greater than 50% certain. I'm trying to decide if I dare to be that weird with something so permanent.

    (p.s. D and B - Did y'all get those emails?)

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    1. Rigel, only you can decide what level of weird is acceptable, but don't allow anyone else's idea of "weird" affect your decision. If it speaks to your heart, DO IT. Don't do anything you'll regret, whether it is the wrong design, or the missed opportunity to get what you want.

      I have 4 tattoos. I have one tattoo I'd like to get turned into something else, but it's not an immediate concern. Just above the other ankle is the logo Styx used on one of their album covers. VERY meaningful to me.

      The other two are I have Greg Proops' and Tommy Shaw's autographs. I want any new tattoos I get to be autographs. They beat ticket stubs any day! I'd love for Colin to sign me. I should ask again. I won't sound as creepy now that he has a better idea of what I'm about. (They're just above my ankle, so we're not talking about personal space here.)

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    2. Oh, Dawn! I just want to hug the stuffins out of you!

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    3. Rigel, I probably did, but once the problem was fixed I was getting, like, 500 emails over and over and over again. Please forgive me for scrolling through. It was for sanity's sake. Anyway, suffice to say, I'm with Dawn. Your weird is YOUR WEIRD. Own it. Good luck!!!

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  33. Deb! I just had the tackiest, trashiest, most over the top filthy redneck idea to accompany your epitaph! I don't know whether to be ashamed or proud.

    You know the joke of burying someone laying down in the sand at the beach and mounding up the two big boobs of sand on their chest?

    Ummm... *searching flickr for image since you aren't a beach rat* Oh, wait! Nevermind Flickr. YouTube. There's that scene with Joey in Friends:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20sUHgyW8Ic

    Your grave: Headstone with that epitaph....stretch of grass... 2 big concrete boobs peeking up out of the grass at the correct coordinates.... longer stretch of grass.... footstone.

    (Oy! Someone play me out with the Benny Hill theme...)

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    1. Da da da da da dadada da, da da dadadada da da da da da da!

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  34. I don't know if this was an actual one but it went something like " I asked to be buried face down so my enemies could kiss my ass."

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  35. Oh, man, you guys, don't have time to respond to every single one here, but these are PRECIOUS! Funny, sweet, brave, hopeful. You guys ROCK!!! xoxo

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  36. for me also there will be no grave as i will be cremated and if someone can do it for me i would love my ashes released in old trafford football stadium manchester in England . i would love the idea of a humanist funeral too .

    how i would like people to remember me can be summed up in the following sentences . she loved , she laughed and was a silly as all hell or a twist on a lyric by Mike Oldfield she was herself . not perfect but in the end she did just fine .

    the best epitaph i have ever read is from the english comedian /comedy writer spike milligan. amongst other things on his grave stone is the sentence in the Irish language Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite , ( you pronounce it dirt may lat guh rev may browcha) which means i told you i was ill !

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  37. I put my wife beneath this stone

    For her repose and for my own.

    Middlebury, Vermont

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    1. So funny. And of a generation. Great.

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  38. "Never claimed to rule the world; just tried to make it better."

    :]

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  39. When I got my plot there was no green area in the cemetery so I picked a plain pine box which has a cement container. But I am hoping I can upgrade to the green area where there is no coffin or cement. I love my space near a beautiful fountain with always running water so I might just stay where I am. It is so peaceful knowing where I will end up. I want my kids and grand kids to have a place to visit and enjoy the water.

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  40. FINALLY!! I'll get enough SLEEP!!!

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  41. Recently viewed real estate sellers
    Got the plot... but will it sell?

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  42. Don't post much but this is for my friend Marjorie Gross, who die several years ago. Marj was a successful writer/producer for Seinfeld ( Fusilli Jerry was one of hers, to get the idea for her sense of humour) She also wrote a GREAT piece for the New Yorker "Cancer Becomes Me" http://www.miracleshappen.ca/essay/1.htm
    Her tomb stone reads
    Marjorie Elaine Gross
    1956-1996
    Beloved Daughter, Sister, Adoring Aunt

    "But I’m NOT Bitter…."

    Just so she could make people laugh in an inappropriate place

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    1. PS The "creamy white pop star" she mentions in the article was Madonna , They stayed at Versace's house in Italy. I could hardly believe the photos!

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