Friday, September 28, 2012

The Sitbacktivist


Barbara: I am not proud of the following story. We can’t be proud of everything we do (or don’t do, as this case may be), right? But herein lies my truth, which I will share with you, and for which I promise to try and spin a happy ending.

Yesterday I was describing my dear friend Charlotte’s turmoil to my husband—she is embroiled in a bit of a messy mess right now, she is in fact embroiled in more than a few messy messes right now, and NOT because of her doing, but because of her caring. Darling Charlotte is committed to righting the wrongs of this world.  She is the best, most dedicated activist I know. She is that person who doesn’t look away from the most terrible injustices in our world. She fights to stop the wrong, or to change it. She rallies, she marches, she emails, she calls, she petitions, she endorses, she gets frustrated, she gets discouraged, she gets sad, she rails, and then she picks herself up and begins again. She also supports and comforts and loves. Deeply.

And because she faces injustice head-on, injustice always seems to land on her doorway clutching a gunnysack over its shoulder and asking if it can crash on her couch.

Phil shook his head in support of Charlotte’s challenges and then asked if I was ever tempted to fight the good fight with her. I had to answer the truth, which is this: as much as I hate injustices in this world, as much as they make me angry and frustrated, as much as I want the world to change and develop its consciousness and compassion, as much as I see the HUGE necessity for this, I am more comfortable dealing one-on-one, being the quiet supporter, the shoulder, the injustice-whisperer and not its warrior. Partly because I am scared of being ill-informed and taking the wrong stance (not Charlotte’s problem, btw; she is an encyclopedia of pertinent information), partly because it takes too much time (I’m sorry, I said I wasn’t proud of this!), partly because I am not a warrior by nature. I’m just more comfortable dealing with fallout than dealing with weaponry.

Without missing a beat, I told my husband, “I’m not an activist, I’m a sitbacktivist.” It’s not the same, I know, but it feels like I’m still doing something. It’s why I love the blog so much. Here I get to sit back and share the experiences of the world with all of you without doing any homework or picking up any tools or getting any blood on me. I am here for you … but I’m here for you, not, like, over at your house with signs and petitions and stuff.

I always used to think that one day I might be a real activist, maybe join a noble cause and get my hands all dirty. It was an ideal. But, aside from confronting bad teachers for my kids and donating money and that kind of thing, I will have to face the fact that I did not grow up to be that woman.

The happy ending? Well, Charlotte does make the world a better place. She has done so all her life and she will continue to do so, one signature, letter and law at a time. Thanks god for people like her! Me? I know I’ve done a share of good in my own small way. I know that I will always try and spread some love, that I do give a damn, and that even the minor efforts of a caring sitbacktivist can change the world a little bit at a time.

Deb: This is a tough subject to judge. To me it’s like the Oscars. Can’t judge art. Nor do I think we can judge the good deeds and charity work we do, whether it is close or far from home, or close or far from your heart. We all have gifts and if we are lucky enough to know what they are, hopefully we are benevolent enough to share them.

43 comments:

  1. Great topic Barb. I say that because (I dont know if you remember) but we had a similar convo on facebook. And before I say anything I'm just gonna say I'm sooo happy to be able to catch the blog today since I'm going away for the weekend. And I was gonna miss you girls... had a very... *VIVID* (Sugarcoating it) day yesterday..and a very bad night... But Gosh looking at the new post has given me so much hope. Like I said.. You girls help me get into the vortex instantly...you and cats..ofcourse!

    Alright I gotta say I'm just like you. Although I appreciate people Like Charlotte I encourage them but I'm a sitbacktivist too. I, like you know, believe in spreading love and uplifting people and hoping for a better future or even having group meditations etc. See like you said it isnt the same..... its VERY DIFFERENT....But I wouldnt say its just "something" its a BIG BIG BIG THING! See what Charlotte is doing is more action-oriented with you its more of emotional. And we need both point of views to create a better world. See how our differences are our strengths.

    I'm like that. Silent support! Spreading peace and happiness. Well I try. Never feeling bad because someone didnt get it the way you wanted them too. Showing your support is important. Not for them only...for ourselves....like you said to KNOW that we are making a difference in this world.
    Because I feel after a while you have to stop giving a hand to people to raise them up but believe in their immense potentials to do it without your help!

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    1. I like the idea of "action-oriented" and "emotional". I do think my sitbacktivism is very emotional! That said, Charlotte is incredibly emotionally supportive too, so she has, like, the "visms" of both sides (and the sweat and tears to match). Love her. Love you.

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    2. Aww ofcourse she is! Thats a wonderful combo. Aww love her...love you! Xoxoxo

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  2. I agree - we can't all be the 'warrior' type, and I'm certainly not either. The important thing is to do what we can to help and support, within our capabilities. We can all make a difference.

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    1. Exactly. The 'warrior' needs to have backup support while they go to war. The 'warrior' may lead, but the followers each to their part for the cause, even in the smallest way...

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    2. I think we make differences by being conscious of making differences. Does that make sense? And by being conscious we do change the world (slowly maybe but even so...)

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  3. I feel I am most that way too. Probably won't find me in the front lines but I'll be sitting back cheering on my fellow supporters. :]

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    1. We can make the popcorn and stuff :)

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    2. And the drinks (if necessary) and write cheers/chants. Sounds good to me! :]

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  4. Barbara, you are a fantastic person. Just want you to know that.
    As far as activism goes...well, I have done a bit. I try to help with the issues that are close to my heart, like getting better pay for educators, getting more educational material in schools, donating (be it money, food, or clothing) to charities that help the less fortunate, etc. I know what it is like to be the one needing clothes and toys and I know how much it means to get something.
    Here's the deal with me: I am a quietly passionate person. I devote myself to the things I think are important, but I am not going to be the person that chains myself to a building for a cause. I am not that outgoing. I also take a stance against things that I don't like. For example, and I do NOT want to offend, but I disagree with funding sports in schools when those funds could and should be going to fund new textbooks and such. It bothers me to no ends and I make a point of voicing this opinion. I went to a school that had a great football team, with new uniforms and such, while one of my classes ran out of books for us, and the books they had had been used since the late 70s/early 80s. I just find this wrong.
    Like I said, I am a quietly passionate person. I don't think we all have to shout and petition and such to get out message across. Sometimes you just have to say/do something quietly. Sometimes that's the best way.

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    1. Thank you, Steph! And I so agree with your platform of activism. It's one of those funny things, isn't it, where books don't seem as important as winning a game (although I'm a huge supporter of sports too!). I'm thrilled to hear your active in your activism and supportive of my sitbacktivism :) xo

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    2. Exactly, Barbara. I mean, I get the benefits of sports (I am a former basketball player), but don't students go to school to get an education? Why should those that want to learn be at a loss when it comes to textbooks and learning material. I've seen teachers use their own money to buy school supplies for their students because either the school or the student couldn't afford it.
      I am really excited to see "Won't Back Down" when it comes out! It is all about giving back to schools.
      Happy Friday!! xoxo

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  5. As much as a ADMIRE Charlotte for taking a stand and being on those barricades, I think it's also like Deb says: we all have our own authentic way (gift) of making the world a better place.

    I'd love to be an animal rights activist. But I know I'm not that person, just don't have the 'drive' to fully commit to it. Sad, but true. Instead, I just do what I can to set a good example - becoming vegetarian, donating, informing about alternatives to eating meat, etc.

    Who can say if there is a "best way"? Being on the barricades or being a sitbacktivist (love it!). Aren't we all "being the change we wish to see in the world", as Gandhi said, in our own little or big way?

    One of my favourite quotes is by George Eliot. it's not about charity per se, but it does make me think you don't necessarily need to live an 'eventful' life to feel you can make a difference:

    "But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully hidden lives, and rest in unvisited tombs."
    George Eliot

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    1. Oh, this is so so beautiful, Margo!! (so glad you're joining in here after all that time, just love love love your input!!) That quote is beyond beautiful. And, I agree, there doesn't need to be a "best way", does there? Just a consciousness to nurture the world into a better place. The funny thing about Charlotte in all this is how truly gentle she is: I mean, she's not the kind of person who you'd necessarily expect to be on the battlefronts; her action has such a gentle sweetness to it.

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    2. Love this. For every 'Joan of Arc', there is a thousand 'just Janes' that work to make the world a better, more peaceful and loving place.

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  6. This sitbacktivist has just applied to take part of a student forum about the climate change and environmental issues of the arctic region. I'll five my two cents about the issues (if I am chosen) and if not I can say that I have tried. :))

    I also admire those who actually do things. I am happy to give my support to them in a way that I will stay out of their way.

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    1. Yay, Kasku!! My favourite cause! Good luck with it and keep us posted.

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  7. Iv'e been on both sides. I now have found MY balance.
    I always come back to this....

    The Starfish Story
    Original Story by: Loren Eisley

    One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
    a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

    Approaching the boy, he asked, What are you doing?
    The youth replied, Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
    The surf is up and the tide is going out.... If I don't throw them back, they'll die.

    Son, the man said, don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
    You can't make a difference!

    After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
    and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said,
    I made a difference for that one.


    xoxoxo
    Sean'a

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    1. Sean'a, you're making me all teary-eyed with this story! I've heard it before and it is so pertinent.
      Even the smallest act of kindness makes a difference in this world. I try to live by that. Giving a few dollars to a man sitting outside a store, donating clothing I don't wear anymore, or just giving some of my time: these are simple and easy ways I try to help.
      Lovely story, Sean'a, as always!!! xoxo

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    2. Oh wow....that's just BEAUTIFUL!!!!

      *goosebumps*

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    3. I love how you stress that it is YOUR balance -- because I do think that is KEY! And that story? Makes me cry. So perfect, isn't it? Thanks for sharing xoxo

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    4. This perfectly sets the scene for my response to this subject. I get angry about things, I rant, I rave, it gets out of my system, then I choose what action to take. Leaving it behind is an action, and one I won't judge anyone for doing or not doing, because I certainly do the same. However, and here's the relevance, I volunteer at an animal shelter/pet adoption place once a week. I'm a cat person, so I clean cages, feed furry faces, or just spend time with them listening to them purr despite their situation. The phrase I've read is along the lines of, "You may not be able to change the world, but you can make a world of difference to one creature."
      It's actually a difference to 2, 'cause I get a lot out of it, too.

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  8. I don't think sitbacktivists should be condemned. I think that if i were a "get out there in the front lines and change the world" type persona, I'd be even more motivated if i had a group of those left behind saying "yes, we have your back." Like I said, I'm not a front-liner, but you better believe I'll have your back.

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    1. And I know I said "I'm not proud", but I also don't feel guilty. This is definitely an "is what it is" choice and I live by it. But I also love to examine these things and check where I land. We can "have backs" together, baby!

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  9. I definitely am more the activist. Back in the 60's I did go to rally's and events and walked and marched. Now I am more into projects of activism. There are some where petitions are all you can do, or give money or actively have an interest in fighting the good fight. I tend to volunteer and give money where I can rally one on one with someone helping them through life's travails. But always giving money to causes. Almost daily as there is so much some group can do with a donation.

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    1. I so respect this, Madge. Good to know you're out there!

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  10. This is thought provoking. I'm from the DC metro area, so my perspective on activism may be an unpopular one. I don't see the sort of activism that holds protests as compassionate. (If you've ever seen the trash left behind from a huge environmental protest, you'll understand what I mean.) I think it rallies people to protest more than to become workers for the cause. Some people just love to protest, and are not even well informed about the causes, as is evidendent when they are interviewed by reporters.

    Lobbying is a different sort of business, and not one I find admirable.

    I'm much more impressed with the people at home who reach out to others on a human scale, doing the right thing, the things that need to be done, day in, day out. The ones who are not marching in front of cameras, but serving the needs of others. The ones who write respectful letters to the papers, nurture foster children, volunteer in the schools long after their own children are gone, feed the homeless, volunteer at clinics, mentor those who need help. Those people make a big difference in the individual lives they touch, and in their local communities.

    (Obviously, I do not know your friend Charlotte, so this is not meant as a commentary on her. I'm reflecting on the idea that activism looks one certain way.)

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    1. Ooh, yeah, Washington must be fascinating!! And I realize now that my examination of these kinds of "actions" might make Charlotte sound like one of those "in your face" kinda people, which she is so not (not that you're saying that either: your proviso is perfect). But just want to take this chance to set the record straight: her activism is caring, and listening, and learned, and compassionate. But also active and passionate. Thanks for sharing your perspective -- I do think activism (just like doing nothing) can have its negatives side too...

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  11. Ah...I'm with you, Barbara! I'm more a sitbacktivist.
    I do care about a lot of things....I want to change a lot of things, but I always think I don't have the energy / the money / the willpower to support everything, and fight for/against everything. My heart is not big enough...and often I have to take care of myself, my friends, and my family...(or that's what I do...can't stop doing that).

    And I'm lazy.

    But there were a few occasions, where I actually did something, and it made me feel proud...

    but sometimes, when activists become extreme, I dislike it. They make you feel guilty, because you don't do anything.
    Or they do things, I cannot appreciate...like hurting other people, or don't care about other people...

    And I don't know...but I also dislike it, when people "brag" about what they've done...there are a lot of people (famous ones, too), who just help without making a big deal out of it.

    But I guess, if everybody just gives a little bit from time to time, the world, can become a little better...

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    1. I do think your actions vis a vis your family absolutely counts as doing a lot!! I don't think you're lazy at all!! And I also know you are not saying this in any way, but because I love and admire her so much, I just have to stress how not "in your face" Charlotte is, how kind and how discreet (ie she never brags, boasts or shows off!) But I do know that type and they can be a bit difficult. Most of my favourite activists do it in the best -- and therefore most admirable to me -- possible way.

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    2. Nah, I didn't mean her...I just thought of some "activists" in general.

      I bet Charlotte is a great and lovely person - she wouldn't be your friend otherwise. ;)

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  12. You've got a good handle on it, Barb. You're doing what you can, and what you're comfortable with, and what suits you. It's not your job to fix the world, and you couldn't if you tried. So you do your best with what is around you, and you do what you can do, and maybe sometimes you'll step outside of your comfort zone to challenge yourself and find it's quite satisfying and you're damn good at something you never saw yourself doing. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but right now you are doing "something" and that is what is important: you're donating some money to a cause of your choice, or maybe you're just licking the stamps for the envelopes ... but whether out front or behind the scenes, you are taking SOME action and that is what matters.

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    1. Thanks, Kate! I appreciate this. And I dare say, am looking forward to where life will take me in the future vis a vis this question...

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  13. You may be a self titled sitbacktivist but you are still a ... -tivist! As long as -tivist is on the end you are good in my records. By the way you are still doing more than many others....*cough *cough me. Keep doing what you do every bit helps someone. <3

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    1. ...unless Barbara suddenly declares herself a negativist ;-)

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    2. Kelly and Margo -- thanks for the lols :)

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  14. i agree with sean'a . we all sit back and wait for one person to make the big gesture and try and change peoples attitudes to various issues . it can be better for us all to do the small bit we can do about issues that concern us (if that makes sense )

    having said that though i am also a sitbacktivist , all be it one who tries to keep myself informed if an issue is something i believe in . as an adopted person myself my main area of interest at the moment is the rights of Irish adopted people in tracing their birth families . here in Ireland it a huge struggle to do so compared to countries such as the UK . there are very few direct protests over this at the moment but i pass on as much information as i can via my facebook page and links form an Irish adoption rights group . at the moment thats all i can do especially with my mom and dads health being what it is .

    come to think of it the Irish people in general are not people who protest as much as they should .recently disabled people protested outside our parliament the government planned to remove their rights to home help . another one was a couple of years ago , there were huge protests made up of older people and their families when it was suggested the government were going to take their free travel rights away . both protests were 100% peaceful and successful .

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    1. That's wonderful, Linda!! Such a great example of peaceful change. And also, I think the "tivist" stuff you do for your parents is so of "change the world" epicness!

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  15. There are many ways to impact society - be it through activism, sitbackavism, or whatever ism you wish to toss at the "problem". For me, I grew up with the notion that to give of your own time is more valuable than tossing money at a situation. I still believe it. But, I have to work within the limits of who I am and what I can do. I'm not a person who is comfortable with solicitation - be it for signatures, handing out pamphlets, cold calling and other "front line" stuff. I *can* do it, if necessary, but doing those things comes at too high of a "price". I'm a big introvert with fears of people judging me. I feel I'm more "assistive technology". I provide the people on the front line information, support - heck, even that soft spot to land so the "front liners" can recharge and wade back into that fray. Sometimes, what we do in the background is of more value than those fighting the battles.

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  16. I don't think it's a "sit back" kind of thing. I think it's each of us doing things that are important to us in quiet but meaningful ways. I get angry when I hear about all the money various businessmen/politicians/famous people. I'm sure that at least some of them are giving back somewhere in some way. Bob Barker can hold and attend all the animal cruelty demonstrations he wants to. It doesn't mean any more or less than my volunteer work at an animal shelter.

    Aside: My mother gets a lot of phone calls from various charities asking for donations. Her answer is, "We give to a few meaningful charities and if you're on the list, we've sent it." It's not done rudely. It's just the truth.

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