This is my brain
on Christmas:
I know I
blithely claimed a few weeks ago that after all these years of hosting Christmas I
was accustomed enough to the whole to-do that I could “do it with my eyes
closed”. And, yes, to a real extent this is true. All my lists are catalogued
on the computer, shopping lists are at my fingertips, chores designed to flow
one into the other. I know the recipes I will make so well, I won’t stress over
them. I have a good enough track record hosting that if things go awry, I will
let it roll off my back (short of getting sick or hurt—that’s always a bummer.
Thinking of you, Lyndsie!!). And still, STILL, I truly feel that kaleidoscope brain
coming on. As if my mind wants to go in a million different places—half dreamy
sugar-plum wonderland places, half soldier-rigid endless-prism places.
I pride myself
on my follow-through. Mostly because I’m pretty good at it. And you wanna know
why? Because I do stuff right away. A task comes down the pipeline, a dream
demands attention, and I deal with it. Because the truth is, if I don’t deal
with it right away, I will forget. Guaranteed. (One of the problems with
smart-phones is that I can receive and read an email early in the day but won’t
be able to deal with it until later in the day, and so the risk gets upped of
me ruining my follow-through track record. Morning email is easy to forget by
end of day.)
But this
dreamy/manic state I’m in right now undermines my best efforts at effortless
control. I’m forgetting to go places, call people back, return emails. It’s not
the end of the world. It’s just a bit disorienting. I’m going to rest on my
past laurels and decide to let it roll off my back. After all, the holidays
will pass, real life will kick back in, and I will slowly ratchet up back to my
normal organized self.
For now, I’m
going to keep changing the kaleidoscope image and admire its pretty colours.
Maybe while I’m eating another chocolate square.
Deb: Dear Barbara,
I
have really enjoyed reading this post ... who are you again?
Love,
Deb xo
