This is my brain on Christmas:
I know I blithely claimed a few weeks ago that after all these years of hosting Christmas I was accustomed enough to the whole to-do that I could “do it with my eyes closed”. And, yes, to a real extent this is true. All my lists are catalogued on the computer, shopping lists are at my fingertips, chores designed to flow one into the other. I know the recipes I will make so well, I won’t stress over them. I have a good enough track record hosting that if things go awry, I will let it roll off my back (short of getting sick or hurt—that’s always a bummer. Thinking of you, Lyndsie!!). And still, STILL, I truly feel that kaleidoscope brain coming on. As if my mind wants to go in a million different places—half dreamy sugar-plum wonderland places, half soldier-rigid endless-prism places.
I pride myself on my follow-through. Mostly because I’m pretty good at it. And you wanna know why? Because I do stuff right away. A task comes down the pipeline, a dream demands attention, and I deal with it. Because the truth is, if I don’t deal with it right away, I will forget. Guaranteed. (One of the problems with smart-phones is that I can receive and read an email early in the day but won’t be able to deal with it until later in the day, and so the risk gets upped of me ruining my follow-through track record. Morning email is easy to forget by end of day.)
But this dreamy/manic state I’m in right now undermines my best efforts at effortless control. I’m forgetting to go places, call people back, return emails. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just a bit disorienting. I’m going to rest on my past laurels and decide to let it roll off my back. After all, the holidays will pass, real life will kick back in, and I will slowly ratchet up back to my normal organized self.
For now, I’m going to keep changing the kaleidoscope image and admire its pretty colours. Maybe while I’m eating another chocolate square.
Deb: Dear Barbara,
I have really enjoyed reading this post ... who are you again?
Love, Deb xo