The Cousins Project Continued

Deb: Some highlights from my summer project which I am enthralled with: The Cousin's Project.

Deb and Cousin Linda, farmer's fence, Bel Air beach circa 56

Wee Deb Walking

Mom and Deb, Quebec City, 1955

Deb, Linda, Pam and Scott, circa 1959

Mom, Dad and a gang of friends, 40's

Highchair Deb circa 1955

Dad and Deb in Quebec City circa 1955

Mom and her best friend Ruth, late forties. Mom on right with dark tan!

Wee Deb in the bouncy chair-circa 1954

Dad and I in Newfoundland in the 50's

Dad, Canadian Army reserves

The Cousins Project

Deb: Nostalgia has been burning bright in my heart these last weeks and so I decided to start something called The Cousins Project where I go through all of my Mum and Dad’s photo albums, scan old photos, and share them on Facebook. We are a very large family on both sides and I wanted to reach out to as many family and friends as I could. It is a very therapeutic project.

Me, Granny, Grampa, Mike Munro Pro Golfer and Linda.

I cannot tell you what joy I have found in it. I’ve placed the scanner on the table where Colin and I work and have vowed to leave it there until the project is done. Some days I scan forty pictures, some days one. I am putting no pressure on myself and I am putting them out there as the albums present themselves to me in random fashion. The idea came to me because whenever I am at Mum and Dad’s looking for a particular photo, they pour through the albums I have pulled down from the shelves as if seeing them for the first time. Most of the time the albums are up on shelves collecting dust.  So I had the idea to make them each a single manageable album featuring the greatest hits of their lives! That way they can keep the album on hand and pour over it every single day if they wish. It will feature the best of their lives, young and old, right up to present day. It will be filled with everything from old friends to grown grandchildren. And I know it will fill them with loving thoughts, every time they crack open the cover. I will slightly custom it for each of them to include their individual and shared favourite moments and friends.

Pammy's birthday with Pam with her lovely toothy smile, baby Jennifer, Linda, and a little girl I recognize so much but cannot place with a name. Anyone????

When I started pouring through the photos with their dated, labeled, white-serrated edges, I found myself enthralled with the images of loved ones that we have lost and the long ago shots of babies who now have children and grandchildren of their own. I knew I had to share them. The pictures themselves are not always the best quality and some of them are literally fading away, loaded into my computer just in time to save part of the faint image. Some are out of focus and have heads cut off, which has long been a particular talent of my Dad’s. But wow, the emotions they evoked.

Auntie Isabel dancing with Dad. I know it doesn't look like it, but they really liked each other! :-)
Dad's black eye courtesy of my giant baby noggin konking him in eye. 

I knew that others in the family would love to see these treasures and that’s when The Cousins Project was born. I put the photos on Facebook as I could think of no other way to reach all the cousins in a broad and timely manner. The only drawback I could see was that all my FB friends who are not in my family would have to endure the stream of pictures all summer long. But I was so happy to see that many of my FB friends seem to enjoy this glimpse into the past, even though it is not their past. Myself, I love to see old shots on people’s profiles and as it turns out, I am not the only one who loves this. So that happy fact has made me feel less guilty about bombarding FB with my past!  And the very best part is that the cousins are loving it. We are all walking down memory lane together, hand in virtual hand, seeing ourselves as babies, growing up together as friends united by family ties.

Uncle Don doting on newborn Mark. Lovely shot. 

So far I have only reached out to half of my family—the Munro clan. I have no one from the McGrath clan on Facebook, but I have reached out to cousins on that side and I am about to launch Cousins Phase Two.

There have been so many special moments in this project so far. Because the photos have been trapped in albums, I have never in my life seen the backs of them. These special little treasures have included wonderful notes on the backs of many of the photos, written from mother to mother, sister to sister, friend to friend. At the end of the project I will mail hard copies of any special shots to the cousins who want them.

I found that I really needed a project of the heart right now in my life. Something wonderful and out of the ordinary. I worried that it might be a melancholy venture, but as it turned out it was anything but. Scanning all the faces of those we lost too soon and those we lost in old age was not sad at all. The sadness has given way to a warm wash of memories. Sweet sweet memories that are growing and building with every photo remembered. And as each cousin adds a comment and a memory to the project, I am reminded of our oh so many shared experiences. And although we don’t see each other often, The Cousins Project is bringing us together in the present, as we remember fondly our past.

And beautiful baby Deb!!!
(adjective and exclamation marks courtesy of Barbara :) )

Barbara: As one of your friends who is also a FB friend, I can add my voice to the chorus of approval for having this access to your sweet old photos! I just LOVE seeing these. I can’t say why, given that they aren’t my family, but I just gravitate to these images, wanting to delve into that moment in a photo and then that one in another, maybe seeing a little deeper into your life by glimpsing your past.

I love old photos, but haven’t found this kind of commitment myself. Photos are still kind of willy-nilly throughout here. But this makes me really want to scan to keep them. And also to get my hands on old photos from my parents to add to my collection. I think it is a lovely idea for our kids and their kids too!

Breathe...

Barbara: The other day when a friend was going through a really anxiety-ridden experience, I was reminded just how important it is for us to remember to breathe. And the more riddled with anxiety we get, the more important it is that we breathe! In out, in out. Remember?

Madge posted this beautiful stop-motion photo-montage to her FB the other day. It is a gorgeous meditation on breath. And also has a great message at the end.

To Snap Or Not To Snap

Barbara: I do love a good photo. And I do love the idea of having photos to commemorate certain moments in time. How much I actually look at them is up for debate, but I know they are there. And certainly with a tool like iphoto, I can scroll past them quickly, if not exactly linger on them for long nostalgic hours.

But here’s the thing: doesn’t photo-taking completely muck-up the actual thing you’re trying to capture???

Last night, my daughter came home for her high school commencement ceremony (Why in the fall??? That’s a whole other blog rant.). I was soooo excited to see her, as you can imagine. But we had a very tight schedule between her flight arriving, negotiating traffic, wolfing down dinner and getting to the school. Not to mention that my husband, very sadly, had to miss it as he was out of town for business. So we’re scrambling, the two of us, trying to catch up and trying to get out of here in (almost) equal measure.

My friend advises me: take lots of photos. Good plan: I can share them with those who can't be there! …. And then I forget the good camera.

So I pull out my iphone for the big moment and I snap away. And I miss the WHOLE THING!

I mean, I don’t know what they said when she walked up to receive her diploma, I don’t know if she was smiling, I don’t know if she hugged her teacher or shook his hand. Why? Because I’m angling and aiming and contorting to get the right framing. And what do I have to show for it? Maybe the worst photos in the history of photo-taking, these, my only keepsake mementos of a special night.

Who is that and what is she wearing?

Is it a person or a deus ex machina?

She looks so "angelic"

This probably only applies to those big events in a life, like school plays, graduations, concerts, presentations. You know, those events where you’re obliged to keep to a distance while you snap. But the question is: how much life do you miss while you’re “capturing” moments? And do we ever look at those photos later, taken from a long distance, little specks to remind us of that… thing… whatever it was?

You know what photo I wish I had? A close-up of her after the ceremony in her cute dress and surrounded by her reunited friends. Now that I would gaze at.

Deb: I have wrestled with this for years. I am a major photo-taker. Thousands of them in albums (not even kidding), but I have learned over time to pick my moments. When Luke had his grad four years ago, I sat (camera ready) and watched him walk up as they announced his name. The V.P. called out “Lucas Mochrie.” I sat camera ready as he marched up to the mic and proudly said, “Ahhh, that’s Lucas James Mochrie” with a big playful smile. Everyone laughed. I was SOOOOOO glad that I decided to wait for it, wait for it, wait for it ... because I would not have missed that for the world. The “James” in his name is for both Papas who are named Jim. How easy was that decision??? So we had our memory moment in our hearts, and then I snapped him shaking hands with the principal for our viewing posterity! Right after that snap I put the camera down in time to see him raise the diploma in the air and cheer! Another lovely one. Colin and I also take turns at events so that neither of us misses out. But I have to say, I have chilled over the years. Now I take a photo to commemorate the event, not to conflict with it. For that, I have the flip camera if I really need it. The beauty of that is, just turn it on, point it, and ignore it. So I hear you, Barb. This is a lesson I learned a while back. My family is so used to me taking photos, though, and they do endure the pain. Every once in a while, they will moan and I will snap “NEVER MIND, YOU’LL THANK ME FOR THIS ONE DAY!” They chuckle at this now familiar family joke. So there is a case of the picture snapping becoming the memory!

How To Pose For Candid Photos (and look like a dork in real life)

Barbara: As Charlotte and I spent half an hour the other day trying to nab a shot of us dressed up for kayaking to add to my Birthday Adventures post, we found ourselves bent over in hysterics because pic after pic made us look like, as I said, “drunken serial killers”. We didn’t manage to get a single shot we felt comfortable posting. It occurred to me that maybe since it’s summer and candid shots are being taken aplenty, to share some of the tips and cues we’ve picked up over the years for upping the odds that your pic will turn out nicely. (note to Char and Barb: don’t pose after wine and beer in a stifling hot house wearing life jackets and baseball caps under a glaring light and in self-portrait mode, angling your smart phone blindly toward yourselves. Enough said.)

Warning and proviso: In implementing these poses and tricks––while your photos promise to turn out especially nice––you do risk looking a bit dorky in real life while the pic is being taken. But, hey, you choose: a fleeting moment of dorkiness versus all of eternity…

Trick #1: If the sun is glaring in your eyes, but the photographer has decided this is the best angle for the light (who’s to argue, lighting is everything), simply close your eyes a few seconds before the shot, angle your face up to the sun and let the light hit your closed lids, then have the photographer tell you he/she is ready, look to the camera, and open your eyes. Voila, your vision will be relaxed enough to get you through the shot.

Trick #2: By far the goofiest…but it WORKS. This trick I learned not on a set as you might imagine but from emulating my cousin-in-law as he posed for photos at a wedding. Most people, especially if they are in a jovial and happy mood, will pull their heads back as the camera zooms in and give that “I’m in a jovial and happy mood” expression that, when committed to film (or digital image), makes you look like your face has imploded and sucked your chin with it. To avoid this, pull your shoulders as far back as they comfortably go and angle your chin forward and down. Now try very hard to look relaxed and comfortable as you hold this unnatural pose. When you see the picture, you will THANK YOURSELF!

Sucked in face, yikes!

Shoulders back, chin down and out, look like a dork...

... But photo? Much better!

Trick #3: This for anyone remotely approaching middle age: Smile! If you are anything like me, if you don’t smile even just a little, perhaps hoping for that sultry Jennifer Lopez look (yes, I know she’s approaching middle age, fuck off), you will more than likely look pissed off, morosely unhappy, incredibly tired, or … like a drunken serial killer. 

Me trying to look all sultry and stuff. Don't you want to just throw your arms around me and tell me it's gonna be okay?

If your teeth are an issue, at least aim for a closed-mouth, eye-twinkling grin.

Deb, over to you; I’m sure you have some goodies you can add to this!

Deb: It’s funny but the best pictures I have of myself are when there is joy in my eyes. Sometimes I am looking through reams of headshots to choose one and they all look exactly like the one before and the one after. Exact same pose with the photographer snapping away.

But when I go to choose, it is the easiest thing in the world. I just look for life and warmth and projection in my eyes. Does the picture give you a glimpse into who I am? Then it’s good. So my trick is: smile with your eyes! 


PS We posted a new Deco Tip and Recipe today (Saturday)!!

Aging Gracefully...

Barbara: ...is a total conundrum for me. I mean, what does it even mean? I don’t like to think about my age or feel my age, or god forbid to REVEAL it. And yet I feel this nagging responsibility to society in general to embrace the aging process, hey, to celebrate it even, so I can maybe feel optimistic while the clock is relentlessly a-tickin’ and sucking with it energy and capacity so I won’t actually be able to accomplish all those ambitious dreams I hold so dear. No, no, I’m not bitter––just freakin’ terrified!!! 

But then after I wrote this “lament”, I found this article in the Globe and Mail. And it says: “According to [new research], from the teenage years until 40 happiness declines. It levels off until 46, and then starts to increase until peaking at 74.” 

So, I guess it’s all uphill from here … phew!

... And I’m 46. There I said it.

Deb: I agree that life starts after 40. Because in your 40s you still look great AND feel great! But here’s a tip for after 40––NEVER, ever allow your picture to be taken unless you are smiling! When one is younger and one has an unsmiling picture taken, one tends to look either mysterious, pensive, or serene. Unsmiling after 40 is a celluloid glimpse into old age––pensive now looks JOWLED, mysterious now looks CLUELESS, and serene looks like you are asleep or––even worse––DEAD. So after 40, take heart and be glad you are alive!
And keep smiling. Not only will it make you feel better, but you will look great in pictures. 

Barbara: So true!!! Now, if I catch my neutral look in a mirror, I look downright pissed-off. Trying to train myself to wear that faint hint of a smile my yoga instructor advocates. It’s supposed to make you feel better (and it does), but it also lessens the blow of those unexpected (and horrifying) glimpses from reflective surfaces.

Deb: Remember as a kid, you’d laugh and laugh when you saw your reflection in a kettle? Now some mornings I look like that. Not laughing.