Annette!

Deb: When I was living in L.A. twenty years ago, I wrote some spec scripts. For those of you who might not know, a spec script is a script you write for an existing, current show to try and secure a writing job or agent. One of my scripts was for Seinfeld. My Seinfeld episode had Jerry falling in love, a true love, which he had never done on the show. She was a gal in the tourism industry and she was funny. Very funny. A natural wit. Jerry was smitten by her beauty, wit, and charm, and especially by the fact that she was not in the entertainment field and had no interest in it at all. In the end, despite his love for her, his male comic’s ego could no longer stand the fact that everyone, including him, thought that his girlfriend Annette was funnier than him. He ended it, broken-hearted, but secure in the knowledge that he would return to his rightful place in the group as “the funniest”.

This character was based on my dear friend Annette with whom Barb and I had a three-way last year. Okay, just read that sentence and thought, “Wow, if anyone is reading our blog for the first time, they are GOING TO BE BACK BABY!”

Digression aside, I must tell you that Annette is quite simply the wittiest woman I know, and trust me, I know plenty of witty gals. She is a brilliant writer and the stuff she posts on Facebook is simply hilarious. Sometimes I only have time to “like” and sometimes I leave a comment.  This fall and Christmas season I was not on FB as regularly, so the other day I sat with a cup of tea and opened her FB page and read for hours. What a delightful time it was.

Barbara: As Annette’s brilliance is what we want to feature today, I’ll just pop my head in here and add, Yeah, the woman’s a genius. So funny you wish she had, like, a TV show or a regular column in the paper or a webisode series or … I don’t know … maybe her own BLOG!!! And she is so sweet, she’ll probably be all shades of red just reading this. Annette, come out, come out, wherever you are!

Deb: The following is a very small example from FB of the one, the only, The Wit: Annette.

*Ran my first 5K this morning... Just kidding.... I'm on my second muffin...

*Why does using a straw make it so much harder to accept there's no more soda?

*I'm sorry, previews, but raving "Best Movie of the Year" means nothing to me on January 20th.

*Have finally come up with suitable epitaph for me for when the sad day comes... "She died doing what she loved... judging strangers on the internet."

*Ever notice how you never meet anyone who's quietly on a juice diet? And while we are sorta on the subject, horses are vegans too but you don't hear them neighing on and on about it...

*Jury duty... The sobering reminder that one day your life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.

*Given what a perennial distraction it proves, I'd delete my Facebook account, but there's some shaky marriages I'm keeping an eye on.

*So you're feeling a tad scared and anxious because it's Friday the 13th? Well here’s my sympathetic take on that… If there's only one day a year when you wake up irrationally afraid, you're doing okay, my friend!

*I'm currently standing in the 10 items or less line, holding 14 items, freaking the h*ll out.

*If I learned I only had a week to live and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital... because that sounds pretty serious!

*The only thing that would make my morning more productive is actually doing something! It's not looking hopeful mind you but it's good to have a plan...

*Looks like I’m going to have to abandon my New Year's Resolution to only say nice things about people... Just isn't working as in my case it was the equivalent of a vow of silence.

*Snowflakes as far as the eye can see... all identical!

*The Slippery Slope of New Years Resolutions: January 1st: Resolve to go to the gym every day. January 2nd: Feel guilty for not going. January 3rd: Pie for breakfast!

*My new years resolution for 2012? I will be less laz

*I've never had personalized license plates... but don't worry, I still know how to waste most of my discretionary income! IAMGR8 has nothing on me!

*Some think the economy is slowly recovering. Others think it's on the verge of collapse. I think about shoes mostly...

*I just want people to accept me for who I pretend to be!

*Just caught the news that Anthony Weiner is now a dad. Wife, Huma Abedin, gave birth to a baby boy, Jordan Zane Weiner. Naturally, The New York Post welcomed Jordan Zane into the world in it's inimitable way with a front page headline reading, "A Little Weiner", "Baby boy for Huma and louse." Hope mom's not a scrapbooker!

*It's intriguing to see how much worse celebrities looked "before they were famous" until that painful moment that you realize that's how you look now!

26 December 2011

*Almost a full year away and all the stores have their Christmas stuff up already. Just staggering...

*What an incredible Christmas Eve...We had so much fun pretending that the scratching sound from our attic was reindeer and stuff...

*"I am Santa Claus." "No you're not." "Yes I am." "OK." - Miracle on 34th Street in tweet form. And that's all she wrote folks... It's into the car we go... Happy Holidays!

*The best 5 seconds of my life are when I wake up and have no idea I'm a human or have responsibilities.

*It's cute when they put expiration dates on snacks like I won't eat them as soon as I get to my car.

*Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.

*And I? Well I took the road less traveled by, and now my GPS won't stop recalculating...

*The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right?

*I'd put money on it that now that it's been a few years, she's "The Girl Who Really Regrets Getting That Dragon Tattoo."

*How annoying is it when you're about to take a great photo and somebody calls your camera.

*During this season of giving... remember every day is a gift... though many are filled with non-returnable things you didn't ask for and don't want!

*A little primer that may serve you at this party-centric time of the year... Stages of inebriation: Sociable, fun, hilarious, inappropriate, bitter, sad, need new pants, need new friends!

*If the old adage about "opposites attract" is true, I probably should have looked for someone who gets up early and does stuff...

*Thought process of the guy who invented eggnog: "Man, I could really go for a tall, cold, glass of eggs right now."

*"How about a month of non-stop obligations, budget-busting overspending, less-than-desirable travel conditions, very short, dark days and bitter weather?" - The pitch for the month of December.

*Great job keeping crap out of my eye... eyelash that's currently in said eye.

*Would it not make more sense to dump Gatorade on the losing head coach?

*...It’s Chinese New Year and I’m still writing Rabbit on all my checks... Don’t you hate that?