Wednesday, October 27, 2010

_SENDING_ Your Love

Luke and Megan
Deb: Recently our wonderful son and his delightful girlfriend celebrated their second-year anniversary––and Facebook was all aTwitter with it! I am not on Facebook, but my husband is and he was telling me about their public outpouring of love for each other and the resulting outpouring of love and support from their friends.

My first thought was, I wonder why they didn’t just email each other privately? These are their deepest most intimate thoughts of love that they are sharing with anyone who has ever friended, poked, or added them. What a funny generation they are, I thought. Nothing is private in their world.

And so I wondered, If love is declared in a forest and there is no one around to hear it, is it still love?

And then I thought about it and how we are always accusing this generation of being distant and removed, of living in a digital world and not touching each other. And I pondered it and realized, this IS their touching.

And more than the technical aspect, truth be told, they are doing what lovers are meant to do. They are proclaiming it loudly for all the cyber-world to hear. Instead of shouting it from the rooftops, they are literally bouncing it off satellites, which in a gorgeous way makes their love out of this world!

Now I know this isn’t for everyone, as some people are very private––which is perfect if it is perfect for their love’s expression. But if you are the type of lover who wants every Tom, Dick and Harry1982 to know your beeswax then why NOT press send when your heart soars?

So I pulled my prude stick out of my arse and thought, Yes, my darling boy, sing love’s praises whenever and wherever you can. Be proud of love in any form! When two hearts love as one, it is so strong it should explode––to infinity and beyond!

Barbara: Ack! “If love is declared in a forest and there is no one around to hear it, is it still love?” LOVE that.

This reminds of when I was first introduced to Facebook (not even a year ago) and noticed there was a “relationship status”. Newly introduced to these public displays of private lives, I worried that all these online teens and young adults were not only having to navigate the fickle seas of love, but also suffering the drama of being added to profiles or not added or, worse, deleted after a break-up. It just brought back all those super-vivid memories of my own adolescent experiences of love, romance, and (agonizing) betrayal, forcing me to imagine them compounded by the piercing gaze of the public forum.

I stuck my nose in too and urged my girls to not have a relationship status unless it was a really, really serious relationship. I mean, how can young people not be drawn to constantly spy on each other’s romantic status (or statii, thanks, Gae!)?! Or at the end of an affair, not wonder in pain how they could be so easily forgotten? Or––as in one friend’s mortified experience––find their profile boldly announce their newly single!!! status, adorned with a floating heart. Newly single?! Her heart had just been ripped unceremoniously from her chest and flung hard against the wall. In her heartbroken despair, she had thought it wise to change her relationship status from “in a relationship” to not, without realizing Facebook would proclaim her availability for any Tom, Dick, or Harry to check out. Yeah, baby.

But I have to say, you make an excellent point, Deb. Being able to proclaim your love is a wonderful and precious thing. Love is a wonderful and precious thing. I have also urged my girls to believe in it wholeheartedly. Even if it only lasts a few months, weeks, days, or even moments. It is a commodity in any shape. And we owe it to our world to have it echo off every forest tree and household wall and orbiting satellite. Shout it from the rooftops, kids. We want to hear you.   

Edited to add: Hey everybody, we placed 3rd in the 2010 Canadian Blogger Awards Personal category. Thank you all sooooo much for supporting us! We are thrilled!


  1. I talk to my boyfriend mostly face to face. I figure we both see each other everyday,so the least I can do is tell him I love him everyday and tell him how I feel about him everyday. There are times where I am at work or school and we do tend to Facebook or Twitter each other,or txt each other but most of the time we like to talk face to face.

  2. "Pulled my prude stick out of my arse" -- Deb! You made me bust out laughing at work, and everyone stared! LOL

    Congratulations to Luke and Megan for having the love and fortitude to make the 2 year mark! That is a wonderful accomplishment.

    I think what Luke and Megan did is simply the modern, electronic evolution of what has been done for decades. When we were young, there wasn't a facebook to publicly declare on, but didn't we doodle our loves in pen and magic marker on the covers of our spiral notebooks while sitting in boring classes knowing that all of our classmates would see these public declarations? Our relationship status was on our geometry notebook instead of our facebook page. Didn't we were boyfriends' class rings and jackets so that everyone would know we were part of a couple? This is just the 21st century evolution.

    I don't know if it's a trend elsewhere, but around here there's also a really cute, nonelectronic option that's popular among the high school students. They use white shoe polish or school colors temporary paint sticks to write on each others' car/truck windows. There're the obligatory "Seniors '11" scribbles driving around town, but there are also plenty of, "Gotcha! Jen loves Tommy!" and "Mark and Donna 4ever!" style pickup truck rear windows in the Kroger parking lot, too.

  3. wear class rings, not were *smack*


  4. Oh young love. They are so fickle that facebook updates are almost outdated the moment they write in a relationship. They change daily, sometimes hourly. I am a facebooker and I make announcements all the time but they are inconsequential. As they say, don't put anything on facebook that really matters as it is spread around the world before you can finish typing. But for those younger folk expressing minute by minute it is a nice diversion from worrying about real things. Oh how love is wasted on the young. I should know I married at 19 and stayed married for 20 years. Enough to know that love comes around and around many times til one gets it right. Love expressed any way is better than not. Hope Luke and Megan. How old are these 2 year lovers?

  5. And it's not just about love either - what about an exciting new job? Do you shout it out on Facebook, do you just send personal messages to a few friends, or do you write a cryptic status update that the most eager among your friends can figure out if they like? I've seen countless old classmates share things like "not feeling so good today" - and then someone asks whether it is morning sickness, and before you know it, your 756 Facebook "friends" know you're pregnant before you've even peed on the stick...

    Certain things should never be revealed on Facebook, of course, such as sensitive information - but for most of us the line we have to find is what level of intimacy we are willing to share with people. Some have few if any boundaries. Others are the exact opposite. Some share without thinking about the consequences, and regret it afterwards. It's a fine balance.

  6. I think that if you really love someone,than it dosn't matter where you shout it out at. As long as you do shout it.

  7. *pouts* Well, you are #1 with us!

  8. It's funny thy this should come up. On my campus a couple isn't considered a couple or especially not serious unless their relationship is "Facebook official." if it's on Facebook then it's meant to be.

    A good note on FB-published breaking is that it let's your friends know what's google on without you having to repeat it over and over again. An it tells those extra special friends to bring over the chocolate and ice cream.

  9. Ruth, you bring up a good point. The spreading of the "bad" news is a lot more efficient, if not less heartbreaking.

    I think the need for privacy and how each of us respond differently to it is fascinating. Do I smell another post topic???

  10. Oh, this is too funny. My kids are 15 and almost 12. My daughter and her girlfriends change their family and relationships around regularly and are usually EACH OTHER--the 'it's complicated' with a close friend--it is all a big game. She is currently with her first serious boyfriend, so we haven't gone through an emotional romantic breakup, but we HAVE gone through serious drama with girls unfriending, blocking, spreading crap--there is a nightmare to negociate, but I guess at least with FB you can see where it originated and know who is spreading the crap. My son on the other hand... because of being his FB friend, I'm aware that he has had about 12 girlfriends since starting middle school *rolls eyes*--

    I think the downside is the fast spread of bad info/rumors. But the UPSIDE is I think males (who used to talk one way to their girlfriend and another to the boys) are now allowed/outed (depending on the guy) to say what they feel or called out on what they say.

    I also think it has helped both of them with plutonic relationships with the opposite sex--much less mystery if you have a safe way to chat and get to know someone (as opposed to the stumbling words and sweat I used to experience with boys)

  11. Hart I never thought of that before-being able to have relationships with the opposite sex during teens. Yes, good advantage to facebook there. A friend of mine tells the funniest story about some facebook friends-the send her tons of stuff with "hey,hi, how the heck are you?-this that, the next thing" and then she sees one of them in person and it's a little above a snub. Funny huh? Facebook official Ruth? Love that. Better than a ring. Yeah Lyndsie, shout it out for sure. I agree Cruella that everything wonderful deserves a shout out. If I had only been on Facebook, I would have known that I was in Menopause BEFORE thinking I was going crazy. Madgew you speak the truth. At least that was MY truth as I grew over the years. My thing with Luke though is, Love, love, love for all your worth. If it ends, it would end anyway and you would not have spent the last years love, love loving right? What's the option? I don't want to reveal their ages as I feel I have already spread their beeswax but rest assured they are old enough to love and young enough not to be bitter yet. Rigel I love the car/truck window love letters! Five years ago I took those gel window letters and a gel heart at Valentine's day and placed them on my husbands bathroom mirror. One day a few years later I felt I should let him off the hook and said "you can take those off you know" and he said "no, that's okay." Great moment in an older romance! And Rigel rest assured. I did pull the prude stick out, but it is resting in a corner in case I need it again. Lyndsie, I think it's great that you proclaim your love in person. Luke and Megan live far away from each other but when they do see one another their love blinds us!

  12. I think it is just a different way of sharing. And I think it is great, because everyone does get to participate in their love.
    That's the wonderful part of technology.

    What is not as wonderful is when you see a couple walking together, but each yakking inot thier individual mobiles.

  13. Just noticed all the mispellings in my previous post...thank you iPhone. Sorry about that! Glad you could discern what it was supposed to say :)

  14. Ha, Ruth! So funny. At least we know now what was googling on with you ;)

    Happens to us all, baby!

  15. Hah. I have totally said the words (though typically in a mocking tone) Is it "Facebook Official" yet?! Or "Oh snap! It's "Facebook Official"! Haha.

    The proclamation of "now single" CAN be avoided. When my boyfriend of 5+ years and I broke up in February I did NOT want a bunch of comments from all of the people who knew us throughout high school.. so as soon as we had to "cancel" the relationship (really, facebook, do you have to call it "cancelling") I removed the post from my wall.

    Oh, and I do have to say.. I ADORE Megan's hair. (and earrings, too.) :]


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.