Deb: I am standing in the checkout line at the grocery store and it occurs to me that I do not recognize one single human being on the front of one single magazine cover. In fact it has been some time since I have known these cover-of-magazine people. In fact if it hadn’t been for John Travolta and their new baby, it would have been like the checkout counter on Mars. As it was, I was staring at a nameless tabloid wasteland.
I remember when I was younger and I would mention a random actor or musician and my Dad would famously respond with “Neeeeeeeeeeeever heard of him.” I remember thinking how odd it was that he was so out of touch, and worse, didn’t seem to give a damn. I vowed that I would always stay current and know the latest celebs and music.
And then something happened. I stopped caring. Took me by surprise that did.
I have been able to stay fairly current as the boy makes me mix-tapes and has done so for a long time. He calls them “Mother’s Mix” and I love them and listen to them often.
But the peeps on the covers of the magazines? Don’t know ‘em, don’t really wanna’.
Who are these cookie cutter creatures anyway? They all look the same to me. Different blonde versions of a skanky cyborg. And the guys all look like they were chiseled from the same rock. Six-pack, eight-pack, a dozen eggs! Geeze louise, do these guys live at the gym? Isn’t the point of “buff” to get some action for your efforts? And for the love of all that’s holy ... SHAVE! We get it. It’s that just tumbled out of bed look. But when the world is becoming overshadowed with five o’clock shadow, it’s time to break out the Gillette. So, as a result, it has finally happened to me officially. I have decided I will spend more time living my life instead of reading the sordid details of someone else's. Plus it really makes me sad. I always think, “Man, what the hell must Martians think of us?” Then I get really embarrassed for humans and our rep in the Galaxy. Sheesh.
So as the US magazine shouts out to me that Brett Michaels has gotten engaged to Kristie Gibson, I can’t help but proclaim, “Neeeeeeeeeeever heard o’ them.”
Barbara: Oh, this so hit a nerve, Deb. I used to looooooove glancing through gossip rags as I waited in line at the grocery store. Why? Guilty pleasure, morbid curiosity, nosey snooping into how the other half lives? Sadly, all of the above. I didn’t actually buy the mags, but slurped up all my celebrity info via my 10-minute toe-tapping waits by the conveyor belt. It was intravenous gossip.
Nowadays those lines are no less boring, no less a seeming waste of time, but do I pick up those rags? No. Because the very thought bores me even more than the toe-tapping alternative. I too don’t recognize ANY of those people on the covers. And I’ve wondered countless times if it’s that fogey thing of being “out of the loop” or if the loop has gotten so ratty—with its Kardashians and its Snookies and its 16-year-old pregnant moms—that I’m loathe to imagine ANYONE actually interested in them. So:
IS MY MIDDLE AGE SHOWING?!
And then I hear myself say, Well, if they were showcasing Natalie Portman, say, or someone like that, maybe I’d be interested. She’s young, she’s fresh, she’s hot. But really I like her because she’s a nice girl with an Ivy League brain who’s actually talented. And I hear myself say: WHY CAN’T THEY ALL BE LIKE THAT? A nice girl like Natalie Portman.
So I ask you again:
IS MY MIDDLE AGE SHOWING?!
I am with you, ladies, once a week in the checkout line at the Co-op store in Wadena. I usually recognize quite a few people on the covers, but I don't give a shit what they're doing. Well, mostly I don't believe what the media is saying, so what's the point of reading the stuff?
ReplyDeleteYou are right Kate. never mind the knowing them, it's about the not caring right?
ReplyDeleteI love keeping up with all that celeb stuff. I don't go as far as buying the magazines or looking it up but if I see it on the internet or tv then I wil watch it. I love all that stuff about what celeb does what and who is dating who. The only part that gets me is that these celebs are in the magazines or on the tv or internet all the time sharing their lives with everyone. It must get so weird knowing that you can't have a privite moment with your family. I think there is a fine line between putting a celeb in a magazine or on tv and stalking them.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I attribute it to the fact that there's nothing on TV worth watching as most those people are on television and I barely watch it.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, I'd love to see a magazine with actors and actresses I care about. The ones that stay out of rehab and trouble.
I have a guilty pleasure. Many, many years ago I would take my parents PEOPLE magazine from them and one day it showed up in my mail. My dad had ordered me a long term subscription and now that he has died (I will not ever stop renewing). It reminds me of my love of all sorts of people. I will not go searching them out but here in LA they are everywhere and I love posting sightings to my friends who live where the stars don't. But event though I read people from cover to cover every week I still will skip over the "stars" who are the younger ones and search for the
ReplyDeleteolder" stars. Also, you will catch me on TMZ just for a couple of minutes everyday to see what's up in LALA land. Okay so I admitted here among friends. I must say my copy then goes to my neighbor next door who passes it to the neighbor next to him and so forth.
I, too, used to devour People Mag cover to cover. In fact, my husband always put those mags in mine and my daughters christmas stockings and Easter baskets, and we'd pore over them together. This year, I couldn't be bothered. It just didn't hold my interest. Not because I didn't know or care about the Kardashians and Snooki, but because it's all about drama, which I am no longer attracted to. Now that I'm mellowing and looking for inner peace, my interests have shifted. People magazine...Yaaaaawn.
ReplyDeleteBut Maya Angelou on Master Class? Already watched it three times and will watch it again.
I think we are all of the same mind on this. We have it as guilty pleasure and we love to hear about Stars lives. I am the same. It's just that I will not read about people who are just famous for being tacky. These are lives I don't care about. Other stars yeah I am as interested as the next guy. I buy Vanity Fair religiously. And me too Hollye and Madge, People mag used to be my bible. But Cary Grant and Doris day just aren't in there! So bu-bye People!:-)
ReplyDeleteI love a good biography or diary or interview. People are endlessly fascinating. There is so much we can relate to and learn from in other people's experiences. I just don't think we get much of the truth or the important picture in the trashy magazines and TV shows that purchase photos from paparrazi who stalk celebrities and that repeat their footage over and over again in the course of the show's airings. Give me some quality and I might pick up one of these magazines or watch the shows.
ReplyDeleteAlso I'm of an age where the lives of twentysomethings don't interest me that much anymore, most of the time. I've been there, done that, sort of thing; my focus lies elsewhere. So a lot of what the public is being offered seems shallow and trite to me. It may not be, it may be quite essential gossip or exposé to someone in her twenties, but it insults my intelligence. (With apologies to my younger friends: I don't think this is coming out quite right.)
I think so much of this is how thinly spread the idea 'celebrity' has become. In the early days, with only a few TV channels, and maybe a double digit worth of new movies in a given year, the people who were in them were familiar to everyone, but cable and reality TV and such have really watered all this down. Not that I have really paid attention since... probably high school--I've never cared... at least not since I was sort of allowed to admit i didn't care. I enjoy some of the male eye candy. And I agree Natalie Portman is great (I have a fondness for natalies actually--Natalie Merchant and the Natalie of Dixie Chicks, cuz see... my daughter is a Natalie, so there is incentive to pay attention) but it really takes something special for me to care what somebody does in their private life--has to be something big enough that it would be a story, even if it was a total stranger)--no matter HOW much I might like their work.
ReplyDeleteAmen, Deb. Amen. I recently started a post on my blog with, "WhoTF is Snookie, and why does she turn up on every news site I read? Wait. Nevermind. The little bit I've seen and read tells me that I DON'T want to know."
ReplyDeleteHonestly, it's become a point of obnoxious self-pride (tacky, I admit) for me that I don't waste the brain space to form the protein chains of memory to know stuff about those 2-digit IQ silicone tits.
Oh, and I always have a paperback book in my purse exactly for times like long waits in a line. I also keep at least a library book and a couple of old National Geographic issues in the backseat of my car. *shrugs* I go climb-the-walls-bonkers if I don't have something to read or a ball of yarn and a crochet hook to putter with during a stretch of otherwise wasted time.
Exactly!
ReplyDeleteJersey Shore was the highest rated show on MTV ever last week (Snooki's show). My friend is the lawyer who watches over all these kids for MTV. He is busy 24/7 keeping them alive and vetted for everything they do. I have never watched an episode but obviously someone is.
ReplyDeleteThe viewing audience was over 8.5 million. FYI. What a waste of time to me. But I am not the demographic they want anyway.
ReplyDeleteKate I totally agree. I am a big biography fan. Love them. But I choose to read about pepes with rich and interesting souls. And yes Hart watered down is just the perfect term for it. I love your Natalie theme. Myself I loved Natalie Wood and yes, read several bios on her. Rigel I am going to put 2 digit I.Q.Silicone tits to music. And Nag and Madge, sadly up on Mars, Martians are snickering at us.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. How I hear you. 95% of the people you see on covers are indistinguishable from the rest. I say 95% because today, I recognised a sports star- but she was made up to look like all the rest, which in fact she is supremely gorgeous in her ponytail and sweathy clothes.
ReplyDelete