Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I Never Get Sick!!

Deb: How often over the years have I heard someone exclaim, “I NEVER GET SICK”? It is
A man and woman sneezing with cold medicine sitting between them
always in response to my saying, “I haven’t been feeling too well”, or “I just got over the flu, cold, leprosy” or some similar claim.

The response “I never get sick” always amazes me for several reasons. First of all, it is clearly their way of saying to you, "I am superior to you. Your inability to fight common bugs makes you my human inferior." It is such an obvious status game and it really gets my goat.

This Christmas I declined to hug an old friend at a party because I was just coming out of a flu and didn’t want her to be exposed to any residual germs. She exclaimed loudly to the general crowd around us that she NEVER GETS SICK! I said, “Wow, I guess that makes me a big fat loser.” She looked as though I had struck her, but she had done this same damn thing to me for years. She never sees how rude and elitist that comment is, not to mention condescending.  But there you have it. She doesn’t see her rudeness and never will.  I was the rude one in her eyes.  But I don’t care. I have had it with this game. I have listened to this for years without saying a word.

Do they think I get sick on purpose, like this is something I can actually prevent? I take vitamins and wash my hands and take precautions, but sometimes a bug gets me. So piss off, you “never get sicks”! You do TOO GET SICK! You’re just too egotistical to admit it. If my only claim to fame was “I never get sick”, it would be a sad boast for a sorry life.

My name is Deb, I am human, and I do get sick! If you are some evolved form of humanoid then keep it to yourself or donate your body to science.

Barbara: Well, I never get sick. Because clearly I am a highly evolved humanoid. With super-
Man wearing superhero costume, cape overhead
hero powers to fight infection and disease. I strut through city streets and verdant glen oblivious to germs and illness.

Did you not know this about me, Deb? Have I not impressed you with my (albeit humbly silent) immunity??? Have you not wondered at my strength, my fortitude, my … what’s the word … perfection???

Sheesh. Well, okay then. You read it here, so let that be the end of it between us. I await (with reinstated humble silence) the imminent arrival of marveling scientists from around the world.

In the meantime, could you please pass the Kleenex?


  1. Hahahaha! I never get colds either. My snot production is constant throughout the year, so there's nothing left for anything major. (Plus colds make you infirm and weak which is a turn-on).

  2. I haven't done it, YET. But, one of these days when I'm in a particularly grumbly, growly mood, I might just give into the following urge:

    "I never get sick!"
    "That's OK. You'll still die one day."

  3. I pretend like I never get sick and continue to do all things I shouldn't do when I'm sick, making my illness last about 8 weeks. But moms (and writers) don't have time to stop.

  4. I will never say I don't get sick again. I never thought of it as an insult. I worked in a pediatricians office for many years and only once caught a strep infection from a kid who spit on me as I stuck the swab in his mouth to get a culture. I rarely get sick and that's the truth. Will forever not say it again. :)

  5. I get sick more in the Winter than I go other season. I just got over the stomach flu a couple of weeks ago and when I was getting over it I had a friend tell me " At least I am not sick". I felt like telling her " To go jump out of a window". Think about it this way, all the people that tell you that they NEVER GET SICK may not be sick now but I am sure that Karma will turn right around and bit them in the ass very very soon. Then you can turn right around to them and say "I thought you never get sick". Karma sucks,but some people deserve it.

  6. Well, I guess the other possibility with the "no-sickies" is that they are a little agog at their own good fortune??? I hope they continue their success, but sadly the only "secret" is probably genetics...

  7. I am here LMAO~
    for I never get sick but after 37 years I got some rhino virus sinus thing over the Holidays!
    It came from FB because the only people I know who have it I do not see! Cyber Germs!

    I taught two and three years old for 25 years~never missed a day!

    tissues, soup, rest, crisco.

    I plastered crisco all over my face so my lips and nose would not be raw-it worked- I usually only use it on my face in the bitter cold it is natural and great on the skin ~ the pillowcase is another matter!
    Feel Better!

  8. Sometimes I believer people just speak without thinking...They learn to rely on a series of fall-back lines in place of real conversation.

    I don't know why but when I read this post I thought immediately of when I was pregnant for the first time and didn't tell people forever. I'm small-framed, I was almost seven months in before I began to show, I had a busy career and it was easier not to deal with it, etc.. However, when I did begin telling people, I can't tell you how many women responded with a rather disconcerting, "I can't wait to see you fat!" That's right...not congrats...or how exciting...rather a confusing, "I can't wait to see you fat!" This wasn't one or even two women...I heard the same phrase constantly and I was left dumbfounded by the remark. rude is rude and two...what kind of malice drives this kind of observation? And most importantly, "Have ya given any thought to what you are actually saying?" It's the same with, "I never get sick!" In that someone has just shared they are, its straight-up thoughtless to brag about your own perceived good fortune. And I agree with you Deb, it implies the speaker feels some sort of if your inability to fight off a determined virus is a blight on your character.

  9. I read this post sick, and, thus, appreciate it. Deb is seriously funny. I never get funny! Wait, that's not right. >:(

    Did I mention I'm sick.

    (this comment may or may not be representative about the threesome crap you're about to get from me any day now. Don't say you werent forewarned.

  10. lifewaves -- Crisco?! That's a new one. Are you sure that's not a sex-trick?!

    Annette, I can't believe you're "fat" story. Or I can, but hate to.

    And, Gae, you slay me sick or well. I get you.

  11. Barbara -

    I read about the shortening thing many years ago in one of the Tightwad Gazette books. Hang on, let me dig around in my compendium. *scurries off to big bookcase*

    Aha! It was in the 2nd book. (You can now get the 3 books in one.)

    From The Complete Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn, page 487:

    "Dear Amy,
    A plastic surgeon friend said to use Crisco shortening on my dry lips rather than anything else. It works well!
    Tina Schneider
    Oceanside, California"

    There are also various homemade beauty treatment recipes out there online on thriftiness websites that use shortening as a base for lip balm.

  12. Rigel, thanks -- and you know what? I should've known: what else is the bees' wax and shea butter I use but natural, cheap, and utterly effective treatments?!

  13. Deb I will not say I never get sick. I do. But my mother and I rarely got sick, but when we did it was a dozy. Example... My brothers and friends had Chicken Pox or something and get over it in a week. Me, I had to stay in bed for almost 2 weeks. A friend and I ate the exact same thing she got diarrhea, I had full blown food poisoning lost over 30 lbs, and couldn't eat solid food for over a month.

    I would much rather get a sick more often but less sever. So I guess that makes you superior to me, and Barb is a god in comparison.

    Oh and if you know anyone who delivers tissue and antibiotics, let me know. I feel a cold coming on.

  14. I'm with Deb. I get sick. I get sick often. I don't often moan about it, but I do get sick, and when I am sick I do go out of my way to not pass on my germs.

  15. I loved all the sick comments! Barb was very kind in monitoring and responding to everyone's comments. My husband and I have been away to a spa for three days and she graciously took over. Just to be clear darling lovely readers, I am thrilled for anyone who is never sick. Just don't want it shouted in my face when I am. I love the different degrees of sick in the comments from Never ever to sometimes, to just a little sicky to never get sick but when I do I am down for the count. We are interesting creatures we humans! xo

  16. *stares at weather forecast*
    *stares at Deb's spa comment*
    *stares back at weather forecast*

    If kiddo gets a snow day on Monday, can I have a spa day, please? ;)

  17. Oh man, I totally get this. My exboyfriend used to proclaim the same thing every time I was sick. I blame the fact that in the first year we were dating I got mono, and he never did. From then on he fully believed in his immunity to every sickness I got. Hmph.

  18. Okay, I am now sick for the first time in over a year. I was cursed when I wrote I rarely get sick. Serves me right.:)

  19. Turns out not really sick but suffering sinus issues. Does that count? Not in bed and no slow down on everyday things to do. :)

  20. Oh, Madge, this is so funny! I mean, not funny, laughing at you, but, oh dear, it sucks to get sick and then feel cursed! Hope you get better fast! xo


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