Monday, May 23, 2011

Too Old To Swim????!

Barbara: I’m pretty flexible when it comes to other people’s opinions. I know they’re just that: OPINIONS. But sometimes an opinion gets so under my skin that I have to rant and rave for, like, five whole minutes. Start your timers, folks:

Okay, read this article—well, not really an article, more like an article blurb—in my paper the other day. Of course, it’s just an abbreviation of several other abbreviated articles of its ilk around the world. To wit: Hillary Moss of The Huffington Post at styelist riffs on it, as does Daily Mail Reporter at The Daily Mail UK (PS: Mr/Ms Mail Reporter, if that really is your name, I’m sorry it's such a pedestrian one, however, if this is the Daily Mail’s idea of attribution, it fucking sucks. Writers unite! Anyway…).

I couldn’t find the survey that they all quote, but apparently it was administered by Diet Chef, a diet service in the UK (and we all know how reliably relevant and important surveys administered by diet services can be). Well, Diet Chef interviewed 2000 women about their opinions on women of certain ages wearing certain clothes. Now, it’s possible we’ve all been guilty of, “She’s wearing that?!” at some point in our lives. But I have to say, it’s one of my least favourite of the womanly clichés.

Anyway, after interviewing these 2000 women, this survey feels compelled to make the following proclamations for aging women everywhere: No miniskirts after 35. No bikinis after 47 (is this my last bikini summer?!). No leggings after 37. No long hair after 53. No wearing trainers except for sports after 44. WTF?! Am I condemned to short hair because of my age??? And I might be grasping here, but aren’t the aging feet of older women––of all feet!––prime candidates for the support and comfort offered by a running shoe when they’re, say, going for a stroll or navigating the aisles of the supermarket (… unless these activities are considered “sport”. Then my bad.)

But the kicker? The unleasher of my wrath and fury? This decree:

No swimsuits after 61.

Yes, you read that right. No. Swimsuits. After. 61.

Do we hate ourselves so much, must we be so controlled and self-conscious and uptight, that we aren’t even allowed to SWIM!!! after a certain age?! Or perhaps these 2000 surveyees believe that if an older women absolutely MUST slip into that refreshing lake or pool, then she should do so only in the dead of night and only after donning a full body suit, thus avoiding egregious insult to the delicate vision of all youthful beings who inhabit the earth.

Makes me want to don thigh-high leather boots and a bikini top, throw a see-through blouse over it, brush my long hair into a ponytail and jump into the fucking lake.

‘Nuff said.

Deb: Deb: As I write this, I am piercing my naval with a bobby pin.

STOP THIS BULLSHIT. Everyone should stop doing it! But women especially. I heard a young girl last week say that it is gross to think of people over 50 having sex. Man, I was so sad to hear her say that. And now this BULLSHIT. People say “don’t revisit what you have worn any other decade.” It is a stupid rule for people who are afraid, for people who conform. Wear a hat full of red blooming roses with a peekaboo blouse. Or wear a sensible skirt and cashmere twin set. I DON”T CARE! But wear what makes you feel lovely and happy and damn everyone who says you can’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


PS Oh, and in case anyone missed it, we posted a new deco tip and recipe last Saturday!

43 comments:

  1. This. Shit. Makes. Me. Cranky.

    Besides, have you seen the way the older women work out in their water aerobics classes? I'm guessing they could kick the ass of most of the people who surveyed against them. ;)

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  2. Hasn't Dame Helen Mirren blown the bikini part out of the water (sorry, I couldn't resist). You would think as the general population is getting older, we would grow beyond our preoccupation with youth. It's nice to be young, but the real flavor of life is savored by the experience. Now, where are those damn leggings!

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  3. And, Shawn, the irony for me is that Dame Mirren is a Brit! How could they have forgotten her spectacular bod in that red bikini?! But most importantly, why would we put the breakers on our own future lives? Whether it's sex or, you know, leather pants...

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  4. and I'll go one further. Who says we even need to have a good body to wear a bathing suit. Swimming is recreation and exercise, NOT a beauty contest. I gotta say, I have seen some pretty awful bikini bodies on 20 year olds. We should all just live and let live!

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  5. You should wear whatever you want Barb.I think it is so STUPID the way some people think these days. It really is. I mean if you want to wear a swimsuit after 61 than I say go for it. I see quite a lot of people when I go to the pool with my friends that have swimsuites on and some of them are in there 60. I mean if I don't see what the big deal is. If people don't want to see someone over 60 wear a swimsuit than here's and idea don't look.

    Those rules are just as dumb as they can get and the other rule that gets me is the no long hair after 53 one. I mean come on,really. I know plenty of adults that are over 53 and they have long hair. Heck my grandmother is 62 and has long blond beautiful hair. And she loves it. She couldn't be more happy with it. So with that rule I say that they can KISS IT and they can stick these rules where the sun don't shine.

    So go ahead and people wear what you want cause no one can stop you.

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  6. Yes, yes, Deb, exactly. Our bodies are the only vessels we have in which to live. It stands to reason that 6 billion bodies are all going to look different. So let's accept that and get on with things. Through thick and thin.

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  7. Oops, we crossed, Lyndsie, but hear hear!

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  8. I'm something of a rebel when it comes to fashion. I've never gone along with any trend. I'm happy to find my own. I have big plans for when I get "old". I refuse to do the old lady hair bouf. I'll keep my hair shoulder legnth, maybe dyed purple! I'm going to wear big hats, crazy socks and Mary Jane shoes. No one is going to tell me what to wear!

    These kinds of surveys are so stupid and just show off how really shallow some people are. I say we all rebel again dumb fashion rules!

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  9. I love it, Molly. In fact, my fashion designer daughter said -- in response to this post -- that people who slavishly follow style rules have no style. So if we go ahead and do our own thing, we will also be innately stylish ;)

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  10. Barb,
    please, please, please do "don thigh-high leather boots and a bikini top, throw a see-through blouse over it"!
    P.

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  11. Okay, (points upward), just ignore him. That's my husband. (love you, sweetie)

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  12. Okay if sex talk on text is sexting, did your husband just slog you? :-)

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  13. This is why I love y'all. lol :)

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  14. NO KIDDING.
    I'll wear pink and red together if I want.
    I'll wear gold and silver if I want.
    Let 'em howl, I say. Who makes up these friggin' stupid rules, anyway? Cause they sure aren't mine.

    And also, if I ever meet the Queen of England, I am NOT courtseying. Screw that.

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  15. I don't read surveys. Loved the column today. I have a bathing suit which I wear and I am 62 so there.

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  16. I hear you Kate. Pink and red. Love it! Gold and silver-go go go! There is a great old movie that I adore called ROSIE with Sandra Dee and Roz Russel. Exactly what we are talking about. But Kate, not curtsy to her Majesty Queen Elizabeth 11? I...ummm...oh...dear...what???????? :-0

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  17. The curtsy think rankles me, too. Bowing to someone just because they got born into a certain family? I don't think so.

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  18. Oh The Daily Mail. Just when you think it can't get any more god-awful and insulting to pretty much everyone apart from middle-aged white men, it goes and surprises you. And that's bad surprise, not good surprise, like a basket of kittens on the doorstep.

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  19. I didn't follow the Daily Mail, Katherine, I guess this kind of reporting is par for the course? A basketful of kittens indeed.

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  20. what are you talking about Rigel? I bow to Barb every single day. She kinda makes me. Kittens. Puppies. Baby ducks, Okay I must stop now. Ahhhhhhhh

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  21. It's true. We here at The Middle Ages may be flexible on style but we're very rigid when it comes to decorum. I must have my bows and my curtseys (and scraping is a welcome option).

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  22. Kittens! Bunnies! *happy, squeally love*

    Here are 2 bloggie sources of happy and cute for you, Deb:

    Animals with Stuffed Animals
    http://animalswithstuffedanimals.com/

    Daily Squee!
    http://squee.icanhascheezburger.com/

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  23. I agree with you ladies and feel your anger! Let's stop the judgement and get on with important things!!!

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  24. I could rant the rest of the day about this, because my opinion about supposed "experts" telling me what to wear has always been "Fuck them!". I've seen people who were supposed to be in the fashion industry who looked like complete train wrecks, and they're telling me what to wear? Umm, no, not gonna happen. No one should tell you what to wear, or what to do, except for you. And I won't even get started on the idiocy about the sneakers and the swimsuits, because you'd be here the rest of the week reading this. The short version? These "experts" are complete morons...

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  25. Rigel, RIDICULOUSLY cute! Jenn, You guys also said it perfectly over at Society Finch LA. April, we love the rants, so thanks for chiming in!

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  26. I saw that survey, too, and I'm thinking to myself, really?
    Now, let it be known that I am of the plus-size persuasion. These morons who create these surveys are probably the very same ones who say women of my size can't wear certain types of clothing. Screw that, I'll wear what I like! That's part of being an individual! :)

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  27. I hear you roar, Beth. Own it, baby.

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  28. Why do people insist on deliberately suppressing others' self esteem? Barb your daughter is right, fashion and style has no rules and never has. It's about creativity and imagination and working what you've got.
    This article has got me so mad. I agree with you - Fuck them, I'll wear what I fucking want till the day I die and if anyone has a problem with that, then they can kiss my ass!
    Go for the bikinis and and red hats and purple hair (love it!) and whatever you darn well please ladies, you don't have to answer to anyone but yourselves :)
    Oh and Kate and Rigel? I'm totally with you on the royal curtsey thing - sorry Deb, I know you're a faithful royalist... though I'd definitely curtsey to you! :P

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  29. Thanks for this post. As a newly hatched 50 year old, I am constantly wondering if I should dress more to my age...as it turns out I don't care! I am dressing how I feel comfortable, sexy or whatever the mood strikes. As for the swimsuit after 6o, I come from a long line of swimmers, lead by my grandmother who swam well into her 90's. Now that is an example I will follow.

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  30. You know sometimes it takes stupid surveys, articles and comments to really get us to see things in the right light. For all the anger and ranting brought on by this idiotic decree, look how we've all risen up and decided to own our bodies, our images! I love it!!

    s, Elle, woo-hoo!!

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  31. Now comes the big midlife crisis adornment decision. I'm seriously considering getting a tattoo for my 40th birthday -- an octopus with tentacles wrapping around my right ankle.

    But, I dunno. I've got 1 1/2 year to decide.

    But, I guarantee y'all I won't let some prissy stick figure with a lipstick tube up her ass dictate anything to me.

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  32. So, how old is too old for tutus? This lady gets it right!

    http://immd.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/05/24/funny-win-story-immd-news-of-the-day-59/

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  33. Ooh, Rigel, nice sounding tat. As far as tattoos go, they're probably not MY style, but I think they're awesome. And they may have been appropriated by the young and rebellious, but they have serious symbolic pedigree. I love the octopus idea. And thanks for the link to tutu lady. She's awesome!

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  34. Rigel, go for it! I love my tatt! My only advice is to make sure the design has some sort of sentimental value, otherwise you're likely to get sick of it. Also, some places can give you a semi-permanent (kind of like air-brushing) version of your tattoo design which will last for a couple of weeks. It's a good idea if you get that offer so that you can see exactly what it will look like and whether you are truly happy with the design and placement.
    Good luck! :)

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  35. Ha, when I read "no swimsuit after 61" I thought "swim naked". :)
    I think before I reach 60 I'm getting a tattoo of a big clock so that by the time I reach 60 and swim naked I'll have a beautiful Dali melting clock on my backside for the youngsters to look at.
    Karen Frazier

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  36. lol, Karen! Someone Facebooked me the same comment (about being naked instead). Yes, I think that would be by far the best option :)

    And I love the Dali clock!

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  37. I have a tattoo on my upper back which covers a surgery scar. Before the tat i was afraid someone would see the ugly scar. When I got the tat I forgot all about the scar, and I forget that I have the tattoo until someone mentions seeing it peeking over the collar of my shirt. One day I might get a lady bug somewhere, preferably where I can see it without having to use mirrors. :) I like the idea someone mentioned about having a temporary tattoo sprayed on. That way you could tell if you like the design and location before the choices are gone. If you get it you should post it. I love octopuses (i looked that up, ha). They are very intelligent creatures. Used to eat them before I met one up close.
    Good luck with that tat!
    P.S. Barbara, glad you liked the clock. :)
    Hugs 4 all
    Karen Frazier

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  38. Karen, how brilliant is it to entwine a tattoo with a surgery scar?! One symbol borne out of necessity and one out of choice. love that. And before Elle had mentioned the temporary tattoo, I never knew that was an option. Definitely something I would consider doing if I ever decided to tat up (like after surgery???!). xo

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  39. What I know of Queen Liz, I like and respect. I'm not a royal watcher, yet am as interested as the average person likely is. Still I wouldn't courtsey to her, or anyone. We'll meet as equals, or not at all.
    Do I have the wrong end of the stick on this? Would I be arrested for not showing proper respect? Or what? I would not like to offend the lady, but neither do I want to be offended by being forced to show deference by courtseying. Or whatever the reason for this silly protocol is.
    I'd shake her hand. I'd hug her. I'd smile. But I'd rather not meet her, than have to play that game.
    Obvious I'll never be a diplomat, or a diplomat's wife.

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  40. I'm commenting rather late on this one because I missed it along the line somewhere.

    1) I don't care what people think of how I dress. I never have. My mother begged me all through high school to wear something more "fashionable" or "lady-like." She worked at Macy's and saw all that stuff and "that's what all the girls wore." Never mattered to me then. Still doesn't matter to me now. I spend a lot of time in t shirts and jeans. I dress for comfort, not style. And I have an almost-wiffle haircut. 'cause it's HOT and I hate sweating. Yeah, "lady-like" and I have never gotten along.

    2) I have four tattoos. They're all just above my ankles and they all mean something. I have a rose (which I actually want to have altered. It was a moment of rebellion during my first marriage.) One is a Styx logo with Tommy Shaw's actual autograph to go with it. (He signed me and I had it tattooed.) The 4th is Greg Proops' autograph, with which I did the same thing. (Six years later, this past May, he was all psyched about having me show it to Jeff Davis, so I know it means something to him, too. :) ) If I get another one, it will be a small something around my neck area, to symbolize something. It will speak to me in the studio. I will not hear the voices saying, "Really?? Aren't you a little old for that?"

    3) I'm a member of the "women's" club as well. BTW, I don't understand that distinction. Aren't we ALL women? Or why am I NOT a "miss"? And why is it that when Kirstie Ally was heavier, she had "BALLOONED" to over 200lb. I HATE THE MEDIA when it comes to this subject. I could do a much longer rant on this, but suffice it to say, the industry's idea of large isn't the real world's idea of large. Nor does "one size fit(s) all."

    OH, and PS, I shop at Lane Bryant. There is no such thing as a "plus-sized" mannequin. The clothes on them have a LOT of pins in the back to keep them on the mannequins. Makes me SICK.

    4) I live a couple of miles from the Atlantic ocean. People of ALL sizes were their bathing suits, regardless of size or age. Damned if I'm gonna stand on the sidelines afraid to take my shirt or shorts off. Love me as I am. Or at least shut up.

    5) I'll never be elected president. I've apparently exposed too much of the real me. Pun intended.


    Dawn<---- goes to breathe, as she seems to have discovered her sore spot

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  41. Extra PS: I wouldn't curtsey, but I don't plan on meeting the queen, either, so it's not something I'm going to worry about. :)

    Dawn

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