Monday, June 27, 2011

What If EVERYTHING Happens For A Reason

Barbara: It sounds like a serious philosophical question, I know, but I think it could also be a fun question to bat around for a bit.

I’m sure most have us have found ourselves at some point in our lives saying, “It happened for a reason,” either to ourselves or to a friend in trouble. But I haven’t always been sure I believed it. So much so that I invented my own turn of phrase in answer to it: “I don’t know if everything happens for a reason, but I do know you have to reason with everything that happens.” A trite turn of phrase, I know, but come on, as a thinking human, you DO have to make peace with the stuff that happens to you, especially the crappy stuff.

On the other hand, if you’re like me and if enough years have passed, you also can’t help noticing that this handy reassurance also seems to be true. For instance, when I was young I always promised myself I’d try my acting luck in L.A., but I never made the trip. Instead, I concentrated on raising my girls in my native land. I’ve sometimes wondered what would’ve happened if… but I also look at my grown daughters now and know with full certainty that they’ve had chances to grow and develop and we’ve had a family life here that would never have been like this if…

On the same hand, I’ve also had to deal with crap too terrible to go into here that has absolutely had a lasting––and ultimately positive––effect on me and the people around me. It just took years to find the “reason” behind it.

Another thing I believe: the horrible things that have happened in the world have also taught humankind lessons that we would never otherwise have learned. It’s not the “Secret” philosophy where you attract your own fate, but the opposite. It’s the butterfly effect. Everything makes a ripple. And ripples are a fact, not an evil. And all those ripples, even the terrible ones, make the fabric of our lives denser, richer, more profound.

Oh dear, this is sounding way too much like a deep philosophical chat, isn’t it? So let me get back on “fun” track. What if it’s not just major events that “happen for a reason”, but every single little thing as well?

I’ve suddenly found myself contemplating this question everywhere I go. And as a result the world has suddenly gone into super-saturated mode. Sound bytes, random occurrences, a song on the radio, all suddenly take on a real SIGNIFICANCE. And that stuff people say about living in the “now” seems to be much easier to accomplish––because the now is so present. Because when everything is important, well, then EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT. It’s been a fun few days. And I swear it feels way less cerebral than (I think) it sounds.

Try it and let me know what happens to you when everything happens for a reason… 

Deb I think this blog today happened for a reason. It coincided with that fact that I was just thinking today about something in our lives, and the life of the boy, and how it had happened for a reason.


We were driving him up to camp this morning for his summer job and as we weaved past each yearly signpost I kept thinking of his camp and how I didn’t grow up going to camps and never figured that camp would be a part of the boy’s life.

I remember the day I heard about this wonderful arts camp. Luke had stated in no uncertain terms that he was not interested in camp of any kind. But despite my need to have him with us in the summer, I knew that this would be a place he might thrive in. Just a week I thought. Ha ha.

And he went and it became the thing he looked forward to every year. It brought him a whole new world of possibility and friends. And all these years later after picking him up each year and seeing the joy and the growth in him, we know that it happened for a reason. He and his girlfriend of three years met there and she certainly happened in our lives for a reason. He became a loving partner with her. He learned the joy of a shared relationship and we have stood in awe of his maturity with her. He has learned to love a woman and he has learned to love children through this camp. Mostly he has discovered a new and wonderful side of himself that we could not have brought out in him.

I remember the day I saw the name of that camp and read the description. Even then, I knew it was a fit for the boy.

I knew I had found it for a reason.

PS A new fun, practical deco tip and yummy, easy recipe were published on Saturday!

30 comments:

  1. I have always said that things happen for a reason . When we lost my grandmother In 09 we all were suprised but then I thought on how not only things but life happens for a reason. So yeah things do happen for a reason and I am sure always will. Great post.

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  2. The older I get, I realize that every event or crisis or joy that's happened in my life bounced me further along in the school of life. Had they not happened, I would not have grown. I look back, and think, if this had not happened then this other thing could not have occurred.

    It's interesting how easily I can SEE it all now!

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  3. I, too believe in everything happens for a reason. And I was taught that everything is important and carries equal weight. I actually went to therapy because everything is not of the same importance and certainly doesn't carry equal weight for me. My art has allowed me to see the negative space in life and that has opened up my brain amazingly. I think some things carry way more weight family, friends for two examples. Nature and it's goodness is a different kind of everything.

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  4. As for little things being important: i am asking questions right now, and then I'll suddenly be aware of a snippet of conversation or a song lyric and it will seem to be answering that very question. So, seemingly, a little thing happening for a big reason!

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  5. Barbara-I think this is a great topic. We DO have to reason with that big stuff... especially the big bad stuff. I think the hardest stuff I've had to deal with have given me tools to help OTHER people (often my kids)--either to avoid certain pitfalls or to deal with hard stuff themselves.

    LOVED Deb's response though--that first line--you crack me up. And I love the idea of this as a STORY generator... you hear the song on the radio and wonder WHO out there had to hear it and why.

    I definitely spent a lot of time this weekend wondering the reason for the 4 ninjas I saw at the bank.

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  6. lol, Hart!!! The 4 ninjas! Maybe to make us all laugh here????

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  7. Hart -

    If you could see them, they weren't very good ninjas.

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  8. Despite all the experiences I have had, I am a firm believer that things do happen for a reason. The fact I'm leaving to go abroad next Friday; the free-tuitiion college I am attending. Thanks for this great reminder :]

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  9. Very interesting..... I believe things happen for a reason. We learn from them and grow from them. Sometimes your life is affected by the ripple and you are aware of the affect. Sometimes you affect someone else without knowing it. My life was changed this summer because of an idea shared by someone else. That person might never know that something they said was important to anyone, but I know what they said was important to me.

    Ninjas? At the bank? That's hilarious! I had no idea that ninjas had bank accounts.
    -Molly

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  10. Rigel, I loved your comment and was thinking the same thing! haha

    I too believe that everything happens for a reason, and I think it would be hard for anyone not to... because even if you don't have any Philosophical or Spiritual views, it's fairly easily explained by the ripple effect of other people's choices, words and actions on other people. As they say: 'every action has an equal and opposite reaction' But that is of course only if you want to get all objective and scientific about it. I personally, being a Christian, believe that everything, good or downright wretched is all part of God's greater plan and that it'll all be worth it in the end or as my grandma always used to say: 'it'll all come out in the wash' :) Great blog, ladies!

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  11. I'm gonna check in later, guys -- it's PROM!!! be back in a couple of hours xo

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  12. Oh you have opened up a can of worms in my mind Barb. I'm really on the fence on this one, I certainly believe in the causality and effect of events in our lives but I'm not sure that there is anything more than chance behind the twists and turns our individual lives take. To many of lifes experiences simply seen to defy explanation to me.

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  13. I was getting a mani pedi today and two gals were sitting beside me and they had just reunited after thirty years. Old camp friends. The one gal had resisted facebook until a friend of hers bullied her into it. She said that she was so pissed with the friend for being the boss of her that she went on to it to find out how to get off and on the "friends you might know" section she saw her long lost friend. She actually said "I guess it happened for a reason". and they sat together beaming getting their nails painted and talking over old times.

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  14. I came very close to death when I was 12, and I've spent a lot of years since, attempting, and failing, to commit suicide. I continue to struggle to find a reason why I'm here. It isn't because of any religious belief that it's a sin. However, I can't help but think that maybe if I could get behind the idea of (a) "faith," I might find the answer. Faith that there is, in fact, a reason that I just haven't learned yet, for whatever reason.

    I will, however, continue to blame the coffee, ice cream, or whatever it is that keeps spilling on my shirt, even if the reason is that I'm a klutz.

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  15. Tell ya what, Anonymous. How about we give you a reason you are here.

    You are here so we can love you.

    I'm serious. *hugs*

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  16. My skeptic's mind rejects the notion, but my heart believes otherwise.

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  17. *stares* Barbara's always telling me to quit thinking too much. Guess it's time to prove that I listen and say the same to you.

    Anyway, I'm open to the adventure of a new friendship. I entertain the option of adopting you into my heart. Good heavens, this blog has blessed me with so many new, wonderful women in my life, especially Barbara and Deb. So much love has flowed into the universe through this blog community. I'm hoping you're willing to let me learn to love you, too.

    So, there. However much or little it may be worth, there's one reason you are here. I'm a person who gives a shit that you're still hanging around. You count to me. *shrugs*

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  18. I definitely believe in the notion that everything happens for a reason! As a Christian, I believe that God lets things happen because He has a plan for me, and that "it'll all come out in the wash", as someone above me said!
    I know there aren't people that share that same belief, and I get that. But, that is how I personally see everything around me! Such a interesting and contemplative post, Barb- definitely makes people think!:)

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  19. Ok so I have to just come back into this. So today I actually realized this from a cosin of mying that is going through a tough time right now. When we were talking today, she ask me why she had to feel that way that she does about the things that she is going through right now. Finally after thinking about it my responce was things happen for a reason. No more no less. When things happen we can't change them unless we want want too and then and only then will we ever figure out the real reason why things happen for a reason.

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  20. Tears in my eyes, guys. Just got back from my daughter's pre-prom parties and am already verklempt. And now to catch up with all you guys and your amazing amazing spirits! As Rigel said, we found each other here -- and whether that's for a reason or just dumb luck, count me a believer and damn lucky. And Anonymous, believe Rigel when she tells you, because she knows, she is wise and she is right: you are here to love and be loved. And I love you too. Look -- or you might miss it! xoxo

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  21. Barbara! We need a pic of the infamous dress that matches The Last Shoes! :)

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  22. Rigel, I believe I have a blog post lead coming up on Fri... impatient girl!

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  23. "Everything happens for a reason"- I'm just not sure it does. I've never been certain of it, and even less so now. Some of the things going on in my life now (*insert depressing personal problems here*) seem to absolutely defy reason. Will I look back on said problems years from now and go "Oh, so that's why that happened"? Perhaps. But right now, reason seems to have flown the proverbial coop. (Very sorry for the long and gloomy comment, by the way...)

    On a cheerier note- Deb, I loved reading your story about Luke and his camp. Very sweet, indeed.

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  24. April, I feel your pain -- and you're safe to spout, stew and vent here. It's what we do! That said, I also think the "reasons" only show up if you open your eyes and look both widely out and deeply within during your ordeals. You don't need to (and probably won't for a while) have an epiphany as you look, but there is no doubt at all that you will grow as a person, of yourself and of the greater world, and will one day have a higher vantage point.

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  25. What a wonderful post!!! So true! As I type this I am sitting in the airport waiting to board a flight to Chicago, which will then take me to London as I study abroad for a month!!! I never thought in a million years that I would be given such this amazing opportunity! Thanks for giving me a reason to smile! :)

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  26. Wow, both Kelly and Molly going on unexpected trips that will undoubtedly change their lives. Have fun, girls, on your grand adventures!! It's so exciting! (but keep in touch, because I'm selfish that way ;) ) xo

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  27. *Hugs Rigel*

    Your words mean a lot to me, and I accept those with your hugs. Thank you for your perfect timing.

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  28. For the first time in my life, I'm enjoying the company of women that are here, NOT just "the gals." And it's fantastic. I'll keep reading, keep posting, keep enjoying the company of all the wonderful women here.
    -d

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  29. d- I second your emotion! Everyday I thank my lucky stars to have found this amazing community of women I wouldn't otherwise know. And even though I have an amazing group here in "real life", this circle has enriched me more than I could ever have guessed. Thanks so much for being part of it!

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  30. Thanks, Barb. I'll try very hard to keep that in mind.

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