Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Don’t Take My Picture!!!

Deb: Since as long as I can remember, “Don’t take my picture!!!” was my Mum’s battle cry whenever a camera came within fifty feet of her. As a result, her photos, which would have been lovely had she just smiled, featured a pained expression of protest. It became a family joke, the constant, ”Jimmy, put away that camera”, “Jimmy, don’t you dare, I mean it!”, “Jimmy, for Godssake, don’t take my picture!”

As I was pouring through the old photos of my lovely Mum at various ages and stages, I started to think, Wouldn’t it be great to get up every morning and, while brushing our teeth, look in the mirror and love what we see. I know we have touched on this subject before, but doing The Cousins Project has made me see the progression of this. As I have looked at pictures of my youngest, younger, young self and that of my loved ones, the same thing struck me over and over. I had an epiphany.

It is this: We are not young and then old. We are simply young. Always young. Because when we see ourselves in the mirror, we are always younger than we are about to be. Does this make sense?

What I guess I mean is that we are always younger, yet we categorize ourselves from infant to senior. And yet, even as a senior we are younger. Hope I haven’t lost you yet. Barb’s quantum physics has finally kicked in I guess!
So what I am saying, is that we should love the way our young self looks, even if that young self is fifty-seven years old. After all, as soon as we walk away from the mirror we are older by seconds, then minutes, days, months, years. God willing, we will look back at our 80th birthday photos when we are 90 and say, “Wow, I had it going on!” I mean, even at 90 we are younger right?  We are younger than we are about to be. So maybe we should love up the young us at all ages!

Doing The Cousins Project, three pictures stuck me. Two of them were of Granny, the first at her 80th birthday and the second at her 87th. The difference in Granny in those two pictures absolutely blew my mind. The change in her in those 7 years astounded me. And it dawned on me that, unlike my Mum and myself, my Granny never disparaged her looks. When she was dressed up for a party or event, I think she was happy with the way she looked.  I don’t think she would have had to glance back from the future to be happy with her present self. I think she looked in the mirror and liked what she saw. What a gift, I thought, and I envied her for it.

The third picture was of me in my 20’s. It’s a candid picture my Dad took and I only saw it for the first time when I started the project. Me in a cowboy hat and 80’s shorts jumpsuit, and I was struck by how lovely I thought it was. Then I harkened back to that time. I had just dyed my hair black as I was not happy with the brown or blonde me, and didn’t think I was pretty or cute or interesting looking and needed a change. It seemed to me then that I had a million different reasons to criticize myself. Then I saw that photo and ... what the hell was I thinking!?! It is so sad that I was not loving that Deb. What is so bad about liking and loving ourselves? When did we decide that was a bad thing? We are all perfect in our way and we sorely need to start seeing it in ourselves before we piss it away. I look at little kid Deb and think, “When? When did the first doubt creep in? What picture was it? What black and white image contained the moment I first thought I was less than I could be?”

And I pondered it and figured, What’s done is done. But in honour of all my past Deb’s that I dissed, I am looking in the mirror and loving what I see. All fifty-almost-eight! years of me. I will not wait ‘till eighty to look at Today Deb and say, “What a babe!”




Barbara: Yup. I get it. Maybe we all do. Well, maybe with the exception of your darling Granny. I haven’t gone through and organized old photos like you have, Deb—and I would like to one day!—but I absolutely remember seeing pics of myself over the years and cringing. And those are the pics that come to mind whenever anyone holds a camera to my face: “Oh, not that angle, that makes my chin look double”, “Nope, not that one, that emphasizes the bags under my eyes”, “God forbid I look serious in a photo—I look like a furious manic-depressive”. And I also know I’ve looked back at older photos and I haven’t seen double chins or eye-bags or frowns, but have only seen the sweetness of that day—whatever that moment was that was special enough to prompt someone to pull out the camera and decide to commemorate.

As you said, Deb, we’ve talked about this before, but dammit, we gotta keep reminding ourselves to get over ourselves and embrace the beautiful us of us!

35 comments:

  1. Deb-my mom does the same thing and it is a family joke. Even in events we video taped mom is heard saying throughout, get that camera away from me. She will be 80 in Dec and I wanted to make a video of her talking about her life growing up on a farm in Queens NY. She won't do it which is sad because I think my kids and her other 13 or so grandchildren and now many great grandchildren would like to have it. I don't think it is vanity as much as it is lack of self esteem which is also sad.

    I intend to read her this post when I see her later on. Thank you for yet another enlightening post. Have a wonderful day ladies!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a shame Mary that she won't let you do the video. It's really weird but my Mum is fine with the video stuff. She is just weird about the snapped photos. Maybe this post will help. I hope so!

      Delete
  2. Your grandmother is so beautiful Deb. It sounds like she was very secure and happy within herself and that showed through in her wonderful smile and happy eyes. When we aren't so insecure with ourselves, we can truly enjoy other people and what they offer. Then our world is so full of new and exciting possibilities to learn from another's wisdom and experiences. It's not always about us ....is it!!! xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love what your saying Deb. Your very right we should not put are selves in catagories when.it comes to age. Age is just a number and it should not define who we are or what we look like as a person. When my grandfather was younger he had jet black hair and very tan skin, we he got older and even when he got sick he still keep his jet black hair and that tan skin. So your diffently right Deb age is jusr a number. Also Deb,your mother is a.very pretty Lady. My grandfather use to say a joke when he would grow a year he would say" im not getting older,im just getting better lookin.every year. " got to love it.,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Age is a number, yep. I love your Grandfathers way of thinking Lyndsie!

      Delete
  4. Isn't she lovely Jo? My Granny's claim to fame was that she never wore slacks or shorts ever. Always a lovely dress or kilt. It's not always about us? WHAT? :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL!!! I thought you might jump on that one Deb!!!! ha ha ha

      Delete
    2. YOu KNEW I had to! :-) Jo!

      Delete
  5. I always look back on my photos and think I looked good but just not at the time I actually took the photo. I am always impressed with exactly what you are saying Deb. I was not happy with my looks but when I look back I was adorable and always smiling. Such a sad way to feel. Now I look at myself and again no photo do I like. I am going to stop that process today.
    On a side note, as my sister cleaned out my Mom's house after 50 years with some help from me we found old VHS tapes which had labels so we took them to a conversion place and made them DVD's. Such wonderful memories are not appearing on these DVD's. Such a joy to watch my 85 year old mother as a little 2 year old up until around 14. And then other tapes with my sister and me on a cruise to Hawaii from LA back in the day. A special treat indeed to be reminded of how terrific we all looked. I am going to try and remember your post today and be positive about how I look.Thanks for the reminder.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Madge I am thrilled for you and your video find! Endless hours of memories. How wonderful. I am glad that we are all starting to get on board with this one. I think it's a conversation that needs to keep going. You?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Once again lovely pictures Deb. I've been camera shy for a while and for a few years almost every picture that wasn't a candid shot has me scowling or sticking my tongue out or ruining the picture in some other way. I've really been trying to stop myself from doing it and I've actually been surprised to see some pretty nice photos of myself. I realized that if I love having pictures of my family and friends smiling faces around, which I do, that they might like to have one of me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great experiment Erin, so glad it worked. It's nice to see a nice us, reflected back at us, isn't it?

      Delete
  8. I know what you mean, we will never be as old as we will be tomorrow.

    My sister is the same with no pics. I am probably one of the few that can take pics of her. But for it has always been like that, she is a bit more shy than rest of our family. I was usually the one that wanted to be in the pics. Now that I am "older" I've noticed that I rather take the pics then be in them. I love how I look in the mirror, but just don't like the pics as to me they don't match.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah Kasku, that is a whole other story isn't it, when you don't think your pictures reflect you. Did they when you were a child?

      Delete
    2. Haven't really thought about it, to be honest. What I can recolect from my memories, I wasn't too bothered about the mirror when I was a young child. I saw myself as I saw myself in the pictures. It changed after my parents divorce. Well basically I was thinking more how my minds eye sees me rather than what I see in the mirror. So there has been three ways I have seen myself and none of them have matched. Well the pictures and mirror are the most closest one to each other and they have been quite close when I was younger. The pictures indeed so the change over the older pictures, which I don't necessary feel that has happened in the mirror :))

      Delete
  9. Oh my gosh my best friend HATES getting her picture taken. She's been my best friend for eight years and there's only like maybe 10 pictures of us total. Can't stand it. Makes me sad but I can't persuade her one way or the other.

    Deb, your mom looks GREAT!!! My Grandpa will be 91 in August so I always cherish the elderly. :]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kelly does she get upset at candid shots? Because they can be lovely and might draw her closer to the whole photo thing.

      Delete
  10. Yep- I try to appreciate where I am now, because as I tell my self-critical twenty-seven year old daughter, "don't pick yourself apart. Everything that you complain about now, you'll be nostalgic for one day."

    ReplyDelete
  11. Awww your Grandmother sure is BEAUTIFUL!!!

    And IDK how we can relate so much (LONG LOST TWINS :D)... My mom NEVER EVER EVER liked taking a picture... I would be sneaking with a camera trying to catch her when she is smiling....BUT DAMN every time I clicked a picture...there was her hand hiding her face and she would be yelling "I TOLD YOU...!!! DONT!"... Ahhh but thats my fault...whenever I found her smiling I would yell AAAAHAAA and then click a picture...!!!

    And I love this topic...... I always always say that... Youth is defined by how the person sees themselves... You can be younger at 80 or older at 20. I used to have the whole "I look fat in this picture", "Man my eyes look big in this one" etc. etc. But now I've started embracing myself. and I dont give a FUCK even if "someone" thinks I look fat or ugly or whatever! I dont care... and I LOVE MYSELF..head to toe.!! Just like you said.. I dont want to wait until 80 to look back and say "HELLLOOOOWWWW GORGEOUS!"... I do that now ya know when I look in the mirror.... I say that and then blush too :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shalaka do you know how lucky you are that you can honestly say that you like who you are and how you look? Great thing to have. So many women your age are ripping themselves apart.

      Delete
    2. I know.. Ive got a friend who spends an hour trying to "fix" herself up...and still cries and says she looks bad and I make sure I keep telling her and everyone I know who does that "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!" "YOU LOOK GREAT" "There's nothing TO 'FIX'. You are awesome!" and Weird part is.....THEY THINK I'M KIDDING!!!!

      Delete
  12. Deb...HEELS in a bathing suit!! Love it!

    Like Kelly said, our bff hates getting her pic taken. She's even asked me a couple times to take off "bad" pics of us off Facebook! Don't understand it. I love taking pictures!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually Holly it was heels in a playsuit but yes...heels none the less. Too bad about your friend. Hope she finds a way to love what she sees.

      Delete
    2. Awwwh Holly...IVE BEEN THERE....my BEST friend does that... Its exhausting! But IDK she doesnt like looking funny in pictures...I LOVE IT !!! Its great that when I'm not looking good I'm atleast getting some laughs by looking funny..HA!

      Delete
  13. Awww...Deb, your grandma reminds me of my grandma...

    I really hate it, when people don't want to be on a photo. I love taking pics, these are memories for me. And if I can't take a pic of a friend/family member, I think I'm missing something.

    And if that person is gone...or something happens, you can always look at those pictures.

    I don't say that I like every pic of me...not at all, but it also shows life. It shows changes, it shows progress, it shows so much...and it shows us. And it's not important what you think about yourself...it's about the memories and recollections. When was this picture taken? What happened? What did the people say? How was the weather? Etc, blabla...

    Pictures tell stories. Our stories.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pictures tell stories. That's it Becki isn't it? They tell the story of our lives.

      Delete
  14. this post is SO MEANINGFUL to me. I can't tell you how many times I've thought the same exact thing (we are young compared to when we'll look back on it)--how many times I HAVE looked back on pictures and thought "what the hell was my problem then?" and how many times I shy away from a camera in agony fearing immortalizing a less than stellar photo moment or angle. fearing what people will think of me based on a bad picture, fearing looking like my own mother, who froze in front of the camera and therefore often looked, well, unhappy and frozen. ( I hope she isn't reading this ;) ). One more thing of note: Barb--this also means a lot to me because of YOU for probably obvious reasons.......xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lori I am glad it resonated with you. And I hope that in the near future you will get at least one warm smiling picture of your Mom. Maybe tell her you would like that and see if she comes through.

      Delete
  15. We have several pictures of my mother's palm as she blocked the camera. One of the last pictures I took of my grandmother was of her hand as she looked away.
    Deb, it's funny, but I never saw my parents or grandparents as getting old until I looked at pictures of them "before." There's a difference from picture to picture, but I never really noticed it in person. That's just what they've always looked like.

    My favorite picture of my parents is on a wall in our downstairs hallway, tucked in amongst the grandkids' "first birthday," etc pictures. My dad is REALLY skinny and is holding my mother, also skinny, on his shoulders and they're making goofy faces. I LOVE that they both wanted that up on the wall.

    I find myself feeling differently about myself looking at the same picture at different times. Sometimes I'll think, "ICK! What the hell was I thinking wearing that sweater!!" Then there are times when it's, "Yeah, not SO bad, at least." The ones I don't like are the ones of me growing up. The pink lenses in the glasses were in style. The rainbow sweater was in style. The perm was my fault. The plaid pants... You know what? Let's not go there with the plaid pants. (THANKS, ma.)

    I take most of the pictures whenever anyone gets together now. The notable exceptions are when I'm at improv shows. I do care what I'm wearing and whether I have eyebrows that day, but mostly, I'm thrilled to be in the pics with "the guys." That's what I look like happy. I look at the pics and feel happy. No age worries there. Happy doesn't have an age.


    (PS. I commented on Monday's and Tuesday's blogs today, too. Catching up. :) )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PSS. Well, Tuesday's, anyway.

      Delete
    2. Thanks for letting me know Dawn. I'll check out the comments! "Happy doesn't have an age". Wow, love that Dawn!

      Delete
  16. You know, your Granny reminds me of my grandmother. Just radiating beauty. To me, my grandmother looked the exact same way for 17 years (until her first stroke) and it always surprised me when I would look at older photos of her, how much she had changed.
    I sometimes see photos of me from my early teen years and wonder what in the world was going through my mind! Why would I wear that or do my hair that way! I still dodge cameras when I can, but I have learned to not completely avoid them. We all need the memories that photos provide when our brains can't remember it all for us.

    ReplyDelete
  17. So true Steph about photos providing the memories and also I agree that sometimes we don't see in person what we can see in photos!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wow, so many of these comments really resonated for me -- the way it feels to be feeling this way, and the way it feels to be the photographer trying to capture a moment in time. I am working at trying to change my kneejerk camera reactions and, I think, with good reason. I'm so happy to hear that many of you also want to take up the challenge.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.