Monday, June 25, 2012

Going To Seed

Barbara: Hey everyone! I’m back! And because there’s so much I want to say to you, I’ve decided to not just focus on one single “topic of discussion” today, but to ramble a bit in a stream-of-consciousness kind of way. You guys can pick which of my ramblings you want to speak to in the comments section below.

First of all, I just LOVE you all for your wonderful, ingenious, and thoughtful musings last week on the blog. I mean, I always love the stuff you say, but there’s something truly special (as I discovered) about being sequestered in an airport for 3 hours with nothing to do but troll the ‘net and realizing (as I did) that there’s a week’s worth of loveliness on the blog that could entertain me, and then immersing myself in this—our—world and reading every post again and then every comment. Here’s what amazed me: how this community of relatively like-minded friends could also have such surprising and disparate views and ideals and dreams of the world. I mean, I know this is true in fact, but to read the details of individual experience as they play out, one commenter at a time, is really refreshing.

Okay, and here’s the other thing that really amazed me—and this thought might even be worthy of a whole post on its own—is the responses in the 5 Crazy Things posts. Did you notice that so many of you had alternate lives choices that ran the gamut from introvert to extrovert? It seemed to me as if we were all channeling that yin/yang thing within us that wants (and maybe needs) to represent both sides of reality: the quiet, cerebral thinker (or horse whisperer or writer or scientist) to the flamboyant noisemaker (or actor, or actor’s friend (that one made me laugh), or stand-up comic, or Nathan Fillion girlfriend). I think for all of us, one type or the other probably predominates, but still most of us could at least imagine—and maybe covet—an “opposite” kind of life.

And last and possibly not least, I come to the title of this post. “Going To Seed” is a play on a recent theme in many discussions I’ve been having lately about “Going Fallow”. Have we talked about this here before—I can’t remember??? A number of people in my life have brought up the notion that for each of us, a period of fallow (as in the farmer’s field “fallow” where they let their fields run wild—without purpose—for a few years to regenerate nutrients in the soil) is extremely important and invaluable. This time of not thinking, not creating, not planning, conceiving, or seeing-through, allows us to come back to our work later with much more power.

Well, as you know, I was gone for my holiday for the last week and this, if there ever was  perfect time, was the perfect time for going fallow. After all, I had spotty internet and Deb had offered to be here full time on the blog. I couldn’t really Facebook or email, certainly couldn’t phone. I had a real chance to fully wallow in the fallow. But I was also really keyed up to do some revisions on a novel I’m working on (it’s a psychological thriller that I need to get just right before I send it out in the hopes of landing an agent and/or publisher).

But if I’m revising a novel, I’m not really going fallow, am I? And hence, we come to my play on analogies: I decided in the end to “go to seed”. I would let everything else go and I would see if the peaceful environment and lack of responsibility would provide me a clean slate to (let the buds that have blossomed for me keep growing and) do those final tweaks. I mean, no meals to cook, no groceries to buy, no house to clean, no laundry to do, no phones to answer, no auditions to prepare, no computer to cater to. Phil was busy most mornings till early afternoon (pursuing his passion: diving):

... and I could do as I would with my time:

So here’s what happened. I did grow my flowers, but I did it in as gentle and free way as I could. I’d eat a very early breakfast with Phil and then go to a quiet pavilion in the beautiful gardens with a cup of tea and my paper manuscript. I would read and tweak until I got too hot and then I’d swim and think. As I bobbed in the water, soaking up the sun, amazing insights would come to me. I’d let them “go to seed” and waft around me. I would admire or dismiss them. Later, I would incorporate some of these discoveries into my story. It wasn’t work at all. Believe it or not.

So, yup, I think that’s it for my ramblings (and hopeless analogies). Hope you can make some sense of this—holiday brain is sure to be playing a part in what I have (or don’t have) to say!


37 comments:

  1. "Wallow in the Fallow", regeneriate , I love how your mind works Barb! You obviously took good advantage of a relaxing week and recharged, relaxed and let the nutrients go wild! I love it!

    We all need to do that regularly. Maybe not go on a trip, but do something that allows us to wallow in the fallow and go to seed, whereby something new grows again or has the space to grow . I loved this post. Glad Phil got some great diving in and you look so relaxed "wallowing" Lovely Post!!!!

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    1. Ha, thanks, I rather like "wallow in the fallow" myself. I actually love your point that going fallow does NOT require a trip away. Most of my fallow periods have, in fact, been at home. Just not so often now with the ubiquity of the online world. That takes a bit more discipline to go fallow from (is that grammatically correct???)

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  2. Ohk first off...I MISSED YOU...I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK....*TACKLE-HUG*. Secondly Nathan Fillion IS MINE!!!!!!! and Thirdly...you look STUNNING in the picture!
    And I found it awesome too. The uniqueness of everybody's comments last week. Each one had the most AWESOME crazy things on their list. It was so so cool! And I loved reading about your Holiday.. and you are right we all need that farmer and seed and invaluable thing that you talked about...I'm sorry...I can't think straight... I'm just SO HAPPY YOU ARE BACK!

    Ohk....Wanted to use a different analogy for your wonderful week. "Spent a lotta time in THE VORTEX, DID WE ????" If you read the post again you'll realize you DID! OMG the soaking in the wonderfulness of Nature....in the vortex you gooooo..BAAAAM! INSIGHTS!!!!!!! HA! How cool is this. You must be so relaxed right now.
    I am so wishing for a week like that. Need a break from the whole exams, medications, family issues.... Arrrrgh! I am gonna plan something!!! LOL but I dont have anything to do here anyway. But Its better when you are out somewhere getting a massage or diving!
    I think its really great to just go somewhere for a few days. Release all of your resistance and mind chatter there, soak in pure positive energy, shower yourself with peacefulness and just lay there for hours...and hours...!! Lovely Lovely post! (DUH!?!?!!)
    and LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!!! and waiting for your novel!


    P.S.and.... SO HAPPY YOU ARE BACK :D xoxoxo

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    1. Thanks so much, Shalaka!! I love your homecoming hugs :) And, in your words, it truly was an experience "in the vortex" - that's why it's sooo healing, right?!

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  3. Loved the relaxation of your blog today. Just sit back and enjoy the ride for a week. Love it.

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    1. Thanks, Madge! Thought you'd appreciate it!

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  4. My mum has been talking about lying fallow from long before I understood what she meant. All through school she would always let me take a day off when she thought I needed it and we would 'lie fallow'- me watching her make jam, or gently gardening together, or sitting in the sun watching the birds.
    Then when I was older, after every degree or course, every quit or lost job, every trip overseas or failed relationship, my mum always told me not to put so much pressure on myself deciding what to do with my life. That it was important to lie fallow for a while otherwise I wont know what seeds I should be planting next. And I like to think that while her advice hasn't made me the most successful person, it's definitely made me more relaxed and creative!
    Glad you had a lovely week, sounds like bliss.

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    1. Oooh, I love the wording so much better of "lying fallow". So lyrical. Okay, from now on, I'm going to "lie fallow" and not "go" it :)

      I am in awe and respect for your mother's approach. I think it has given you tools that you'll be able to access your whole life long. I will take umbrage with the idea that it didn't make you the "most successful person", though! As you know, success is measured in sooo many ways. I think the person who can live their life in a way that works for them is the MOST successful. The other kind of success bides its time for the right moment, so no point worrying about that.

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  5. Welcome back, Barb. It's great to know that you had a relaxing trip.

    Today is a sentimental day - Odin's Grade 8 Farewell. Of course, life isn't simple here - Odin is also sick. He came downstairs, we chatted for a couple of minutes, he made his decision about school this morning, and then went back to bed - without taking his computer (he's sick). So, we're taking today a bit at a time...

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    1. Congrats to Odin for completing his final junior year!! So sorry he's sick and can't fully appreciate it though :( Sending him big get well hugs!!

      I remember the nostalgic heart-string pulling of these milestone days. I'm thinking of you, Jo!!

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  6. Looked like a fun trip. Off to do a presentation now...wish me luck :/

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    1. GOOD LUCK!!!! Let us know how it went :)

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    2. It's over. Didn't go as bad but still. I HATE talking in front of people. :]

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    3. I didn't get here in time to wish you luck!!! So glad it's over and that you DID IT!! Congrats!

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    4. Oh...next time you have one bring me with ya... I LOVE talking in front of people...A lotta time they run away screaming....But I STILL love talking in front of people!!!

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  7. Ah, that sounds just divine! I can't wait untill my summer vacation starts and I don't have to be around my computer all the time. I might not fully understand the terminology of farming in english, but I do understand what you mean. You can't always just take, you have to sometimes also give. I feel just so out of energy sometimes, that I know that best for me to is to empty my head and just enjoy the moment. Whatever the moment might be.

    A psychological thriller, you say... I am already interested. No need to know anything else. That and horror, my favourites. On the subject of books, I just read one really good, touching book. I would recommend it to you all to read, but unfortunately it is only in Finnish. But it was about this young girl who had killed herself and the parents later found out that she had been bullied at school. The father, old bully himself, starts a journey to apologizes from the people that he bullied and to find if any of his actions had the same result as what happened to her doughter. I was not able to read it without crying. The crimsom part of that book is, that it is mostly true. The girl did kill herself because she was bullied and it was found out that her father was a bully in his teens. I wish they will translate it, so I can recommend it to you.

    Another book that I can't wait to get a hold of (as my friend is trying to read it at the moment) is a book about living with a narsisit. That one too is in Finnish, but I am sure that there should be books about that subject in English as well.

    Hah! See Barbara, rambling is contacious! Or than it is just very normal for me... :)

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    1. Kasku, I always LOVE your rambles (which is a good word here). The books you describe sound amazing. Please let me know if they come out in English.

      As for going fallow (or lying fallow), I think emptying out your head is EXACTLY what that means. And we so rarely allow ourselves permission to do that. It's not so much about giving, but about not doing anything concrete for a while. A real break.

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  8. Sounds just lovely it's nice when every one gets a chance to do their own thing, even if it's nothing at all. I am so looking forward to our upcoming time off. Were heading about 6 hours north of Winnipeg for almsot two weeks of camping life, and no tent this year we rented a trailer. Will be nice to be off the grid and just do whatever comes our way in a day. I just hope we manage to stay out of the lake. Tipping a Kayak in a northern Manitoba lake is not the warmest thing in the world.

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    1. Oh, Erin, that sounds divine. That was my favourite type of family holiday growing up. I wish you no cold water tipping!

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    1. Yeah, that's my bad, Jo. Deb had a very small window during which she could respond to my post and I missed it!! She's good but running around. Here is spirit.

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    2. PS just reading over this -- have no idea what I meant to say by "Here is spirit"!!! I mean, I love the sound of it, but I know I meant something else entirely! How funny is that???

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  10. Glad you had such a wonderful time! The photo of Phil makes him look like he is walking on water!
    When I was writing my list of the 5 things I would do if money, talent, etc were not an issue, I did notice the introvert/extrovert aspects. It's funny, because that really is me. Depending on the setting, I can be the loud, proud, and passionate performer, like when I have had to do a bit of acting in some of my classes (Shakespeare). I don't fear it really, I enjoy it, being in the center of a scene. Most of the time though, I am a quiet, listening girl, with little need to be the center of attention. I think that is why my list is so diverse. Book shop owner/comedienne/living statue/author/artist... yep, pretty diverse.
    I get what you mean about having to let it all go for a while. I do this sometimes, when everything seems like too much. I have to step away and just be. I have to do this sometimes when I am working on something big, like when I am deep in research and writing; sometimes I get to that point where it no longer makes sense, which I take to mean that I need to step away for a while. Then, when I'm watching a movie or shopping or something, a new idea will hit me, and then I can continue the researching and writing.
    Best of luck with the novel. I think we all will be expecting signed copies when you get published! Maybe I can even use it in my classroom as teaching material! xo

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    1. Your process sounds so similar to mine. It's amazing how fluidly (no pun intended re my holiday) the answers to sticky questions come when we take that time off. As for the intro/extro dichotomy: it could also be that -- being in "listening" mode versus "talking mode"? That's quite interesting...

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  11. Barb- that sounds like Heaven. I have friends who go away to other countries to do nothing but write a book. I can't imagine that (yet) but I'd like to. I'd really, really like to. Now I have to get back to working my book- in between nursing my six year old's fever, doing laundry and putting dinner in the crockpot. Sigh.

    So happy for you. : )

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    1. Thanks, Hollye! I used to fantasize (aggressively) about going away and writing a book. That DOES sound like heaven, right? But it never worked that way -- not yet, anyway, and I had to learn to write around my home/life/work schedule. Not nearly as peaceful, but you gotta do what you gotta do! This time away gave me a small taste of what that could be like. Yeah, mmmmmmmm.

      Sorry about Evan not feeling well!!!! xoxo

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  12. Hi everybody! First off, my momma is doing much better. She still has a very swolen eye and can't quite see well but she is healing up nicely.
    Now on to todays post. It is very relaxing just to hear of your vacation Barbara. I have been busy helping mom and running the house so a vacation sounds wonderful about now : )
    Good luck on that book too!!

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    1. Thanks, Kelly, for the wishes and for the update. So so glad your mom is healing nicely! xoxo

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  13. That is the ULTIMATE vacation. Leaving everything at home, even your brain. LOVE IT!! I do that on cruises. I literally leave my life at home and head out to paradise. The only thing I have to worry about is making sure I have the sunscreen and my bathing suit. (Cruise ship clothing stores apparently don't believe plus-sized women should wear anything but t-shirts and shorts.)(If that.)
    ANYWAY, checking the brain at the door is a must sometimes. Glad you could!

    Love the pic of your husband water-bound. Where were you? Some island area with St. in the name? It looks vaguely familiar, but that might be info my brain turned into mush. :)

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  14. I do have to add that too much "fallow" can be a very BAD thing. I've not been working for 4 years, due to my issues. An idle mind is a mushy mind. The guilt weighs heavily, too.
    I've been doing some (bare minimum but some) writing, and I'm about to start volunteering at an MSPCA shelter. Starting out with cats feels safe and helpful. I need a safe purpose and this seems like it.

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  15. Being a farmer's daughter, and granddaughter to two farmers, and great-granddaughter to four farmers, and -- well, you get the picture -- now living with a farmer -- and so on -- I am still no expert on farming, but thought you might find it interesting that when farmers "summerfallow" out here, usually every other year or so, they don't just let the land run wild. It would fill with weeds, whose seeds would be next year's farmer's hell. So they go over it with a cultivator at least once during the season, making sure the wild things don't come to maturity.

    Not sure how this fits with your brain as summerfallow, but how's this ... it's not like summerfallowing means farmers don't still work the land, so ... even though you think you are giving your brain a break, you're really not; you're just working it in a different way and less intensively, but this too is essential to future creative fertility.

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    1. I remember that when I was little, my grandad used to summerfallow strawberry fields with wheat or someother like that. Well basically rent the field to one of the neighbours that grew wheat. Just because the strawberries are so demanding that the land can rest while the wheat is in.

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