Friday, June 22, 2012

Shopping With Dad


Deb: Today, as is our habit, I was grocery shopping with my dad. Several times during our shop together he said, “You should write about this,” making a joke, of course, but kinda meaning it too. So....

Shopping with my dad.

My dad is 85-years-old. He likes to go shopping. When he was younger he was a gourmet chef. He would prepare wonderful meals for us all the time. I grew up enjoying baked Alaska flamed at the table. We had large profiterole trees at Christmas, filled with fresh cream, caramel dripping from its rounded branches. Beef Wellington adorned with pastry autumnal leaves would appear at a dinner party or Dad would cook an entire pig on a spit for a neighbour’s bbq. Gourmet Magazine was his bible. Dad actually guested on many local cooking shows.
Dad is in the chef's cap with my Uncle Don! 

Dad is on the right. Our friend Murray is on the left looking on.
He does not love to cook anymore. Cooking, his lifetime hobby, is now a chore.

I can remember watching him sit with my baby brother on his lap while he read cookbooks to him, putting so much expression and passion into them, you would have thought he was reading Robert Munch or Huckleberry Finn.

Cooking, next to my Mom, has been his lifelong passion and hobby. So despite what a painful and empty chore it has become of late, old habits die hard, and when Dad is in the market he loves looking at the beautiful foods. My favourite moments are spent watching him stand at the meat counter and reminiscing. Actually bloody well reminiscing about meals gone by and cuts of beef my mother used to eat and now doesn’t!!!  He loves to describe what he would do with a pork loin or a beef tenderloin and what the side dishes would be. And of course, no weekly shopping trip would be complete without our ritual of talking about the mustards and how they only come in squeeze bottles and how he sprayed the entire kitchen when he was trying to get mustard out of the squeezy bottle. He also falls into despair when considering the new liquid detergent!  “Why? Why?” says my dad. And my favourite of all, uttered every five minutes is, “This store is starting to tick me off!” sprinkled with a few, “Boy, that’s gone up!” as he scans the prices. My dad can forgive anything except bad overpriced produce!

But he loves it. Loves the outing. Loves the connection to his old life. He may not want to cook it when he gets home, but he sure wants to step into the nucleus of it again. He wants to go back to a time when shopping and golf were his exquisite passions. The grocery store can take him there in an instant and he comes alive savoring every second. I swear to you, I watch him as we shop and I can only compare him to a retired athlete running onto the field again for another toss of the pigskin. The difference is, my dad is wondering how to turn the pigskin into a savoury appetizer. In his day he would get up on a Saturday and go to the St. Lawrence Market and he would know and chat with every vendor about their wares. He would choose his cheeses and meats and breads with loving care.

And he still is. He is doing it as much as he can. Every aisle we go down he says, “I need to find a nibble for your mother, something she might love to have.” Although it is a packaged bag of caramels or muffins, he is still putting the thought into it. He is still playing out that role. He is doing the best with his skills and, even if the menu is wieners and beans, he is still trying to impress my mother, still trying to make her happy. And when he cooks for her, she still tells him she loves it, wieners, beans and all.

Today when we wound our way to our parking spot, slowly but surely, Dad said, “My pants are falling down,” and damned if they weren’t. I hitched up the back of Dad’s pants as we pushed the cart to the car door. He laughed and said, “You should write about this.”

Barbara: I knew this was going to be a killer post, Deb, and it is. In every sense of the word: kills with its sentiment, with the nostalgia of something lost (or going), kills with the sheer and utter love. As many of you might know, I’m not around right now—off on holiday with my husband—and I haven’t had a chance to read all your amazing comments and thoughts and dreams. I am looking forward to a quiet moment when I get home to really savour them. But this post, Deb, took me to another place, both for the memories it evoked in my own experience, and for the tenacity and spirit with which you guys navigate this new world of “different”. Chef’s hat off to you and your dad.

44 comments:

  1. Awww this is so touchy!!! Its wonderful Deb. Killer post indeed! I just love people who love working with food coz I'm not one of them, the one and only help I provide my mom with food is EATING IT! But I just find it so amazing and interested in how people get so involved with food. How passionate they are about it. Its so fascinating to me. I enjoyed reading this post... because I could imagine every sentence! And so sweet that your Dad still loves to make your mom happy. I almost cried! Thats is so sweet.
    Awww the pants thing is so cute! :D Tell him that you DID write about it...and that I LOVED IT! :D I hope they both are doing fine now. Lots of love to you all!! xoxoxoxo

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    1. I WILL tell him I wrote about it Shalaka and I will tell him that you LOVED it. He will LOVE that too. thanks darlin'.

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  2. This is a very dear post Deb. I loved reading it. Thank you for sharing your Dad with us.

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    1. Thanks Jo! I could share for hours about Dad.

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    2. THEN PLEASE SHARE....I WOULD LOOOOOVE TO READ MORE ABOUT HIM :)

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    3. Man If I could I'd come there and talk to both of them...but maybe next year when I actually get there... :D!

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    4. Wow Shalaka they would gobble up your warm energy in a second. At the seniors homes they have therapy dogs! I will bring in a therapy Shalaka!

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    5. YAY!!!!! WE ARE DOING THIS....When I get there...we are so gonna plan this... And like therapy dogs I'm adorable too... so that would TOTALLY WORK!!! (lol I had to brag!) :D
      Ohhh and...Therapy Shalaka, is it me or does that sound TOTALLY COOL???

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  3. Ok...I legit miss my family now. It's moments like this where I just want to pack up everything and go back home. :/ But alas, I shall prevail!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for making me think of my family today, in a good way. :] Parents bless your life in a way that nobody else can. I'm truly happy and grateful for mine.

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    1. Oh Kelly I'm sorry for making you feel that way but I am glad it opened up a flood of memories for you. I know my parents are 85 but they are a part of my soul and they are in my every day life which is such a blessing I know. You will see your family soon enough and it will be a reunion to remember. xo

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    2. It sort of hits home to me too. My grandparents are around the same age as your dad. VERY thankful they are still in my life :D

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    3. Yes Kelly we are very lucky!!!!

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  4. Love your Dad wanting to be in your blog. SO darn cute. Love that he still has memories he remembers.

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  5. Yeah Madge, he always says, I can remember 40 years ago but can't tell you what I had for breakfast. Thanks Madge.

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  6. Deb, your post has brought back memories of my dad - not that dad and I ever went shopping like you and your dad, but when I didn't have a driver's license (and Odin was a baby), he would drive to pick us up, and take us back to his place, where my mom would watch Odin. Then, Dad would drive me to the grocery store, and I would go and get my groceries. Dad would sit in the car, keeping it toasty warm, listening to his Ukrainian music on the tape deck in the car, or he'd listen to the radio. He was never impatient (and I'm a slow shopper). He never left and said, "Call me when you're done". He parked the car and waited. Once I was done, we'd go back and get Odin, and then he drove me home, helped me unload his car. I didn't have to give him a lot of notice. He just did it (and loved to be able to do things like that for his kids).

    Thanks for giving me a warm fuzzy smile so early in my morning. :)

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  7. Jo that is such a sweet memory. It is the little things that our parents did for us that remind us so much of what love of family can bring. Your Dad sounds like a guy who loved his daughter.

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    1. Dad loved all of us kids. If there was anything he could do to help us out, he would. He loved to come over and help me fix/putter around our house. He installed two ceiling fans for us. He helped me with the lawn. He shoveled my walks when we first moved into our house (and didn't own a snow shovel, and we had a blizzard!)

      I still smile when I remember when I was almost due, and Odin quit moving for a couple of days. I had to go to the hospital to be induced. So, I called mom and dad and asked for a ride, and he showed up within 20 minutes at my house. :) The, he refused to hold Odin until he was about 3 months old. Dad had huge hands (he was quite strong), and he was afraid that he'd hurt the baby with his big hands). I have a picture of my dad holding Odin at Christmas - for the first time.

      Okay, enough reminiscing. I have a letter of support for Odin's nomination for excellence in the arts to draft (easier to do when Odin isn't around). Thanks for the stroll down memory lane. :)

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    2. You are welcome Jo and it was a lovely stroll you took us on too. The fact that he was afraid to hold him in case he might hurt him was so sweet. Good luck with the nomination for Odin!

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  8. I love that your dad still cares about your mum eating something nice- that is true love. Your words made me cry (and made me hungry!), your dad sounds like such a passionate funny person.

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    1. Dad is the funniest guy around. Always witty always with a smile. Thanks Samara.

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  9. Deb - I so enjoyed this post and could relate as well. I'm thankful that you do write about it and share with us. I actually got a little teary eyed keep the stories coming!

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  10. Thanks Mary. I actually had no idea what I was going to post about today and then when Dad said "boy you should write about this!" it hit me. Yes I should. I am glad it resonated with you.

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  11. Oh God, Deb. (And, I'm not one to use the Lord's name in vain. Really - OH, GOD.)

    Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

    The how much your Dad loves your Mom slams into a person's chest like a red hot railroad spike.

    This post was... was...

    It was like reading a benediction.

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  12. Oh my. Rigel what a lovely thing to say. He is worth that and more.

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  13. I love that ur dad use to be a chef. Thats so cool. Thats what I have always wanted to . I grew up on cooking ,and love to cook .

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    1. Yeah Lyndsie he did too. He was not a chef by profession but he was a chef by passion. Keep doing it. I wish I could cook. I am absolutely flummoxed by it.

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  14. Ah, this is so sweet! What a treasure you have in your Dad. So often I just run in and out of the market without realizing that there are stories unfolding and memories evolving right before my eyes.

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    1. You know Eileen that's a good point. Until our story unfolded I never thought of it either.

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  15. What a great post. First thing that came to mind was one time when our dad came to visit us in north. After he left there were rumors going round that he was my lover. I heard about this when I went to babysit and the mother told me about it. She then continued that she had told everyone that this was not the case and that the man is our dad. And ended with"right?" I was 16. Oh, the fun memories. My dad has tried his best to meet all our wishes. I got new cellphone when I moved abroad the first time and he paid most of my driving school.

    Oh well, past is past. Happy midsummer to all!

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  16. Oh my goodness Kasku! Now there is a rumour to be sure! Is he young looking? Wow. It sounds like he is a good dad who loves you very much.

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    1. No, not really. He was maybe few years younger looking than he actually was. The place had a ski resort nearby and lots of tourists coming by. So the people spreading the rumor were quite well aware that my dad was older and he wasn't mistaken for a younger man.

      Yeah, I have the best dad there is. Too bad we were taken so far away from him.

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    2. It is too bad Kasku, really too bad. But he lives so much in you!!!! Clearly the connection is so strong. Stronger than distance.

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  17. What a sweet and loving post. Beautiful Deb am I right in thinking you may have been (or still are) a Daddy's girl? I'm glad that even if he isn't able to really indulge his passion for cooking anymore that he still finds happiness around the memories.
    This reminded me of the last time I took my Dad to a doctors appointment we went for a drive afterwards and stopped to sit out at DQ. It was a little thing but something he used to do for me. Onion rings and a blizzard that was our special treat when I was a kid. I remember going after I broke my arm, after breaking my nose (the first two times anyway)and after happier moments like baseball tournaments as well. I'm always so grateful to be able to do the little things for him now that he did once did for me. It really is the little things that matter isn't it?

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    1. Yes Erin that's it isn't it? My Dad spent his life driving me everywhere and now I am able to gratefully return the favour. For Dad, everything no matter how far...ten minutes away, which always made me know how much he wanted to.

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  18. Oh Deb, it is those moments that truely take a person's breath away, isn't it? Food has always been important in my family. My grandmother had a special soup recipe that was magical. My mom still makes it and I am working on learning it. My mom also has a special pasta recipe that I think I have got down to a science, although I did make a few changes to it. These recipes, and the meals that followed, have memories that can be brought back with the simple smell of my grandmother's soup, or my mom's pasta. Whenever I am sick, my grandmother's soup is the medicine. It works, really. These foods bring back so many memories of time spent with my grandmother as she cut the onions or added a little salt. The talks, the laughs, the tears...
    Deb, today's post really hits home with me. Thank you.

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    1. wow Deb!! Tell your Dad the post about him really resonated with so many people on so many levels. It was very kind of you both to share that with us.....who knew a simple shopping trip could do so much for others?!? Your lovely family evokes so much in all of us....thank you!!! xoxox

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    2. Steph it is wonderful that you are continuing the recipe tradition. So important! Isn't it nice when memories waft through? Jo, I will tell him. He will love it. I will tell him this weekend.

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  19. Tsk, now where was your camera when those pants started sliding???

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    1. I know, but in this case the 1000 words will have to be worth the picture!

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  20. hi deb . what a beautiful story . you dad sounds really cool .he has something in common with my Dad too . he plays golf. I have something ion common with your dad in that I have also had my trousers fall down in public ! extra loose Lycra ones fell down in the ballybrack shopping centre close to where I live . lucky I had tights on ( pantihose in America/Canada I think ) so nothing exciting was visible !

    something similar to kasku's story happened to me and my dad a few years ago . a the time a very nice elderly lady was living half way up my road , Mrs Wright . she was at her gate talking to a friend of hers .the lady was going back to her car . she said oh I will let this young couple pass . it was dad and I . he had his arm around me . how we found out is Mrs Wright told me and my mom . i remember them both laughing . I think Mrs Wrights friend needed her eyes testing if she thought we were a young couple !

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    1. Linda isn't it funny where people's minds go? Maybe that day you were both just looking younger than springtime!

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  21. I love the fact that, even if your dad doesn't feel like cooking to the degree he used to, he's still interested and very knowledgeable about what he finds in the grocery store. His enthusiasm over food is still apparent.
    I also find it completely adorable that he looks for stuff your mom might like as a treat or something. The tokens of love mean so much, and should serve as an example to all couples as to how to keep the relationship close. Love Love Love!

    My dad majored in music in college (he's a tenor), and taught music for a while after he graduated. He's always sung in the church choir, was the music director for aa few years, and also joined a local choir (Polymnia Choral Society), that met weekly and performed concerts a few times a year.
    Over the past several years, as age and his weight have slowed him down, his ability to get out to sing has decreased. He is no longer able to stand long enough to perform in the outside choir and is not always able to go to church, either.
    I can, however, still hear him singing to his old-timey songs (the Lennon sisters, eg). He enjoys the music, it'll always be in him, a part of him, even if he can't join the performances in which he used to participate.

    Dads give away secrets we might never have known they even had.

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