Dear Blog Family

Dear Blog Family,

With conflicted feelings whirling around us, we have come to the difficult decision to stop our regular blogging on The Middle Ages. We need you all to know that we did not in any way, shape, or form come to this lightly. In fact, we spent many hours talking back and forth, considering our options.

This is not a sad day for us, except that we will miss your voices, your stories, your support. We in no way regret one single second of this 3-year journey; it has quite literally changed our lives. It has changed us as people, and as writers. And it is as writers that we leave you today and move to other writing projects that have been in our hearts, waiting for their day.

As you can imagine, we have poured so much time into The Middle Ages, and with our personal commitments—especially of late—also taking much time, it has left little for each of us to write our … Great Canadian Novel (or fill in the blank). We find ourselves curious as to what will happen if all the energy that has been directed here over these years now gets directed elsewhere. As we said in the blog the other day, “What. Is. Next?” And we just know the same will be true for you when all the kind and loving energy you amazing readers have directed here goes to the next wonderful thing.

We are very happy to have learned so much from each and every one of you. We have shared joy and deep sorrows, compassion and strength. We have together supported each other in grief, and held each other high on shoulders of celebration. We have joined each other for holidays, and we have gotten to know your serious sides and your silly sides in Five Crazy Things. The one thing that kept blocking us from making this choice was … you. But we know we are all the better for knowing each other, and that each of us has taught and learned at least one great life lesson. 

We would love the next week to be about you, if you want to say goodbye, if you want to connect with each other, and if there are any questions you always wanted to ask, now’s your chance. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, we won’t post anything new, but will answer your comments here. Then we’ll finish up this week with a Blogging Out Loud on Friday. After that, the blog will stay up. We’re leaving it up because, down the line, if we have any big announcements to make or things we want to share with you in a new post, we can (if you want, you can subscribe on the left-hand bar to get any updates). But we also feel the community that has grown here and the stuff we’ve talked about deserves to be here for any of us who might want to revisit conversations (you can easily search in the left-hand bar for key words, and Blogger will find the pertinent stories for you). Colin can also keep you posted of any of our news through Twitter, and we will keep our Twitter feed live (although probably won’t be there a lot for the next while). Just so you know, after two weeks, Blogger won’t take comments without moderation, but since we won’t be moderating, we hate to have you think we’re ignoring you. You can comment if you want, but just so you know, we might not see it (we don’t get updates) or be able to post it for a while.

Please know, beyond everything we’ve said, that we are excited about the future and about moving forward. And we look forward to this next week with all of you.

Thank you so much and with so much love, Deb and Barbara

Anxious Visiting/Waving It Buh-Bye

Barbara: On Tuesday, I sat down to write my Wednesday blog-post, and as you may have guessed by my “unexpected” Wednesday Five Crazy Things, I ended up getting sidelined by life. There were monumental glitches in the work I was doing that needed incredible focus and patience to overcome and deal with, there was the fact that I had my original Wednesday blog-post half-written and then DISCARDED IT!! (accidentally) (let’s just assume it was likely the most insightful, articulate, epiphany-inducing piece I have ever written and now it is lost in the cyber-garbage and we will never know), and then there was the subtle but pervasive thrum of worry because my daughter was due home from her stay in Paris and there were major travel snafus along the way. She was scheduled to arrive home at 2pm, and we brought her into the house from the airport at exactly 10:30pm!

The irony is that I had been starting to write about a recent lesson (or re-lesson, as this is one of those I need to keep learning and learning and learning) about dealing with anxiety.

The other day, a friend entertained and delighted us with a great motto when it comes to dealing with anxiety—or really problems of every kind. 1. You see the problem. 2. You acknowledge the problem (yes, this is an important step). 3. And then you wave it buh-bye as it recedes into the distance.

And not only is this sound “anxiety advice”—I will draw your attention to this post where Deb utters the magic words: “Don’t go there twice” (you live the imagined worst-case scenario once when you imagine it, and then again IF it actually happens)—but it is also sound “problem advice”. Why? Because truly every horrible, terrible thing that happens to us does eventually recede into the distance. We can only deal with issues when they happen, do the best we can, and, yes, carry on. Either way, whether we acknowledge it or not, whether we hold on to our pain or not, the event does recede into the past. So the nutshell of acknowledging it and waving it buh-bye is an effective one—for me, certainly.

But, ironically, as I was trying to write this piece the first time (you know, the version that is absolutely mind-blowing and breathtaking, but gone), I was nursing an insistent, burrowing worry around my daughter being in hiccup-plagued transit and not home, safe and sound with me (as she is now, quietly watching a classic musical on TV in the other room). That anxiety made waste of my day, causing me to not solve problems in a timely or reliable way, and probably caused the tragic accident of hitting the delete button on what may have been my life’s opus. Oh well. Lesson relearned.

Deb: Barbara, as you know I have lived these scenarios and I totally subscribe to the old and well-worn phrase, “these should be our only problems”. Don’t get me wrong, dear readers, we LOVE our blog and our bloggie community, but I have to say that we know after these two and a half years, that when we mix it up, we know that you guys instinctively know that we have a good reason. Even if that reason is to have a conversation and cup of tea with our child.

When the Universe Holds Your Hand (Startled by Grace)

While the cats are away, the mice are gonna play! Heeeeeeere’s Rigel:

Rigel: On this blog, Deb and Barbara have often guided us into conversations about a) taking care of ourselves, and b) how to take deliberate care of others in times of need. But, today, I want to talk about the times when, in small but well-timed and therefore significant ways, a force outside of ourselves seemingly steps in to provide precious incidents of unexplainable, unexpected grace and tender loving care. I am not talking about huge moments. Quite the opposite!  I am talking about tiny little treasures––scattered moments of surprising personal significance. These are itsy bitsy events precisely timed to make a big difference. When I think about these tiny moments of grace, in my mind's eye, I see hands that are bruised and bloodied from hanging on so tight to a ragged cliff face, dangling over a deadly abyss. And, for a moment, these tired hands are being taken into the soothing, healing hands of an angel and being refreshed, having the scrapes washed and bandaged. The big problems aren't solved. But, the moment's agony is soothed. Those hands may then go right back to holding onto that cliff face dangling over that wretched abyss, but they will do so less tired and with a stronger grip. I want to talk today about when the universe holds my hand.

Just to be safe, here are two bits of full disclosure to smooth potential ruffled feathers. First, I do not believe in coincidence.  Y'all might, and that's cool. I think most coincidences can be explained away by running lines of math and physics that are beyond what I have an intellectual grasp on. Some things are just bound to happen eventually if the iterations of probability and a congruence of variables get run for long enough. But I also believe some portion of coincidences are actually quite deliberately fostered by an outside force.  And that brings me to my second disclosure. This bloggie family is made of people along the full range of the faith spectrum. Because I am a Christian (albeit NOT Fundamentalist––I am a social justice oriented, feminist, increasingly radicalized Christian), heavily influenced by Reform Judaism (tikkun olam being my chosen sacred, guiding principle), as I write this blog post, my vocabulary will be influenced by my theist perspective. I think of God or angels holding my hand. But, the concept holds when applied using terms such as Allah, the Universe, karma, good energy, Mother Earth, or even the plants thanking you for the nourishing compost you just spread—any outside, larger, cosmic energy you endow with a degree of sentience. Also, as a Christian, I believe in the “small, still voice” of the Holy Spirit and that people who are open to this voice can be moved to be used as God's hands and feet on Earth. I can't count how many times I've heard stories and witnessed beautiful adventures that began with something along the lines of, “I didn't know what was going on with him. I just kept feeling a strong nudge to go by and check on him. Turns out it was perfect timing!” I can only see the words I'm typing through my own eyes. I do not mean to alienate or offend anyone. If you who are reading this are, for example, an atheist who believes in coincidence, I'm eager to read your take on this subject! I hope that the discussion on this post pretzels up my brain in a really fun, interesting way that I get to ponder over for days to come! But to write with any voice but my own would be a lie.

So, what do I mean by having my hand held? What do I mean by being startled by tiny moments of grace? I am not talking about huge things like a sudden windfall of money, the healing of a disease, or rescue from a car accident. I am talking about very minor, incidental, seemingly insignificant little drops of elixir that startle me with the positive in the midst of the negative. For example, during a teeth clinching, jaw aching, tension headache inducing, aggravating, really pissy day, I get into the car, crank it up, and the radio springs to life singing to me a happy, old favorite song with lovely memories attached. I pause for a few heartbeats and smile a little. My fevered mind suddenly stops, dives into a pool of clear, cold spring water, and then breaks the surface and draws in a deep breath. I am refreshed by perfectly timed grace, which I do not believe is a coincidence. And, afterward, I am better able to cope with the garbage. I have been startled by grace. My hand has been held, and my perspective has been shifted a few millimeters in a healthier direction. Or, after a day of dealing with a seemingly endless stream of mean, rude, spiteful, selfish people, I'm suddenly presented with a tall, handsome stranger of a man with smile crinkled eyes, a deep voice, and strong hands with long fingers—a gentleman who holds a door for me and gives me a nod and grin while calling me ma'am. How can I not feel a warm flush of happiness wash through me upon this reminder that not everyone is hateful and unpleasant? On a day when I'm feeling unbearably trapped and suffocated in this town, the library will call and say that an interlibrary loan I requested many, many weeks ago has come in. Perfect timing! Suddenly, I have a happy bit of the outside world for my eyes and brain to gobble up exactly when I most needed it! Or, as happened last week, in the two days before time for child support and my paycheck to deposit when there was less than dust in my bank account after having paid a high electric bill, a big packet of grocery coupons came in the mail, including coupons for customer appreciation freebies that happened to be for a couple of luxurious, indulgent favorites of both my son and myself.  We had what we needed to get by with careful planning, but that packet of freebie coupons gave us a surprise abundance, a small joy, treats in the middle of no margin of error. Does a packet of coupons from that grocery chain come a few times a year?  Yes. But, what was so special to me was that the packet arrived on THAT day. To me, it felt like a cosmic treat saying, “Someone is paying attention to how hard you've been trying, how careful you've been being. Someone knows how hard you've been fighting to make sure your son feels safe, secure, and provided for. Someone knows you're tired. Here's a little present for you to open to let you know you aren't really alone. Now, walk up to the grocery store and get your free goodies to enjoy until the money comes at the end of the week.” It's tiny, perfectly timed gestures like these that are often just enough to reboot my virus-ridden mental hard drive. They grab me by the scruff of the neck, yank me up, and remind me, “It's not all bad. IT'S NOT ALL BAD. Someone is paying attention. An angel just held your hand.” It's grace as a perspective check.

Then there are the really bad times. During an ultra-difficult day or in the depths of the rancid, sticky bowels of a long, dark night of the soul, I may be struggling in suffocating muck and mire, frantically screaming red alert klaxons in my mind begging for huge miracles and sweeping changes. During these hours when hope has begun to fail and frustration is hitting critical mass, it is most often one of these out of the blue tiny moments of grace from a source outside of myself that starts to wake me up, that puts a crack in the wall of dark fog.  When I get like that, I get to where I can't imagine things getting better. I can't see out of my pit. The fog has blanketed out any light, any sense of goodness in the future. And I really, really suck at getting myself out of that mindset. And, then, for example, my computer will chime, and there'll be an email from Deb replying to an email I had sent her days before. And that email will contain something that makes me smile and laugh and makes me feel loved EXACTLY at the second I needed that. (Deb, I bet you didn't know that sometimes your insomnia is well timed!)  Or, in a day when I'm so deep in my pit that I've begun to slide down into my bunker mentality, hiding from phone and email, not leaving home, sheltering in place, out of the blue a friend who had no way of knowing that I was in the midst of a dark spell will call up and say, “I'm bored. It's almost Sonic half price happy hour. Can I come pick you up, and we'll go get a soda?” When the universe holds my hand like this—the startling, tiny moment of grace—it gives me enough pause to enable me to once again feel the faint flicker of belief and hope that refuses to die in that place deep, deep in my chest where the most essential corner of my soul seems to be almost physically tangible. A gentle whisper takes my hand and reminds me, “Stop. There is love. There is hope. You are not alone. Be still for a few seconds. Feel gratitude for this moment of grace.  Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.” These tiny gestures of care give me a reorienting jolt – the proverbial slap to the face in the midst of hysterical negativity. I can begin to see through a lens of gratitude instead of being blinded by fear, rage, or panic. It doesn't fix everything. But, it helps me imagine that in a few hours or a few days, I WILL feel better. It reminds me that this feeling of unfixability, of hopelessness, is an illusion that will pass. When the universe throws me one of these exquisitely timed tiny moments of grace, I grab at the warm, fuzzy metaphysical security blanket with a grip so tight that the knuckles of my spirit's fingers are whitened. I pay attention. I collect these graces and line them up on a bookshelf in my brain and take them down, flicking through their pages at later times when I need a reminder, a gratitude tinged perspective check. A tiny moment of grace not only changes the challenge it has interrupted. The gratitude wrapped memory continues to heal long after the occurrence.

Why did I chose this topic for the blog today, even running a risk since it is religion tinged? So often this blog and the precious people within its embrace are the source of these tiny moments of grace. So often, I have witnessed this bloggie family being the handholds. And, not just for me. How often in the comments have we read someone's words that the topic for the day was exactly what she needed to read that day? How often have we answered that small, still voice to close ranks around one of our number who is wobbly? I know y'all have done it with me, and I count it a profound privilege to have been able to be a part of doing it for some of y'all. How often have we read the words of someone who has never spoken up before but who is chiming in for the first time to describe experiencing a perfect, cosmic hand-holding via this blog? How many of us now have at least one new, offline friend that we met online through this blog—someone whom we never would've met otherwise but who has since fully integrated herself into our lives? I do not believe this bloggie family has coalesced by luck. Nor by the commonality of Colin fangirldom. I believe this bloggie family has been formed as a sacred act of grace. The angels, God, the universe, whatever you want to call it is holding our hands.

Colin fangirldom. Yeah, I went there. * deep breath * Most of us have outed ourselves as Colin fangirls. But, you know what? The whole Colin and Whose Line? thing is an absolutely essential part of this topic. And, I would be a shameful coward if I didn't address it. Colin, Ruth called it perfectly in a conversation she and I once had. She said that your work is your ministry. That is 100% true. You are an instrument of God's grace. You and your work are angelic hand-holding. How many of us have admitted to finding, through Colin, a spark of light, laughter, hope in the midst of unbearable darkness? How many of us medicate our insomnia not with drugs but with Whose Line? clips on YouTube? How many of us have written in discussions on this blog how Colin's work has helped us, encouraged us, taught us, warmed us, freed us when we were locked up in a bad place in our heads? How many of us have sought refuge in Colin's gifts? The big, bad thing that was plaguing us at that moment wasn't fixed, but enjoying Colin's work was that tiny spark of grace that helped refresh our spirits, helped open up our minds to healing. A silly little something like finding the right comedy video at the right time opened the door to a much larger torrent of grace. A perspective shift, an unclinching, a deep breath. I do not believe in coincidence. And how many of us? The majority of us? How many were led into this bloggie family via Colin? A larger gift that has flowed from an already precious one. Many of us have previously expressed our gratitude here on the blog. But I'm saying it here in this post in a really face heating up, heart racing, tummy churning way, hands shaking hard to type way: Thank you, Colin. Thank you for your work. Thank you for introducing us to Deb and Barbara. Thank you for your kind, gentle, patient strength. Thank you for all the times you have answered that still, small voice.

I also want to make sure that I reveal here, publicly, with complete honesty and clarity my profound gratitude to Deb and Barbara for so frequently being open to being the instruments of these moments of cosmic care. From the beautifully unique approach of each woman flows beautifully unique grace. For example, Barbara often presents a perspective I never could've imagined but that is exactly what I need to examine at that exact, precise moment. She's freakishly accurate. And Deb is the only person I know who can fuss at me hard without hurting my feelings.  And her fusses always fall at exactly the right time. That cold splash, that jolt, that reorientation. And they both are the perfect kind of silly when I am wound way too tight. As instruments of grace, their notes are played with the purest, richest tone and pitch. They are earthly angels being used to hold my bloody, bruised hands. The praise and gratitude I feel about this cannot be covered even by the strongest adjectives and superlatives. Exultant? Profound? Rapturous? Enormous? No. There are not words sufficient to cover my gratitude for Deb and Barbara. They both demonstrate love in a way I've never known before.

Anyway, to close, I want to ask: Do you experience cosmic hand holding? How do you perceive it?  How do you explain coincidences of grace? Do you ever get your mind rebooted by a tiny event? What's your perspective on gratitude? Basically, what's your take on all this?

And, also in closing, I want to say that I love you all and feel limitless gratitude for the grace filled gift of this bloggie family.

Love and hugs,

Rigel

Birthday Present

Barbara and Deb: Deb and I have been sooooo busy lately that we haven’t had even a minute for official blog-business talk amongst ourselves. The craziness of our lives lately has reflected in many ways: we’ve missed reading your blogs (sorry! we’ll be back), we’ve let a few things slide around our “house” here, and we never got around to talking about the next steps we want to take. Life is like that, huh?

Well, yesterday we finally had a chance to take stock and ask some questions about where we want to go next and how we want to do it.

So, first things first.

As you may have noticed, there are ads on our blog. If I remember correctly, we decided to include the ads because Blogher is the host and they’re such a big network and we thought it might a) help broaden our readership and b) maybe generate a bit of income toward some of the work a blog requires. But, as most “practical” decisions in our lives, that went out the window when we realized there was a little bit of cash in the kitty and that we might need to decide what to do with that cash: divvy it up, let it ride, go out for lunch, etc, etc…

It took us all of ten seconds of discussion to realize we could donate the money! Now, of course, Deb and I donate to many worthy causes in our respective lives, and proudly so, but we didn’t just want to make a random decision when it came to donating the Blogher ads revenue. This was a trickier conversation—we didn’t want to begin a complex discussion every year as to which charity would best deserve it because, of course, all of them deserve it (even if it is a modest amount, it’s the principle, right?).

Then Deb made what I think is a genius and lovely suggestion: what if we looked back over the year that we’ve had in our blogiverse and make our decision based on the wondrous and magical (and, frankly, miraculous) and unexpected direction that this blog has taken us and then give back to that particular world? And if we look back over our last year in terms of “organic” development, then it’s obvious that, without the blog, we would never have gone to Costa Rica (thanks again, Gift of Happiness!) and without the Gift of Happiness, we would never have discovered Pack for a Purpose, the charity that encourages travellers to bring gifts to the country they’re visiting.

And I made another lovely suggestion (if I do say so myself): what if we made our yearly donation in the week of our shared birthdays—which, as many of you know—is the end of this week?

In the years to come, we would like to go where the blog organically leads us and make donations based on that our experiences.

So there you have it: Pack for a Purpose has received a small donation from us this year—and we give that amount in honour of all of YOU. It can be a birthday present from all of us to all of us.

Knee Jerk Lessons From The Blog

Deb: A few times on our blog we have encountered angry and combative people. Let me start by saying how lucky we are not to have run into this more. After all, when you put yourself out there you are opening yourself up to ...well ... the world, and we have been so lucky with the people we have connected with.

I have learned a few lessons, particularly from a recent back and forth I had with one such disgruntled reader. I know that people have every right to say what they feel. Hell, we do!  And I wish I could be more like Barb and gently say something like, “We appreciate your comment,” or some such response. But I can’t. Or at least I couldn’t. Or haven’t yet. But now I will. Maybe.

Here is my issue with it. The most recent sparring match on the blog is a good example of my point because it was a day where several people had opposing points of view from mine. And I loved it. Had no issue with it at all. Actually a few of the comments were food for thought and made me see something I had not previously seen.

So the whole knee jerking that I did with this one particular person made me examine my response and question myself. These were my conclusions: The three times I have engaged in challenging word ping-pong have all had something in common. The comments aimed at me were angry and disrespectful. I don’t have issue with someone disagreeing with me, but I clearly have issue with feeling attacked. The most recent attack was by someone who totally misunderstood the point I was making and accused me of saying things I simply did not say. In my second response to her, I urged the person in question to re-read the post so that they would see that I had said nothing they were claiming I had said.  This suggestion fell on deaf ears.

Given who I am and how poorly I deal with stress, I set out to delete the comments. I find that when I look at the ugly or the angry in print it makes my stomach churn and I cannot let go of the bad feelings. So I felt I should delete them and put them behind me. My reasons for deleting were the “my house, my rules; my blog, my rules” line of thinking. I would not let someone abuse me in my own home, so why should I on the blog? Afterwards I second guessed myself and wondered if I should just have let it stand. After all, I thought, maybe with the many lumps of sugar come a few lumps on the head. But then I pondered it some more. What do you say when you are being yelled at on the blog? I was not about to keep doing the back and forth with this person who was clearly missing my point. So ... do I just try and be reasonable and when the response is unreasonable, do I just say, “Thank you for your comment,” time and time again? Where do you draw the line? I would love to hear what you guys think. Delete? Not delete? Engage each time. Engage until it is futile?  I sincerely think I handled it wrong by deleting, but I have no viable alternative at this point. The recent person in question told me I should be ashamed of myself for deleting and that I did a great disservice to my readers in doing so. Did I, readers? I want your honest opinions.

I want to be accessible. I want to be thick skinned. But I want to feel safe.

Barbara: I guess I have to go first! Okay. I obviously love and respect you, Deb, and am of the mind that you are entitled to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable in your own “home”. I supported you on the day and I support you now. It is our blog; it is our home.

That said, your compelling question made me think. And thinking made me analyze. And analyzing made me consider a point of view. If it were me (and I guess it is me too because the commenter in question was definitely talking to both of us), my first instinct is that I would have left the comment up. I guess because the worst accusation was that we were “judgmental”. I could live with that even if I don’t feel that way. If we’d been called “bimbo dirtbag sluts”, um, I probably would’ve taken it down (my bimbo sluttishness is my own private business, people). So is that my line in the sand? In the words used???

But I also try to ignore comments that I feel are irate or hostile. Deb, you are very honourably committed to addressing every single person on the blog and I really respect that, but in this case, I’d already decided I wasn’t going to engage. I mean, I might try to get in one counter point (like, “No, that’s not what I meant; I meant this,” or something of that ilk). But I also know that those discussions (aka disagreements) tend to carry on ad nauseum, with each person “hearing” the other with less and less clarity, and with the discussion (aka argument) getting more and more convoluted (as each tries to make “more sense” and inevitably making less).

All this said, the trickiest part for me in answering your question is that my most painful Achilles heal, my most vulnerable underbelly in writing this blog (in writing ANY of the stuff I write), is in my fundamental, determined, and frankly sometimes desperate need to make sure my point is understood. Not in an aggressive, “I want to change your mind for you” kind of way, but (like what you were going for, Deb) in a “THIS is what I mean, not THAT,” kind of way. In a, “Please, please UNDERSTAND me,” kind of way. And then, once I’ve communicated my own true perspective and experience, let the reactions and opinions fall where they may.

Like you, I don’t expect people to agree with me all the time. In fact, I relish the turning of the idea or thought or belief because someone has come in here and eloquently and compassionately made a contrasting point. For heaven’s sake, our tag line is “two different opinions”! I have only ever gotten into trouble (aka gnashing-teeth-frenzied-yelling-pulling-my-own-hair-out altercations) when I’ve tried to EXPLAIN my point to someone who utterly believed my point was some other thing entirely. My lesson-learned was that it wasn’t worth it. I don’t want or mean to dump that lesson in any of your laps. Many people might decide they need to fight the good fight until the bitter end. But in my very personal case, it simply isn’t worth it. To me it feels a lot like pulling sharks away from the carcass after they’ve frenzied on the blood.

But in the end, the real real truth in this debate is that I don’t like how the whole thing made you feel, Deb. And for that I would do anything. Even take down a comment. 

Happy 2nd Birthday, Middle Ages

Art by Deb's Finger

Happy Birthday to us,

Happy Birthday to us,

Happy Birthday, Middle Ages,

Happy Birthday to us.

On April Fool’s Day, The Middle Ages turned Two.

It has been our joy.

It has been our job.

It has been our connection to the world.

We never would have believed it could be this lovely.

That’s what makes it a celebration.

Thanks to each and every one of you.

You know we love you all.

Love,

Deb and Barbara

xooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxo

Presenting Shalaka Kalyanpur!!

Barbara and Deb: Yesterday we promised we’d share with you the amazing artwork that our regular reader and commenter, Shalaka, created for us and which she presented to us over Skype and email on April 1^st to celebrate our 2-year blogiversary!!  Needless to say, Deb and I were gobsmacked. And deeply touched. And absolutely floored. This girl is brilliant. We predict an amazing career ahead of her.

Shalaka told us that she started painting as a young girl and kept changing mediums, even trying fabric painting when she was a young adolescent. Now her medium of choice is the digital pallet of Photoshop. She explained to us that she uses a photograph as a template, “cutting” out the basic shapes and then digitally layering on all the colours and lines until she is satisfied. She said each painting usually takes her a few weeks to complete.

Shalaka asked us for a few photos from which she could choose to paint—one of Deb and I together and one of Colin—which I emailed her a few months ago. The painting of Phil was a total surprise for me—she used a photo off one of our older blog posts. One of the reasons she wanted to present the paintings over Skype was so she could see our faces during the reveal. I don’t think she was disappointed as we literally gasped in awe as we looked at them. The painting of Phil--which is of him goofing off during a ski holiday that we took with Deb and Colin--makes me laugh every time I look at it (which is a lot!).

Now keep in mind that this talented Mumbai-based artist is only 19-years-old! Thank you so very much, Shalaka. We love them and we love you!!

PS If you have any questions for Shalaka, I’m sure she’d be happy to answer them in our comments section.

Deeply Grateful To All Of You

Deb: Today my plan was to post—as is our wont—a light fluffy Tuesday/Thursday thaingy.

And I had such a lovely thing ready for the Easter Passover season. But I can’t. I will do so next week.

Because sometimes you just need to take time to say thank you.

And so I am.

To each and every single cell of you for the support, the love, the advice, the tips, the stories, and the grasp of joy as you see it and share it.

I love you for your support and I love those of you who need my support. 

My cousin Scott (you may know him as my savior from other blogs) upon reading yesterday's blog, simply and lovingly drove here to be with me. Got in his car he did and showed up at my door, just as I was arriving home from Mom and Dad’s. Perfect timing. It mattered.

People called and people shared, and I do not want any one of you to think that your efforts went unnoticed or unconsumed.

I have swallowed your love and now I shine. Like diamonds. Turns out I didn’t have to search for them after all. 

Blogger Dream Come True!!

Barbara: Some of you have been waiting for our huge bloggie news, some of you have even been trying to guess what it might be. But none of you guessed that our next unexpected miracle is that Deb and I have been offered a trip to Costa Rica!!!!

Yes, it’s true—and we can’t quite believe it.

Our classy gift announcement

The gist of it is that the Costa Rica Tourism Board is giving away $1,000,000 worth of Gifts of Happiness and they chose us to be recipients of one of these happy gifts! Apparently they combed the internet, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, and news outlets, looking for kindred spirits who embraced their belief in the Pura Vida—or “everything good in life”—and, can I say it again?—they chose US!! It turns out we’re considered “influential bloggers”—thank you, Costa Rica Tourism Board: after raising two teens, it’s nice to discover someone out there thinks of me as “influential”. Not sure how “influential” all of you would consider me to be, but what I can wholeheartedly say is that I—we—absolutely believe in the concept of a Pura Vida! It is what’s kept me going through all kinds of personal ups and downs.

Beautiful gift announcement carved into sustainable wood

Some of you may remember from an early sidebar post (on our now-defunct Side of Slaw page) that Phil and I took our daughters to Costa Rica several years ago. That post was an embarrassed revelation of my inability to keep a secret (we may post it again here in the weeks to come), but the bottom line is, the trip was a dream holiday. The Costa Rican people are unbelievably kind and welcoming, the landscape is diverse and breathtaking, and the wildlife amazing. Who wouldn’t want to go there?!

And just to be clear, the Costa Rica Tourism Board is asking nothing of us except to blog about our experience. They aren’t setting up any parameters or rules, and anything we post here is of our own volition. But I can honestly say I am proud to have a chance to promote their country. And I really look forward to bringing you all a daily diary of our trip—much as we’ve done in the past with London, Newfoundland, Antigua, and Jamaica.

So, yes, we are going! Even though we’re still trying to believe this is even true. And we want to thank all of you from the bottom of our hearts. Without all of you here as part of our daily conversation, without your input, responses, dedicated reading, heartfelt thoughts, support, advice, generosity of spirit, this would never have happened. Without you, we would be nothing here at The Middle Ages. Each and every one of you keeps us going, and all of you have now helped send us to Costa Rica! Thank you thank you thank you.

And that’s not all, there is a super-easy way for all of you to enter to win too. If you go to their Facebook page, all you have to do is “like” it (again, we have not been asked to say any of this!), and you could win the exact holiday we’re going on. They’re giving away hundreds of trips, so the odds are pretty good. If you click on Terms and Conditions at the bottom of the page, the file outlines the five choices of holiday that we’ve been offered. Guess which package we chose—and next week, we’ll reveal it! Maybe we’ll see you in the rainforest, loves!

Deb: AND what makes it even sweeter is that our husbands get to join us. Given the generosity of the gift, we did not dare ask if we could have two stowaways, however charming and handsome. Upon further consideration, we realized that if we were being referred to (however loosely) as influential bloggers, we might try out that influence to see if we could bring our lovely husbands.

Turns out, we didn’t have to lower ourselves to beg. They were thrilled knowing that Colin would tweet about the trip too. Add to that Phil’s skills as a photographer for our adventures—and the team was ready! In fact, Phil took the photos for the blog today. Turns out, he cares about good light and flattering backgrounds and the like! So ... he’s our man!!!

As happy as we look here, our smiles don't come close to expressing our giddy excitement!

The four of us sat down to read and discuss the various packages we were offered. We carefully read each package, googling hotels and weighing each tour vs. free time and wealth of experience. Well, actually, to say Colin read his tour package would be a gross exaggeration. His reading went something like this: “Nice beaches, nice hotels, good food, rainforest, animals and wine.” But in the end—as hard as it was—we collectively chose one of the packages, details next week!

Cannot wait to share the trip with each other and with you guys. Let the fun begin. “Thank you, Costa Rica Tourism” just doesn’t seem enough! So we will fill out our grateful praise when we get there.

Last one there is the three-toed Sloth! 

Halloween Treats

In the spirit of Halloween, a little costume change for The Middle Ages (okay, not really for Halloween, but it’s good timing, so humour us!). We’ve decided we’re going to chat with you every weekday from now on (or try to, bear with us). We thought we’d do our 3-times-a-week dialogue as usual, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays, we’ll share something, maybe a funny or interesting photo or story or video. Maybe we’ll feature our (promised but sadly waylaid) deco tips and recipes here and then move them over to their own pages afterward. Maybe we’ll … okay, we’ll see how it goes. Anyway, we’re going to try and rock the 5-day blog-week!

Tomorrow, out of schedule, Barbara will start a conversation (that might have something to do with minor miracles), but we should hit our new stride soon enough.

In the meantime, we wanted to share this awesome news with you: we got featured in this month’s More Magazine, which is a Canadian-based mag aimed at women over 40!! We had no idea they would do this and so it was a completely unexpected and exciting surprise. Here is a photo of the page.

Oh, and PS, for those of you who’ve been asking, here’s a pic of Colin on set.

We can’t do a Halloween post without scaring you a little, so we’ve posted this video that shocked and provoked hysterical laughter courtesy of our friend, Tannis (okay, she didn’t actually produce it herself, but shared it on Facebook. Still, credit where credit is due.). This is the posted preamble: This is a car advertisement from Great Britain. When they finished filming the ad, the film editor noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist. They found out that a person had been killed a year earlier in that exact same spot. The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon. Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road.....Spooky! Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist? You decide. If you listen closely to the ad, you'll even hear the cameraman whispering in the background about it near the end of the commercial.

Beware, it’s not for the faint of heart (wink, wink).

So now a question: 1) Do you get a kick out of getting scared? In any way?

Okay, so ... ummm ... how are you?

Deb: Good morning. Hope you slept well. I had a really good night. Have had some random insomnia lately so it's such a treat to have a good night's sleep ... Great weather, huh? Wow. Shorts weather in October. Wow. Oh yeah, I already said wow. So hope this blog finds you well. Hope things are great with you and yours ... My husband had a fall on the sidewalk yesterday. No big injury but his body is stiff and sore. I am getting my ears flushed out Thursday and having my teeth cleaned Friday and nails done Saturday ... really have to get to my garden to break it down for fall. Need to do the cut-back and need to empty pots and prep for colder weather ... sadly our neighbour’s husband left her for a woman on the next street. We don't really know her, but still. She has a lovely dog. Bought new shoes today. So cute. I will attach photo. 

Enjoying my new ipad 2 and bought a little stick to help me on the sketch program ... Had a lovely Thanksgiving. The weather was amaze––...oh yeah, I said that .... Our neighbour's husband––... oh right, told you that. My husband fell on the––... yeah. It's true. I got NOTHING. And it's my turn to lead on the blog. Not a damn thing. Mind is full of script lines and packing for London. Not one bloody idea to be found. So annnnyyyyywhoooo ... it's been nice boring you. I can only hope and pray that you have more interesting things going on in your life today than these random thoughts. Sending love out there to all! My mind and I are going to go to deletes and put some stuff in the trash so we can make room for new ideas. A million more waiting to download! Bye.

Barbara: What you all don’t know is that today is the day we shoot our demo pilot!!! So we’ve been beyond busy and distracted. Writing and producing (and in Deb’s case, also acting) is a lot of work, you guys! Deb has so much on her mind/plate right now, I’m surprised she got this much cohesive verbage out. (Thank god it’s her lead today because she at least managed to be funny, charming and sweet. This is all I got: repeating the obvious. Sorry.) Here’s what Imma gonna do—take some shots today of our adventure and post them on Friday. Sound like a deal?

In the meantime, tell us what adventure—big or small—you’ve got going. 

Summer Flu And Blog Cramps

Barbara: I was doing so well. I felt awesome. The summer has been divine; hot, sunny, carefree. I was getting lots of writing done. My time has been both frivolously and well spent. And then it hit me: achy, crampy joints and muscles, sore tired eyes, heavy chest and itchy throat. What was this, I asked myself??? How was it possible to be so healthy and upright one minute and then positively legs-cut-out-from-under-you flatlined the next?

I crawled into bed—oh the muscle/joint aches were the worst—and succumbed to sleep. But then I woke and discovered I … couldn’t do anything. Couldn’t read, not even your wonderful blog posts, couldn’t (oh the frustration) write, couldn’t enjoy a lunch of Vietnamese noodle soup with my hubby (I love Pho Tai, it must be the best, cheapest comfort food known to man, but what, oh, what was this flu-ridden lack of enthusiasm?!)

24-hours later, the achy joints finally abandoned me (I guess they couldn’t take all the whining), but the fatigue and discomfort linger on. I can’t sleep for all the hacking. It’s a fucking cold, people! Why do I feel so helpless? But it’s also summer and who wants to be forced inside on a summer’s day when there are so very few of them? (and no, neither walks in the sun or half-hearted workouts have managed to “sweat it out” of me.)

And then there was this: this blog, with its funny, sweet little face that I just wanted to pinch and pat. 

Remember this?

And even so my daughter and I decide we’re going to play with it a bit, just check out some options (you know girls and their makeovers), and all of a sudden “apply” gets hit and we have crap on the screen and we can’t get the old face back, try as we (she) might. Our lovely readers have already mocked and kindly advised me in the comments’ section, bless their hearts (that’s for you, Karen), but there you have it: blog re-boot by fire. Thank god Deb was sweetly gracious about the whole thing and tagged along on the now-necessary task of a complete overhaul. (is it just me or is Blogger offering fewer template options??? And some really weird neither-here-nor-there colours…)

Just so you know, there have been a few issues working out the width of the new columns so they fit into all browser pages, so please let us know if it’s getting cut off on one side or the other.

Anyway, big thanks to Stefanie for her patient re-tooling and mocking up of the new masthead. Deb and I just love it. Hopefully you do too!

When All Roads Lead To Blog

Deb: To be frank, when Barb and I first started our blog the intent behind it was to hopefully get our names out there and to promote any projects we might have in the works.

Before too long our initial motives paled and we found ourselves falling down the rabbit hole, in love with this world and its bright eclectic bloggers and followers.

After that, the blog became a joy! Except when it wasn’t...

 “Hi Deb, it’s Barb, no pressure but just reminding you that it’s your blog tomorrow, bye.”

“FUCK!”

Other than the odd panicked glitch, it has been a giant joy and learning experience. It’s opened my world literally and figuratively.

Then something else happened. Something diabolical. It crept up on me without my noticing for almost a year. Then it hit me. The blog had started writing me! I am sure many of you have fallen into this trap.

You know what I’m talking about, that bloggy line between writing and living. I’ll be going about my day and suddenly something lousy happens and I am irritated to hell and ready to let loose a hockey team of obscenities, but I stop and think, “Okay, so this is the shittiest thing that has happened to me since I was 7, but it will make a hell of a blog.”

Or (thoughts in my head during concert): Wow, Hugh Jackman is so talented and charming and I am loving this show so much ... heyyyyyyyyy, I can blog about this! 

And then my mind wanders off and starts constructing said blog and I miss a good portion of the second act because I am busy typing on my brain’s computer about things in the show that I am clearly missing because I have stepped out of the moment and plunked myself down into my head. 

Oh I am so clever, I think to self. Look at me, enjoying the show and working at the same time. I am a time saving genius.

So how do I separate real life from bloggish intent? I have bastardized this phrase before in a blog but it fits again here. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to blog about it, did it really fall? Not in my world, baby, not in my world.

Now make no mistake, I censor myself often by choosing to keep many things that happen in my life private. Well, not many. Two.

Have I really become that person who gets the flu and instantly thinks, “Oh, this is great ‘cause I will just have to lay in bed and read and then I can blog about why don’t we just lay in bed and read? Why does it take getting ill to bring it about?”

Or someone screams at me in traffic and as I see him get out of his car and approach me, baseball bat in hand, steam pouring out of his ears and I think, “Oh My God, this will be such a great blog.”

Yes, I have become that person.

I was in a shop dressing room yesterday trying on one of those Haute Hippie flowing tops with the luminous large sleeves, hoping that I looked fabulous in it but knowing otherwise.

The shop gal agreed saying, “ Yes, it’s lovely, but it looks like it’s wearing you, not the other way around.”  And I jumped right out of the moment and thought, What a great analogy for this blog!

So ... yeah ... ummm, my blog is wearing me.

Barbara: Yup. Yup, yup, yup, yup.

I hope it at least goes with my eyes, but, yup, the blog is certainly wearing me too.

I know it’s bad when I can’t wait to hear what our blog buddies are going to say about a certain event over, say, my parents or (so embarrassed) my husband. (Oh, Rigel will know all about this. Or, Kate is going to get a kick out of this one. Or, Tart will tell us to take our clothes off and Gae will want us to dance and Molly will start another theatre company and Lyndsie will have the sweetest take ever and Madge will put it all in perspective and Hollye will break my friggin heart then heal it again all in the space of one single comment, etc, etc, etc).

I think the biggest surprise for me has been finding so many kindred spirits out there. Truly, you all have virtually (like that entendre?) slayed me. How can I not think of you throughout my day? I’m in virtual first love. And I really want you to know what made me mad on any given day, what made me laugh, what made my day.

I guess we just have to make sure our days don’t get manufactured in order to have something to write about, huh Deb? (Please, Divine Being, deliver unto me some interesting event or perspective today because I am all outta posts.)

PS We posted a new Deco Tip and Recipe last Saturday!!