Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Okay, so ... ummm ... how are you?

Deb: Good morning. Hope you slept well. I had a really good night. Have had some random insomnia lately so it's such a treat to have a good night's sleep ... Great weather, huh? Wow. Shorts weather in October. Wow. Oh yeah, I already said wow. So hope this blog finds you well. Hope things are great with you and yours ... My husband had a fall on the sidewalk yesterday. No big injury but his body is stiff and sore. I am getting my ears flushed out Thursday and having my teeth cleaned Friday and nails done Saturday ... really have to get to my garden to break it down for fall. Need to do the cut-back and need to empty pots and prep for colder weather ... sadly our neighbour’s husband left her for a woman on the next street. We don't really know her, but still. She has a lovely dog. Bought new shoes today. So cute. I will attach photo. 
Enjoying my new ipad 2 and bought a little stick to help me on the sketch program ... Had a lovely Thanksgiving. The weather was amaze––...oh yeah, I said that .... Our neighbour's husband––... oh right, told you that. My husband fell on the––... yeah. It's true. I got NOTHING. And it's my turn to lead on the blog. Not a damn thing. Mind is full of script lines and packing for London. Not one bloody idea to be found. So annnnyyyyywhoooo ... it's been nice boring you. I can only hope and pray that you have more interesting things going on in your life today than these random thoughts. Sending love out there to all! My mind and I are going to go to deletes and put some stuff in the trash so we can make room for new ideas. A million more waiting to download! Bye.

Barbara: What you all don’t know is that today is the day we shoot our demo pilot!!! So we’ve been beyond busy and distracted. Writing and producing (and in Deb’s case, also acting) is a lot of work, you guys! Deb has so much on her mind/plate right now, I’m surprised she got this much cohesive verbage out. (Thank god it’s her lead today because she at least managed to be funny, charming and sweet. This is all I got: repeating the obvious. Sorry.) Here’s what Imma gonna do—take some shots today of our adventure and post them on Friday. Sound like a deal?

In the meantime, tell us what adventure—big or small—you’ve got going. 


  1. *winces*

    *hands Colin a carton of Epsom salts, a big mug of apple cider, and a bottle of ibuprofen*

    Twelve hours from now, I'll switch out that cider mug for a tumbler of good Scotch. ;)

    Well, obviously, I'm back online at home. The new home. I'll write more later. Consider yourselves warned. :P

  2. Got nothing???? Those shoes are to die for...

  3. Wow...this blog is an exact replica of my mind at any given moment! :)

    CUTE shoes; I would probably kill myself in them (I do NOT do heels) but you will probably rock them! Glad you're enjoying your iPad...personally, I don't really understand all the hype behind them, but that's just me. Still SO JEALOUS that you're going to London soon!!! Take lots and lots of pictures! Must agree, weather is absolutely lovely! :)

    GOOD LUCK WITH THE DEMO PILOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

    Adventure? Big or small? Well, I'm currently drinking some coffee and I just finished an exam after having a four-day weekend/fall break. Puh, some break? But I think it went well.

    P.S. Poor Colin, hope he starts feeling better. Still psyched to see him and Brad in November!!!!!!!!! :)

  4. Nothing new here either. Just got up, turned on laptop and went to one of my favorite blogs and got a good laugh with your nothingness.

  5. I'm with everybody else I just love those shoes. Very cute. Very random blog today but I like it. It's funny to just be random sometimes .I was random last night on Facebook last night so yeah random is good. Hope Colin us alright.hope he didn't hurt himself bad.that's never fun.

  6. Yep good thanksgiving here, enjoying the weather and thats about it or at least that I can think of. It is one of those days for me as well, one that is much to busy to stop and do something as mundane as think about whats new.

    Good luck on the demo, cute shoes, hope your hubby isn't too sore, and have fun in London.

  7. Everybody is getting iPads. sheesh. bahahahaha...just teasing. I am a bit sleep deprived as well; only running today on about 3-4 hours of sleep (strong coffee and beeping watch kept me up till about 3AM).

    Ugh....I shutter when I think about falling. It's how I hurt my ankle...that still hurts. Tell Colin I send my condolences :] Cheers to both of you, Deb and Barb!

  8. Good morning. I'm doing very well thank you for asking. The fam's good and the kids are doing well in school. So glad to hear about your good night of sleep. Fun shoes. So sorry to hear about Colin's fall. I hope he feels better soon. Have fun getting ready for London and best of luck to you and Barb with your demo pilot. That's very exciting. Keeping busy keeps you young and out of trouble, right? Have a lovely day.

  9. Hope your hubby recovers quickly! And good luck to both of you on the demo shoot! And Deb, have fun in London! (erm... which London? I don't ask most people that, but... you know... Ontario... we have family friends in the Canadian version)

  10. Aw, Deb, you could never bore us! :)
    I have an iPod Touch, not an iPad, which is good enough for me. I do hope Colin feels better- I had a nasty fall back in February. Oh, those shoes are funky and fabulous, too!
    My adventure? Not really anything... I had a managing shift today, then I watched 3 adorable (but nutty) two year old boys at church. I'm enjoying ice cream that tastes like Tiramisu, waiting for a show called "Psych" to come on!
    Have fun in London! :)

  11. I'm with are never boring, Deb! I greatly look forward to Mondays, Wednesdays, and blogs!!! :)


  12. Me too!! In the meantime, I'm going to piddlefart on the internet, procrastinate and chuckle at this blog again, because the words on here are pretty much what my mind is doing.

    hoping i'll sleep better tonight....

  13. Hello one and all. First off thanks for all the well wishes for Colin. He is fine thanks to all who asked and sent healing salts and good wishes. He is sore but feeling fine other than a big ole' head cold.I am so tired I can hardly type. As Barb told you, we shot our pilot today and it was wonderful. More on that later. Thanks to those of you who supplied lovely details of your day and to those who just said I wasn't boring. Thanks to Annette for understanding all things shoe. Mostly though, thanks to each of you for hanging in with us no matter what we might do. Soooooooooooo tired. night. xo

  14. Sorry it was more than 12 hours. Tonight brought driving in the rain, church service, and my son's ample supply of homework. But, as promised, here is a tumbler of good Scotch for achy Colin:

  15. We all would always hang in there with you all Deb and Barb. of corse. We all love it here.


  16. Deb, I commend you on getting even that down on... uh...screen? Yeah, that. Sometimes that's just the way it goes.

    Exciting? Adventurous? Not, I expect, for another 3 1/2 weeks. Then it's off to Chicopee, MA, then DOWNTOWN BOSTON for a couple of Colin and Brad shows.

    Deb, could you please remind Colin that it's left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot? Thanks. And I hope he feels better. Flying with a head cold? Yummy.

    (KELLY: Where are you going to see Colin and Brad?)

    Autumn in New England is a beautiful sight. Apple-picking and the smell of crunching leaves (which haven't quite left the trees yet)... It's pouring right now, but I don't think I could ever live anywhere else. (Haven't tried, yet, anyway.)

    So that's what's here. Sounds fun, doesn't it?

  17. P.S. Right now I'm watching Colin drag Denny Siegel and an audience member around stage during "Dead Bodies." NOW ask him how he feels. :D

  18. Rigel so creative. Love it, thanks. Are you all settled and happy with your new home? Thanks Lyndsie, we love that you are here too. Dawn it sounds lovely in New England. I have been there so I know that first hand. Ontario is also gorgeous in the fall. Everywhere you look is a blaze of colour. Raining here too but needed I think. I will remind him. Left foot right it! :-)

  19. Dang Deb, I wish my feet were as small and cute as yours..okay so they wouldn't hold all 5ft 9in of me but at least I could find cute shoes like you did. I wear 10 1/2 narrow. Try and find nice shoes in that size...TRY. ;p
    I'm laying here in bed thinking that I should get some sleep. I just LOVE fooking menopause! LOVE! (be careful of the dripping sarcsasm) I've been up all night yet again. I'm afraid it's become a habit and harder to break. No sleep for awhile yet because the yard dude is here starting the mower and it' keeps dying, like the lovely brown grass. Oh, and now we have Paulino on Leaf Blower...HIT it Paulino, PLAY that wacky blower. The edger ran for about 3 minutes, which tells you a bit about how small my front yard is. Then a big truck stopped in front of my neighbors house and kept idling and backing up and going back to the house all the while with its BEEP BEEP BEEP blaring. My dog is glaring at me disappointingly as if to say "you can't even stop that incessant beeping. what kind of
    honoree ARE you?
    Soooo, today let there be sleep for tomorrow there be noise. Night night..ugh ... My ... eyes...
    you ladies are great! Enjoy London. If you see an exotic, tall dark and exotic woman walkin through London to say hello to my friend * pink *..Funny, I fell asleep a moment and typed out pink. Sleep typing is an indication of total exhaustion. Nighty night...uh....daytie day HUGS
    Karen Frazzzzzzzzzzzzz
    P.S. Glad Colin didn't get hurt.

  20. lol, i was sleep typing some of that. I have NO idea what the heck I was getting at with "what kind of honoree ARE you" LMAO
    attempting sleep now. I might be successful. HUGS n HAPPYs, Karen

  21. Oh my god, you guys, just catching up on all of these great comments after a crazy-wonderful day yesterday that resulted in crash landing on my bed! You are all so amazing (and cute and sweet and funny). Karen, the sleep-typing killed me. Insomnia is a bitch, ain't it??? xoxo

  22. This is my life since the spring with our Bed and Breakfast~LOL Great Wishes today. I will catch up again between cooking, cleaning and entertaining. Did I want to blog about our BnB sure, but who has time and most that come do not want to share that they were here for it is so remote and peaceful?
    ~What happens at Richard's Lake BnB Stays at Rickard's Lake BnB~

    So happy directing day as I go back to direct the vacuum or dust pan while my oatmeal cookies are baking and the smell of coffee with chicory is filling the house. I will be back because I have missed you both~xoxo

  23. Kathleen! Sounds like it's own dream come true, though. They;'re not always pieces of cake though, are they???!

  24. Dawn, Kelly and I are going to see Colin and Brad in Richmond, Kentucky...literally 15 minutes away from where we go to school! :D

  25. My god, reading all you do makes me tired. Good luck with your pilot!!!

  26. A blog entry about randomness and adventures? Really? You want to hand me an opportunity to type that much? After I was offline for a week and a half? Really? LOL

    Brace yourselves.

    First of all, Deb, those shoes are SO CUTE!!! While high heels are very much on my personal no-no list, those shoes are sooooo costuming for glamorous a 1940's movie. They have such a B&W Rosalind Russell, Carole Lombard kinda vibe!

    Secondly, I am sooooo eager for Friday's post about the pilot shoot! Although, it's gonna be hard for y'all to top Getting Along Famously which was such fluffy, frivolous, silly, witty fun.

    Let's see, hmmmm. My current adventure is unpacking from the move and setting up our new home in the apartment. Already, I am SOOOOO pleased with our new accommodations. The bathroom sink works! There's central heat/AC! All the light fixtures work! The bathtub doesn't leak! There's a dishwasher! These are good, good things. :) Plus, after 4 years is a dark, dark cave of dark, dark wood paneling, it's no nice and light and airy to have sunlight shining in on white walls and ceiling. Of course, when I'm done setting up home, there won't be much of those white walls to see because I'm a picture hanging, wall decorating fiend. My son's bday is Nov. 9, but that's Wednesday church night so we're having friends over to celebrate on Thurs., Nov. 10. He want to cook Crazy Cantina Chili and Wookie Cookies for everyone out of his Star Wars cookbook. So, I'm going to take my time and unpack and decorate through the whole month of October.

    See, that's key. I'm going to set up house. I'm going to do it how I want it. Going to take my time and savor the process and make it pretty and homey and comfy and happy. I'm making a nest that'll make me smile every time I come through the door.

    My already half-dead microwave went ahead and completely died in the move. So, I'm scrounging for a cheap (CHEAP!), used microwave at the moment. It doesn't have to be full size (big enough to hold a 9x13 lasagna pan), but it can't be teenytiny dorm room size, either. It's gotta be at least big enough to hold a full size dinner plate or a 2 qt. casserole dish. I can't spend more then $20. $10 would actually be ideal. Wait, let's be honest, FREE would be ideal! LOL So, I've put the word out to pretty much everyone I know that I'm looking for a cheap, second hand microwave, and I'll follow up any leads that appear. I'll also be perusing yard sales and thrift shops. It is really, really, really annoying not having a microwave. Everything takes so much longer. Plus, I feel like I'm not making efficient use of leftovers.

  27. We have moved into a place that has carpet after years of living where there wasn't carpet. And, the last vacuum cleaner I had died a gruesome death a few years ago. There was a sinister snap-crackle-pop inside the vacuum followed by acrid, blue smoke. I yanked the cord from the wall, grabbed the vacuum by the handle, and ran to the door to throw it out onto the concrete driveway (all the while yelling at the top of my lungs, "Eddie! Stay in your room! Stay in your room! Stay in your room!") where the wiring to the motor burned from the inside out. I didn't replace the vacuum because we didn't have carpet there, and I could just sweep and wipe. But, now, I'm needed a vacuum. So, I'm also looking for a cheap, used vacuum, too. But, it needs to be a bagless vacuum because a) too old of a used vacuum will require discontinued bags and b) buying a packet of vacuum bags every so often is not in the budget. If I can't find a used one soon, I'm going to have to borrow one when I'm done unpacking and borrow again right before the birthday party. Then, over November, I'm going to save up $70 for a vacuum I found at work. Who knew a vacuum cleaner could be cute?!? It's a small, apartment sized vacuum. Perfect! And, get this, the plastic housing is GREEN GLITTER!!! Yes. A green glitter vacuum cleaner. Meant to be. I'm telling y'all. It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.

    The biggest adventure at hand is that my son turns 13 next month. A teenager. God help us all. He has designated his new bedroom "The Man Cave." This does not bode well! LOL His room is almost completely pulled together. That said, we are deliberately leaving some blank wall and shelf space knowing that his bday and Christmas will help fill out his Man Cave. How much Nintendo, Star Wars, and science books can a boy cram into one small bedroom? Stay tuned. We're finding out. LOL

  28. My bedroom is also almost pulled together. I needed/wanted a bookcase for my bedroom. I hit paydirt earlier this week when I got a free one. And, it's not even cheapy Walmart flat pack particle board. Nope! It's a real wood one that someone had built from scrap lumber. It's thick and sturdy and even has a decorative edge along the bottom. I trash picked it from the curb. (Gleaning is practically a sport around here. The afternoon before trash pick up morning finds people slowly driving through neighborhoods trash picking good stuff. When we were moving out of the old place, I put several items to the curb for gleaners. They all left within 2 hours. Reduce, reuse, recycle!) So, I've been enjoying filling the shelves of my new little bookcase! My surprise treasure for my room! I have the furniture in my room where it's all going to go, and now I'm starting on covering the walls. It is FUN!!! I really, really like how my room is coming together. The past 2 places we've lived, my room was just a storage room I sometimes slept in. (I usually slept on the couch when insomnia would allow.) But, here, I have vowed to myself that I will have MY space and that it will be a good space that makes me happy. I'm setting up my own cozy, slightly exotic little world. I love it! :)

    The kitchen and living room are nowhere near done and won't be for a while. I need a tall, big bookcase for the living room so I'm exploring my cheap/free options there. If need be, before the birthday party, I'll get some lumber from work and build one myself. I'm keeping an eye out for a source of free/supercheap paint in a color I like in case I need to finish a bookcase myself.

  29. I've had another adventure in charmed objects! Years ago ('02? '03?), my grandmother, who is an antiques nut, gave me a large Blue Willow china bowl. (I like Blue Willow a lot.) For safe packaging/transport, she reused an old wooden box. OK, keep a secret? I grooved more on the box than the bowl! It was an old, wooden shipping box covered in old Japanese newspaper. A missionary from overseas had sent back a parcel to the states in it years ago. The box was originally shipped from Japan to Pensacola, Florida. (I'm from Pensacola, and my grandmother and another surviving elderly relative still live there.) I not only kept the bowl, I kept the box, too. I kept snapshots in it. Well, about a year ago, the box finally just fell apart. The wood was so old, dried out, thinned, and so far gone that there was no putting the box back together. But, I kept the lid of the box. I know, I know, clutter. But, I couldn't resist. I couldn't release such a charmed object. The back of the wooden lid has the Japanese newspaper. And the front has some of the papering, but also the missionary's name and address and the name and address of the woman she sent the box to and the list of what was originally shipped in the box. I kept the lid packed away with some vague notion of, "Someday, I'll figure out a way to craft something cool with it." Yes, I know, clutter hoarding. Sorry. Well, this Monday while unpacking from this move, I stumbled across that cool old wooden lid that had been packed away in a Rubbermaid tub of old stuff. And, just that day, I had gotten internet here at the apartment. In my celebratory gorging upon online data, I brought the old wooden lid over to the computer and did some Googling.

  30. Oh. My. God.



    (not using the Lord's name in vain.... really: Oh, my God!)

    First off here are pictures of the lid, now reverently displayed on my bedroom wall:

    I found out who Mary McMillan was. First of all, she was from Pensacola, too. This incredible, remarkable, powerful woman was born where I was born. I'm copy/pasting from :
    Duke University has her special collection.

    She was the first Protestant missionary into Hiroshima after the atomic bomb blast.

    Oh, my God!!!
    "Biographical Note
    1912 Nov. 26 Born, Pensacola, Fla.
    1934 Graduated from Florida State College for Women with a degree in literature and history
    1934-1937 Taught in Northwest Florida high schools
    1939 Graduated from Scarritt College in Nashville with a Masters degree in Christian Education
    1939 Aug. 31 Arrived in Japan
    1941 Feb. 29 Forced to return to the United States
    1942 Took courses in Japanese language at the University of California, Berkeley, and lived in the International House
    1943 Taught at the Topaz Relocation Center in Topaz, Utah
    1944 Graduated from the Nashville School of Social Work with a Masters in Social Science
    1945 Served as a child welfare worker in Escambia County, Fla.
    1947 Jan. 7 Became the first Protestant missionary to return to Hiroshima after World War II
    1948 Jan. 19 Held the first service of the Ushita Christian Church in her home
    1952 Dec. Mother died
    1980 Named Professor Emerita at Hiroshima Jo Gakuin College
    Named the sixth Special Honorary Citizen of Hiroshima
    1980 May 26 Left Hiroshima for a six-month furlough prior to her official retirement
    1980 Dec. 1 Officially retired from service
    1984 Aug. Returned to Hiroshima as a special guest of the city and took part in the memorial ceremony at Peace Park
    1991 July 19 Died in Lake Chautauqua, N.Y., at a missionary's conference

    This woman, this incredible woman's, handwriting in pencil hangs on my bedroom wall. I stare at it, I think of her, I think of the powerful impact she made in her life, I think of her amazing strength, and I get this really strange, still, hushed, solid feeling deep, deep inside my chest.

  31. The lid is crumbling like the box did. Already, some of the pencil writing is wearing off, and the peeling is evident in the pictures. Part of me thinks I should see if Duke or a church in Hiroshima wants it, should see if it could be better taken care of/preserved.

    But, a selfish corner of me, only wants to keep it. Wants to keep all the mystery and strength and power of Mary McMillan's story clutched tightly to my heart.

    I don't know. I just know that my breathing changes when I look at it and think about her incredible story. There's almost the reverent of an altar in that little space of my room.

    This woman who was born where I was born. A fellow Panhandle chic! Escambia County! This woman who heard the waves crashing on the same beaches that I love so much. This woman who had countless times gone down Palifox and knew the 5 flags and knew the Wentworth. Look at who she became! Look at what she did! Look at who she was! Look at where she went and what she did and how alive she was!

    I'll email Duke. They probably won't want it. I'll track down an option in Hiroshima. Heck, it'll be a chance to drag out the rusty old bits of Japanese from the back closets of my brain. They probably won't want it. If anyone does, I'll send it. But, if they don't, that's OK, too. Because, unlike most charmed objects about which I find delight in finding a home for, I kinda want me to be the home for this one.

    So, yeah, see, even unpacking in a new apartment can be a bit of an adventure.

  32. Another adventure, insignificant to anyone else but far from minor to me, is that lately I have begun forcing myself to experiment with eye contact. I started a few weeks ago at work. It's not all the time, and it's certainly not during a bad day or when I'm tired or hungry or stressed out. But, when I'm feeling fairly put together, I make myself experiment with other people's eyes every now and then. Usually once a shift. Sometimes twice. That's all I can handle so far. I'll pick a customer, always a man, usually older, and someone who's laid back and in a good mood and chuckling (as opposed to someone who's stressed out and in a bad mood and aggravated by a project gone wrong). Also, it has to be someone I'm helping with something that's easy, something that I'm not going to have to concentrate hard to figure out. And, while I'm helping that man, I'll make myself not just glance at his eyes fleetingly once or twice while we're talking, but I'll make myself look into his eyes long enough that I can count off seconds in my mind. I'm getting up to more and more seconds (7 last time! Long enough even for a blink to have to happen!) before my chest starts squeezing and I have no choice but to look away and step back. It feels weird as all get out when I'm doing it, but there's also something oddly triumphant about it. I know, I know, I'm a freak. But, I take my thrills where I can get them. I just don't understand why something that's completely normal for everyone has always been so impossibly hard for me. The only time in my life I have ever been able to maintain eye contact was looking up into my ex-husband's eyes while we made love. I can't even look my Beloveds in the eye like normal people! I don't know to explain it other than to say that looking people in the eye is excruciatingly uncomfortable for me and always has been. It makes me feel all icky fight-or-flight-y. I don't know why. I'm just a freak. But, I'm making a small adventure out of trying to conquer this. About a month ago, it just struck me that I need to cowgirl up on this one. I don't know why. I just got a burr up my butt about it. Mad at myself. *shrugs*

  33. The biggest adventure I'm having right now is in my mind. Pondering decisions. Pondering changes. Pondering possibilities. My Life 2.0 may actually get a good start in 3 years as opposed to 6. Not a full submersion into Life 2.0, but more of a beginning on it than I would've guess even a year ago. When my son turns 16 and starts driving, it's looking like there's going to be a shift where he's more at his dad's than with me. He'll move freely between the 2 himself as opposed to a rigid custody and visitation situation like when he was a wee one. Two years ago, I would've doubled over crying and saying, "No, no, no," to even the idea of not being full time, day in day out, mommy to my son until his high school graduation day. But, he's made big leaps this year, there are big growing up shifts in him lately. Surprisingly, junior high is working wonders in him. Also, being in the youth group at church with the older kids is doing fabulous good in him. And, more and more, he's needing man time with his dad. And, since my ex-husband has finally grown up himself and learned to be a father, I have less fear attached to that than I used to. Furthermore, if I haven't been able to get my son grounded well in faith and morality by the time he's 16, then I've blown it as a mom. If his morals and integrity and honor aren't ingrained by that time, then I've failed. I have to believe that even if he shifts from being with me mostly to being with his dad mostly that his core of who he is, his core of faith, morals, and ethics, will be firmly enough in place that he will be true to it even if his dad doesn't live as a Christian. (After all, youth group is just down the highway a piece from his dad's house. lol) Also, it is time for his dad to man up and play a more active, time intensive role in dealing with the school and the whole autism thing. It's time for his dad to carry more of that load especially as Eddie matures and begins to outgrow some of his needs and grow into new ones.

    I am pondering building a new sort of life for myself as I begin to gradually let go of my son into his new, more grown up life in 3 years.

    I'm partly excited. I'm mostly terrified. And, completely intimidated. How will I ever be strong enough to pull this off?

  34. But...

    Here's where it's a GOOD adventure.

    As I've started thinking in this direction, I've had to fuss at myself a bit. OK, a lot. I've had to fuss at myself a lot. Because, I'm trying for a new kind of thinking. I'm trying to get away from closing doors on myself and thinking myself out of thinks and placing limits on myself and thinking only doom and gloom worst case scenarios. I'm trying to teach myself to think, "That's not impossible. Why not try?"

    So hard. So, very, very, very hard.

    But, also, strangely, kinda intoxicating.

    Remember how I made my Get in the TARDIS New Year's resolution back on my birthday? See, ummm, it's kinda worked this year. Dangerous stuff. Dangerous stuff. It's gone and given me ideas. It seems that, well, maybe if I'm open to adventure, maybe if I'm willing to be a little bit daring, maybe sometimes being brave and weird and all seems to sort of payoff. The risk/benefit ratio seems to be in my favor. OK, I've decided I'm game. OK, let's do it. I mean, if the most wacked out, impossible thing ever on my wist actually HAPPENED and I've got the picture to prove it, and if not only did I have my first gallery showing of my photographs but now a 2nd gallery in a whole other state is interested and, well, stuff like this, well.... I mean, this is way better than how things used to be. I like this alive. It's better than the fog, ya know?

    I've started parsing apart daydreams I've had over the past year or 2. The practical ones all the way over to the completely fruitloops ones. Every wistful wish, every flight of fancy, every yearning. And, I've willfully decided not to rule ANYTHING out. No matter how impractical. No matter how irresponsible. No matter how unacceptable. I've decided to a) not be governed by other people's rules and negativity (oh man, there is way, way, way too much of that muck and mire) and b) design new internal rules for myself, rules that are kinder to myself, rules that let me be a more open person.

  35. Money, of course, is the hugest barrier to anything. OK. So, I'm gonna earn more money. Especially as my son gets older and more independent, I'll work more. Also, once he is not spending most nights with me, what do I need? I need a room, a potty and shower, and a means to do some simple cooking. An efficiency apartment. A shack. LOL Really, I don't NEED much. Warmth in the winter, a stack of craft supplies, a computer, and internet access. There ya go. So, if I'm working more and maintaining less, I'll be able to pound down bills and save up some money.

    And, I'll use that money to really, really live.

    But, it's gonna be on my terms. And, a lot of people are gonna disapprove (read: my whole extended family beginning, first and foremost, with Little Miss Negative herself - my mother). But, I really, really think I need to be one of those kooky, free spirited, kinda weird people who lives totally on her own terms. We've already got one of those in the family (Hi, Leslie!), so she's already broken them in a bit for me. I'm just going to have to be scandalous in my own way and shock them afresh! :) lol

    I think... I think before I settle down and start aiming for that 5 acres, a little house, solar cells, well water, and some critters, I think there are some things I need to do first. Adventures I need to have first. Other places I need to spend a few years before I settle down. Things that I would barely ever even allow myself to daydream about as complete nonsense that would never be real. But, now.... now, I think maybe nothing's off limits. My first reaction was, "But, you'll be in your 40's! You'll be too old!" No. Nope. I refuse to cop to that. One of my greatest, hugest, most intensely felt regrets in life was that I placed too many limits on myself when I was young and free. I didn't PLAY enough when I could've. I didn't fully exercise my FREEDOM. So, now, I'm going to fully seize hold of my second chance.

    I've craved stability for raising my child. The weird thing is that once he's raised, I crave freedom and movement. Security while raising a child is great. But, I don't want to feel trapped when it's just me again. When I'm by myself again, I think *deep breath*, I think I just want to fly by the seat of my pants for a while. Explore how to be alive again. Try newness. Put some glitter into my existence.

    There's an adventure I think I want to have for 2 or 3 years. A very impractical adventure. A completely ludicrous, crazy, irresponsible adventure. The most radically wrong thing I'll have ever given myself permission to do. But, I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, instead of being a fantasy, a daydream, I might be starting to think of it as a real possibility, something I might actually dare to try to pull off. The fact that I am even exploring it as an option amazes me. I never, ever, EVER could've begun to even figure out how to start thinking about the possibility of imagining like this 3 years ago.

    I have decided that I have more options in life and less limits.

    It's like I'm awake again.

  36. The weird thing is that even daring to allow myself to explore thinking like this about the future is beginning to affect my every day now. It's so weird! Because, I'm beginning to make seemingly impractical, bizarre decisions that I never, ever would've allowed myself even a year ago but that, in a strange, surprising way, are seeming to do wonders for my quality of life. For example, when my tax return comes in Feb., I was originally going to split it all between paying off one bill and paying down another. OK. Still gonna pay off all of one bill, but I'm going to divert a few hundred from paying down the other and get a laptop computer. No! No! No! Y'all're probably thinking. Grossly irresponsible! Greedy! Selfish! But, the computer we have now is really old and malfunctioning and will not meet my son's high school needs. Plus, having a laptop feeds into my longer term planning for a newer, freer, more creative life. It's a concrete step in that direction. It's something I can do toward making a new way of being a reality. I am feeding the fantasy into reality. Now, here's the kicker, though. I'm starting to discover that diverting some money here and there from selfless practicality (e.g. I'm planning to get myself a new denim skirt and a new pair of jeans in November instead of waiting and using birthday money in January) actually ends up HELPING in the long run. When I'm not so damn miserable from having to MacGyver everything that's falling apart and getting around doing without something I need, I tend to make happier, healthier decisions in all areas that feed the greater good. Something as simple as indulging in new clothes for myself affects for the better issues like emotional eating when I'm stressed -- less money wasted on junk food and more fat cells shrinking from my gut. The rent on this apartment is higher than the rent I was paying on the tumbled down, ratty old house we lived in. Wrong, right? Nope! We are HAPPIER in this apartment, we LIKE being here, so we end up staying home more and being out less, and therefore being less tempting to waste money on fast food or going to Jonesboro for the afternoon or whatever. In the end, spending more to live a high quality of life, saves me not only money on utility bills (because we have insulation, double paned windows, etc. here) but also on what I've begun to think of "misery driven foolish spending."

    OK, I realize that last paragraph probably makes no sense at all. Sorry. I know. I'm a freak.

  37. I'm going to give MYSELF a Christmas gift. Yes, you read that right. I am going to selfishly spend money on myself as a Christmas gift. One day, after my first December paycheck, I'm going to have my son ride the school bus home to his dad's house and spend the night there. That morning, after dropping him off at school, I'm going to drive down to Memphis. And, I'm going to spend the day going to museums and the art gallery. I'm going to wear pretty shoes and matte red lipstick and I'm going to fix my hair. I am going to be who I used to be and who I want to be.

    I also catch myself fussing at myself frequently to LIGHTEN UP. Ya know what? OK, here, I'm gonna publicly admit a shameful truth. I like watching Sex and the City. And, that's OK! I've decided that it's OK to allow myself fluff and nonsense. It's OK to let myself sing along to stupid pop songs on the radio and admit that I kinda like them even though they have no socially redeeming value. I let myself dance to the beat. I've been far too serious for far too long. Is it so wrong that I want a dose of fluff in my life? That maybe it isn't all blue jeans and ratty old tennis shoes? That maybe, however superficial and impractical and worldly, maybe I just want a taste a bit of glamour? That maybe I want to buy pretty bras instead of just sports bras and that maybe I want to replace the rings I had to pawn to pay utility bills earlier and start wearing girliegirl jewelry? Am I allowed to lighten up?!?! Please?!?!?

    I'm becoming a very, very selfish person. Everything I've evern known says that this a bad thing. So, why do I feel so much better? Healthier? Happier? Alive? Why do my son and I both laugh and smile so much more? Why is being selfish and learning to do for myself somehow turning me into a better mother to my son? Why is being bad helping me be good? Why does being irresponsible feel like the sanest thing I've done in a long time?

    This is my current adventure. I don't understand it. But, it feels very alive. And, that's what's been missing for too, too long.

    It's random. And, it's an adventure. So, hey, at least this comment is on topic. ;)

  38. Holly and Kelly, Colin and Brad will be about an hour drive away, and then the next night, a 20-minute subway ride away, BOTH in Massachusetts! That's an extreme rarity. Usually it's something like a 2 1/2 hr drive to god knows where.
    We will ALL party!

  39. Deb, I forgot to mention how much I love those shoes. They're absolutely adorable! I'm a shoe person, too. I just bought a pair of 5" spike-heeled electric blue suede shoes. I have no idea where I'm going to wear them, but they were too gorgeous to leave on the shelf.

    I'll post a link on Facebook, because I have to show them off to someone who appreciates footwear.
    (If you don't like them, that's fine, too. I just want to show them.)

  40. YEAH PARTY!!!!!!!!!! WHOO HOO!!!

    It will definitely be featured on our blog! :D

  41. Ladies, it sounds like you're in for good times!! Enjoy the show/s.

    Rigel, I am so excited for you (and this is a response to your email too). So proud and excited for you. You are on the right track, all the way. Eye contact -- amazing! Presents for yourself -- yes, yes, good! And preparing yourself for more adventure -- critical. Be who you are and were meant to be. You haven't wasted time until now, you have been in marathon training for this moment. Now run!! xoxo

  42. Okay, Deb. Have to ask. Is your neighbour's name Julie? If it is, small world. - Anne

  43. Yeah good times ladies! Wow so much going on in your lives. Go.BACKSTAGE! I will tell Colin to say that some fans who are also blogfollowers will be coming backstage. So please tell whatever random guy is blocking you that you are blogfollowers of Colin's wife Deb and that Colin is expecting you. I will make sure he says this to the door guys. I know you were fans of his first and bloggie fans second but I think this is the simplest way, don't you?

  44. Holly great quote. I am glad it has been reposted. It's a good one. Rigel a teen in the house?? Okay do not let anyone tell you that he will be a jerk because he is a teen. It is one of those things that people like to scare you with. Other than the odd eye roll, teens can be fun, interesting wonderful people. All my friends kids are. Honestly. Eddie will rock the teens with charm and the odd dirty look. He is a good boy. The story about the woman who's writing is on the wall and her history? Wow blew me away. Gave me shivers. It is a wonderful story. I know that you love it and want to keep it. But I also agree with your idea of sharing it in a museum. And wouldn't it be lovely to see the plate saying that YOU had donated it!!!

  45. Wow. Backstage? I'm used to back alleys! LOL

  46. I don't really have too much going on, at least I don't believe it's geniunely interesting to anyone. But I just recently ended a very short stint of working the graveyard shift, starting back on 'normal' daytime shifts tomorrow. So I'm very TIRED at the moment trying to re-adjust. Sorry I haven't really made any comments on here for a while, I feel as though I've been rather neglectful for longer than I ever expected to be. Beyond that, nothing newsworthy to share on my end. Hope all is well with everyone! -Apey

  47. Good to hear from you again, Apey!! We are chugging along, as you can see. But I think getting out of a graveyard shift is an enormous life-change. Once the fatigue goes away, of course... good luck!

  48. Thanks Barbara! It wasn't too difficult to get past the fatigue this time around. I only worked 3 night shifts. It was more difficult to make the transition a while ago after I had worked the graveyard shift for several years and had to switch back to daytime shifts. I still can't usually sleep without a bit of melatonin to help me. Anyone have any advice on how to fall asleep more naturally? I hate having to be dependant on anything. Also, I just arrived home from playing Bingo with some of my former coworkers (we occasionally try to stay in contact with each other). While I didn't personally win one of my friends won over $70 in one round. So, the rest of us were pretty excited for her. That's what is new in my life. -Apey


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