Barbara: The other day, Deb
and I were invited to join a small circle of women—there were 9 of
us—spearheaded by Certified Therapist and Life Coach, Anne Pustil. Check out
her website here and her blog here. Anne is a charming and sincere listener/therapist, and she’d gathered us
together because she hoped we might share some of the linchpin problems we face
as women in midlife (yes, Deb did crack that the term “midlife” implies that we’re
all going to live into our hundreds! Anyway…). Anne will be conducting several “hitting the wall in midlife” group sessions for women in her hometown of Vancouver, as
well as over the phone for those who are interested but don’t live in the
vicinity.
As you guys know, Deb and I
are all about the “let’s talk honestly about what we face every day.” That’s
why we’re here, right? But what we both—what we ALL—found fascinating at this
get-together (in a beautiful home, eating fabulous food!) is that despite our
ongoing conversations and examinations, there is still and always a new
question to ask, a new perspective to consider, and another, previously
unconsidered, tool that might help resolve our issues. And while the 2½ hours
flew by (several of us had to leave by a certain time), there were so many
interesting tangents and thoughts, far beyond what I think even Anne expected
(by that I mean, we often went “off topic”, but whoa, the off-topics were
stimulating), that I think we could’ve easily chatted for hours more.
It got me to thinking that,
as much as I think we need to keep chatting here (and other places like this),
there is something to be said for the real-life get-together where your
responses can be fluid and mutable, where you can talk much longer than your
poor fingers can type, where you can speak without editing yourself (because,
let’s face it, when you write you can tune and fine-tune what you say). Because
sometimes the “messy”, non-edited words that you speak in real conversations
can carry kernels of other resonant and important, maybe half-formed, ideas;
the Freudian slips, as it were, that will lead to other extraordinary epiphanies
or revelations.
Anne encouraged us to feel
that we were in a safe zone at the get-together, and that our “secrets”
wouldn’t go beyond the circle of discussion. Then she prompted us with a few
succinct and loaded questions: “What do you love about this age?” “What do you
regret?” “What do you wish you’d been told?” (etc.) I bet you can imagine, much like our
Five Crazy Things post, or any question that makes you examine your own (at the
moment) truth, each of Anne’s questions could evoke a whole evening’s
discussion in and of themselves, with as many viewpoints and life-experiences
as there are individuals.
I’m sure Deb and I will
springboard off some of the more compelling subjects we touched on here
in the blog, subjects that will hopefully prompt all of us to more discussion,
but I would also like to propose something else to you: would you consider—no
matter what your age or sex—having such an evening (or lunch, as ours was, or
coffee or tea...) specifically dedicated to broad analysis? Getting together with a few
people that you think might be open to it, and asking some basic trigger
questions? After all, and even despite the fear that can come with being open,
“knowledge is power”. And the knowledge we are all most equipped to search out,
the knowledge that increases our life quality and sense of empowerment, the
knowledge that can lead to some inner peace (even for a brief moment), the
ultimate knowledge that we are singularly equipped to absolutely accept, is, of course, self-knowledge.
Deb: It was wonderful, and the reason it most resonated with me is
the fact that it always shocks me to learn that the people who seem the most
together and most confident share my fears and concerns too. I likened the
afternoon to an emotional/psychological clothing swap: you bring something to
the table (in this case a piece of knowledge or a coping skill) and that piece
is useful to someone else and, by the same token, you take away some gem of
information that the other person brings that she may no longer need. I wish
when I was going through menopause I had had the wherewithal to bring my
friends together to talk and share. Doing otherwise sometimes made me feel
alone and isolated. The same applies to any life bump I think. It’s nice to
know that other people are feeling the same way you are. And it actually can
help! Ultimately what the get-together left me feeling again is that women are
fantastic! That was my best takeaway.
