I did what I always do when she starts to bark. “Bairn, come!” Works like a charm. Say it only once or the word will cease to mean anything.
Waiting. Waiting.................................................................................................Waiting.
No come. Not a come to be found. Now what?
Can’t say “Bairn, come” again. The trainer told me that. DO NOT SAY IT MORE THAN ONCE.
So now what? Me waiting. She running amuck. Waiting. More amuck. Waitingness. Amuckness.
Me putting on rain boots. Yes, raining. Pouring. Downpour. Monsoon. I knew it would happen like this.
Out I went embittered and soggy. I stand my ground. She circles the pool. I reach for her. She eludes my grasp. I strain my back and curse her. She doesn’t give a flippin damn.
So ... after ten minutes of this Tom Foolery, I cave.
Bairn, come....................Bairn, COOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She comes faster than the speed of light.
And when she crosses the threshold I shout “NO COOKIE. NO COOKIE! You are bad! Bad Bairn! Bad. Bad. Bad. BAD. BAD. No cookie! No friggin cookie because you DID NOT COME. Ha ha. Yeah you think there’s a cookie coming, but there is NO COOKIE.”
I stood there soaked in triumph.
And she looked at me trusting and wide-eyed.
 |
| Bairn |
Gave her a cookie.
Who’s the asshole now?
Barbara: Oh, Deb! So funny!! This is like me and my teenaged girls. “Girls, pick up your stuff. Girls, pick up your stuff. Girls! Stuff! Pick it UPPPPPP!” Except, wait, they never look at me wide-eyed anymore. And my bribe isn’t “cookies”, it’s chai lattes. Okay, we’re back on track here—I definitely give into those even when stuff isn't picked up. Even un-wide-eyed, these girls sure are cute. Plus I’m a sucker for chai lattes (which in order to get, by the way, requires leaving said stuff-strewn house).
PS: Stay tuned for a wonderful new 3-way on Wednesday!
PS: Stay tuned for a wonderful new 3-way on Wednesday!
