Friday, March 23, 2012

Auto Focus

Deb: Barb’s quantum physics classes have brought many fascinating ideas to light and one of them is this idea of focus. Thank you, Barb, for Hocus Focus. My particular focus is that of a gadfly. It is not something I am particularly proud of, nor is it something I relish. But I struggle with my focus, which is why as I have mentioned my love for Transcendental Mediation and why it works for me. Trouble is, I keep forgetting to do it because every time I intend to, my mind flits to another idea or another task. I keep tons in my head. Tons. Really. Tons. I know that we all do so I am not setting myself up here as the busiest or the most pressured.

Although this is about me so...

The problem is, my brain is not orderly. My darn brain works as a catchall. Not a single filter in there. Every time I try to organize my brain into folders I will suddenly have a random thought and, as I turn my head to pursue it, all the ideas tumble out of my brain folders and onto my brain floor, scattered amongst the other grey matter (referring to my brain of course, not the fact that I am old). Although in fairness my hair is grey and I dye it. So full disclosure, from the neck up, I am technically all grey matter.

But, that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I lack focus.

A small example of this is that while I was writing the first paragraph, I got up four times: once to phone my parents, once to get tea, once to put the dry cleaning at the front door, and once to write down an idea for another blog. Actually, I lie. I really did all those things before I wrote the sentence, “My particular focus is that of a gadfly”, which is what inspired me to write that sentence. The real truth is that between that sentence and the end of the paragraph I also searched through my purse for a chocolate covered caramel that I knew I had put in there and wanted to have with my tea. It was there, as it turned out. I ate it and now I am on a roll.

Okay, now to the point of the blog. I have been focus experimenting. I have been making a point to think only of one thing at a time and seeing where it leads.
My first experiment went like this:

Last week, because spring/summer came early to Toronto I was walking along, with visions of phone calls, to do lists, ideas, worries and tasks in my head. As I walked I decided to clear my head of “shoulds” and focus on the day, the beautiful warm sunny day. So I did. My brain fought back for a bit, like it was resisting being squeezed into a bikini too early before it had a chance to use self tanner. But then ... then it relaxed and all it could see and all it could think of was the stunning rapturous March summer day. And then a feeling swept over me. And it was all encompassing. I was a teenager again and I was walking to school on that first really honest to goodness warm day after the winter. And my coat was tied around my waist and the sun was on my face and everything was new and filled with freedom and thoughts of boys, and I felt teenaged sexy and young, and the world was my oyster and all my dreams were possible, every single one of them!

Now the fabulousness of this focus experiment was that—and this is key to the understanding of it—I had none of these thoughts. None of them. But I had all of the feelings. I was transported. I was back there in that time!

But the really fantastic thing was that at the end of the focus experiment, I was left with the resulting buoyancy. I did not feel that these were memories of a state of being. I was left with a feeling of the possibility of me NOW. Sure it’s easy when you’re young to dump the tasks and worries and chores when you want to. Isn’t that what youth is? We always say that youth is wasted on the young. The idea, of course, is that if I had known when I was young what I could do and what I had going for me I would have done so much more bla bla bla.

But what I have realized is that youth is started on the young and finished whenever you want it to finish. If you’re smart, your youth won’t finish till you’re dead. What a revelation I had. I did the focus experiment to see if I could focus. That’s all. Focus. But the focus gave me a parting gift that I did not expect. It helped me to see that whatever is happening in my life, be it good or bad, it is not set in stone. I can change it, simply by changing it. I can prattle on and on about what could have been, or stress about issues I am grappling with till the cows come home.

Or, I can focus on something lovely and I can become anything I want.

Barbara: Okay, I love this post so much, I want to bite you. I want to squeeze your cheeks and kiss you. I want to laugh uproariously (which, by the way, I did several times while reading. Actual throw-my-head-back laughter) and I want to cry (which, by the way, I also did at the end there). This is just so so beautiful and true. True and Beautiful. And I think I’m feeling kinda freakishly euphoric right now because lately I too have experienced this amazing release of tension and fresh awareness of possibility. Lately, thanks to my recent exercises in focus, and thanks also to a lovely friend (waves at Shalaka) who sent me some guided meditations that I’ve actually been using, for the first time in my life I am practicing focus on a regular basis and it is all these things you speak of. Being in the clean, clear, wondrous moment. Being the best and sweetest part of yourself. Being here.

Thanks for playing, Deb, and for sharing your own experience with us! You guys???

55 comments:

  1. A very good post Deb. Funny, I've been thinking along the same lines lately. I have had such a hard time focusing. I sit down to work on my schoolwork and I think of the laundry, thawing something for dinner, a fun song I want to hear, an idea for something or other, get up to help the youngest get a snack, etc. I haven't done real great on my school work this week. :) Along with school, house, kids, and such, I want to work on my garden and a few other personal projects. If I could just focus on one thing at a time, I'd probably get more done. Actually, I was reading something this week that said taking a short walk everyday can help with focus. Spring has sprung here. I guess I should follow your example and take a walk.

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  2. Focus is a challenge for many of us Molly. I highly recommend that walk! Hope it works for you.

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  3. Deb & Barb, I have to say..ah...do either you have an idea of what I have to say? Any clue whatsoever? I thing the 'focus' issue is a big one for us gals...With so many conflicting demands, our ability to laser in one task is easily obscured by the ever-scrolling ticker of things to be done...more often than not not for ourselves...running through our brains like the CNN news banner. Factor in technology and it's expectation of instant gratification and suddenly you have a life being lived in 30 second increments.
    That's why I found your little sojourn and your mental dash back in time to be so heartening Deb. I did something similar on Tuesday when I realized my only experience of the glorious gift of a summery March day was being shaped from what I could see looking out my morning room window. On a whim, called my kids at college and with the promise of lunch on a patio - IN BUFFALO IN MARCH - lured them away from their studies for an afternoon respite. We sat in the blazing sun and, as we often do, laughed ourselves sick. And to your delightful point Deb, my soul was singing as I drove myself back out to the 'burbs and the myriad of chores that I had abandoned in order to 'focus' on really celebrating the simple pleasure of a wonderful day. As I drove I was just so grateful to be alive, to have the life I have, to have walked the road I've walked...and all because I took a couple of hours to immerse myself in a sunny day. And in the end, as I don't want you to think I've lost focus, that's the gift that comes of committing to do one thing at at time and seeing where it leads.

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  4. What a wonderful rewarding focus story Annette. One you will always remember. As will the kids. I am going to try another one today. Baby steps.

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  5. This focusing makes a huge difference when I'm standing at the sink doing dishes. We have no dishwasher, so this is a daily chore, and I've learned that it's a miserable one when I'm focused on what I'd rather be doing, in which case the dishes are a pain in the ass and I can hardly wait to get through the drudgery of them and on to other responsibilities that await. But if I focus! Oh, the water is warm and clean and sudsy, and I can look out the window while I scrub and rinse, and listen to fine music and sing along, and what a wonderful way to spend a half hour! Focusing on the present makes ALL the difference.

    Great entries the past few days, gals, as always.

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  6. Kate your focus exercise is even more amazing. I took an easy one. Sunny spring day. But you made a silk purse out of a sudsy ear! I love your description. Thanks.

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  7. Awwwh Deb ......Same as Barb says...I really wanna come there squeeze your cheeks and kiss you !!!!! This is UNBELIEVABLE......In fact something Barb and I were discussing about on FB.....
    And it was so funny...I swear....I am JUST LIKE YOU !!!!Honestly....And I can so relate with you on this..And happy because I found focusing tools and LOA and meditation NOW...when its so beneficial!!...but the best part is....Oh this is good you are gonna like it......you know when you focused on the beautiful sunny day...and went in that wonderful state of being......YOU WERE MEDITATING !! From what I know.....Appreciation and meditation are not that different ! In fact appreciation is so much better than meditation....as when you are meditating you have no thoughts but when you are appreciating you are engulfed by this wonderful positive emotion...and you KNOW that you specifically directed your thoughts so the fun becomes more and more....And we are THINKERS, We were born to think....And You just have to change the dial to get a better frequency...thats all !! You get to decide what you wanna do be tensed or be happy......
    And this focus exercise is something I told Barb about some time ago on FB....What helped me is.whenever you feel a little low....focus on something that is easy to appreciate...like nature or animals or your house or your HUSBAND !! Anything that makes you feel appreciation and love those goosebumpy emotions !!..and trust me if you can stay in that appreciation for 17 seconds...other thoughts like it start gravitating towards you !!!! Ty it its unbelievable....and a little something to enhance focus.....!!! :D
    And Barb you know that I am so happy that you feel relaxed by those meditations they are really helpful....!xo

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    1. We are both so SIMILAR !!!! IF we shared the same age......I'd honestly think you are my long lost sister or something.....lol I'm sorry...I recently watched a few old bollywood films..I'm just happy I didnt say..."...And I am the EVIL ONE"...was with my family all day....and they didnt let me sleep...I have issues!!.....XD
      and that reminds me...you LOOK YOUNG AND SEXY !!! YOU REALLY DO.....age is just the number.... :-)

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    2. Shalaka it truly is a miracle this focus and thanks for your part in bringing it to us at a time when I could actually use it. I love the concept of dialling to a different frequency. That is a great image. I am going to go to the little market I love and today's focus exercise is going to be enjoying the market for all it has to offer instead of whipping by things I don't need, focusing on my list. Let's see how that goes.

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    3. Oh.....you know what take distraction as a good thing......you know why...? you get distracted easily...and its sucha a great thing when you are feeling negative coz...something good will ALWAYS DISTRACT YOU!!
      Every trait you have is wonderful.....look at them that way...and they turn and morph into what you want them to be !!! trust me when you are successful in finding even one positive aspect of a trait you kinda dont like and focus upon it for as little as 17 seconds....after that its wont seem like a big deal...! Worked for me....
      Trust me you get to choose your thoughts......you make a big difference by just changing the dial when you start hearing negative "static"....And when you realize its easy!! it becomes an awesome thing :-) And you ever need me to help you out with letting go of negatives....just LEMME know.....
      I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU !!!! :-) xoxo

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  8. Deb, this is so hard for me to do. But when it happens it is magical. My best focus comes when I paint with my teacher. I love looking at negative space and it helps me see what is available when I look deeper.

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    1. Hey Madge, I didnt know you are an Artist..! That is so fascinating......hey would you mind giving me a few tips ?

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    2. Yes Madge the negative space. Another great image for me. Colin gave me a "sketch a day" book for Christmas and I love that moment in the day when I do my little sketch no matter how it turns out!

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    3. Oh yes! I sometimes sketch to get rid of stress and to relax. It works great! The "sketch a day" book is a great idea. I may try that one too!

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    4. Yeah Steph it's lovely. Sometimes I draw something I see and sometimes it's just random, out of my head.

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  9. I completly hear where you're coming from on this one. My brain does not compartmentalize well in the least either. All my to-dos and thoughts jumble together most of the time so that one activity and the thoughts that go with it are rarely one and the same. I've been building a nightstand for my oldest this past week and on Wednesday evening while painting it I suddenly realized I was getting as much paint on myself as the nightstand. My thoughts were elsewhere when I should have been focused.

    Here's something which might make you look on the bright side of having a wandering multi-tasking mind. It's a recent article I read in the globe and mail which suggests those whose minds wander are the more creative and intellegent minds.

    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/the-hot-button/daydream-believer-why-a-wandering-mind-is-a-good-thing/article2374481/

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  10. Thanks Erin, I don't know how I missed that one. Guess I was too busy thinking of something else to read it. But it has a lot of good stuff in there. Nice to know that it points to creativity but let's face it, even the creative brain has to stay on task once in a while right? But it makes a great balanced point. Thanks.

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  11. I love that you are taking quantum physics classes, Barb! How cool is that.
    I am a long time meditation enthusiast. It's so easy to let it slide when you think you're "too busy" - and that's when the monkey mind takes over ( that scattered thinking...) But even the scattered thoughts...just let them come and go in meditation and eventually they settle.

    Started my morning off with meditation today. So glad I did.
    Have a beautiful, focused day, ladies.

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  12. Thanks Hollye, scattered monkey thoughts. Good one! Yes I must I must I must get back to my forty minutes a day. Thanks for the great reminder!

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  13. "Okay, I love this post so much, I want to bite you," couldn't have said it better myself, Barb.
    Great post. Focus is something I too have to work on. I mean sometimes it is so...was that a butterfly? Where was I?! (small joke) Anyway, I always have a million and one things on my mind, things I need to be doing or working on and thing I want to be doing and working on. Right now I should be working on some papers for my classes, but this is more fun so the papers will have to wait. I tend to worry a lot about everything. I worry about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, etc. Really, I worry about a lot of things that I probably don't need to worry about. I am by no means a carefree person. My brain is always overloaded with huge lists and sometimes they don't even look like they are in a language that I understand. I start things, then move to something else, then forget where I was on this task so I have to start over...
    Focus...I am still looking for something to help with that. I stress a lot so that makes focus even more difficult. I can't help being a stressed out person. When I get the chance to just "be" I still sometimes stress about what I have to do after, like going to a movie and worrying about cleaning the house or getting that darn paper finished before midnight. Could explain why I haven't been to a movie in a long time.
    I guess if I really need to focus I just freeze for a moment and tell myself to get it together to get through it, that I will get this paper done in a few hours, then I can mess around on the computer. I also like to make lists. If I write something down, I will not forget it, but if I don't write it down, then I will forget it.

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    1. I hear you Steph and I too am a major list person. Update them every day. I guess maybe what might help you is if I put it another way. Try not focusing, try letting go. Does that help? Like I did with the beautiful day. I let it carry me on it's sunny shoulders to a sweet place. I promise if you try it, it will work for you. Good luck with it.

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    2. Yeah, I get what you're saying. Letting go is hard for me. I always feel like there is something I should be doing. I'll try.

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    3. I know. I sooooo know. I'm just trying to give you a teeny tiny nudge. I got one. And it worked and is working!

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    4. Thanks for the nudge, Deb! I'm trying to just relax and not stress for a little while...

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    5. Steph I think we all need a friendly nudge once in a while. I know I do!

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    6. I have had a great weekend thanks to your nudge, Deb! Thanks again! ;)

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  14. Sharon ( Musical Theatre Queen) ReineMarch 23, 2012 at 3:43 PM

    Hmm. I can "be in the moment"- I think that's what you mean. ""focus" to me tho is something I usually do in my work. For example- when we have a Code Blue sitch I'm usually right there, dealing w everything- I'm alwasy asked ( usually new staff) how I do it, how I "Know" what to do- well, obviously experience but my answer is always "focus". What is it you are doing NOW and how that will lead you naturally to what next needs to be done.
    Off duy- I'm as random as the next guy which why I loved this bit from [title of show] The character is trying to use his collection of old Playbills to inspire him to wite an entry into a play writng contest:
    ( tip o hat to Deb & Hollye for reminding me)

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    1. Yes Sharon sort of a be in the moment you're right. Or let the moment carry you and nothing else.

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  15. Sharon( Con't from Above) ReineMarch 23, 2012 at 4:12 PM

    SUSAN
    Use what's inside of you
    Writing should be easy, like a monkey driving a speedboat
    Ladel into that barrel of monkeys you call a head and scoop up an image monkey.
    Now let that image monkey...
    drive the speed boat and you, you waterski behind it!

    Heid
    O, Brother,
    Oh, Boy,
    Oh, Captain,
    Oh, Look,
    Oh, Please,
    Oh, Coward,
    Oh, My Dear,
    (gasp)
    Oh Kay!

    Susan
    Stay behind the image and write down what you see on your monkey's ski trip Ready...GO!

    Okay
    Okay
    Oh Oh Kay
    Okay.

    See the monkey
    SAIL AWAY
    On a speedboat
    It's SIMPLY HEAVENLY.
    To ride THE WINDS
    He drives by
    a STEEL PIER
    in PORTAFINO.
    To be
    THE FIRST
    to heara
    BAND IN BERLIN
    He stops by a
    CARNIVAL IN FLANDERS
    and meets a lady monkey named
    CARRIE
    and through the MOTHER EARTH
    they meander and in a
    HOUSE OF FLOWERS
    they marry
    Soon, Soon after they're
    WORKING
    on their love and a
    Different time seemed both
    WILD AND WONDERFUL
    then one day the lady monkey said to him
    DUDE
    I GOTTA GO DISCO
    I feel a CHANGE IN THE HEIR
    I want SOMETHING MORE
    It's so nice to be CIVILIZED
    And I'll miss the STARS IN YOUR EYES
    And your SMILE
    But I gotta hit the TRAIL.
    COME SUMMER
    He went back to speed boat and watched
    CENSORED SCENES FROM KING KONG
    He found SHELTER
    On the speed boat and he thought
    Here's where I BELONG
    Just me and my speedboat
    MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG
    ALONG
    Monkeys and playbills/Monkeys
    and playbills and monkeys /playbills
    Monkeys and playbills and monkeys and Monkeys and monkeys
    and playbills and monkeys and playbills playbills playbills.
    (edited for space)

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    1. Wow this is such fun! It is all from Playbills? Or is some of it random. I love it.

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  16. My "meditation" for me is something just as simple as sitting in my quiet room and not doing anything. Or watching something that makes me laugh.

    I have always considered myself a very focused person, but sometimes my thoughts and worries do go a little haywire, but i'm willing to bet that it happens to the best of us. Journaling works wonders for me too; just the other day I read back over some old entries and I am totally blown away at how much I've changed and how my life has changed. Gives me...well, focus. :)

    Anyway, resting up, have come down with some kind of virus-ick thing (that is not the flu, thank God), but i am achy all over and just feeling downright craptastic. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend! :)

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    1. Hope you feel better soon, Holly!

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    2. Thank you! Finally starting to! ^__^

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    3. I'm glad you are feeling better. I think there is something in the air, everyone seems to be feeling a little sick lately, me included!
      Have a great weekend! ;)

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    4. Glad you are on the mend Holly. And sitting in a quiet room not doing anything is perfect. I have started to do that myself lately. I have my little room off the bedroom which I call my Treehouse. I LOVE TREEHOUSES! and sometimes I read and sometimes I just put the book down and look at the window. It is rare but it is so sweet.

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    5. i hope you feel better soon

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  17. Ah, I have the same wandering brain, too.

    Sometimes, even if I really need to do something, I stand up, walk around, do other things...get lost in different thoughts...and don't think about my actual task.

    Sometimes, I have so many ideas in my mind, and in the end they annoy me, and I push them away.

    And I can't count the times, I've forgotten interesting ideas, I wanted to write down. Gone with the wind. Blah.

    Sometimes, I can't focus on one thing. Maybe that's why I'm always listening to music, or turn on the TV, when I study or write or do stuff...it's as if I need the distraction to be able to focus (if that makes sense?).

    At least I found my "spring walk". It's - of course - geocaching.
    I have a goal, I need to stay focused, I walk around, I enjoy nature, I have a challenge, it's never boring, and in the end I get some sort of reward (well, most of the times :P).
    It's like taking a break from everything...only thing that matters is my gps device and that small/big plastic container. ;)

    On tuesday I met with a friend, and we did nothing but ran around in the woods the whole day long. I haven't felt that relaxed and happy in a long time! In fact, when we stopped at a small town (like really small), and there were two old farmers and an old woman sitting on a bench, I started to laugh. I couldn't stop. The whole world was just great. I am in a small town, looking under benches and behind mailboxes to find some container, and some old people watch me, and have no clue what I'm doing. Awesome! :D

    I want to write a blog entry...maybe tomorrow...will go to bed now...don't feel so good today (why can't I conserve happiness? It always floats away...). Need a hug. :(

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    1. *hugs*
      Becki, I totally relate to having the TV on when you write. I always have the TV on, just for the background noise. I don’t like absolute silence.
      As far as the “conserving happiness” thing, maybe try keeping a journal where you write down the best thing that happened to you or that you did each day. Then, when you’re feeling kind of down, read the journal. It might help you realize that happiness is in the little things as well as the big things and that you never know when it will show up. Happiness sometimes just creeps up on you when you’re not expecting it, so just know that it’s there, just wait for it to come to you.
      *hug*

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    2. Becki your day in the woods sounds great. Walking is the best thing we can do to clear our minds and sometimes it even works to protect us. There is a book written by Julia Cameron who wrote "The Artist's Way" which changed my life. It is called "Walking in this world". I highly recommend it. I used to have a tv on in the bg and now I can't. I need quiet or classical music which I listen to every morning during breakfast and writing and paper reading.

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    3. Steph: *hugs back*
      I have a journal, where I write things down...Thing is: if I read that, it makes me sad, because the "good times" are over...
      The small things always make me more happier :)

      Deb:
      Reminds me of a book. A friend gave it to me. It's called "How to be an explorer of the world" (Keri Smith). It's like a manual to open your eyes, collect things/memories, become more creative...

      It's really cool. There are exercises in the book: Collect objects on your daily walk. Map out pavement cracks. Listen to all the sounds for one hour. People watching. Study shapes of water....

      I guess this books helps a lot to focus, and discover little mysteries...

      The book you recommended sounds interesting. Might read it.

      Sometimes, when I go for a walk, I forget my iPod...at first I'm annoyed, because I fear boredom, but then again, you're more open to other noises/sounds and details. =)

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    4. Becki this book sounds amazing. I am going to look it up. Thanks. And maybe next time you read your journal you can think-wow good times! Wonder what good things await???

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    5. I bet you would love that book! :)

      Maybe. I try! :)

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  18. Wow. I enjoyed this post! I am a multi-tasker at 'not focusing'. I can 'not focus' on several tasks at once - & yet accomplish them! Not sure how I am doing this. Because while I am running the dish water, I am planning the next meal, while I am sorting out clothes, & putting things in my grandson's "inbox' for his next visit, & asking the cat if she's ready for a kitty snack, & making sure I don't over-fill the sink. Whew. I'm sure I must look like a manic idiot. And my daughter will be standing there, mouth agape, thinking, 'my mother is crazy'. Well... I prefer the politically correct word: eccentric. Love you girls! <3
    P.S. I'd meditate, but I'm too busy trying to set up a playlist for party music, & making sure all my George Clooney pictures are chronologically organized, & picking up clutter, &... well, you know. I'd bet on it.

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    1. Daisy yep we are the same. I will be solidly into something and then look down and say "what am I doing?" because my mind has wandered so far from the task at hand. Try the focus exercise. You will love it!

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  19. no television since 2009's digital change over...meh.
    no ability to drown out the fuzziness when I sleep...meh. I do sleep eventually. sometimes more hours in a day than are good for me, sometimes fewer. meh.

    yes, I'm messed up. beyond that, I keep having severe hypoglycemic attacks, at least 2 Xs/week, sometimes more, sometimes less. but since October, I'm pretty sure I've killed off more than 1 million brain cells and counting.

    luckily, I've got anywhere from 10-100 billion, so thus far, I'm okay. but I still worry about killing off too many at one time, so that I end up completely mentally damaged.

    let's hope THAT doesn't come close to happening!

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    1. Meredith I am also severely hypoglycemic. (did you know they have changed the name?) wish I remembered to what. Are you eating properly? I never have them any more. I have only had a few in bizarre circumstances when I could not get to food. I always keep a snack with me. I learned to eat for my blood sugar. I eat 5 or 6 times a day in smaller amounts and I am telling you it saved me! At breakfast I might have tea, almond butter toast and a bowl of fruit. Workout. A few hours later, a piece of fruit with some nuts, or maybe a piece of cheese and fruit. Lunch. Salad or small sandwich. Few hours later, a power bar (I love zone bars) and another fruit and protein snack. Then dinner. I am never hungry after dinner but always have tea at night with a piece of chocolate. Anyway for what it's worth that's what saves me from attacks. Good luck!

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  20. Deb, I love that feeling you got as you were walking. Feelings replace thoughts without you even realizing it. In those really intense ones, you don't even realize how far you've walked until you "wake up." THAT'S refreshing. To be able to "leave" your mind for a while. It's almost cleansing, to clear out the junk in your head and make room to spread things out a bit in your mind, making them easier to find and focus on.

    I've been able to focus a lot more over the past couple of months, but it's taken PRACTICE to do it, a little (or a lot of) determination, and a clearing of the crap, whether figurative or literal, like the crap around my desk. I can NOT focus if I can not see my desk. I'm a huge fan of a clear work space. It's like a small crowd of voices. I'm trying to listen to my checkbook (hell, FIND the thing), and all the notes and puzzle books and tickets and and and are all shouting at the same time. I can't do what I need to do because it's simply too chaotic with all the other "voices" around. So I'll take all the "extraneous" noise, pile it up, and tell it to shut up. (Literally). The voices of the stuff are muzzled and I can focus on the checkbook. (As long as the little voices aren't telling me to do bad things, I'm comfortable with their non-existence. :) )

    One area I'm proud to say I'm more able to focus is within a conversation. My mind used to go off on ten different tangents and I was never able to get back to my original point or thought. It was simply.... GONE. Now I can stay on one track of thought and, if I do derail momentarily, I can remember the switch to get back on that track again. Most times, anyway.
    (I hope Colin noticed that in N.H. I was so proud of myself. I felt I was FINALLY not babbling at him, and was talking in related sentences.)

    I was SUPER focused yesterday when posting to Barb's animal blog. I wish I hadn't run out of time. I was ROLLING on that track. I LOVE those times. The words were writing themselves. LOVE that kind of focus. SUCH a rush.

    Such a spring cleaning.

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  21. Dawn I was not going to say anything because I wasn't sure you wanted me to post on the blog but you have mentioned it twice so I will. Colin is blown away by the change in you and he is thrilled. He can totally see the calm focused you. He has always been so fond of you but now he can see that you are happier in yourself and it really comes across. He is happy for you too. AND he brought it up! I didn't even have to ask him. So for what it's worth, the world is seeing outside what you are feeling inside. It's a wonderful thing

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    1. Oh, Deb, thanks for telling me this! I was afraid I was too subtle. One of those traits I've been trying to shake, you know. *snort* {{{HUGS}}}

      Hope you're able to focus a bit more --- Maybe up to a goldfish level? (Five minutes, I'd guess.)

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    2. I had the most amazing focused evening tonight. I will blog later. Dawn I am so glad I told you and that it meant something to you. xo

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  22. Love it Deb. Focus and relaxation two words I never practice and probably should. Used to be accused of being an air head when the truth was completely the opposite. My head is always so full of thoughts and ideas that I never rest, the very reason it takes me forever to fall asleep at night. The same reason a hypnotist once told me he couldn't hypnotize me because I wasn't clearing my head of all thought. I honestly tried I just couldn't do it. And shame on me I cursed my son with the same restless, always in motion mind. I've come to realize it is not a bad thing and try to write down as much of the random thoughts as I can before they get away from me. I admit however there are times when I have to force myself to just breathe and be.

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    1. Mary it's funny that you said restless too. I was at the ballet today sitting with my friend who did not move an inch and I was all twist and turn and cross and uncross and pull and shift....ahhh I guess to a degree, we are who were are right?

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    2. Ah! I am restless, too!

      Sometimes I can't sit still. I need to stand up, walk around (well, not in the theatre :D), sit back down, shift back and forth....aah...

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  23. Oh, I haven't been able to visit this site in aeons, and what a perfect post to greet me upon my return! (I did get to visit The Second City Chicago and I now own a clone of your Yes, And shirt, Deb!)
    Like everyone else, my mind wanders. My mind also never shuts up and I have a million threads of thought all firing at once, so it's a miracle if I can make even one stop.
    For me, writing poetry or blog posts is a lot like meditation since it's so easy to just let your mind flow. It's almost like you're not even conscious of what you're actually saying - the words are seeping through your fingers instead. Like when you hold sand in your hands - you're not trying to let it fall, but it does so anyway. Just one of those little amazing bits of nature.
    Sorry, that got off topic. Anyway, thanks for the wonderful insight into your mind, Deb!

    May your life be interesting,
    Sarah

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  24. No Sarah that did not get off topic at all. You went with the flow and I loved it. Loved the imagery. Blogging is it's own little beast it's true. And I am thrilled that you got the Yes...and!!!!

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