Monday, March 19, 2012

Italicized Love


Deb: When I write, I tend to lean on the emphasis devises. If you read our blog you will know this to be true. You will be hard-pressed to find more “!!!!!!!’s”  or more  “LOVE IT’s” or more “:-)‘s” if you searched the web 4EVER!!!!!

I guess I do this because it is the way I speak and the way I feel and I want this to come through in my writing.
AND for want of better vocabulary I must fall back on !!!!!!! LOVE :-)))))))))))) et al.

For today’s installation I have employed the “italicized” devise because I felt I needed to UNDERSCORE my joy.

MY HUSBAND IS HOME. :-)

We decided for career reasons that he should spend this past four weeks in L.A. I could not join him given my responsibilities at home with my Mom and Dad. We knew we could get through it and we did. And we are used to being apart. But not for a month. And what we found was this:

NO FUN.

Not a bit. Nope. Doesn’t work for us. During his away we would Skype and text and call and email and FB but it didn’t work for us.
We had to examine the why of it and in doing so discovered the reason.

DON’T WANNA.

Don’t wanna be apart. Marriage works in all sorts of ways for all sorts of people but for us people, our marriage, it doesn’t work apart.
Paul and Linda McCartney said they never spent a day apart. They were lucky. They had the means and the money to make that happen. We do not.

But what we do know is that after this away experiment we will not do it again. How many of us have to make these compromises?

What we have discovered through this period of away is the fact that despite what you have to do when you have to do it does not mean you have to do it the way you think it has to be done.

We cannot change what our life is right now. It is what it is.
We cannot change the needs of the many or the needs of the few. (special thanks for paraphrasing that quote goes to the Geek in me)
But we can change the effort. We can choose not to take the easy road and think it’s going to be livable.
Sometimes the shortest line between two points is the longest road.
From this point on we have decided that our marriage requires that we take one hundred hours to do a two hour drive.

With apologies to my husband I give you his nemesis—Sting. But in my defense, Sting nails it.
                                   
P.S. Video aside the words are the message here.

Barbara: First things first, Deb: I was under the (often embarrassed) impression that I far out-italicized/EMPHASIZED you here!! I’ve even admired your restraint for the most part for all words emphaSIZED. I hate to usurp you in any way, but I had to call it before someone else does. I mean, can I use any more question marks or exclamation marks in my stories, responses, and comments???!!! Anyway, I had to get that out of my system. I am a lover of speak-writing the italics, so clearly I hear you here.

As for the italicized love, I can only say that you made my heart pitter-patter with this post. You’ve been such a trouper this last month. If Colin is reading this: it’s true she has. This month defines Deb’s spirit. She never once complained, she filled her time, she did her thing, she had fun. Let me say that again: SHE NEVER ONCE COMPLAINED!!!! (you see what I did there—caps and italics and exclamation points) It’s only now that you are home, Colin, that she has let the damn burst and let her true feelings of missing you have their way with her. I am so happy you two are back together. The world is as it should be once again.

85 comments:

  1. Oh, that is a lovely post!!! I am so glad you are back together. A month is a very long time!!! I am very happy for you! xo

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    1. Thanks Mary-Jo. Our topsy-turvy world is no more.

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  2. OH MY GOD !!!!!!!
    And did someone say Exclamation marks....???
    I am the QUEEN OF EXCLAMATION MARKS !!!...I use 'em more than words...!!!!! :D :D
    But Deb...I swear....I SWEAAR.....Idk how or why...I was thinking about you and Colin CRAZZZZZILY since yesterday !!!! I was thinking about you two all day....and I had no idea.....about this....
    I AM SO SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU !!!!! If I were there I would come and hug you both....but well I am here...and you probably will be pretty "BUSY" with him....since you met him after a MONTH !!! XD Sorry I couldnt resist :D
    anyway.....I LOVE YOU BOTH....
    I was bored a while ago..and you just made my DAY !....and I was thinking all day "Why am I thinking about Colin and Deb so much...???"
    And NOW I HAVE MY ANSWER !!!!! Gosh I love you both !!!xoxo

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  3. That is beautiful. Deb, I am glad that you and Colin are where you should be - together.

    Early on in my marriage (like 11 years is a long time...), Trevor (my husband) was invited to attend the Field's Institute (think Nirvana for Math Geeks). We were apart for four months, and Trevor managed to make it home for two days during that time. I was at home, going to school, and dealing with a non-verbal 4 year old, and he was in the "wilds" (just kidding) of Toronto. I have to agree with you about the phone calls and whatnot. But we got through it, and there is nothing quite like that feeling of joy when you see your beloved again. Anyhow I'm rambling (or so it feels) ...

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    1. No Jo actually it was a lovely ramble. So clearly you know what I mean. 4 months??? Wowzer! That would be so tough. And it was really odd for him this time as he was renting a little apartment so it felt strange to him. He did have dear friends who he saw for brunch and dinner a few times and certainly I was busy but...

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    2. Trevor ended up renting a small room in someone's house when in Toronto, and we chuckled that the rent on that one room was more than our mortgage here. He had some friends (from when he went to the University of Waterloo) and a couple of relatives nearby (not knowing my Ontario geography, Kitchner is nearby?), so he had someone, and I had my family here to help me, but it's not the same as having your partner there. There is so much strength, comfort, love and support provided through a single glance from the person you chose to share your life with....

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    3. And, what made it tougher is that Trevor had a phobia of phones ...

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    4. Yes Jo, I love that. So much comfort, love and support in a single glance. Truer words. Yes I know the phone phobia. Our son has it!

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  4. Shalaka I love that you were thinking of us and it turned out to be a good reason! Isn't it funny when that kind of thing happens? We are happy now, both in our place across the breakfast table, the sun is shining and life is sweet. xo

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  5. You're so right that some relationships can handle it and some can't. My hubby and I are both homebodies to some degree but I think we each do okay home without the other. Then again, other than when I had to move across the country ahead of him (my job was starting, so I left him to pack up) we've never had it for more than two weeks.

    As for me... I don't italicize much, but I SHOUT a lot. It's my word emphasis of choice.

    Glad Collin is home, Deb!

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    1. Great so I am not alone :P.....My mom hates it coz I am one LOUD PERSON !!

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    2. What was that?!!! I can't hear you. CAN YOU PLEASE SPEAK S L O W L Y AND CLEARLY?!!!! :D

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    3. Yeah Hart, it is the lesson we learned. Heaven knows we can do it. I actually had a very busy productive and social time. But it wasn't marriage. At least to us. SHOUT is a good emphasis. I support it wholeheartedly.

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  6. THANKS HART! LOVE THE SHOUT OUT!

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  7. Awwwh.....did you say breakfast...?..have some on my behalf...;) !! So happy for you...!! Its special for me too coz ...I dunno....you both have always been my DREAM COUPLE !! For others it might be cindrella and prince charming or latest Edward and Bella....for me its COLIN AND DEB !!!!! great now I'm crying.....I'm very happy for ya !!!!!!
    I know..I have something to do with it I guess with all my happy visualization !!!and trust me...it happens to me A LOTTA TIMES...especially with you and Barb !!!
    And loved the song....and please listen to this one...its PERFECT FOR THIS !
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtM_cc4SPJI

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  8. Gorgeous song Shalaka and her voice is stunning. Love the words. Thanks so much for sending it!

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  9. I know...she has a beautiful voice !!!! xo

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  10. PS Hows your Mom now ??? I am sending loving and healing thoughts ! <3

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    1. She is okay thanks Shalaka. Now it is my Dad. Colin and i are taking him to the doctor in a few hours.
      Thanks so much for asking.

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    2. Awwhhh..sweetie...I know how ya feel... Don't worry honey ....he'll be fine I know :-) ...I'm sending a lot of love and hope and positive healing thoughts for him....and you and Colin stay positive it will help him heal faster and sooner...love xo

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  11. The best part of being apart are the reunions. :) Glad you've had yours now. I certainly know what its like. Hubby joined the Army when our oldest was 10 months old. He went to training for 2 months, then the next training for 4 months, and then to S. Korea for 12 months. The time we saw him during that year and a half was probably less than 2 months total time. Thank goodness we haven't ever had to live that way again. After his enlistment was up, he got out. The Army just isn't a family friendly lifestyle. He still travels once in a while for business, anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks, but thankfully no longer than that. I still have Army friends and they somehow continue to be strong enough to say good-bye over and over again. I don't know how they do it.

    Funny about the puncuation Deb. I think the only person I've seen use more crazy puncuation is Shalaka. :) As long as your words are spelled right. I can't stand the "some1 im me i so bord" or "wuz going out til dis gurl called me and we talked." AAAHHH!!!!

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    1. Molly I actually feel ashamed when I read what separations you and your husband have had to endure. Wow, good for you guys! yeah crazy punctuation. Sadly I am all over it. What can I say?

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    2. i hope you won;t be to hard on me molly as i suffer form dyslexia . i sometimes shorten words i can;t spell , well only if i can;t think of other words that mean the same thing. though like you i can;t stand leet speak as i can;t read it .

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    3. Linda we would never be hard on you. Each person's comment on this blog is precious to us. I have learning challenges as well. Go look in the archives for one where I poked fun at myself called Hillbilly Speller. I figure, "ya gotta laugh!" right?

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    5. god will i ever learn to put a smiley :-) at the end of my post ! the last post i made here was not meant 100% seriously , i was just joking round with molly :-) though i am telling the truth about being dyslexic

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  12. THANKS MOLLY.......!!! I AM THE QUEEN like I said....:D :D....MY COMMENTS ARE SO LOUD....just like ME !!!

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    1. Awwwwh.....my mom wouldn't agree with that :-D!!!!!!!!

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  13. Molly, I also cannot stand the spelling mishaps like those. Ugh, annoying!

    Deb and Colin, I am so happy you two are together again! That must have been difficult for the both of you to deal with. xoxo

    Deb and Barb, you are both great speaker-writers!

    Interesting music video...I am not exactly a Sting fan, but yeah, the lyrics were good.

    P.S. SPRING BREAK this week for me!!! *happy dance*

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    1. Steph have a great spring break. We will happy dance for you! It is like summer in Toronto. Really. Crazy great.

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    2. First day of Spring Break, my car breaks down. Ugh...
      *Little less happy dance*

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    3. Yeah but it broke down, it didn't have an accident with you in it! Resume dance!

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  14. Aww, I'm glad you're happily reunited again! :)

    Since I'm always alone, I don't know how that must feel...well...I constantly feel lonely, so maybe I do know how it feels.

    As for the emphasis: I don't use many...maybe because I'm a quiet person. *lol*
    Besides, WRITING LIKE THIS makes me kind of aggressive. I learned that you shouldn't do that (netiquette, anyone?). So I don't use that form, either...
    I'm boring.

    Ah sorry...this comment is kinda strange. *sighs*

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    1. Becki girl, you are never alone. You have all of us! Don't forget us, girly!
      And I agree with the WRITING LIKE THIS. It seems agressive when I do it!
      ;)

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    2. Becki thanks hon. And you are right BLOCKS can work for anger for sure. So how do we make happy big words without sounding like we are shouting in anger? Anyone?

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  15. This was lovely. I don't know about other men but my whole world comes apart when my wife is away. I ain't joking neither!

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    1. Donald that is beautiful. If I knew your wife I would call her up and tell her to read this comment. Although I am sure you say it to her often. Lucky wife, lucky husband.

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    2. my family is the same as Donald's. my mom was taken back into hospital today , she got out of bed and collapsed this morning and the frightening thing was she has no recollection of her collapse . she has not eaten since Friday due to extreme stomach and digestive tract pain . the doctors think she has a swollen stomach as a reaction to her chemo . anyway in mentioning this my point is if i did'nt live with my parents i think my dad would be lost without mom . like he told me , men of his generation ( he will be 78 next month ) went straight from being looked after by their mothers to being looked after by their wives !

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    3. Linda I am so sorry about your Mom. What an awful thing for her to suffer. I hope they can make it easier on her in the coming weeks and I hope that your Dad can be strong for her. I know what he is talking about. My Mom and Dad celebrate 65 years married in August!!!!!!!! Clearly YOU are there for both of them. Well done daughter, well done. I will keep a healing thought for her.

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    4. thanks deb thats kind of you . i send good vibes to your dad . there is nothing worse then waiting for results . mom had blood taken too but as it is a bank holiday here the lab won;t open again until tomorrow .

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  16. The pure joy emanating from this blog entry is strong enough and bright enough to get the point across all on its own.

    Then when you add italics, exclamation marks, and all sorts of sentence-y graphics, words shouted from the rooftops won't be heard better than these that are written down.

    I was happy to see Colin for a few minutes last Friday, and I thank you for sharing him. Reading this is just freakin' adorable and happy and passionate and... everything.

    HAPPY.

    Gotta love it.

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    1. After a prolonged period of hospitalization times, through which my husband was ALWAYS there, he got a decent job opportunity... in Washington DC. We figured we could get together at least one weekend a month and we could do this. He left the first week of July. He was supposed to come back in later that month. Nope. August. Nope. September. Nope. Finally showed up the week before Thanksgiving. Funny thing is, the longer he was away, the freer I became, the more independent. Part of the freedom came from the psychiatric visits, I'm sure, but the gain in air slowly eliminated the "where is he?" questions.

      I've grown comfortable with the idea that I may never have that deep a relationship with a guy again, but it makes me SO happy for those that do. I'm happy today. x

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    2. And Dawn, we are so happy that you are happy. That is the main thing. That, and never say never! :-)

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    3. You and Colin both have that mantra of "Never say never," only he says "You never know." That's such a deep, important belief to share, that anything is possible. Definitely a happy positive thought. :)

      The weather's gorgeous today. It must making me getting giddy or something.

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  17. Great way to start off the week!

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  18. I am glad he is back safe and sound. This reminded me of all the men and women who have jobs away from each other for months on end (military), job placement, or those who travel for a living (sales). Can you imagine that?

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    1. No Madge, frankly I can't. But if it works for them it works I guess. For me, couldn't do it.

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  19. Glad he's back to be with you. My husband travels sometimes for work, the longest has been just over 2 weeks and that was more than long enough for the both of us. Although the reunions can be fun *wink*.

    I always worry about hime when he goes particularly on the days he's coming and going. He's got a terrible fear of flying and so between the anxiety, diabetic and cholesteral meds plus gravol I worry it will give him a hard time. He leaves for singapore in 3 weeks time and I'm already worrying about how he'll handle the 18 hour flight.

    As for the emphasis with writing I'm rather quiet considering how loud I can be in real life. Everytime I try to use exclamation it seems to end up looking unnatural. Most of the time if I do have exclamation in my writing it's because my finger slipped. I mean really why does caps lock have to be so darn close to one of the most highly used letters?

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    1. Erin it looks like you guys have your share of aways too. you are right, reunions can be sweet. Asf or the emphasis of writing goes, it's funny because when I don't use that kind of thing, my writing looks naked to me. Funny huh? What it really means is that I should increase my way of expressing myself without the !!!! believe me, I am trying. :-)

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  20. YAY for you and Colin <3 Enjoy your time back together. As much as I wish for Colin to come to NJ soon I wish more for you guys to be together : )

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    1. You have to check www.colinandbradshow.com They were just in Red Bank, and they'll be in Princeton at some point. I just can't remember the Princeton date. They'll be in Baltimore, too, if you can get there.

      (This passing on of info is my part-time volunteer work. :) )

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    2. Love the volunteer work Dawn <3
      Unfortunately my problem is more of a money factor. College is rather expensive. But to combat that I did turn in three more job applications this past weekend so who knows, in a few months (or years; with the rate of tuition going up next year) I may just save up enough money LOL : )

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    3. I can totally relate with the money issues, Kelly. I'm a college student too. I just begged for the tickets for Christmas last year! Saw they guys in Jan., I believe. So worth it!! Good Luck raising the funds!

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  21. Kelly thanks. I am going to start to "come with" a little more.

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    1. That'd be cool to see you at a show or 3, if that's what you have in mind. :)

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    2. I would love to see you at one!

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    3. Oh that would be great, Deb. Maybe I'll see you at a show sometime, if I can get the funds together again for tickets. Oh the life of a college student...

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    4. Deb, I go to ANY New England show, and have gone to most of New York state, NJ, DE, MD, and eastern Canada. I've also gone as far as Ottawa, but that needs to be a multi-show trip, as does the NJ area. I'm picky. LOL

      Please thank Colin for offering to help me w/ the Providence show. It SHOULD now be worked out. I'll bang on the stage door if it's NOT worked out. Or shout. He'll hear me. xx

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  22. I am glad you he is home.Deb and you all dont have to be apart any longer. Also hope the weather is good at your home as it mying. Hope both you and Barb get to enjoy it. Sadly i am wrking and cnt get off till 10.tonight but thats ok at leasr,i know ita beautiful outside . It,makes my day all cheerful

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    1. Lyndsie the weather is stunning here, just stunning! I'm glad you are having it too! Hope you can get out and enjoy it soon.

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  23. Sharon( Evry Time You Go Away...)ReineMarch 19, 2012 at 4:49 PM

    Sorry to hear about the time apart. You guys really are the yin to the others yang. "you can't have one without the other" One of the sweetest things I ever saw was the way Colin's face lit up when he came into a room & you were sitting there. Then he came over, sat down beside you and you guys HELD HANDS!!!! You had been apart maybe an hour? It was all I could do not to go "AAAAWWWWWWW" tho I did get a big grin. I've never said it but you two really do set my standard for modern adult love & marriage- it is good to know that it CAN happen!
    (hope your Dad is ok)

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  24. Sharon thanks so much you sweetie. Yeah we do enjoy each other that is for certain. We took Dad to the doctor today and he checked out but we had blood work done and should know in a few days if he is okay for sure. Thanks for the good wishes.

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    1. deb i sympathize . sending you and your dad and the rest of your family good vibes

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    2. Deb, I hope all is well with your Dad. Your parents are lucky to have you and Colin to look after them. xoxo

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  25. glad to hear Colin got back safely form LA deb . excuse my lack of geographical knowledge but is LA very far form Toronto?

    i know how hard it can be very hard when your husband or partner is away for a long period of time deb . my boyfriend and i don;t live in the same country . he lives in south west England and , as you know , i live in Dublin Ireland . we text every night , matter of fact i have just finished texting him now , but we only see each other face to face about 3-4 times a year depending on how ofter he can get over here or i can get to England . despite not seeing mike so often it is a relationship i am happy to be in . we love each other and due to the fact i am an only child i would find it hard to have a more normal relationship where 2 people are together 24/7 .

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  26. Linda happy to answer that. L.A. is 2183 miles from Toronto or a 5 hour flight and a 3 hour time difference so it is considerable. But it sounds that despite your distance, you and your boyfriend manage to keep it alive. And that is a great wonderful feat.

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  27. Out of town and dependent on dodgy occasional bookstore wifi so not online much at all. *twitching from withdrawl*

    Actually, one of the first things I thought of when I woke up on Sunday was, "Deb gets Colin back today. Yay!"

    Anyway, I dissolved into a puddle of awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww the day last week when he tweeted his love/loneliness for her not once but twice. AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

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    1. Rigel I have to say that I so appreciate that you pointed out his lovely posts and tweets to me. Life is such lately that I have not had a chance to keep up. Continued safe and happy adventures.

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  28. Oh. My. Goodness. I LOVE IT! It's love like that that can withstand ANYTHING!! You both are just awesome!!!! (Though I've never met you in person Deb, but I'm sure you're just as awesome as Colin!!!!!!!!)

    Trying to convince myself to go to sleep now...very very hot in my room. Anyway, thanks for making the end of this long day very awesome! I guess awesome is my word today! ^__^

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    1. Kelly awesome is the word for today I think. Thanks for your kind words. Life is as it should be in our home right now.

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  29. :)))))))))))))))))))))))

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)))))))))))))

    I'll just let the ridiculousness do the talking! You both make me believe in love.

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  30. Thanks Holly!!!!! Love is ridiculous isn't it?

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  31. This will be probably drop pretty late given the time zones - maybe too late. Oh well.
    First of all: aaww I'm so happy for the two of you :) Is that a patronising phrase? I've been using it a lot lately because several of my friends are in the midst of some pretty exciting times, and I genuinely am experiencing bouncing-in-my-chair happiness on their behalf.
    Anyway, I also use expressive devices, mostly emoticons. It's 'cause I often let my face do the talking for me and add to my words with my facials. Emoticons are a poor substitute for that, but they still help to convey tone (and prevent potentially grumpy sounding sentences from sounding, well, grumpy).

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    1. Good wishes can't be patronizing in my books Aimee! Thanks for that. Yep I agree sometimes you have to spice it up with a bit of a :-) don't you?

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  32. Deb-I can tell that you were friends first and that is what makes a relationship last. You are two special people and have restored my faith in everlasting love, it can and does exist. Please tell Colin thank you for making me laugh in the darkest of times and nice to know you have the same talent for bringing a smile. I regret that I shall never meet the two of you in person. : (

    <<<<<<>>>>>>>>
    PS I follow you both on Twitter now!

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  33. Mary thanks so much for your lovely comments and hey-never say never. We are meeting two of our blog followers this summer and I met a few when I made my speech at International Women's Day, so you never know!

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  34. Aw thank you Deb the way things are now it's not ever likely but I shall think positive and add it to my wish list. I used my kids names to join Twitter still trying to figure it out but if you see a comment from Rickamansmom, that's me :D

    Hope it's as beautiful day up in Canada as it is here today in NY and please if you and Barb are ever going to be in the upstate NY area let me know and I will try with all my heart to make that wish come true.

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  35. Mary we will let you know. And I will look for Rickamansom. We are on Twitter it's true but we are sadly lacking in our efforts. Must fix that!

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  36. This is so sweet! My husband and I are the same way. We LOVE being together.

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  37. How did I miss this post?!!

    My husband is actually away at the moment, only for a few weeks but it's the longest we've been apart in ten years and I'm missing him horribly. Like you say, Skyping and texting isn't the same. Still, before we were married, we used to live three hours apart and have to drive a six hour round trip every week to see each other. People say that long distance relationships don't work, but they do if the love is strong enough.

    Anyway, I'm so glad you've got Colin back! I hope my marriage stands the test of time as well as yours, Deb. :) x

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  38. Roz it's true. If the love is strong enough it can stand the distance. But it sure is NO fun, right? I wish you and your husband a happy reunion!

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  39. No, being apart sucks. I'm attempting to distract myself as much as possible while he's off playing with monkeys (that's not a metaphor!) :P

    Thank you! I can't wait until April 2nd. :)

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