Friday, June 29, 2012

Saving Graces

Barbara: Deb and I were talking today about those times when life in general makes things so densely busy we don’t have time for our own personal stuff. I know we all have those times—some of us are smack in the middle of them now, some have had many in the past, and some will have many in the future. You know, when you are doing for others, for life, for work, for responsibilities—even if you love, honour and respect all of these things—and you start to cut back on the things that make you tick and pretty soon, you’ve given away all your precious reserves of energy. You have been (or allowed yourself to be) drained dry.

I was wondering if we thought about these times in our lives and maybe identified the one or two things that we can do for ourselves, that are a kind of “bare minimum” in terms of personal recharging, then maybe these things will become non-negotiable from now on. I mean, not only would we not dream of driving our cars without gas, but we simply couldn’t even if we wanted to. So when the car flashes the “low fuel” light, we may think, Shit, I don’t have the time or money right now to run to the station and fill ‘er up, but, damn, I have no choice, I have to get to xyz. Maybe if we know what fuel works to keep us sane—and while we may still protest “I have no time”—we will force ourselves to get to that particular station—and fast. Because otherwise we might run out of gas and stutter to a stop by the side of the road, with a busy signal from CAA (the road-side assistants) and no passing vehicles to help us, and we have to sit there, helplessly stranded, no good to anyone.

I’m not talking massages and spa treatments here (although for some of you that may indeed be a bare minimum!), I’m talking about the daily vitamins: tennis, a favourite TV show, a walk, gardening, a bath.

I have a few rechargers, although on a crazy day, I sure as hell can’t do all of them. That said, I want to remember to do at least one of them! Just a stop at the station. Just a quick run up to the pump, a retrieval of the nozzle, a slow filling up. Then back to the busy business of living.

My basic replenishers are these: a 20-minute uninterrupted read (to feel replenished, FB or Twitter posts don’t work, it needs to be a few pages of a book or a substantial article in the paper—it has to be a real thing in my hands that I am reading), 1 hour of creative writing (this is maybe my top rejuvenator, although, if I’m not “done” when I need to walk away, I must make sure I appreciate the hour and don’t resent the hours I no longer have), yoga (my one class a week will recharge me for my whole next week. But if I miss even one class, I am really going on empty after that), and—very new for me—10-minute meditation.

If I can do even one of these things, I can do do do for everyone and everything else. What about you?

Deb: Wowzer, Barb, this is so bizarre that you should do this now. Inspired by my friend Neil and his wonderful publications, “Enter Laughing”, I am starting tomorrow to take my tea and breakfast outside and sit. Just sit. No newspaper. Just sit. Then later, add paper. Then sit. Then no matter what else the day brings, I have given that to myself. I emailed him and told him how he had inspired me and in the process we have had a nice e-chat back and forth. That was the added bonus.



Dear Readers: Kelly from NJ—who you'll see often in our comments’ section—felt so moved by your support over the recent past, and so badly wanted to make sure you all knew it, that she asked if we wouldn’t mind adding this to one of our posts. Here’s Kelly!

Kelly: In the past two weeks I have realized something about this blog and our family of comment posters. I’ve experienced much needed support with my Mom’s surgery and then the overwhelming support encouraging me to feel welcome and safe sharing just about anything. (Just as long as don’t call anyone ugly :)  ) When I first found this blog I thought of it as just a diary that had characters who could talk back to me. Boy has that changed in the past two weeks! I now clearly view everyone here as family. <3 I was thinking about how this blog now feels like we are all gathered in our own private coffee house just sitting around chatting about any and everything. Sitting and confiding and laughing and crying and all just knowing that you have people just a click away who will listen, offer support, and all without a single thought of judgment. You guys were there in that coffee house ready and willing when I was alone in that hospital waiting room a week or so ago. And then again when I was learning that sharing can result in people respecting and listening and encouraging me! So a HUGE ‘Thank You’ to all of you comment posters, Deb and Barbara! You guys have boosted my confidence and have been such a loving bunch of people. I am so glad to have found you all! <3 Truly a life changing experience.

57 comments:

  1. Well, I think you all know my re charger.....It is a 30 minute drive and I am in the country, with the fresh green rolling hills and my Prince Charming "Red". He listens to me....but listens to the inside of me. Sometimes he makes me laugh and sometimes it is a peaceful loving experience. However it is always physical work (which I now find better than the gym, which used to be my re charger) His kind wise eyes seem to look in to my soul and he always seems to know what to do for me. Lately, (although this may be hard for you all to believe) he is off with a slight touch of my leg, in a frame, and working in a light floating manner which just thrills me. We are so in sync right now and it is a lovely experience which I never take for granted. I leave there feeling happy and loved. I feel blessed for having found him in December and the time we have together gives me the energy to deal with some very stressful things in my job, which is selling residential real estate. I am so thankful that I have that gift of re charging in my day and miss it terribly if I am too swamped to get there. Recharging is so important and Red is my Yoga. (No surprise to you all I'm sure) ; xo

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    1. I would love to have red as my recharger as well. Adorable indeed!

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    2. I so know what a recharger Red is!! Just thinking about him relaxes me :)

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  2. Yaaay!!!!!! Glad to hear Kelly is doing better! :D

    SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW, I am all about recharging!!! I have several things that I do. Sometimes I just sit in my room, alone, door closed, no silence and just ask God for stillness. Sometimes I reread my journal just to see how far I've come. But what I most look forward to is sister time.

    Since Holly and I are both busy during the day, we don't talk much...usually when we're both about to go to bed. This sometimes involves staying up very late and talking about anything. But what we look forward to is watching TV together. Sometimes it's Whose Line? but mostly ER is the choice lately. Trust Us with Your Life will be up next in JULY!!!!!!!!! :DDDDD

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    1. *Kelly's mom, that is. My bad

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    2. OFCOURSE....WHOSE LINE...!!! MY ALL TIME favourite rejuvenation dose :D
      (and cant wait for TRUST US WITH YOUR LIFE)

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    3. Okay, for me, sisters are the best rechargers -- sadly, I only get to see them every once in a while. But there's nothing like them!

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    4. And lets not forget Castle....!!! Ohhh theres nothing like watching handsome Nathan looking at you with his smolder!!!! CHARGES me---- Recharges...lets say RECHARGES me in a second! ;)

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  3. I like to relax and just laying in my bed reading and writing does it for me until I realize it has been hours and I am still in my jammies. This happens a lot lately as I have learned that I don't like to be over scheduled. Also. my real recharger is travel and I try and do it as much as I can. Visiting with friends and just having a drink is a recharger. My life has changed so much from my days of raising kids, working full time and being in charge. Now I take my grand kids places and just relax. Love my life and blessed to have it this way at 63.

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    1. I don't need my bed on a daily recharge, but I have to say, that's my weekly recharge. Every Sat, I love to take my cup of tea to bed and read the paper. The. Best.

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  4. Lovely words Kelly. I've spent many hours in hospital waiting rooms and it really helps to have a bit of contact with someone removed from the situation- just a friend to send a txt and ask if I'm ok. Makes a huge difference doesn't it!
    This was a timely blog, my body has been screaming out for a bit of a recharge the last few weeks. I used to do yoga and go for long walks by myself and paint for hours and have long baths, and I don't think I've done any of that for the last year. If I'm not looking after my little family, I'm trying to look after my mum. I feels like if I take a break I'll fall behind and I'll never be able to catch up. But being pregnant and keeping up with my normal pace is too much right now, so I'm going to have to fall behind a bit and ask for help. I love the idea of sitting outside and enjoying breakfast for a while with nothing else- I might have to get my 3 year old glued to morning tv for a little while!

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    1. Samara, I would say that this is the most critical time in your life to establish daily rechargers -- it is so so easy to let the family obligations get the best of you. Time, time, time. But if you can just hang on to that one thing, then even a crazy day will have more peace in it.

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    2. oh Samara you are right. such a huge differance you all made in the hospital. :)

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  5. My one me time that I never miss is my morning coffee while surfing the internet. I make sure everything I need to do is taken care of then disapear into my office until it's time for work. Depending on my morning I can get anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour but whatever I get it sets me up for the day. There are a bunch of other little things that recharge me throughout the day but can't think of any right now I guess I haven't taken enough re-charge time for me the past couple of weeks. Well that and I have a head cold which has resulted in some real fun vertigo today.

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    1. This made me laugh despite your pain!! I think the 5min-30min portions show just how little you need to make the difference between grrrr and great :)

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  6. Awww!! First off Kelly you are totally right. We are a family! And lemme add this... anytime you wanna talk we are all always here for you :) xoxo

    Barb, This is a great subject... Awesome you picked this topic since nowadays I have been getting this busy. I tend to be all or nothing so even if the work is not that important. I wanna complete it soon.. and IDK I just get energized at that point. But when I do feel like that I make sure sit for a few minutes... Just sit listen to a song, visualize, or just stay calm for a few minutes..and that REALLLLY HELPS !!!! Its rejuvenating! and then ofcourse theres your blog !! I mean DUH!?!? Now I am starting to go to dance class to calm myself...LOL yep...dancing calms me....!!!! and recently I started doing processes and setting the tone of my day. So no matter what I'm doing....My day goes extremely well!!! and Ive also started putting songs on high volume and singing along! (especially 500 miles by the Proclaimers...and YES in my CAREFULLY DESIGNED SCOTTISH ACCENT) Its SO MUCH FUN!

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    1. I would LOVE to hear that song from your mouth! And I'm so excited you're taking dance classes -- I bet you're a natural! Dancing has become more of a once-every-few-years indulgence for me, which is too bad because I so love it -- and feel so much better afterward.

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    2. A great big family! I am here for you guys too <3

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    3. Aww Kelly..thanks so much !! I hope your mom is feeling better... sending a LOTTA LOVE AND LIGHT to you and your mom xoxoxo!!

      Barb, Aww thanks hon.t...Dance is just so...DIVINE!!!! Yeah Feel AMAZING after dancing.. I danced once-every-few-years too... but now I just wanted to do it more!!! and just the feeling of it feels so DAMN GOOD! Cant wait for the actual class...

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  7. I do have to admit that I use the quick fix and not really proper recharging things. I have noticed that I am able to go further after a good laugh or so. I have once watched 3 hours at least of WLIIA. One other good one is TBBT, whcih I borrowed from my friend (she has the first four seasons on dvd).

    I do remember the feeling of running on fuel fumes. I had it for years. I also know that I do need much more rest than I get now. I feel very tired all the time. I have tried number of things, but haven't found the one that fits me yet. Really I need to learn how to say no. The next best thing is to move as far as you dare and enjoy the time alone.

    I do have to admit that in this case as well, I treasure the small things. If I feel I have been trapped in side my appartment for the entire day, I take pleasure that I am able to hear the birds sing. If I am driving some where, I take pleasure of the sun shining or lightning, which ever weather there is.

    Oh, and Kelly, Lots of hugs to you! I think we have been following this blog about the same time. I might have started it a few days earlier or not. So I concure with your words!

    Oh yeah, I might be addicted to this blog because it is the thing that I daily wait. So you could say that it is one of my things that I use to relax. :)

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    1. Aw, thanks, Kasku! Reading all your comments is definitely a balm for us too. I agree that those "small things" can really make a big difference. For me, it's more about those than about big-ticket rechargers (which I love, don't get me wrong) like a massage.

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    2. Thank you! One other thing that I remembered: Sauna! Love it! Unfortunately there isn't one in my appartment, but at my sisters there is :))

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  8. this blog is my "escape/rejuvenate" time.
    denny
    xo

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  9. Every weekend on Saturdy or Sunday(sometimes both days if I am feeling extremely selfish!)..when the family is sleeping till noon or later...as the 5 teenage boys are famous for....I get together at 10:00 am with a great keyboard player.....and sing my ass off for 2 hours....gets it done every time!

    Scott

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    1. Oh, this feels so good just reading it. I've never heard you sing, Scott, but I love the picture in my head of you singing your ass off, fully free :)

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    2. Let me tell you, he is fantastic, singing and playing. I think I have posted a picture of us together doing same on the cousin's project!

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  10. Thanks to Deb and Baarbara for allowing me to have that little input in todays post : )
    As for relaxing. As of the past month I have taken and hour after dinner each day to go outside. I put my music on and then I practice juggling in the backyard. The dog gets to come out and I am relaxed and learning something new!! But that hour each day does the trick for sure.

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    1. I remember reading about the juggling here when I was gone. I don't think I could grasp it, but I love the idea of it! Seems like the kind of thing that requires real focus (hence, "me time")

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  11. I allow myself "crazy time," which can range from simply reading a few chapters in a book to taking a trip somewhere. With family, work, and university stresses, I don't get a lot of "me" time, so I have to make it happen. If I have a paper (usually more than one at a time) due and I haven't given myself any attention, then the paper will just have to wait. I HAVE to take some time to relax. My work tends to benefit from this relaxation, which is a plus. Most of the time I am reading something for my classes, so I don't often get to pick what I read...perk of studying English/Literature.
    I don't get an hour a day or even a minute a day. It's more of a "when I can find the time" sort of thing.
    Kelly from NJ, I can totally relate to your comment on today's post. When I found this blog and this group of crazy wonderful people, I felt like I had found friends for life. The last year has been very difficult for me, but everyone here has offered love and kindness. Thanks to you all!xoxo

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    1. I wish I'd understood the importance of these refresh breaks when I was your age. It would have set so many good habits for my later years... And thanks for your kind words!

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    1. I'm a regular reader but not commenter. I agree with others above. This blog, including the comment posters, is one of my "saving graces". Thanks :) Also, early morning walks with my dogs while everyone sleeps, except the birds and us.

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    2. We're so excited to see you here, Arlene Atlanta! Thanks for including us on your list. And hope to maybe possibly see you here again???

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  13. sister time is the BEST time <3

    and surprisingly, my 40 minute drive to work is sometimes what i need to unwind...just me and my sometimes too loud music! :D

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    1. I don't have that dedicated driving time, but I am totally the same when I drive, so I get it.

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    2. I love to drive, but sometimes it's soooo boring. :P

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    3. I love to drive as well. Otherwise I would not be able to drive the 7-8 hours (summer) or 10 to 11 hours (winter) to my sister. But yes, music is a must during the driving. :)

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  14. I needed this reminder today. As I said I'm not feeling to hot today and I've got a literal TON of stuff to do this evening which includes going up a ladder and I wasn't looking forward to it what with the vertigo and all. So thanks to the reminder I found here I decided I needed to give myself the time for a two hour nap this afternoon. Just got up from it and although I'm still a stuffy mess with ick dripping from every orifice in my head the vertigo has gone and I'm feeling much more ready to face the things I need to get done.

    P.S. Hope you and all your Canadian readers have a great Canada Day weekend!

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    1. Oh, Erin, I feel for you! Well, I don't literally, thank god, but I've been there. Thanks for the update and for your Canadian wishes. Back at ya!!

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  15. Oh Kelly, you made me cry...although I didn't really wrote something to support you. I'm glad you're doing better, and you're so right. I love being here. And I trust you. I'm glad I can tell you everything. It feels like family.

    What I do?
    I read every day. I try to write every day, although I don't know where this will take me. I try to do sports every day (saturday is swimming day...and tomorrow I'll go to the sauna, too...love it). I also love to sit next to my bunnies and cuddle them. They calm me down.
    Oh, and when it's hot...I prefer staying in my pool the whole day. ;)

    Bigger things I do for myself:
    Concerts. I love going to concerts, and I love music.
    I also love going to the theater (though I haven't been there recently), or watch some comedians (unfortunately not Colin :P).

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    1. You have an amazing collection of rechargers! Love these. I wish I could swim every day. That would be bliss (and by that, I mean in warm open water...)

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    2. Yeah, I'm addicted to water. I really am.
      You know that feeling when you're thirsty? I feel that sometimes, when I'm near a lake or a river or the sea...it feels, as if I'm thirsty. But I don't need a drink, I need to step into that water.

      I do swim in cold water, too..but warm water is better. ;)

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  16. Ahh Becki!! sending tissues !! Luv u <3

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  17. my main replenisher is sitting infront of my computer either watching shows i have come across , listening to music ,talking to people or messing about .

    as dad is sin hospital i take my portable DVD player and a stack of comedy DVD's to hospital with me and watch them while my parents are watching TV in the hospital room . i did the same when mom was in too .

    comedy in general is very important to me . i need a laugh now more then ever . i go to a comedy gigs now and again when someone interesting plays here or as i said i have a large collection of comedy on my computer and on dvd . i went to see Greg Proops play here 10 days ago . look out for the pod cast he made here it was class . that was another recharge moment , especially when i saw that the bar beside the venue had 28 free credits on the jukebox , all of which i used! i was able to sit sipping a Jack Daniels and diet coke for an hour before the show listening to all my favourite songs ! the stand up gig and the podcast were 2 nice evenings away from it all .

    music is a great escape for me as well . listening to it on my i pod and seeing it live when i can .

    Kelly i hope things are going OK for you and your family now . my parents have also had their fair share of medical problems this year which i have spoken about here . you are so right about this being a wonderful place with wonderful people . after reading your posts about being atheist it is nice for me to know i am not the only one here either , especially as i am an ex believer who has not been atheist for all that long !

    one last thing , would someone pass a message to rigel for me . tell her appreciate her posting a few links to you tube she left for me concerning forgot to thank her a Nathan Fillion( i hope i got his name right ) i meant to thank her at the time of posting them and never got round to it .


    it is long past midnight here so i bid you all goodnight !

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    1. Thanks for weighing in before you went off to bed, Linda. I think having daily rechargers is especially important if you are in hospital, care-giving, every day. Good luck to you and your parents!! xoxo

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  18. Wow Linda I wish we could meet. I bet we would have a bunch in common. : )

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  19. Thanks Rigel!!! Happy Canada Day everyone!!! xo

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  20. The Maple Leaf
    Our Emblem Dear,
    The Maple Leaf Forever.
    God save our Queen and heaven bless,
    The Maple Leaf Forever.

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    1. One of my favourite songs. Our boy used it for his audition piece to get into arts school. Lovely, thanks.

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  21. I am so late on my response but I've been crazy busy. I'm sure everyone has moved on to the next topic by now but here goes. I have had to find new refreshers if you will because since my car accident three years ago I'm very limited. I used to saddle up my mare Angel and go for a long ride or just spend time working around the horses but do that less and less.

    Music has always been a balm for what ails me. I love to put in a CD of anyone from Nat King Cole to Billy Joel and just listen or sometimes sing along depending on my mood.

    I used to escape my problems on the Ponderosa which started when I was a child and needed a way to escape my reality. That has carried over all these years later as a safe place to be.

    Nowadays I rely on comedy to get me through the rough patches in life. I love to laugh and I love to have a laugh with the people around me. Nothing bonds a group faster than a good round of giggles!

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  22. Driving is my break. I plug in the iPod and just drive around the city sometimes. Sometimes literally, as Rt 128 wraps around Boston. I've put a few miles on the car driving to and from shows. Driving to is fantastic. Driving from is oddly comforting. It's usually me, a couple of cars and SUVs, and a LOT of big rigs. It's quiet, soothing.

    The RIGHT flavor of Ben & Jerry's or Haagen Daz, whichever it may be at a particular time.

    Word Search puzzles. Using my mind shuts out a lot of other things. Reading does the same thing.

    When I get the opportunity, floating in a pool is calming.

    Guaranteed take-aways.

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