Monday, July 2, 2012

Talent As Oysters

Deb: There is a theory that women are often attracted to powerful men. According to statistics, power is right up there with oysters in its power to seduce. For me, it’s not power, but talent.

One of the traps of my particular business is that often married or attached actors tend to fall in love with their leading ladies or leading men during production. More often than not though, actors tend to fall for the character in the piece, not the person playing it. But the damage, or at least the conflict, is still there. It’s tough to separate the real from the unreal. The worlds of theatre, television and film are sooooo insular during production. When actors talk about becoming a family during the run of a play or a TV series or film it has a good deal of truth to it. 

When you are in the thick of it, working twelve hour days on a set, or spending endless days in rehearsals, it does become like a family. In a wonderful way, it is a good thing and is part of the appeal of the acting world. But in another way, it can be a dangerous thing because the world you are creating while in production is a false world in many respects. It comes with no responsibility outside the direct work related to it, like learning your lines, going to fittings, etc. There are no bills to pay, no runny noses to wipe, no money arguments to be had. The other actors fall into this parallel world with you and everything becomes art. Depending on the degree of passion and sex in the show, combined with your relationship status, it can become downright risky. You do a scene with someone, it goes well, egos and adrenaline are running hot and ... well, you get the picture. In the film and TV day, your only responsibilities lie between action and cut, and the rest of the day you are free to have fun, eat catered food, and bond with the new members of your showbiz family.

When I first met my husband, although his talent was clear to me, I also saw a very shy introverted person with whom I perceived to have nothing in common. Romance was not on my radar. Then. He started acting and improvising and he proceeded to blow my mind. I remember my “uh-oh” moment very clearly. He was doing a corporate gig that I had cast him in and was playing a very outgoing, aggressive, assertive boss, qualities he did not possess in real life. He was hilarious and commanding in the role. I was smitten. The real Colin was painfully shy and quiet as a mouse and certainly not like any man I had ever been attracted to. But I fell into the trap. I became a stereotype. I fell in love with his talent. Fortunately for me, there was a wonderful man behind all that talent whom I was destined to spend my life. But at that point in time, I had no way of guessing that fact. His talent had hooked me. I was reduced to a doting, obsessed fan. Which was technically not cool, as I was his boss.

Over the years we have come to the point where our admiration for each other’s talent is just a given. I won’t say we take our mutual admiration for granted, but we just take it as fact. It’s simply our skill-set which we use to make our living, just as everyone does in their various professions. But then every once in a while...

Last week I went up to see The Colin and Brad Show at CasinoRama, which is about an hour and a half north of Toronto. I don’t see the shows too often as I am very busy with my own responsibilities. But whenever I can and when the gig is close to home, I go. I had not been in a while and was happy to see that they had come up with new games and ideas, which added to my enjoyment. Before the show, we chatted as couples do about an upcoming gig we had together, a repair in our home that required attention, and car work that needed to be done. Then he grabbed his show clothes and headed down to the sound check and I kissed him and wished him “broken legs”.

A short while later I was sitting in the audience in the middle of the show. My stomach hurt from laughing and I was enthralled. My heart was pounding and I was falling in love again with my husband’s sheer talent. I was staring up at the stage in awe. I was a fan. Because we do fall in love with talent. That’s why we become fans. But as fans we usually never get to really know who these people are, outside of their talent. They could be jerks but we don’t care. Their talent is our siren song. And sometimes the siren’s call can get an actor in big trouble. But this night, it was my husband whose talent I was besotted with. And I was secure in the knowledge that after 24 years, this talented shy character was the whole package. I had nothing to fear. So I sat there laughing and pining, wishing I had an autograph book.

Barbara: Awwww. Oh my god, Deb, this was a sexy piece!

I have to admit, I am also attracted to talent. I hadn’t really connected the two, because in my mind meeting Phil was about "love at first sight". But the truth is, in our early days, there really was an awful lot of flagrant talent wielding too. We were in theatre class together at an arts college (before university) and were cast in the first play of the season as part of a modern “Greek chorus”, intermittently singing throughout the play to the dulcet tones of Phil’s guitar strumming. Yeah, it was hot. So was watching him perform, so was building sets with him (is there anything quite as powerfully sexy as a man with a tool belt and the skills to know how to use it?), so was getting to know him over covert coffees between classes.

Now, even though Phil and I rarely cross paths in the “talent arena”, I do go weak when he describes a great day at work that really made use of his skills. My ongoing respect for his talent definitely works to fuel the mystique. I never thought about it before, but I guess I am a bit of a power slut!


  1. :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

    I felt the EXACT same way when I met Colin and Brad. Colin was so shy around me and my sister and I was like "is this the same guy?" Sometimes it takes a while for me to pick up on shyness, so at first I thought he was just being nice and professional. So I kept talking. I think we scared

    It's true though. Women love powerful men. I'm sure we've all fantasized living a happily ever after with our Superman. Just second nature I suppose!

    1. Ha! Kelly I think I scared him too when I talked to him on FB... I was being a CHATTERBOX...AS ALWAYS..!! and He was just so SWEET!

    2. And I actually have a few shy and silent friends so I know how to pick up on it. Although IDK its probably because they are friends with me or something...but some of them are beginning to TALK NOW...Sure some just open their mouth to say "STOP TALKING SHALAKA"...but THEY TALK!!! :D

    3. You would never scare him Kelly! How could he be scared of two lovely gals such as you and your sister. In that case, he is just being quiet, not shy. And Never stop talking Shalaka! That is what makes you, you. If you weren't a listener it might be tough for you but you ARE!

    4. I thought we scared him too!!! lol. :D Just quietly taking it all in...but no, he was super sweet about all of it!

  2. Awwww...this is SO CUTE!! I am still smiling!!! Awwwwieee... Deb we are really like two peas in a pod! I mean I was thinking about this exact thing yesterday. I DIG TALENT! Mostly Actors..or performers... I do... I remember back in junior college, I was in the theater group. The others were rehearsing some other play when I walked in and this guy who was in the lead was extremely talented. But he was a PERVERT! But he so OWNED that character that... I almost reached that "uh-oh" moment..when I texted my bestie "GET ME OUTTTA HERE!!!!!!".

    Yeah I LOVVVVE Powerful men! But I do tend to fall in love with talent first and then I see how the person is and then decide to fall or not. I have almost fallen in love with jerks and WE DONT WANT THAT NOW, DO WE?
    I fell in love with COLIN's talent when I watched whose line the very first time and then in love with him...after I realized what a wonderful person he is! HA! and after reading this post I cant help but remember the story of when you were auditioning Colin and the "CUTE GUY" and you picked Colin!!! LOL

    But I am do get attracted to powerful men, Better said Men who are tall have broad shoulders and Manly calves! Like VIKINGS!!! ARRRRRR!!! Thats the only reason why I love Gerard Butler! (and because of his cute Irish accent)

    But Yeah... I really love talented guys. I know when I meet the right one, it will be because he was being all talented on stage and I'll be in the audience, being all SMITTEN.. going "uh-oh"(Lets hope he is a WHOLE PACKAGE too!!!) And Then I'll make him fall in love with me... It wont be that hard..would it ?

    1. Not hard at all Shalaka, not hard at all!

    2. Shalaka -

      I tend to be drawn to a) tall, kinda gawky, clean cut, brilliant, kinda geeky guys (think Abed on Community) and b) noble cause adrenaline junkies like paramedics, firefighters, etc.

      For sheer lust? SWAT/SRT guys in full kit. There's just something about a strong, clean cut, powerful, brave guy with a thigh holster..... daaayyuuummmmm

  3. Aww Deb I loved this, you and Colin are so cute! I think you have what it takes for a relationship to last forever and that is friendship. I told my kids that years ago when they first started talking about dating. I said find someone who is your friend first because that is what will keep you together through the rough times. I know in my heart that Sam and I would still be together today because he was my best friend.

    Don't tell Colin this but sometimes he makes me laugh just by the faces he makes, I don't know what it is but he emits funny.

    I may miss some future posts because I'm leaving on the fourth for Burbank CA accompanying a friend on a business trip out there. Andy will be taking care of his business (He's a copyright and licensing attorney) I'll be having fun. Going to meet some friends I made via internet radio and Facebook. This fella Magic Matt Alan has a radio show called Outlaw Radio on Saturdays (during the week he's on Sirrius XM radio on a show called 70s on 7. I was listening one night and sent him an email complaining about the topics they were discussing in my sarcastic way. Matt liked something about what I wrote and told me to call in. He said he found me on the verge of interesting. He kept me on the air for over an hour, it was so much fun. I talked to his girlfriend (Lori Downey Jr.) on the phone just as long afterward and we clicked. We friended each other on FB and the rest will be history. I'm not sure but I might be a drop in guest on their radio show on Saturday so watch FB for updates. Oh and this is cool Lori told me not to be surprised if Matt's friend Ryan Stiles drops by which he does unannounced. Soooooo excited about this trip I will try to check in with the blog. I will miss you XOXO

    1. Oh Mary this sounds fantastic. I love the way this happened for you! I loved when you said "he found me on the verge of interesting". Fantastic! And if Ryan drops by, give him our love! Yes, Colin's funny faces make me laugh too after all these years!

    2. Thank you Deb, those were Magic Matt's words he uses that line a lot. I have admired Ryan for years for making me laugh when it was the last thing I felt like doing so although I've seen him perform live, I would consider it an honor to meet him in person. Colin too as well as so many other funny talented people. You know who I would love to meet? Carol Burnett I think she is wonderful. I will give Ryan your message should he happen to drop by! Watch my FB page for updates! XOXO

    3. Magic Matt-funny stuff! I will watch your FB page. Hope it's wonderful for you!

    4. Mary, I've listened to one of Magic Matt's shows. I must confess it was because Ryan was going to be there. He was, and said, uh, yeah a lot. I really got into the show on its own, though.
      I can't listen to it anymore. My computer can't handle it. I do hope you enjoy meeting him and turns out to be what you believe he is like. Best wishes.

    5. I listened after my son who was studying broadcasting at college told me about it. Once you get past the occasional swearing from the men it's pretty interesting. Turns out Lori Downey Jr. (widow of Morton Downey Jr.) was left to raise a young daughter on her own and that was what we ended up talking about and developing a sisterhood. It's really rare to find someone who has been through that struggle. I'm so thankful I found her as a friend. I firmly believe it was destiny because Lori told me Matt does not give that number out to listeners.

    6. Wow, congrats, Mary!!! I love this story and you so deserve it. Can't wait to hear how it all goes down! Good luck with your travels, etc!! Thinking of you.

  4. I have always looked at actors as just that. Maybe I am being cynical but I always assumed everything was an act for a show. I am so glad you and Colin and Deb and Phil worked out as that is rare in your business. I totally get it but having not been in that field at all, ever, I just look at performers as just that only and that it is a job. Because the famous ones are so scrutinized for their power, their charity and their marriages I have never taken them seriously. It always amazed me when an actor became a role model and became an activist- I assumed they were trying to be thought of as a person and not an actor. I see now that you separate the two and I never did. It drove me crazy when Angelina Jolie became a spokesperson for the UN. What were her qualifications other than fame and an ability to bring the charity awareness. It didn't make sense but now I see what you mean. You and Barb are the first actors I know up close and personal and I have always considered you "real" and approachable. But I also put the two of you in a whole different category and respect you. The other actors are all seen through TMZ or Radar online.:) Not sure this makes any sense but I enjoyed your story today and I am glad I know you so you can straighten this mystique out.

  5. Madge I think a lot of people think as you do. But I will say this about your Angelina point. I think it's great she did this and believe me I am no fan of hers. But I think the smart powerful actors know that their fame can do something good. I admire them so much more because they are doing it for purely good reasons.They clearly do not need more fame but they are using their fame for good which I think is wonderful. Some actors are exactly who they are on stage and off and some actors like Colin are different on and offstage. But I look at it this way, rather than it being an "act" I think they are just showing another side of who they are. Does that make sense? Other than in his home, Colin is most alive and most relaxed on stage. So that is a part of him, a big part. I actually don't separate the two at all so I guess my point is muddy. It is just different sides of the same coin, you know?

  6. I do see what you are saying and for charity work they are not paid but for commercial purposes to promote a product they are and then people go out and buy the product because so and so actor uses it when the fact is they probably never used it before they were picked to represent it in media. Living in Los Angeles we are constantly bombarded with the actor this and the actor that. I have found myself reading the stories (not sure why) and feel sorry for those poor saps who actually believe the actors really care about the products. I get that they can sell items but why just because they are famous. I agree with the Angelina, Brad, George theory but I like the ones better who give under the radar and get no money or credit.

  7. Except what I think you might be missing Madge is the fact that these people like Angelina, Brad and George, cannot easily do anything under the radar. I am sure they give anonymously to many other charities but when they can use their stardom for good, why not? I don't think the recipients care about their celebrity status. All they know is, they are suddenly getting money, supplies and relief. And yes I agree with you about the celebrity products. I would never buy anything just because it is celebrity endorsed. But from the actors point of view, it's a gig. And it's a gig that might allow them the luxury of five independent films the coming year. They can afford to keep up their lifestyle and do the art they crave even though they know that role would pay nothing. Just another point of view. (from the actors side)Granted, not a famous actor, :-) but one who has shall we say insiders info.

  8. I love reading about Colin ^-^
    I think he's really funny and it's nice to see the character behind him. Hopefully one day i'll have enough money and time to go see one of his shows! I recently saw Whose Live Anyway and it was the best night of my life!

    1. Garrett I'm glad you like it! I watch it all these years later and still howl! They are very funny guys!!!!!!

  9. Madgew so many people love to read about celebrities such as Angelina Jolie in magazines or websites or where ever . if they see her endorsing the UN or what ever is the charity they choose to endorse they may go and see what the charity is about and give it some support , especially if it is a small charity.

    i don;t know if you guys ever saw the TV show secret millionaire . this is where a very rich person goes to a city away from where they live for about a week to 10 days and volunteer with various charities there without giving away their identity or that fact they they are rich . then they tell the people they volunteered with they are rich and give the charities a donation of several thousand pounds from their own money ( i have only seen the english version. i believe there is an american one too)
    the charities they volunteer with are usually small ones that could never afford to gain publicity on TV or anywhere else . there has been a lot of cynical comments made about the TV show along the lines of oh it is just ultra rich people throwing a few thousand pounds around to salve their feelings . for me i look at the charities who not only benefit form the money the secret millionaire themselves gives them but also the publicity of being on the TV. one charity run by a lady who set up a group of people to look after the elderly people in her town . she was interviewed in a newspaper talking about the effects of the secret millionaire on her charity after the show went out . she said it changed the charity life for the better . my point in mentioning this is to remind you , madgew that a little publicity for a charity from someone thats famous can go a long way what ever about the famous or rich persons motivation !

    1. Any attention to a good charity is good right?

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  12. reading you talk about Colin Deb it reminded me where I first saw his work . whose line is it anyway UK about the 4th season or so. i bet you i am the only person here who saw the show when it originally went out on channel 4 :-)

    i still hold out the hope that if , sometime , Colin and Brad have to work in london they might pop across the Irish sea to Dublin and play a couple of gigs . of course you and Seana (i hope i have spelt her name right) are welcome in my home town too !

    sorry about the multiple deletes . i am trying to type in a hurry . the faster i type the worse my spelling . the joys of being dyslexic . i only see how bad my spelling is after i send in my post . it makes very little sense if i don;t correct it and the only way to correct the post is to delete and re type it .

    1. They would love to do Ireland Linda. They are working on it!!!! Don't worry about the deletes. I do the same thing. I get ahead of myself!!!!

  13. Ah...the way you talked about Colin and visiting the show made me cry (sensitive much?).
    It's so cute...

    I also love talent (so much that I watch every talent show there is...because whenever there is someone with a real talent, it blows me away).

    Actors are great. I love going to the theater. I remember one play. I was sitting in the front row, only inches away from one of my favourite actors (I couldn't believe my luck that he came to my little city), and I could feel and see every emotion. It was almost painful and so intense.

    I also love people, who can sing. Amazing. Just amazing.

    And of course I fell in love with all those improv comedians (first in Germany...I was a young girl, and I found this tv show about an improv battle, and I laughed so much...and later, when I discovered Whose Line...), because I think that's is sooo difficult to do, and I admire them all.

    I really want to see Colin (and the other guys), but least I can watch some clips on youtube. ;)

    The whole "shyness" thing made me cringe a little bit, because I'm shy, too...and I always think it must be so difficult to actually talk to me, and force me out of my shell. But maybe someday, some knight will come and pry it open. :P

    1. Aww Me too Becki!!! I cant wait to meet Deb and Colin when the come here!!

    2. Becki you don't have to wait for a Knight to pry open the shell. The way you express yourself here and join in? I KNOW you can pry it open yourself! xo

    3. You're so lucky, Shalaka! ;)

      Hehe, if I can have my conversations with a pen and a pad...

  14. I have experienced the "family feel" when doing shows and saw romance blossom during that time, with most fading not long after the show was over. It's the drama within the drama. I agree about being attracted to talent. My husband is funny and that certainly is attractive to me! He's not an actor, but he works hard and is good at what he does, and that is also very attractive to me. When he's doing some kind of physical labor in the hot sun and takes his shirt off...oh, that might be more about lust. Another topic for another day.

  15. Yes talent is talent isn't it Eileen? We don't have to be actors to have talent or be attracted to it. Clearly you have a great marriage and you see all his talents! :-) Yes maybe we have gone into the lust area here! What's wrong with that????

  16. BTW, Deb, of all the stories you've told and all the pictures you've shared, the one that has ALWAYS stuck in my mind as the epitome of "Deb and Colin" is the one where you were curled up in his lap. And, you commented something along the lines of your husband's lap being your favorite spot. The way y'all are connected, the way y'all click together, the ease of snuggling, the obvious sense of comfort and security, and the almost visible spiritual/heart/love ties binding y'all in that picture speak more than a thousand words. The 2 of y'all in that picture, that is perfection. That picture, to me, speaks of the Biblical words spoken at the end of a marriage ceremony, "What therefore God has joined together, let no one put asunder." (Mark 10:9)

    1. What a lovely thing to say Rigel. Thank you. xo

    2. Aww Rigel PERFECTLY SAID!!! That pic is still stuck with me... Example of true love I say! Deb that picture really speaks so much about your love for each other!!!! Gosh... you guys just stay this happy and even happier forever and ever!!!

  17. Such a lovely post, Deb. You two really are the perfect couple. :)

    I was lucky enough to see Colin when he was filming the new show 'Trust Us With Your Life' in London, although, unfortunately, we weren't allowed to meet him afterwards. I would have loved to say hello and to thank him, because whenever I'm feeling low and I need to laugh, I watch old episodes of Whose Line. It never fails to make me feel better. Anyway, I very much hope he and Brad will be able to bring their show over to the UK at some point, and that you can come back as well! England misses you.

    I know what you mean about falling in love again - I feel the same about my husband. My health has deteriorated so much in the last few years, but he's always been my constant. My strength. My rock. I know now that soul mates really do exist, and we've found ours. x

    1. I'm so glad you have found yours Roz. I wish I had known when I was in London during the taping. I would have darn well gotten you back to meet the guys.

    2. Oh, it would have been so wonderful to meet you all. Next time maybe? x

  18. what an awesome post. It feels like I am almost eavsdropping into your life with posts like this :)
    Such a lovely story you guys have with your husbands.

    1. We are both lucky Kelly. AND we all work on it. Marriage can be the sweetest kind of work.

  19. Deb, I'm glad you got to see Colin (and Brad) work from the point of view of a fan. I love that that's how it began, too. Complete admiration for the work he does, and how well he does it given his "off-screen" personality. When Colin says it's his only skill. Doubt it, but he isn't going to starve any time soon.

    God, now how do I go with this? Full disclosure: I have a HUGE crush on Colin. (And coming up next: the sky is blue and the earth orbits around the sun.) I've told him, and the rest of the guys, that I love them. They've given me.. well, you know what I've gotten. (I'll never be able to even think about it without having my eyes well up with tears.)

    I've been asked several times what I would do if I ever pissed off the guys enough that they wouldn't speak to me anymore. The answer is an absolute NO. I wouldn't stop because they make me laugh. It's always been about their talent first, and it always will be.

    I go to the shows to enjoy the shows, to laugh my ass off, to give my mood the boost it so sorely needs sometimes. The fact that I've been able to meet Colin, and all the other guys, has ALWAYS been the icing on the cake. It's their talent that brings me to the shows. I KNOW they can make me laugh my ass off, boost my mood. Guaranteed I'll leave the show feeling a HELL of a lot better about life than I did earlier.

    While I'm waiting to say hi or whatever after the show, I introduce myself to whoever their "handler" is for the night. (This takes one more person off the list of who might see me as a stalker and file a restraining order against me. :)

    But I'll never profess to KNOW them, to think it's any sort of friendship (despite my dreams, of course).
    So Deb, I appreciate the glimpse you've given us about what Colin is about. I'm glad you're a fan, too. :)

    1. Oops! I left out an important part:
      I've been asked several times what I would do if I ever pissed off the guys enough that they wouldn't speak to me anymore. WOULD I STOP GOING TO THE SHOWS? The answer is an absolute NO.

    2. I totally relate. Whenever I go to see Colin and Brad, or Ryan, Greg,Jeff,Chip, and Bob, I am in heaven for a while. They help take the stresses of life away for a while and I am so thankful for that. I, too, have met all the guys and they are sweet, kind, thoughtful, and lovely people.
      Now I'm getting all teary-eyed...

    3. Dawn you may not KNOW them as you say. But you do KNOW a huge part of them. REmember that these guys live to perform, they are alive when they perform and you are right there when they are happiest. So actually, you do. YOu would never piss them off. they appreciate the loyal people who come to see them. They are always happy to see you Dawn! Steph I love that you see them for who they are too. These are nice guys. Truly nice guys. Your instincts are not wrong. At all.

    4. Oh yes Deb, they are all so lovely. They were all very patient with me when I met them and that really means a lot. After a minute or two, I did start to feel more comfortable with them, which, let me say, does not happen a lot! I am so shy...

    5. Deb, that is a GEM that you've pointed out to me, that I see them when they're happiest (outside of family). That gives me warm fuzzies like you wouldn't believe. THANK YOU. xox

  20. I think Colin is one of the most incredibly awesome comedians out there today...LOVE him - but not THAT way... I have my own mister who still makes my heart race and my knees weak...he also loves Colin! *lol* We have watched every "Whose Line..." just to watch Colin!! He is so wonderful and spontaneous at his craft! I think it is awesome to fall in love over and over again..sounds like Colin thinks so too! (in case he is too shy to tell you that himself! *lol*)

    1. It's great that you and your husband share your love of the show. It really is a couples show too!

  21. What a sweet, love-filled post! I too am atracted to talent, whether it be acting, music, or what I call "nerdy" talent. I like the nerdy set of guys that can talk Shakespeare, Bronte, and Dickens all day long. I tend to go for guys that are a bit outspoken, since I am shy enough for the both of us!
    I have to say that the one time that I had the honor of meeting Colin and Brad, they were both lovely and sweet, and Colin actually did seem a bit shy!

    1. Yeah smart guys! I agree Steph. It's nice to meet someone who has something interesting to talk about and who has a reference level.

  22. One of the reasons I fell in love with WLIIA is because of their talent!!!!!!!!!!! As someone who was put on the spot during Colin and Brad, it is A LOT harder than I thought it would be! Props. Kudos! Major. :D

    Keep doing what y'all are doin'...y'all rock at it!

    1. So right about that Holly! It is WAY harder than it looks. But they make it look so easy.

  23. I love the story of falling for Colin--He really is a hysterical man--very talented. I've seen previews for his new series and am totally thinking I might make an exception to my no TV habit.

    Talent isn't something I think about--maybe because I don't have much--at least not of the outward sort. And power is actually a turn-off, probably because I like to be the powerful one. I like intellect a lot. Especially in domains complimentary but not the same as mine--don't want to battle all the time--prefer we can add to each other.

    1. Yeah I would hate to be second banana in life to a man who was just all about the power. I hear you. Colin has talent but our power is in our relationship!

  24. What a simply lovely post Deb and tribute to your 24 year love story. It is so refreshing that you went to his show and fell in love all over again. We (in this family) all think Colin is incredibly hysterical and watch re runs of "What's my Line" over and over again and are all on the floor with laughter. We can't wait for July 10th and the new series to come on. I love thinking of you in the audience roaring with laughter and love, it's just so perfect. Your love and kindness towards each other is always evident in your post, but this one twinkled!!! xo

    1. I meant evident in your posts......LOL

    2. Thanks Jo, it was an easy one to write!

  25. Kelly and Holly, I cannot for even a nanosecond imagine that y'all were scary. Y'all are wonderfully full of joy, light, and enthusiasm. Y'all are thoroughly beautiful in all ways.

    So, yeah, OK. Time to jump off a huge cliff. And, I'm not fully convinced that the water below is deep enough to plunge safely.

    OK. How to do this? Why to do this? And, how to do this without throwing up my lunch?

    I once had a New Testament professor who was also very activistic. And, when people were being leery and fearful of change, she'd always preach, "If how things are right now is broken, if what's going on right now is so wrong, then trying a change has got to be an improvement. Don't get stuck in fear. Go ahead and investigate change instead of being trapped in what's wrong."

    Yeah, her cattle prod got on my nerves. A lot. lol

    Yeah, anyway, screw it. Here I go. Whatever. Being scared, and being tangled up in my own head so much sucks. Really, really sucks. So, maybe I'll play with a sledgehammer today.

    *deep breath*

    I met Deb's husband on April 9, 2011. Super huge big deal. A few of y'all (Barbara, Deb, Ruth, KatieK, Madge, et. al.), because of my old blog, have a more solid idea of just how completely super huge a big deal. But, anyway. Whatever. *squirmy frown*

    I didn't, couldn't, tell the story till Aug. 31, 2011. I told the story to Ruth. Our dear Ruth from here on TMA. (BTW, everyone please send Ruth good thoughts and energy as she is chaplain on call overnight for July 4! She's just started her CPE's, and this is going to be her being thrown in the deep end. She'll be facing families of children who got hurt by fireworks, the aftermath of drunk drivers, etc. Huge love for Ruth, y'all! She's gonna need it!) I had told the story of the show a bunches of times. But, I couldn't tell the story of meeting Colin till a long time later. And, even then, it was a gummed up mess in my head. All fried and short circuited by the emotion with which the story was recorded. Freakyass protein chains in my brain.

    So, anyway, it's been over a year since that momentous night. And, it's been just shy of a year since I told the story. Lots has happened since then, for the good and the bad. Mostly for the good I think. I dunno. Anyway, after talking with Ruth this morning and then with Deb (who always wields exclamation points magically), here's that story. It's gonna read all scattered and choppy because the log of the conversation is HEAVILY edited to a) protect Ruth's privacy and b) cull out the tremendous load of veils and bells -- Ruth and I are ultra-tangential conversationalists. The conversation took place during the overnight hours and continued in our emails the next day. So, anyway, this transcript is super choppy because big ole hunks of it have get cut out. *hugs Ruth*

    Another catch: I cussed a lot in this. I always cuss waaaay more in my writing than I ever do in my mouth. It's easily a 1000:1 ratio. It's just that when I'm writing something particularly potent, I don't edit. I'm a lot more raw and open in my writing. I don't have a particularly foul mouth, but I do have a rather foul brain.

    Deb - This is me choosing to believe what you said in that email in Feb. Barbara - This is me choosing to believe what you've said in several emails. I'm choosing to trust y'all. Please don't let me get hurt from this.

    So, with Deb and Ruth's permissions and blessing, here's me spewing some more of my drivel. *shrugs* Go ahead and scroll on past. Whatever.

  26. ruth.bryan11: I must admit I would so love to meet them all someday for real! so jealous that you got to meet Colin. i should've had you get me an autographed photo!)

    Rigel: You wanna know how completely freaked out and nervous I was?!?!? I didn't even get an autograph for myself!!! I didn't get his autograph!!! Totally spaced.

    ruth.bryan11: LOL!!

    Rigel: I was a complete wreck. Total basket case. Brain exploded.

    ruth.bryan11: lol, that's hilarious!!!
    i'd probably do the same thing

    Rigel: No. It wasn't hilarious. Seriously.

    ruth.bryan11: but you have a picture which is even better. if you go again you should print it out and have him sign it

    Rigel: There won't be an again. I wouldn't bother him and Deb again.

    ruth.bryan11: lol
    you're a good soul
    yeah, i would never ask for that, i value Deb's friendship to much. I even stopped following him on facebook cause i felt bad

    Rigel: I didn't ask. Deb offered. I had the ticket.

    ruth.bryan11: wow, she is so amazing.

    Rigel: And, I got up the guts to tell Deb and Barbara that I had the ticket. And, of course, Barbara pretty much tacklehugged me with excitement. Barbara was so excited for me that I was going to the Conway show. And, then, a few days later, POOF!, there was Deb in my inbox. Just 2 or 3 lines. Very short email. Saying how happy she was that I was going to the show. And, then, she asked if I wanted to go back stage and spend time with Colin. And, then she nudged me toward it. And, then, 10 minutes later, Barbara emailed poking at me that if I didn't say yes, she'd never speak to me again. (Those 2 are dangerous when they get on the phone together.) The next day, I emailed Deb, "Yes, please."

    ruth.bryan11: YAY!!!

    Rigel: And, the closer time got, the more rattled I got. And, Barbara kept being her adorable cheerleader self and boosting me up. And, as the day got closer, I got emails from Deb with instructions on how to get to meet him and saying that he was looking forward to meeting me and stuff like that. Blew my mind. I had a will call ticket at the theatre.

    ruth.bryan11: that's just amazing

    Rigel: When I got to Conway and onto UCA and to the theatre (it's a really nice place!), I went into the lobby to the will call podium. And, there was a very sweet woman named Katherine working the event. And, the head of the program was this fabulous man named Jerry. Anyway, when I picked up my ticket, I could hardly get my voice to come out of my throat. 10,000 kinds of awkward trying to say the sentences I had to say to Katherine.

    ruth.bryan11: lol

    Rigel: Finally, I just squeaked out something like, "Um. This is weird. But, ummm, I need your advice on how to do something. Uhhhh, I have instructions from Colin Mochrie's wife to ......" and then said what I was to do. And, here's where things got super super super weird.

    Ruth.bryan11: i just meant "lol" at the thought of myself trying to meet someone who has helped me so much without knowing it, and knowing that i probably wouldn't have gotten any words out at all

    Rigel: OK. Back.

    First of all, do you remember back when I had a blog, I wrote a long thing about Colin and Deb?

    ruth.bryan11: yup

  27. Rigel: So, you like totally get it why it completely overwhelmed me to meet him, right?

    ruth.bryan11: yep, i understand

    Rigel: It wasn't too many weeks at all after going through that with Deb that I got the ticket. That's why I was so nervous in the first place to tell Deb that I had the ticket.

    ruth.bryan11: yeah, i can understand now

    Rigel: The crazy thing is, she was SO excited and happy that I had the ticket. She was purely delighted.

    ruth.bryan11: she's a good soul

    Rigel: Deb rejoiced.
    She's so amazing.
    So, anyway, you know all the stuff I had crammed into my skull about Colin.
    So, yeah, totally overwhelmed.

    ruth.bryan11: yup

    Rigel: OK, so, for a long, looooooong time, I only ever told about the show. And, I'd just say, "I can't talk about meeting Colin, yet. I haven't processed it, yet." The crazy truth is, that it's Aug. 31 and the show was April 9, and talking with you tonight is the first time I'll have ever tried to talk about all those minutes I spent hanging out with him. And, it's gonna be really, really embarrassing because I was a complete spaz. You're gonna find out just how malfunctional I am. sigh

    ruth.bryan11: no problem, i'm just glad you feel you can share

    Rigel: All I had ever said about meeting him, I had said to Deb. And, mostly that was huge thank yous and huge I'm sorries for being such a complete wreck when meeting him and apologizing for being an icky person for him to have to put up with.

    Rigel: It wasn't until on into June that I even started trying to tell Katie about after the show.

    Rigel: back

    I'm stuck.

    Give me a prompt. Tell me how to start writing.

  28. ruth.bryan11: let's see...
    did you meet colin before the show or after?

    Rigel: After. Deb had told me that he and Brad never meet people before a show.

    ruth.bryan11: yeah, that makes sense. just wanted to clarify it does sound overwhelming, but like it was a great experience for you overall

    Rigel: You wanna know the crazy thing?

    ruth.bryan11: and i'm amazed by Deb and Colin's gentle nature underneath all that goofy


    Rigel: I'm sure you've read in interviews and heard maybe from Deb or Barbara that he's really shy when he's not performing. Right?

    ruth.bryan11: yup i don't buy it

    Rigel: It's true. Very true.

    ruth.bryan11: that's so interesting

    Rigel: Off stage, he's very soft spoken and very gentle.

    ruth.bryan11: i always pictured him as a gentle person, and a good hugger for some reason and as very patient

    Rigel: he's always watching, always listening, always has his antennae up

    ruth.bryan11: kind of a quieting spirit if that makes sense

    yep, there's no denying his and deb's smarts

    Rigel: But, one thing I figured out real quick when I was with him was that he totally got how excruciatingly wigged out I was because he's kinda awkward a bit himself. He is definitely very shy. Actually, Barbara once told me he is "painfully shy." It's totally, totally true.

    ruth.bryan11: that's cute

    Rigel: He's one person on stage. And, he pulls off the benign hi-and-a-handshake over and over again while signing autographs. But, one-on-one, he's definitely very delicately, carefully picking his way through dealing with someone in conversation. He's so gentle and soft spoken.

    ruth.bryan11: sounds like a good man

  29. Rigel: He definitely, DEFINITELY has that whole godly light shining through thing, though.

    ruth.bryan11: yep, do you know if he and Deb are Christians?

    Rigel: deep breath I know many things about Deb. We have lots of conversations. I am not at liberty to discuss what I know about Deb and Colin. That would be a violation of her trust. I won't betray her confidence. Sorry.

    ruth.bryan11: no problem i can respect that

    Rigel: Not trying to be ugly to you. Trying really hard not to be ugy to her.

    ruth.bryan11: no problem at all, i can totally understand and respect keeping someone else's confidence
    the minister side of me is ALL about that

    Rigel: Ah! Your cat is a genius!

    ruth.bryan11: yep, he likes to chill in front of the AC and let his whiskers blow

    When I met the very nice (fun, goofy, personable) woman Katherine at the will call podium while getting my ticket I had the very awkward task of figuring how to say to her that I was supposed to meet Colin after the show. Yeah, try getting that one through your vocal chords! I fumbled and bumbled trying to squeak out to her that I had this email in my purse with instructions from Colin's wife, and then, she looked down at the ticket envelope she had just pulled from the file for me, and I saw comprehension dawn on her face, I saw the 2 + 2 happen in her head, and she looked up at me and smiled and laughed and talked about how, oh, yes, that's you! We've been expecting you. They were talking about you in the car this morning. (The car ride from the LR airport over the Conway).



    WTF was I supposed to do with THAT in my head?

    A couple of minutes later, Katherine pulled me aside and introduced me to this really cool guy

    ruth.bryan11: that's incredible

    Rigel: He's the man who runs that part of the college, the Reynolds Performing Arts Center at UCA. His name is Jerry, and let me tell you, he is very, very cool. He's ooohhh, probably early 50's. And, he's one of those people who is in exactly the right job. He has found his calling.

    ruth.bryan11: lucky devil

    Rigel: I watched him interacting with the college kids who were working as ushers and stuff for him, and he was SO good with those kids.
    And, he's very enthusiastic about his work at Reynolds.

  30. Rigel: And, he's funny and laid back and personable. It's just so obvious that God has planted that man EXACTLY where he belongs. He was a total tension breaker for me before and after the show. I really grooved on Jerry. Neat guy. I'm glad I got to visit with him.

    ruth.bryan11: that's pretty cool
    you never know who will be placed in your path :)

    Rigel: Exactly. That was a meant to be thing that night. Him and Katherine. Very grateful for both of them. Anyway, Katherine introduced me and Jerry, and he said that after the show, he would find me and take me back stage. And, then, we just ended up chatting for a little while. He's one of those people who has a great knack for story telling.Unclenched me a little. Cool guy.
    He was all totally, "This isn't a big deal. We have arrangements made to take people back all the time. Don't worry about it. You aren't a bother. You aren't trouble. It's all OK. It's no big deal. It's just fine." Basically, he was peeling me off the ceiling. lol

    ruth.bryan11: lol

    Rigel: I quite like Jerry and Katherine. Anyway...
    The ushers took down the velvet cords, and people could begin flowing into the theatre. I found my seat. I tried to look at a craft magazine I had in my purse, but, of course, I couldn't concentrate. Mostly, I people watched.

    ruth.bryan11: i love to people watch

    Rigel: Which was, actually, cool. Remember when I sent you that email describing the show, I talked about what a happy, good, fun crowd it was and what a great collective spirit Colin and Brad whip up in the auditorium?

    ruth.bryan11: yup

    Rigel: Intermission was like a 1200 people party!

    ruth.bryan11: lol!

    Rigel: It really was! There was such a buoyant spirit!

    Anyway, it was a sold out show. Of course. lol
    There were 2 empty stools on the stage.

    Rigel: Then, the lights dimmed. The theatre went dark. I could faintly make out Colin and Brad walking onto the stage. Then, the lights came up.
    The crowd went crazy!

    ruth.bryan11: i bet!

    Rigel: And, absolute wonderment began.

  31. Pure wonder.

    And, for the first few minutes of the show, I had tears in my eyes. And, I kept choking up. Because all I could think was, "This is real. This is really happening. There's Colin Mochrie. THAT'S COLIN MOCHRIE RIGHT THERE!!! There's Deb's husband! Right there! Live and in person! That's really him."

    My brain kept exploding. And, throughout the whole show, every few minutes, that would wash over me.

    ruth.bryan11: i don't know how you couldn't have been overwhelmed by that

    Rigel: The OH MY GOD of the situation kept stealing my breath.

    ruth.bryan11: (btw, just about to forward you the email i sent April)

    Rigel: k

    Rigel: Intermission came and went. The second half of the show progressed. I remember when Sound Effects began thinking, "Uh oh. This is probably the big shebang toward the end." And, I remember a very distinct click in my head of going from fully enjoying the show to starting to get nervous about what was about to happen.
    I remember my breathing starting to get nervous.
    But, luckily, sound effects was every bit as great as you can imagine, and I was distracted well.

    Then, the song at the end came. Obviously, the finale. And, oh crap, I started getting all messed up in my head.

    Completely. Overwhelmed.

    Absolutely. Totally. Thoroughly. Overwhelmed.

    too much to think

    too much too feel

    The show ended. I blended into the crowd moving from the auditorium to the lobby. Jerry came and found me. He explained that this could go 2 ways. He said that Brad and Colin were going to come out and sit at the table and do an autograph line for the DVD's. Jerry could take me back stage right that second and Colin would spend time with me before they came out to do the signing line. Or, I could hang around and wait, and I'd get to spend time with him afterward. Well, obviously, I said I'd wait. There's no way I was gonna make hundreds of people waiting in that line wait for me! I mean, really, WTF?

    I went and sat on a bench in the lobby. It was really crowded. I watched all the people line up to get their DVD's signed and stuff. And, then Colin and Brad came out. And, I watched them do the smile-shake-hand-sign-NEXT over and over and over again. I watched him. And, watched him.

    ruth.bryan11: i bet that was interesting

    Rigel: I knew from an email I'd gotten from Deb that day before I left town that he'd had to get to the airport at 4am (3 our time!) that morning to fly from Toronto to Little Rock. I knew he was sleep depped. And, I knew he'd just worked himself slap out putting on a very physical show

    ruth.bryan11: holy cow

    Rigel: But, there he sat beside Brad, being very gracious and kindly received hundreds of people, one after other, signing, shaking hands, occasionally waiting for a cell phone pic.
    Over and over and over.

    And, I thought, "Poor baby."

    And, I thought about his graciousness toward fans.
    And, his patience.
    And, his endurance.
    And, while you'd think this would've been impossible, I held him in even higher esteem.
    Patient and kind.
    Patient and kind.
    Patient and kind.

    ruth.bryan11: wow

    Rigel: Exhausted, sleep deprived, and suddenly thrust from chilly Toronto to the first day in Conway that hit up around 88-90 degrees.
    Actually, that was the first joke Brad had cracked during the show --- basically asking WTF was up with Arkansas in early April. The crazy thing was, we'd had ice the week before. Remember?

  32. ruth.bryan11: why am i gonna think you're fruitloops?

    Rigel: Are you all caught up?

    ruth.bryan11: yup

    Rigel: Promise you won't laugh at me?

    ruth.bryan11: promise

    Rigel: I felt responsible for him.
    He's Deb's husband.
    And, Deb was all the way up in Canada.
    But, there I was in the same room as him.
    And, I felt responsible for him.
    There he sat completely sleep deprived, totally worn out, away from his family,
    sweaty hot because Arkansas had done it's typical psycho weather swing.
    And, it was KILLING ME that I couldn't take care of him.
    I felt responsible for him.
    Responsible to Deb to take care of him.
    I was going out of my skull that I couldn't swoop in and take care of him.

    ruth.bryan11: i don't think that's fruit loops at all

    Rigel: I kept thinking, "I hope he at least got to drink a water bottle back stage before coming out here."

    ruth.bryan11: you just have the gift of being a mom and caring deeply about others

    Rigel: I kept thinking, "I just want to swoop him into a car and ferry him off to his hotel and make everyone be VERY quiet so he can get good sleep."

    I was twitching something fierce because I wanted to tend to him.

    ruth.bryan11: yep, i can see you thinking that. and i do not think you're crazy for it!

    Rigel: But, see, the problem is -- No. See, I'm very, very selfish.
    Because, the shorter that line got and the closer it came to being my time to spend time with him, the more nervous and freaked out I got.
    The shorter that line got, the more self-centered I got.

    ruth.bryan11: justly so

    Rigel: NO
    Listen to me!

    ruth.bryan11: k

    Rigel: I knew how tired he was. I knew how bad a weather change hit he'd taken. I knew he probably was feeling lousy.
    And, I was selfish. I didn't just go through line and do the quick hi-handshake-autograph-NEXT.

    ruth.bryan11: yeah

    Rigel: Stupid, shitty, selfish me kept thinking, "I can't believe the most insanely impossible thing I ever had on my wist, the one thing I NEVER ever would've thought would ever happen off my wist, is coming true."

    God gave me this incredible gift, and I totally fucked it up!!!
    Deb bent over backward to be kind to me. Colin was a saint.

    ruth.bryan11: and you were human

    Rigel: And, I was an absolute, total, complete loser and made something more beautiful than the most perfect diamond dirty and stinky like trash

    Rigel: The shorter the line got, the more keyed up and flipped out I got. Sitting on that bench was no longer an option. I was a human super high bouce ball, ya know?

    ruth.bryan11: yeah

  33. Rigel: Katherine had sat down on the bench next to me, and she was gonna stay sitting there for a while. (Actually, there's a funny story behind that, but that's for another day. Suffice to say, Katherine's a hoot.)

    ruth.bryan11: i look forward to hearing it someday :)

    Rigel: Now, I am fundamentally a barefoot girl. I think shoes are very pretty. But, any possible second that I can have them off, I do.
    I'm a grippy toes barefoot kinda girl.
    Plus, I was wearing stiff, unbroken in, dressy shoes. Ow.

    ruth.bryan11: not fun

    Rigel: So, I slid my shoes off and tucked them under the bench. I left my bag beside Katherine. And, I paced the building like a maniac.
    Around the lobby.
    Down the hall.
    Back down the hall.
    Back around the lobby.
    Overwhelmed. Overwhelmed. Overwhelmed.

    And, then, Jerry came and found me and said that it would be time soon. And, he kept telling me that it was no big deal, and I told him, "There's more here than you know. There's a lot of stuff in my head about this." He kind of smiled, and he was very sweet. I think he got a wee hint that there was a bigger picture going on.
    That Jerry guy is a class act.
    So, I got back to my human super high bounce ball.


    The line was down to the very last dregs.
    I went back to the bench. I could feel myself spiralling out of control.
    I sat down on the bench with my legs stretched out in front of me, white knuckling the edge of the bench, and started praying. I kept thanking God for what was about to happen. And, I asked God to please help me not completely spaz out. To help me please keep my composure. To help me please be able to look him in the face (I have big issues with eye contact). To help me please be calm and centered. And, to please help me not be so completely spun up that later on it all seemed like a blur. I wanted to remember every nanosecond I was with Colin.

  34. Oh Wait

    Timing Error

    I left something out.

    While I was pacing, as the line was thinning, it was easier to watch Colin and Brad.

    Rigel: While I was bouncing around, it was getting easier to see Colin because it had gone from hundreds of people in the lobby to dozens and so forth.
    And, I remember making myself stop walking for a few seconds, forcing myself to try to be still, to watch him. Fussing at myself:
    Get yourself together! That's Deb's husband. You love him to bits. This is a major life event that's happening. Get yourself together!

    I was watching him, and the warm fuzzies just kinda burst inside me. Does that make sense?

    ruth.bryan11: yep, makes sense

    Rigel: His eyes aren't as brown as they look on TV. They're more golden. I found this out the hard way.

    I was watching him. OH, who are we kidding? I was staring at him. I was about 15 feet from him, directly in front of him. But, there had been people passing between us. Lots of movement. And, then, all of the sudden, there wasn't anyone between us. Just empty space. But, I was very quiet and very still. I thought I was still in the crowd, ya know?

    ruth.bryan11: yep

    Rigel: He looked up from the table, looked dead straight at me, right into my eyes. And, in a split second, I saw recognition come into his eyes. And, I choked on the breath I was drawing. And, I closed my eyes and ran away. I went and hid down the hall. That was why Jerry found me in the hall.

    When Jerry came to tell me it was almost time, I had to walk back down the hall and into the lobby with him. That's when I sat back down on the bench next to Katherine. That's when I started praying. I don't know how long passed. It couldn't have been too long. 3 minutes? 4 minutes? I still had my eyes closed and my head bowed, and I was hollering in my head at God pretty vigorously. I didn't know that Jerry had walked up to me until it was too late. I didn't hear or sense his approach. He had leaned forward over me and said close to me, "It's your turn." Startled the tar out of me! Scared my head up and eyes open! I'd been snuck up on! lol

    ruth.bryan11: yup, right with ya

    Rigel: When Jerry startled me, that's when the shivering started. I didn't stop shivering until roundabouts Beebe. During the drive home.

    ruth.bryan11: yeah

    Rigel: During the drive home, I started crying well before Vilonia and didn't start getting a grip until just before Newport. It was an owl that finally startled me out of crying. Lol I was just so wrung out! So completely exhausted in every way! I just cried. shrugs

    Anyway, I stood up and Jerry walked me closer to what was going on. He said again, "It's your turn." He was really, really nice. I like that Jerry.

    Rigel: Anway, Jerry walked me closer to Colin and Brad. They had stood up from behind the table and were stretching their legs and meeting the theatre staff. The college kids who had been ushers, Katherine, et. al. were getting their picture made with the guys. And, everyone was laughing and cutting up. It was nice to see the informality and friendliness with the staff after the long, long line of smile-shake-hands-autograph-maybe-a-cell-phone-pic-NEXT. Jerry said, "OK, your turn." Then, he laughed and said, "Those are just my people. I can kick them out of the way." It was nice that he was cutting up with me. For a second, I unclenched a smidge and laughed a little. Class act, that Jerry. But, I leaned toward him and jokingly scolded, "Be nice!"

    ruth.bryan11: :) you would scold him

    Rigel: Hey, I had to take up for Katherine! :)

    ruth.bryan11: yup!

  35. Rigel: Then, that Jerry. That stinker! Do you know what he did?!?!?

    ruth.bryan11: ??????

    Rigel: When it was just Brad and Colin left, he walked me closer. But, I was kinda angling myself to be slightly behind him and peeking around. I was gonna let him do the talking. Ya know?

    ruth.bryan11: yep i can picture it

    Rigel: And, Jerry just gracefully --- I kid you not, kickass choreography! -- just gracefully peeled off to the left and instantly POOF! disappeared behind me leaving me standing right in front of Colin not even 6 whole steps away.

    Sneaky bastard.

    ruth.bryan11: Lol!

    Rigel: I mean, I gotta give him style points for that move. Well executed. But. I mean. Damn.

    ruth.bryan11: like peeling off duct tape

    Rigel: Oooooo, good analogy! EXACTLY. Complete with the sting after the hairs are ripped out.

    ruth.bryan11: yup
    throw you in the deep end

    Rigel: yeah well yes He threw me in the deep end. And, I drowned.

    Pee break. brb

  36. Rigel: Have you ever thought and felt so very too much all at once that your vision literally went dark and you were getting way too close to passing out?

    ruth.bryan11: yep

    Rigel: Yeah. These are the details I wish I didn't remember. Sigh It's confession time. I'm a stupid shit.

    Jerry had evaported.

    ruth.bryan11: you are not, you had a completely human reaction

    Rigel: evaporated
    dang it
    can't even type the story straight
    Jerry evaporated. BAM! There was Colin.
    And, he was perfect. And, I was the opposite. I reacted. Like, instinctually reacted.

    Rigel: He was closing the few steps between us, and I couldn't breathe, and I dragged really, really, really hard to force ragged breaths in, and before I realized what I was doing, I was backing up and had thrown my hands up like shield! retreat!, but I caught myself and knotted my arms against my chest, and everything was going dark. And, I heard his voice, and he was saying hello and I could hear the smile in his voice, and I tried to choke out, "Hi, I'm Rigel," but I couldn't get it to come out right. And, I started to twist and turn toward the door, but my feet wouldn't go with my upper body, and I just wanted to lay down and cry because I knew I was ruining the most wonderful thing - that I was totally, totally falling apart in front of the person whom I have the utmost respect for, this person who is my hero, this person who has meant so, so much to me and for whom I have the deepest ocean full of gratitude, and I couldn't breath and I couldn't talk and I could feel my arms contorting in on my chest.

    And, I'm not sure how it happened, but the only thing I had heard him say was a very sweet, soft spoken, warm hello -- I don't know if he had said anything else because the get-dark-and-fall-downs were closing in on my head, but the next thing I know he reached out and was hugging me, and I had my arms wrapped around his chest (he's TALL) and my face all snuggled into his shoulder and he was squeezing me.

    ruth.bryan11: aww...he probably gets that a lot, and knew that you were being overwhelmed.

    ruth.bryan11: i don't want to minimize your reaction at all!

    Rigel: i know

    ruth.bryan11: i just think you had every right to be utterly and completely overwhelmed

    Rigel: my face is just really hot like the sick kinda hot

    ruth.bryan11: i'm sorry, glass of cold water?

    Rigel: no

    ruth.bryan11: -hug!-

    ah, - hug -
    breathing is good

    Rigel: I'm dodgy on what happened for the next several seconds. I was really close to blinking out.

    You know how sometimes when you give blood, you know you are about to go dark and there's nothing in the world you can do to stop it and you just breathe, breathe, breathe trying to stop it?

    ruth.bryan11: i can't give blood cause of some shots i've had, but i know that going dark feeling

    Rigel: I am mortified to say that for that first hug, that was pretty much him holding me up.


    ruth.bryan11: if he's strong enough to pick up Ryan, he could certainly hold you up
    (and he's been doing it metaphorically anyway)

    1. Rigel this story is epic. What a page turner. I know that I have heard lots of this before but never laid out like a best seller. Here I sit, hilariously so, waiting to see what happens next.

  37. It's not only actors who do this to you =)
    I used to have a friend who was cute and nice and we were friends. End of story. Then I saw him dance. Damn. Suddenly he was the hottest guy in the room. I'd always liked him as a person but suddenly I was VERY aware of how physically attractive he was. Funny thing was that even in the moment I recognised there was no depth to the attraction but wow. It can be very powerful regardless.
    I hadn't thought of it as being attracted to his talent, but looking back that is so true!

    1. Oh Aimee a good dancing guy. Yep I hear you.

  38. Rigel: For the record, he gives extraordinary, Olympic gold medal level, best in the world, breathtaking, magnificent, beautiful, fabulous, fantastic, I can't describe how wonderful hugs.

    He is the best hugger EVER.

    But, that's later. I got sight back. I got breath back. But, by no stretch of imagination, did I in anyway have my mind or my composure back.

    I remember screaming at myself over and over and over again in my head, "THIS IS IMPORTANT!!! THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!!! THIS IS SOMETHING YOU'VE WISHED FOR FOR YEARS AND YOU ARE SCREWING IT UP!!! GET YOURSELF TOGETHER!!!"

    I hated myself.

    He was wearing what he'd worn on stage. Black chucks, black pants, black button down shirt.

    Most of the time we were talking, I was looking at his chest. I repeatedly made myself look up into his face, but it always derailed me. The "OH GOD THAT'S COLIN MOCHRIE OH GOD!!!" would slam into me each time I looked in his face.


    But, here's the thing.

    Rigel: His is a very sweet, warm face. His eyes are so very gentle. When he's talking with you, his whole presence leans into you. He is one of the kindest people ever to walk the Earth. I am convinced of this.

    ruth.bryan11: he sounds like it

    Rigel: When he's paying attention to you, it's like he's, I dunno, treasuring you. I don't know how to explain it. He has the gentlest eyes I have ever witnessed.

    ruth.bryan11: i've been around some people like that, they have the ministry of presence

    Rigel: He waited on me. Over and over again, he waited on me. He is a patient, patient man.

    I was thinking too much. Feeling too much. I kept getting all locked up in my head. And, he stood there. Kindly. Patiently. With the softest, gentlest look on his face. Waiting for me to form a sentence. He is an utterly gracious creature.
    He's very quiet. He's a very quiet, solid, warm presence.

    ruth.bryan11: I feel like you need to forgive yourself :) and relish the fact that you got to meet someone so important to you, even if it didn't go the way you dreamed (or even hoped) it would. it gave you an opportunity to witness how gracious Colin is

  39. Rigel: The more I fumbled, the more trapped in my head I got, I remember I kept thinking, "I wish he'd take control! I wish he'd just talk and I'd just stand here!" And, then, I had a tiny, lucid flash of thought. I remembered, "Barbara says he's quiet. Barbara says he's shy." And, Ruth, it was the craziest thing, but in a split second it dawned on me, "He understands awkward. He understands struggling to get a thought out when you're standing in front of someone."

    ruth.bryan11: a kindred soul

    Rigel: I remember a lot of what we talked about. I remember a lot of us laughing. But, I can't remember what order it all happened in. So, I'm gonna tell it with the disclaimer that I don't know how to put it into chronological order, OK?

    ruth.bryan11: no worries

    Rigel: I do remember that after he hugged me and I had gotten my sight and balance back, I remember being VERY stern with myself and fussing at myself quite loudly in my head, "REMEMBER WHAT'S IMPORTANT!!!" And, I said to him, "But, wait. I have to give you another hug, please. This one is for Deb. Please give Deb a hug for me." And, he smiled and agreed and we hugged again. It's cool that he got that. It's cool that he realized that was important. Ya know?

    ruth.bryan11: yep!

    Rigel: I really struggled for at least 3/4 of the time. I had only started to wake up just when it was ending. Sigh Huge regret there. I can make more solid sense of the last half than the first half.

    ruth.bryan11: oh, don't have regrets, they'll just eat you alive

    Rigel: The first half is an extremely panicked, overwhelmed blur. I do remember what started to wake me up, though.
    He cracked a blonde joke. And, I didn't let him get away with it.

    ruth.bryan11: lol

    Rigel: And, we both ended up laughing really big.

    ruth.bryan11: :)

    Rigel: and, then it hit me, WHAM! I'm cutting up with Colin Mochrie. Holy shit! Lolol

    A couple of days later, once I had caught up on my sleep, when I started trying to think through that night, I realized, "I bet that stinker did that on purpose. Clever man. Sweet, clever man."

    ruth.bryan11: yep

    Rigel: Anyway, not in chronological order. And, being very clear, that the whole time I was completely freaked out. All tangled up in my head.

    Ruth, I kept fussing at myself and fussing at myself! I kept screaming at myself in my head, yelling at myself to get it together! It didn't work. I struggled and stumbled through every little drop of everything. Although, it got a little bit easier after he made me laugh. No, wait. That's not accurate. It got a little bit easier after HE laughed. Wait, let me rephrase that. It got a little bit easier after WE laughed. Ok. yeah. I realize that made no sense. Sorry. It's hard to explain.

    ruth.bryan11: made perfect sense to me

  40. Rigel: Anyway, in no chonological order, here's what I remember:

    I remember at one point toward the beginning being so overwhelmed that it, literally, physically hurt. My chest was squeezing. And, I was fighting trying not to cry. And, I finally gave up and told him, "I don't know how to do this!" He just waited. Very calm, very still, very warm, very patient. Very kind. He is merciful.

    I remember at one point feeling completely at a loss, completely overwhelmed, way, way, way too close to crying and choosing the door that was to my right. I remember being so angry with myself for being such a lousy burden for him to put up with. And, finally, I just broke down and told him, "When in doubt, hug, right? When all else fails, just figure out a way to show love, right?" And, he kinda furrowed his brow for a second, and I got scared that I had offended him or weirded him out. And, then he said, "Right." And, it was another tight, safe, warm, strong hug. But, it was sooooooooo, soooooooo hard not to start crying.

    ruth.bryan11: awww. he sounds like an amazingly humble man

    Rigel: I didn't know what else to do! I was stuck. I couldn't figure out anything beyond, "Here I'm standing in front of someone I love." So, it's like I resorted to some sort of default setting and chose to hug.

    I'm such a stupid shit.

    I remember screaming at myself over and over again in my head, "Get yourself together! Remember what's important! This is your chance! Remember what's important!"
    I kept yelling at myself, "Remember what's important!" And, then having to sort through, "OK, what's important?"

    First up, Deb.
    OK, got that one squared away.

    Secondly, take care of Colin.
    I'm responsible for getting Colin back to Deb intact.

    I told him about Deb's email. And, he told me that he hadn't had a nap. He said he can't sleep in the day. And, I felt so bad for him. But, he explained this really neat phenomenon about how he gets all OK when he's on the stage doing the show. It's like he gets into this other state of being.

    I think that's kinda cool.

    ruth.bryan11: yup

    Rigel: I think it's so wonderful that he does the work that is obviously so right for him that it energizes him while he's in process.

    ruth.bryan11: yep, he's found a calling that was perfect for him

    Rigel: And, I asked him when his flight was gonna leave the next day because there were thunderstorms in the Sunday forecast (Ruth -- come on --- you remember what April was like here in Arkansas this year. shudders). And, he said that they were picking him up at the hotel at 5:00am. And, I was conflicted. I was glad he'd be safely out of our airspace before the storms moved in. But, dang it, he'd already been up since 3am our time that morning, it was just a smidgen shy of 11pm when we were talking, and who knows how long it was gonna before he finally got back to the hotel, got his shower, got into bed. And, then he'd still need time to throw his bag together the next morning before the car came to drive him to Little Rock. Poor sleepy baby.

    ruth.bryan11: yep

    Rigel: Poor thing. And, I was helpless to take care of him.

    And, I was making it worse because there I stood talking with him instead of him getting closer to being tucked into bed.

    I was bad to Deb.

    1. Rigel:

      What strikes me the most about this "saga," if you will, that you knew Deb first and then met her husband. That you approached it, at least somewhat, as interrupting her husband, as opposed to meeting Colin. I KNOW it wasn't JUST "meeting" him, a "saying hi" sort of thing. BELIEVE me, I KNOW. But your last sentence, "I was bad to Deb" ... well, I don't know you nearly well enough to be able to say anything about that. I'll just say that 3am-3am thing is a normal day for them when it's a show weekend.

      I DO understand completely about waiting until everyone else has had their time with them. I now wait 'til last, and the reason is similar to yours. If they've got to get up early, run to get the plane that night, or whatever, I've already had my time, many times. (This is not to say I'll ever stop waiting. :) )

      The really interesting part for me is that, opposite of you, I "knew" Colin a lot better than I "knew" Deb before coming on here. I met her a couple of times. Hell, even babbled with her as Colin walked ahead or behind carrying a gift basket of wine. You know a woman has patience with you when you blab out something to the effect of "I love your husband." (Let's all blush together, shall we?) I figured she HAD to know I existed from Colin, even if it was to say, "That Boston chick was there AGAIN." (What did I know at the time? I always felt like I was coming on WAY too strong and was terrified of it.)

      I dunno. I guess it takes practice to be able to approach someone who's meant so much to you without even knowing you exist. I understand OVERWHELMED so much I can't emphasized it enough. I usually still am. I'll be forever grateful to Colin for giving me so many opportunities to practice.

      You're right, Rigel. Colin gives THE BEST HUGS in the world. Hands down.

    2. Wow. Rigel. Wow. I don't know what to say. What a fabulous story of something that meant so much to you. And Dawn I loved when you said I'll be forever grateful to Colin for giving me so many opportunities to practise! Love that. Rigel you were not bad to me. Part of the gig is meeting people and the guys know that the night isn't over till it's over. AND although you will NOT believe this, Colin was looking forward to meeting you. AND you said yourself that after a bit you calmed down and were happy with the way the conversation ended. What Rigel is not telling you here is that Colin said to me when he came home that he was so impressed with Rigel. He got to see what we see on the blog-an intelligent, insightful, witty person. I asked him if she was nervous and he said yes, at the beginning and then they had a lovely connection!

  41. Rigel: I remember him telling me to say hi to Deb if I talked to her before he did. And, I told him that I'd email her when I got home but that would be around 3am my time, 4am her time so she'd wake up to it. And, he commented that she was almost certainly already in bed even as we were talking.

    Looking back, I'm fearful that I missed a cue. That he was telling me to shut up and go away because it was sleeping time.

    pee break.

    I see you typing. I'll catch up when I get back.

    Rigel: I remember he asked me how far I had driven to come to the Conway show. And, I told him, "A little over 3 hours." And, he was startled. And, he said repeatedly, "Bless you!"

    And, he seemed bothered that I was driving back that night. And, he was all about wanting me to be safe. And, I told him that it was OK.

    ruth.bryan11: awww. such a considerate man

    Rigel: The original plan had been that I'd sack out at my aunt's house. But, they were down in Texas for the weekend. And, he teased me that I should just break in. lol And, I told him, "Actually, I know where the key is. But, they have big dogs. That would be a bad thing." And, I know that part was early in the visit.

    ruth.bryan11: lol, that's really cute!
    - HUG!!! -

    Rigel: But, toward the end, he went back to it. He was really insistent about my safety.

    ruth.bryan11: he's a very considerate man

    Rigel: He is a very, very special person.

    ruth.bryan11: and deb would have killed him had anything happened to you :)

  42. Rigel: Yeah, well, I was more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs until I got word that he'd gotten back to Toronto and Deb safely.

    ruth.bryan11: yup, i bet you were!
    love the metaphor

    Rigel: It's an old Deep South thing.

    ruth.bryan11: i totally get it

    Rigel: old ladies said it alot where i grew up

    ruth.bryan11: i grew up around old deep south thinkin'

    Rigel: thanks for listening

    ruth.bryan11: you sure?

    Rigel: just a lot of guilty

    ruth.bryan11: there really is nothing to be guilty about
    it's what he does and who he is

    Rigel: I feel like I was disrespectful.

    ruth.bryan11: oh no, i'm sure he knows that wasn't the case

    Rigel: He even let me do the fangirl thing and get a picture.

    ruth.bryan11: remember he is surrounded by fans ALL the time
    over which i am extremely jealous

    Rigel: OH, and you should've heard him riffing on Deb. Hilarious.

    ruth.bryan11: lol! i bet its a lot of fun at their house

    Rigel: Never. Boring.

    ruth.bryan11: :)
    HUG! LOVE YOU! so glad we got to talk

    Rigel: Love you!

    ruth.bryan11: i will talk to you via email tomorrow!

  43. *picked back up talking after sunrise via e mail*

    I got one thing right that night.  I did one very important thing.

    One of the times he was patiently waiting for me and I was screaming at myself in my head and trying to function, I was very stern with myself, "This is your chance.  What MUST you do?"  
    And, I did it.  

    I looked down at his hand and reached out with my hand and he caught on and we shook hands.  And, I explained that I had wanted to do this for years.  And, I told him thank you for his work.  I said thank you.  I told him that his work is powerful stuff.

    But, then I had to stop because I was crossing the brink of crying.  I could hear the tears showing up on my voice.  And, the knot in my throat grew too big.

    And, it was so strange.  His face changed.  His voice changed.  It was like he was startled, a little taken a back.  His, "Oh, thank you!" was surprised.

    How can that man not know all that he is to people?  How can he not realize what he and his work mean to people?  

    You summed it up perfectly when you called it his ministry.  Yup, yup, yup.

    Maybe after reading the things so many people wrote in comments on Monday's TMA post, maybe he'll know a little.  I just hope that he feels the gratitude people feel, how warmly people feel toward him.  That he'll know he really counts for something in the world.  He deserves to feel the best possible warm fuzzies.

  44. BTW, he has the PERFECT man's handshake.  Big, strong, warm hand that could crush your fingers but instead builds a fortress around them.  Gentle strength.

    I remember that one of the coolest parts of talking with him was this strange bit I stumbled across.  He explained that there are things he can do and say on stage that he could never do in normal life.  I explained that there are things I can do and say when writing that I could never do in normal life.  We both have an alternate way of communicating, an alternate way of being open and daring.  How weird is that?!?  But, I really, really liked that part.  I think it's kinda cool.

    Another thing I remember from that night is that I wanted to crawl under the carpet and hide when I found something out.  I can't remember what he said that started it, but all of the sudden I had this dawning UH OH realization.  He said something, I can't remember the exact detail, that clued me in that he'd been paying attention.  UH OH.  That he knew who I was beyond just being someone Deb told him to meet.  And, it just stunned me to a halt.  And, I blurted, "It's weirding me out that you know who I am."  Ruth, that door to the right, the one that led to the parking lot, it was SO ALLURING right then.  That's when he told me that he reads the blog.  Well, I'd figured he read the blog.  After all, his wife writes it!  But, he clarified that he reads it all.  Even all the comments.  And, he said, "And, you write a lot."

    Imagine for a second how many thousands of words I instantly wanted to have never written.

    I was absolutely mortified.  Regret, regret, regret, regret, regret.

    This bit of nerve wracking news, I have discussed with Barbara.  Have picked it to pieces with her.  And, she makes some very valid arguments about taking up my space in the world and stuff.  And, she assures me he meant no harm.  I really like what she says on the topic.  But, it didn't completely take away having to conquer a minor freak out every single time I decided to type a comment from there on out.  And, to this day, there are things I email just to Barbara or Katie or you or don't say at all that, before, I would've typed out.  

    But, on Monday's post, I broke those rules in my head.  Look at those, what? 70something?, comments, now.  Monday's was a nothing to hide post, eh?  I decided to go with the freedom on Monday.  I don't know why.  I just didn't want to feel so chained up in my head anymore.  And, I was so inspired by how the others were writing.  I dunno.  With Monday's post, I just got this strange thing going in my head where I kinda wanted to go with what Barbara said about taking up my space.  

    It's hard to explain.


    This is the first time I've ever told anyone the story of meeting him.  Rhoda, Barbara, and Katie have gotten small bits before.  But, it's taken this long for me to sort it out enough in my head to be able to tell about it.  

    Anyway, you said you were jealous.  Don't be.  I screwed up horribly.  You'll get your chance, and you'll do it well.  And, then I'll be jealous of you. 

  45. Yeah, so, anyway, y'all. That's it.

    And, ummm, hey, Colin. *hug* Thank you for being so sweet. Sorry I was such a git.

    I'm gonna go hide under the blankets, now.

    1. Wow. Lucky girl! I only met him for a minute and I honestly don't remember what all I said, Although I know I did point out the fact that I too was a lefty (why did I have to point that out?!?!) I am so painfully shy at times like that that I just clam up. Then, of course, walking away I think of 101 things I could/should/would have said. Ugh.
      You know, it actually never really crossed my mind that he would read the comments. I figured he read the main posts, but the comments?! Hmm...thinking back over the last year or so that I've been commenting...
      Oh well!
      The first time I saw Colin and Brad live was so intoxicatingly wonderful! It was less than a year ago, I think, and it was great. They, and the lovely gentlemen from Whose Live, have really helped me get through a rough year, along with this blog, of course. I am so thankful for them all! xoxo
      Loved your story, Rigel. Wish mine was that long. Although the time I met the Whose Live guys is a little detailed too... :)
      Hey Colin!!

    2. Good for you, Rigel!! love and hugs xoxo

    3. Rigel you so did not screw up (see above comment!!!!!!!!!!!!) exclamation exclamation and so on!

  46. ahh Rigel Love your story and the fact you shared it :-)
    I love reading your story of meeting colin (and Brad I assume LOL ) I would be way to shy to meet them like you did after the show!
    Thanks for sharing :-) <3

    1. Kelly if you do meet them you will be so glad you did. Nice sweet guys and I totally include Brad in this!

  47. This comment section is so mean...

    I'm really happy for you guys...but you're making me soooo jealous and sad. :(

  48. Nooooooo need. Life is short, do it! Life is long, there is still time!

    1. If I could, I would...but obviously I can't...

  49. OOOhhhhh, DEB! Cheers to LoVe! I Know that feeling all too well. :)

    Bradley & Colin are a lot alike. We are blessed in life & LoVe. The sexy thrill I get from being in the audience watching Brad perform is heart-pounding! And the chemistry Brad & Colin have is seamless!

    I didn’t meet Bradley when he was performing. I met this handsome, tall, shy, SEXY man, and it was LoVe at first sight for me. So, when I saw him on stage preforming for the first time, you can imagine that I fell even deeper in LoVe. He is a masterpiece of a man.

    I treasure that our men are doing what they LoVe. THAT is what turns me on. Bradley is a man of many talents (as is Colin)…. Don't you just tingle all over when you see Colin doing his other passions… such as cooking? I find that whenever Bradley is doing something he is passionate about (Acting, Hosting, writing, music, painting, scuba diving), I find myself in awe of him “doing what he LoVe’s”. Life can be so grand.

    YES, Talent turns me on. However, I do not like meeting “talent” that I’m crushing on. It seems that when I do, the fantasy that I have built up around them quickly disintegrate...most of the time. And then I’m bummed that I no longer have the crush! And I have a LONG list of crushes!!! LOL

    I’m also attracted to powerful people. Men & women. I want to know them. I want to swim in their minds and take what feeds my soul. I thrive on being around people that I can learn from. Power is sexy, when it’s used the right way.


    1. Seana, I ADORE and LOVE your absolute passion for everything YOU love. SO full of life, SO appreciative of life, SO enthusiastic about Brad and everything else you love.
      You are a rare human being, and I'm thrilled that you and Brad are so happy together.
      Forever wishes,

    2. Ohhhh Dawn you're a doll!! Thank you so much. Yes, I’m kinda “Little Miss Sunshine”. Always have been. And I’m getting the feeling that you are too? Thank you so much for your kind words.


    3. Seana, you just radiate warmth and LoVe!!! I would love toe meet you someday (and Deb and Barb, of course!) Hope you had a happy 4th!!!

  50. Seana I was so conflicted when I read this over after writing it because I did not mention Brad. I looked for a place where I could sing his praises but given that it was a "hot for my talented guy" tone, I thought it best to leave that to you!!!! And I knew you would weigh in and I knew you would hold up Brad's end, so to speak. Of course I think Brad is a genius and he was really on fire at Rama but I did not want it to look like I was all starry eyed watching him. HIs wife would kill me! :-) xoxoxoxo

    1. LOLOLOL OMG DEB you KNOW I’m SMITTEN for YOU & COLIN!! I’m one of your biggest fans! You’re welcome to look at Bradley all “starry eyed” anytime. We do the same with you both. We don't hold back when describing you as a sexy, hilarious, talented, actress, mom, wife, and treasured friend…. that we adore and admire. And EVERYONE LOVES COLIN! All ages! He’s just so damn lovable! I think the level of talent that you guys have as a couple makes it impossible for people not to LoVe you. Talent at that level is SEXY…. As you have so perfectly blogged about! ☺


  51. heartheartheartheartheartheartheartheart. ox

  52. God, this started out so promisingly. Lust, isolation, catered food. Then wham. What a disappointment. It's about the husband.

  53. Colin is great! and such an inspiration to me: a shy guy (girl in my case) can act and develope on stage. Love from South America.

  54. Deb,

    I am late catching up on my reading, so I just read this post and had to tell you how much I loved hearing that story! I too, adore Colin's talent, and agree that sometimes the faces he makes are just as funny as the words he says. And I adore the new show as well (Trust Us With Your Life)! I think my favorite part of all the shows we've seen him improv in, is that they have been family favorites. Our boys may be off doing 12 different things, but when we say "Who's Line is on" or now "Trust Us is on", they stop come in and we all laugh until we cry together. So to me, these guys will always have a special place in my heart, for allowing brother to sit next to brother on the couch in harmony and joy.

    I love hearing how people fall in love. Every story is unique and special, but it's even better when you can put faces with the names. I pictured you sitting enrapt as he charmed you and it was beautiful!

    And I agree with both you, power/talent is very seductive. I've been happily married for many, many years thanks to it. (I got lucky and found a great guy behind the talent I was drawn to as well.)

    Thank you for your continued sharing!


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