Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Reverse Your Negativity For Fun, Joy, And Valuable Prizes!


Deb: In this very New Year I find myself weary of those around me who just seem to spend their time complaining and negatizing! (I might have invented that word, what do you think?)

I need to be clear that I am not weary of people who have the right to complain about sickness or sadness or tragedy. What I am weary of is the “everything presented to you has a down side” kind of complaining. And the “everyone needs to be reviewed and put down” kind of negativity. I am, frankly, sick to death of it. I have pulled away from the sources of this ugliness to such a degree as I am able. I have backed away from the human sources and computer sources. I find I have no strength for that vibe right now, be it over a coffee with someone face-to-face, or on Facebook, sitting in my bathrobe, viewing the spewing. And I take full responsibility for the part I play in any of this energy and pledge to eradicate it.  Barbara Radecki, the lovely, the talented, my partner in crime and my darling friend is the perfect example of someone who is always positive, always supportive. This energy is what I want in my life all the time. And I will have it. I will accept no substitutes!

Our darling friend, Sean’a, who is a valued and beloved friend to all our Middle Ages Followers, tired of this negatory trend many moons ago and tried something that I am going to follow through on myself. She and her husband discovered a technique that inspired them and which really taught them a shocking lesson I think. I think many or all of us might be shocked by its results. The idea was always compelling to me but only now do I feel that I want to challenge myself to this.  It involves putting several homemade pull-string bracelets on your wrist and with each complaint or negative statement that you make, you switch the bracelet to your other wrist, indicating by days end just how many negative vibes you are filling your day with. Brilliant and simple, don’t you think? I am probably very late to this concept, but what the hell? If something teaches us a lesson, it doesn’t matter when we learn it, right? If you are at all interested, I urge you to try it for fun! Maybe we will all learn something about ourselves and the patterns we all fall into. I think the real surprises may come in not the big complaints but the throw away every day, “Geeze, it’s raining again” kind of complaints.  So I am going to try this lovely experiment and I will attempt to learn from it. I can’t control the negativity aimed at me or around me, other than removing myself from it, but I can control my own negativity. Heeeerrrrrreeeee goes!!! Sean’a you continue to inspire me. Have I said that lately? Xo

Barbara: Oh, oh, oh, how I love this. I do think I’d heard tell of this ingenious little trick a ways back, but I’d forgotten all about it. And I deeply thank you for giving me such lovely credit for my positivity, but make no mistake, I do succumb to the easier wearier way down into drearier negativity. And it is insidious! You almost don’t notice until you notice how people react: you’ve just passed on another downer (and fundamentally useless) bit of information, you’ve added to that negative conversation (thereby spurring it further), you’ve gotten into a snarky, nosy, grumpy rut and people are either playing along like a gang of ruffians, or ignoring you because they’re not down there with you. And then whoa, you realize, Man, I feel like crap, maybe it’s time to shift gears and reach up instead of falling down.

I have one of those pull-string bracelets. I’m gonna get some more. Thanks, Sean’a, brilliant!


44 comments:

  1. What a great idea! I agree that negativity breeds quickly and affects those around you. That is a great way to keep track if you are slipping down that slope, or being pulled down it by others negativity. You could also add to that, by keeping a journal and writing down,say five things that make you happy and that you feel blessed by. That way, you can shift over to the positive and train yourself to always look and strive for those. At the end of the day you could read those happy things in your journal and express your thankfulness for them. Training yourself you be positive, happy and thankful....and, the, you will probably have a great sleep too!!! :)

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    1. You're right Jo, it's about training yourself out of bad habits. I heard from Sean'a who said that it was not stings, it was one rubber bracelet moved from wrist to wrist. I am going to do the strings to see just how many times I complain but both are great ideas!

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    2. You will have to take a picture of your wrist and post it Deb, so we can see how you are doing!

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  2. It is so easy to get sucked into that negativity! My husband and I have been working on that and one of our favorite tools has been to play more. Sometimes it's dancing with the kids, or it's cooking together, or speaking with accents, or just being ridiculously proud of anything we do (even if deemed a "failure"). The best part is that it doesn't just stop the negativity, but it brings the fun!

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  3. Great ideas Eileen. It is easy for all of us to sink into it, isn't it?

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  4. Sean’a that is a really good idea . i wish i had some bracelets to do it with . reminds me of the fact i still annoy my mom by telling her though things are difficult for us right now , with Dad being ill , they could also be a lot worse.

    i know you are not pointing out anything about people with serious problems but sometimes people with them complain about the little things more . it is a way of letting off steam if they don;t want to discuss whats really bothering them . i can be guilty of this especially around my mom . i need sometimes a verbal kick in the butt to stop me especially when i have a load to do and my day doesn't go to plan . thank you Deb Barbara and Sean’a for writing one . this has given me serious food for thought about my behaviour .

    negatizing is a brilliant word for it by the way my spell checker suggested negativing!


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    1. my Mom has a great expression when people , including myself get out of hand with complaining , you don;t have many problems if thats all you are complaining about !

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    2. Linda you were right on when you said that your day doesn't go as planned. I was such a victim of this for so long and it was killing me. Now I try to laugh and move on.

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  5. That's one of the reasons I haven't been commenting every day, because it seems all of my posts of late have been awfully whiny and depressing. But the bracelet idea does sound like a good one. Let us know how it works out...

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    1. Oh April I feel so bad that you think you cannot respond because you are in whine mode. Darling girl, please look back on some of my whiney posts. I just meant complaining as a lifestyle. That's all.

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  6. Awesome. For no other reason than to hear your own self talk!! Sean'a rules!

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    1. Takes one to know one Beauty . LoVe you xoxoxoxo Sean'a

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  7. Negatizing!!!!!!! LoVe it! And OMG i cant believe you even remembered this little trick! And YES, it works! It simply brought awareness to the forefront to hold ourselves accountable.

    Bracelets, rubber bands, however you want to do it, it works! It's so easy to get sucked into negative thinking. The best thing we did was divorce ourselves from negative "energy vampires." People, Internet, TV. We are what we surrond ourselves with right?

    I've got two other things that really helped....
    I started doing what I call "Morning cups of GoodNess." I search out GoodNess! Whether it be in my emails, or just Google positive thinking, or positive quotes, or life affirmations, and i read them in abundance for one hour every morning. I share what speaks to me, on my Facebook page. I now have several friends that do it too… Makes my heart smile.

    The other thing that we started doing is this.... When we don't want to say a negative word (whatever that might be)... When we want to remove a word from our vocabulary, I decided that I would eat a jalapeno. I despise spicy food. So, needless to say, I have only eaten one jalapeño! It worked that fast! Mums the word real quick! LOL

    And Bradley decided He did not want to personalize things as much. So every time he found himself personalizing something, he would eat a beet! And it's working!

    One of my gal pals heard what we were doing and LoVed it so much, that she applied it to her own need to "speek up" more in her life. So she choose celery. And she told all her friends and LoVed ones what she was doing, and asked for all our support....and its working! She has found her voice. And its beautiful, and empowering to witness.

    The reason why we like to do these kinds of things is to hold ourselves accountable for the vibration that we bring into "our party." We have such a happy, blessed life that should be celebrated every day. So that's what we do. We find that eating a food that we dont like ALSO makes us LAUGH sooooo much! It's a positive way to correct a behavior we want to stop doing. It works!

    The bonus is this, we strengthen the positive, and we weaken the negative, and the balance is abundant! We know the negative will never leave completely (that is never our goal) we learn so much from the negative. We just don't invite it to party in our heart~home for long.

    And when we get hooked real good… And cannot seem to pull away from that awful negative feeling, I always ask this question, "what would love do?" That is the quickest way back to Grace. ❤

    Thank you Deb & Barb for sharing life with all of us so vulnerably, and sweetly. You both are amazing women that i feel honored sharing life with. LoVe you gals!

    XXXX
    Sean'a


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    1. I love the "Morning cups of GoodNess!"

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    2. Eileen WELCOME TO THE CLUB! Thats my favourite part too! :D

      Seana you KNOW how much I love the Morning Cup of Goodness! And I ADORE posting positive stuff on FB. And Ive divorced myself from negative or "negatizing" (Ohhh...I love Deb!) too. No newspapers, TV or anything that has "NEGATIVE" in its energy is out of bounds. In fact just a while ago I told my mom to not spill the negative on me when she started telling me how I should be careful because there are "WRONG MEN"---- I didnt hear the rest I shut my ears after I heard "wrong". Ohhhh eating a jalapeno technique is AWESOME! I love spicy but I must hate something. I'm sooo gonna try that technique! Seana you ARE A STAR! Love you sooo much.
      And I am sooo happy to have you, Deb and Barb in my life Thank you soo much for coming in my life. Makes it sooo much happier. And you are right its not about releasing all negativity. Its about feeling more love and abundance and the deliciousness of LIFE! :D

      XOXO

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  8. I really struggle with this, Deb. The people closest to me tend to be very negative, and there are days I feel like I am being dragged down to the bottom of their self-dug pit. Usually, I am able to brush it off, but, as you said, it's wearying and contagious. If you can limit your exposure, you're smart to do it!

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    1. Yes fadedginger that is the key. If you have to...remove yourself. I have done that too. Not always easy I admit but sometimes necessary for survival, right?

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  9. I found a lot of negativity in facebook. don't get me wrong I do love my family and friends and I love being able to talk to them, but it seems lately it's so many people on Facebook are just so negative this year I'm really trying to surround myself with positive people and positive things, I think when I'm positive it makes my day go so much better.

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    1. I have a method for FB Lyndsie. I vowed that I would not get on it and engage in negative stuff. And I haven't at all. I love the positive and the connections but I do not engage in the ugly. Perfect for me.

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  10. I try everyday to search out the joy and avoid the people who are constantly negative. Sometimes I even piss people off because I refuse to follow their negativity. Some aren't even aware they are doing it. I was once told by a virtual stranger that my comments to her were negative and I realized it was more her perception because no one else had ever said that to me. I learned a lesson and now on FB for sure I try and only put out positive postings. It is all in the eye of the beholder. Also, I only friend those that someone actually knows in person to avoid conflict with pretend friends.

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    1. I agree Madge and that is exactly what I strive for. Otherwise it hold no interest for me.

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  11. I LOVE this - I too find much in the world to be negative and in fact, live with a hubby who does almost nothing but bash others ie. When out in public if he sees someone overweight, feels the need to make a derogatory comment about them!!! A total stranger!!! uuuugh!!!!! I can't even imagine how miserable he must be to have those thoughts enter his head. Anyway, since I have to live with it, it makes it even more challenging to make sure I'm not falling into a similar rut. It's always easier to notice it in someone else than when we ourselves are taking part. I have 2 specific concerns regarding this topic though. First, I was thinking of an example of negativity that comes from me. I sometimes say Wow it's a really gloomy, dark day today!!! I promise you it's not a negative statement from my heart. In fact, the weather never seems to have any affect on my mood. I'm very happy about that. It's just an observation and over the holidays, led me to turn on the Christmas lights earlier in the day because the house was literally so dark. So my point is, is it ok to make observations that aren't really negative but may SEEM negative??? And also, if anyone has any great advice on how to handle kidlets in this area, I would be most interested. For example, I want my kids to be able to "vent" to me, but I also want them to limit, and to be FAIR in their statements ie. soccer games, opinions of teachers etc. I need the right thing to say to NOT discourage them from talking to me right? Cause it's a good thing when kids are open to their mom. Some great food for thought today - thanks!!! In fact, I think I need this on my fridge. : )

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    1. I have found with my kids that more often than not, they are venting and just want to be heard. So I offer empathic listening which usually involves repeating (paraphrasing) what they have told me and letting it sink in so I share their pain. Sometimes they want guidance, too, but often they (we) just want to really be heard and then they feel powerful again and can move forward.

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    2. Thanks Lana for being so open and honest. I am not saying that we can never be sad, down or negative. I am just saying that we can all fall into a pattern of that which may be destructive. Maybe not. As pointed out to me by a FBfriend today, sometimes people thrive with negativity, so maybe I am way off base here. I can only say what is right for me and what works for me. Eileen you are so right. Kids just want to be heard be it lovely or ugly. They need and grow from being heard, from just being them.

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    3. OMG OMG clicking on reply worked!!! yayyy!! ok calming down a bit.......Just wanted to say that I personally need to be very careful to not stifle my kids from sharing their opinions while trying to curb the complaining, bashing etc. uuugh - this parenting is tough!!!! haha Thanks for the reminder Eileen and Deb - : )

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  12. I am usually a positive person, but sometimes the negative thoughts sneak through my defenses. Right now, I'm struggling to maintain a positive attitude as my sister and I are volunteering at what we thought would be a passionate exciting place but strikes me as sad instead. My last two blog posts have been a combination of negative and positive. I try to avoid putting the negative ideas to paper, but I want my blog to also be an authentic representation of what's happening in my life.
    I like the idea of the bracelets as a physical reminder of thinking negative thoughts. Thanks for the idea!

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    1. As someone wise reminded me when I posted this on FB today, yin yang, yin yang. I think both can work beautifully Hannah. Together.

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  13. I love this idea. When I was going through a rough time, even I got tired of my negative comments. So when I start to say something negative, I forced myself to say something funny instead. Just making myself laugh makes me feel better. I like the bracelets. You can see how positive you are being.

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    1. Yeah I am looking forward to the bracelets Heidi. Nervous to see myself but excited.

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  14. Negatizing. VERY COOL. I'm gonna steal it or OHHHH Deb!!!! Lets make a whole dictionary of new sublimicious words together!!!! :D

    Its amazing how our thoughts sync I was giving billions of shout outs to Seana today. I resumed reading the book she recommended "Power of Now". A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!. Seana I'm sending big virtual hugs and kisses for suggesting that wonderful book. And HOLY CREATOR OF THE FLIPPIN GINORMOUS UNIVERSE do I love this bracelet technique. Or Bracenique...Nice. It is ABSOLUETLY amazing and SOOO CLEVER. I am soooooooo gonna try it. I have a similar technique. But mine includes running like roadrunner to the computer and typing away like Courage the cowardly dog. The moment I get a negative thought very strong one. I ZOOOOPPPPPP to the computer and do the "going general" process. Or if I'm outside I literally pause myself for a few seconds and go general feel the relief or just be aware of where I am, look around feel the present. (the last technique is from the book Power of Now. Ohhh Seana I love you!) This way I dont feel bad about feeling negative because Ive already brought the situation in a better feeling place and I can distract from it easily which allows it to dissipate from my experience. Whaddaya think?

    I'm in the middle of 2 processes right now. So much fun. One is affirming for 40 days and meditating for a month (meditated without fail for 7 days now. Feels amazing) and now the bracenique...HAPPINESS HERE I COME!! Oh wait you're right here.

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    1. I am so happy/jealous for your mediation. I will get there when I can.

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  15. I promise to figure out WHY the reply link is not working on my laptop!!! meanwhile......in response to Eileen...Thanks for the response. Agreed! I'm just concerned that because they live with a negative parent, they will naturally take this behavior to adulthood. I'd like to attempt to help that this habit is not theirs to fix later. Just as an example, when we are in the car driving home from soccer, far too often, they complain about someone; the ref, opposing teammates etc. I give them about 2 minutes and then tell them I've heard enough. They can't control the others behavior anyway so I let them vent but they need to let it go. I just think there's a fine line between letting them vent and watching them become compulsive complainers. It's very important to me. One less thing for them to have to work on later when they are adults and bad habits are even harder to break!!! haha

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    1. Lana everything you said resonated with me. You really nailed it for yourself and for many of us I am sure.

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  16. Souzan from Vancouver, BCJanuary 16, 2013 at 2:41 PM

    This is crazy awesome! Wow, Sean'a, serious props to you and hubby for such dedicated follow-through with this, it's very inspiring!

    This is something I absolutely want to try, and see what conclusions I come to in a months time! Deb, along with the photos you've already promised, could we possibly have an update after you've tried this exercise for a length of time?
    >:) then you'd also have no way out of doing it, muahahah!

    Jokes aside, I love the steps you are taking in controlling your own happiness and energy, Deb. You have my full support and adoration behind you, xoxo

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    1. Thanks Souzan. I am going to start this week and I will keep you guys HONESTLY posted. xo

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  17. OHHHHHHH I'd like to share a technique too. I got this beautiful gift from a friend, this wonderful clay heart which she made specially for me!! I did a video about it on FB as well. The trick is to keep the heart or as we call it the 'gratitude rock' next to our bed. So everytime we see it we hold it in our hand and think about something we're grateful for. You find some small rock, any rock will do or anything that is precious to you.(the pebbles you collect will be amazing for this Deb!) You just have to thank something or appreciate something or someone whenever you see that rock. you hold it in your hand and feel the grateful feeling or the appreciation. That way we enhance the positivity in our lives. Its simple and cute. And because its right next to your bed, chances are you'll appreciate/thank before ending your day and before starting your day. Cool, right? What do you think?

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  18. Love such simple ideas to solve our everyday problems :)

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  19. aslkdfdjasd....Seana, you and your hubs are BRILLIANT! Seriously! So many awesome sauce ideas!!! Y'all know I HATE negative energy/people, etc...just DO NOT TOLERATE IT! At all. Period. End of story.

    For me, I've been listening to peppy upbeat music in the morning. Gets me going. And if I read something negative on Fb, hear something, etc, I just ignore it and move on! Ain't nobody got time for that! But sometimes I do get bogged down with difficult circumstances, disappointments, crappy attitudes, etc. Need a good physical reminder to just nip it in the bud! :)

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  20. Whatever keeps you going Holly, whatever keeps you going!

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