Friday, January 11, 2013

You Know You Have a Happy Secure Relationship When...


Deb: We were celebrating our anniversary a couple of days ago. We checked into our hotel and went to the roof bar for a bite of lunch. It is a cosy little leather-couched bar, right out of the 1940’s. Roaring fireplace, great view of our lovely city.

An actor came in who we know and adore and walked over to chat with us before starting his business meeting. After he re-joined his party, our conversation went like this:

Me: Dear Lord, he is unbelievably handsome!

A pause as my husband looked over at him.

Husband: I KNOW!!!  It was all I could think about the entire time he was talking to us!

We laughed and resumed holding hands across the table. I thought it was a great example of a secure and loving 23-year marriage. We laughed about the exchange the rest of the day.

For the record, Mr. Sweet and Handsome was Allan Hawco, a great Canadian actor writer and producer. His show on CBC is called Republic of Doyle.

Barbara: Love this so much! It reminds me of this:

Flashback to the second year of my mad love affair with my now-husband. I am all of 18. We are watching the movie Sabrina in the basement den with his family. Audrey Hepburn lights up the screen in scene after scene. Finally:

Future Husband: She’s so beautiful.
Me: (Utter silence. I slowly cross my arms in front of my chest and squish my lips together into lemon-sucking tightness. For several hours, I refuse to speak another word to him.)

Yup, the difference between then and now.

68 comments:

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    1. Funny is right! Barb you describe that look so well.....18, together since 18, now that is really lovely!

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  2. Improv at its finest...you gave a bold offer, Colin accepted and ran with it!

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    1. True Eileen. Except I think Colin was about to say what I said but I simply said it first!

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  3. That is a very sweet story, Deb. And it sounds like you had a wonderful anniversary, too. Your happy marriage gives me hope that I can have something similar (when I'm ready to settle down). And Barb, your cute tale of not being secure in your relationship yet at the tender age of 18 makes the story even sweeter in contrast.

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    1. Thanks Hannah and yes Barb I loved that story. Oh yes, I used to do the crossed arms and the pinched lips. OH yes I did!

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  4. I hope you all had a wounderful,anniversary.

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  5. You've captured it so well! Happy anniversary, Deb.

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  6. GOOD LORD HE'S HANDSOME!!!!!! *staring at Allan Howco's picture*

    Barb!!! YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!! your story was just soooooo adorable!!!!!! Your story always makes me swoon. College sweethearts, madly in love...been together for over 30 years!! Wow!!!

    Deb, you know how much I adore your marriage (in detail after you watched the "you're so cute" video I sent to you. Thats exactly how I react ya know)

    I have to say....Its like FEELING love when I see you two together. I can FEEL the closeness and trust and unconditional love you both share. Its sooo sublime, I cant even imagine how wonderful it must be to be in such a relationship and where every moment brings those ripples and goosebumps on the soul. It must be extremely irresistible to love someone sooo deeply and get even more love in return. Its soooo DELICIOUS!!! I cry many times....I just feel happy and alive and I look at you two. It makes me feel assured that that TRUE LOVE that I am seeking is out there and I can get it too. (Allan Howco is married apparently...but OH WELL! Ive still got Nathan and Jensen ;) )
    Can't wait for the day when I'll share my true love story of me and my "Colin" (He beats everyone. Nathan and Jensen too. ;))

    P.S. Speaking of your anniversary... I know this is technically your 25 anniversary.... And I'm preparing a "virtual" gift for you two. Yeah SURPRISE!!!!! I'll let you know when its done.... And I'll present it to you through skype. :)

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    1. Thanks Shalaka! Just to be clear though, this was only our 23rd anniversary!!!

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    2. Yeah...I know...I meant since youve been together ;)

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  8. That's sweet. You both are so lucky to have found each other. Maybe someday...

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    1. You will Kelly, you WILL!

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    2. Thanks. :] Reading things like this give me hope!

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  9. Oh. Oooooooooh. Oh, my. *looks at Allan Howco's picture again* Oh, heavens. *fans self* Oh, Lawdamercy! He is...... mmmmmmm...... *stares at picture some more* He's no Nathan Fillion, but, still....... OH, YUM. Allan Howco is a whole lotta wow. Oh. My. Gosh.

    Is he single? Is he straight?

    Ooooohhh.... he is definitely a source of some warm tingliness. Oh, my, yes. Yes, indeed.

    Wow.

    That said, your Colin is quite handsome, too! :) But, he's so perfectly yours, and y'all are the most beautiful and perfect kind of together. So, it's nighbouts impossible to think of Colin in that light.

    *goes back to staring at Allan Howco* Work of art, that man is. Oh, he does have an effect, doesn't he?

    Wow.

    I'll get around to making a coherent comment on here at some point today but, at the moment, I'm quite, ummmm, distracted. I must now Google the tar out of this man.

    There's something else I'd like to the tar out of this man, but anyway...

    Oh, my. Y'all do grow them awful fine up there.



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    1. Allan is straight and just got married at Christmas. Frankly he is way better looking in person than in pictures. And Yes my husband is very handsome. Love his handsome face!!!

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  10. He is adorable but your marriage speaks to fun and truth. I love Barb's response. Both marriages work. Cute story.

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    1. I was so jealous at the beginning too! Glad those days are over!!!

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  11. Deb - I wasn't sure how to take Colin's response - with his humor, I could see it being total sarcasm or maybe he was agreeing with you. Either way, such a positive and happy response. I really hope to get the chance to see you two on stage together!!! Have you read the 50 Shades books? If so, what did you think? I read the first 2 and 10 pages of the third and stopped and took all 3 brand new books up to the library to donate haha. I just could NOT tolerate the drama and senseless and often juvenile bickering between the two. It drained me!!! Barb - Your memory of your young relationship is so right on. I always remember being so impressed with women who DIDN"T respond that way!!! haha I am happy that you (and I for that matter) changed over time and grew and matured - not everyone does you know. Completely off topic, if I could just share.......I was taking my kidlets to school a couple of days ago and I'm not really a morning person and stay up way too late at night and was very tired. We live in the city of Woodstock and in the short drive to their schools, I passed MANY snowmen in yards and it totally changed my tired, glum attitude. In fact, I laughed out loud at a few! I wanted to go back out later in the day and take pics of them but didn't - and now they are melted. : ( Have a lovely weekend!!!!!

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    1. Aw, love that you shared the snowman story, Lana. It reminds me of the FB post of the "biggest" snowman, somewhere in Canada last week. Absolutely made me happy.

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    2. Lana he was dead serious! One of the reasons I knew I could say it. There was nothing sarcastic about his comment. That's the whole point of the story, that we were both besotted with Allan. It was so funny! Love the snowmen. have not read fifty shades.

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    3. ahhh - sorry I missed that. Could have gone either way for me since I LOVE sarcasm. A win win either way in my book. : )

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    4. this is the thee way the net does a disservice to people in general . you can;t hear the tone of voice comments are made in . i admit i also had a similar reaction to Lana's comment . glad to see i was wrong !

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    6. Glad I could clear it up. Linda you are so right about hearing the tone of voice on the internet. Has gotten me in a lot of trouble.

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  12. love this. Deb's and Barb's. And, oh, Allan.....................! :)

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  13. Love this story. Allan Hawco!!!! Allan Hawco! He's so gorgeous!!! And an amazing actor. Love Republic of Doyle. Okay, so I missed the whole point of the story. But Allan Hawco!! - Anne

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    1. So funny Anne! I'm sure the point is in your head somewhere! :-)

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  14. Deb, thanks for the great laugh this morning.

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  15. Good God he is handsome!!! that is such a great observation of a great marriage. xo

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    1. He is isn't he Denny! And thanks.

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  16. Oh yes a very good looking man.
    Your story sounds like me and my husband last night. We took my Mom out to a local dinner theatre and at one point a character whips of his glasses and jacket to reveal quite the toned and rather sexy body underneath and outloud I said "oh, hello" and my husbands response in a fairly camp tone of voice was "indeed".
    I love that level of comfort and faith in a relationship. I think it's one of those things that makes the difference between a good marriage and a great one. Congrats on 23 years of great marriage!

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    1. I agree Erin! I love "oh Hello!"

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  17. Souzan Rezai from Vancouver, BCJanuary 11, 2013 at 1:13 PM

    I shouldn't have clicked on the link to Allan before responding, because I completely forgot what I was going to say...
    Luckily, I read through the comments and as soon I read 'straight and married' it all came rushing me back to me. It all came sad, sad, sadly rushing back to me...

    I love this. I love both stories because it helps those of us at the Eff-Audrey-Hepburn phase take solace that we will reach the Mutual-Adoration-Of-Attractive-People phase (who of COURSE ran off and married undoubtedly other attractive people. sigh.)
    In my first year of Uni, I fell in love with my best friend, a film student. My first real love, and yay for me, we were best friends! Yes of COURSE that sentence was riddled with sarcasm. No, I'm not bitter.. ;)
    I was the costume/hair/make-up designer for his first project, and of COURSE it involved a throw back noir detective with a bunch of beautiful girls looking beautiful. I was in theatre, and brought in a bunch of beautiful actor girls for the shoot, and when he needed one girl to be particularly beautiful, I recommended my girlfriend at that time, Lee-Anne. Of COURSE her name was Lee Anne.
    We were walking to somewhere, discussing the film, and I was multitasking being intelligent, and telling my heart to calm the fuck down. (Side bar: those are two of the most difficult things to accomplish at the same time, aren't they?.)We serendipitously ran into Lee Anne one her way to somewhere, so I got to fortuitously introduce the two in that moment. I'm pretty sure Lee Anne's hair was blowing in the wind, and that she was backlit with a warm angelic glow-- but this was a while ago so my memory could be fuzzy... Needless to say, once we parted ways with her, my film student turned me and "Wow, she's gorgeous! You're totally right, she's perfect."

    She was "prefect" and I got to be "totally right" about it.
    A few days later, I went back and collected my heart off the ground...

    Congratulations on your 23 years of inspiring marriage, Deb! After reading Colin's post of the 4 way you guys had (I believe last year?) I can honestly say he knew from the beginning that you were perfect. And he was totally right about it.


    so much love,
    Souz

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    1. Ouch. You definitely navigated the whole "I'm so cool as your friend, aren't I?" thing. Hats off. That said, am sending nurturing hugs to your heart. Also hats off to your ability to turn heartache into a damn compelling story!

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    2. Wow Souz what a story. "A few days later I went back and collected my heart off the ground.". Perfect. And thanks for the anniversary wishes.

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    3. Souz this is my reply to what you posted on the other day's blog.

      Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
      Yes what you wrote definitely helps and I appreciate it. It answered some questions I was having and set me in the right direction. The rest is up to me now. Thanks again Souz <3.

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    4. Souzan Rezai from Vancouver, BCJanuary 11, 2013 at 10:42 PM

      I am so happy I could help in any way, Kelly! You are whole-heartedly welcome. If you have any questions you ever want to ask, or just want another ear to bounce ideas off of, feel free to email me privately. Deb and Barb have my info, and are free to give it to you. Good luck, Kelly, and (as is evident by this beautiful, wonderful, just fucking awesome blog) you are not remotely alone.

      xo
      Souz

      Barb: Thank you for the hug! The story was from a long time ago, and I promise I have since moved on, but happily accept the hug as I never got to have one at the time!

      Deb: :) Thank you. I swear I meant the story to be wry and funny, but (as somehow ALWAYS happens when I think I'm retelling a funny story) it came out sad? Oh well, Lee Anne turned out to be a bit of a prat, and the film student turned out to be a...well. >:)
      Let's just say I didn't lose all that much in the long run...

      xo

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  18. Deb, your relationship with Colin has taught me something about myself... inspired a level of maturity, if you will. I can drop the selfish feelings and feel genuinely happy that someone I really care about is genuinely happy. Thank you.

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    1. By the way, you have wonderful taste in men! Yowza!

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  19. All relationships should have these moments. <3

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    1. Kelly, in case you check back here, but not back at Transformation as Depression, Souz has added more interesting thoughts to your comment. Didn't want you to miss it, in case it helps!

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    2. Gonna go check it out now. thanks for the heads up.

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  20. Is Colin going to be on ROD? When Allan tweeted that he wanted to know who should guest on his show, my first choice was Colin.

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  21. Adriana C ContrerasJanuary 11, 2013 at 4:16 PM

    Dear Deb, thank you for sharing this, I enjoyed reading it and I am very happy for you. I am in my forth year of marriage and I hope that in 20 years I will be as happy as you are.
    I wish you both more happiness and a great year 2013. xox

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    1. you will be Adriana! Just takes loving work.

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  22. Oh wow... he is, isn't he?! A very Happy Anniversary to you both. xo

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  23. Hah. I love how Colin reacted because that's exactly what I would do. :)
    Again, Happy Anniversary :3

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  24. I swear Garrett it was his honest reaction. I think people think he was just going along but he felt the same way I did! Honest!!!

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    1. Lol. he certainly is a unique one...Love it :)

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  25. Once again I cannot get the reply button to work - have tried for over 30 min. Anyway, I meant nothing offensive or negative even, with my term "sarcasm". I just wasn't sure if he was joking or serious that's all. And as I said, either way, I found it an enlightening and funny response. : ) Sorry.

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    1. Oh my goodness Lana I did not think you meant anything at all negative. I am just realizing that because I was actually there and knew the intent that I was sure people would get it. But so many have misunderstood and thought Colin was hurt or covering or sarcastic and I totally understand now how anyone could think that. The irony is that he was thinking exactly what I was thinking. That was the whole joke and I am now realizing that I did not convey this. Not your fault. Not anyone's fault.

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  26. So glad your time together was lovely, Deb. And Colin...love his response.

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  27. Groovy Deb : ) Now if I can just get my computer to load properly, I might someday be able to use the reply feature.

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  28. IMDB indeed!!
    Tsk!
    I'll "see" your American webpage and "raise you" one Canadian:
    http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.com/articles/allan-aw-hawco
    :)
    Happy Anniversary Deb and Colin; and Barb -- I've started reading but want to finish completely before responding.

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    1. As you should, Kate! Thanks xo

      And, Yes, rah for the link to TCE!! Check it out, people.

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  29. You and Colin are two very special people who were lucky enough to find each other and create perfection. I said it earlier but you make me believe in soulmates. Sam and I were like that and for that reason I don't bother to try to recreate it. It was what it was and I shall always cherish and remember but you can not reach perfection twice. I'm thankful I get to be this tiny part of something so precious and that you two are exactly who you are! XOXO

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