Friday, October 19, 2012

Life Lessons From Writing Lessons


Barbara: I am taking the most wonderful, creative and inspiring writing course right now with Michel Basilieres (writer of the magnificent Black Bird). One of the fundamental writing lessons he is teaching us, a lesson he reiterates over and over in case we forget it (because we do forget it over and over) which, in my humble opinion, also happens to be a fundamental life lesson is: no matter what you do, you are NEVER EVER “wasting your time”.

It’s a funny obstacle many writers have that if you see that something in your writing isn’t working, you have this tremendous sense of frustration and fatigue, ennui even, and usually high levels of resistance to the idea that you might need to start over again. Maybe you need to throw something away that you’ve slaved over. Or maybe you need to accept that something you’ve really attached yourself to, creatively and emotionally, just isn’t working the way you thought/hoped/imagined. The crux of this discovery, either your own for yourself or from an outside eye, is that it feels like a rejection of you and your work. You may feel stupid (how could I have missed/written that?). You may feel angry (fuck you, you don’t know what you’re talking about!). You may even feel you want to just pack it in and give up. And let me just be blunt about that: if you do actually pack it in and give up, then you didn’t care enough about that dream/idea/creation. Because, like in life, anything that really matters to you, anything that is deep and meaningful and spiritually important takes an extraordinary investment of time. Like, maybe even all the time you have…

Every writer has a point (or many points along the way) where they have to take stock and make adjustments. We all know the famous quote about writing being 10% writing and 90% re-writing. Writers often get writer’s block because they are consumed with this anxiety that if they don’t get it JUST RIGHT the first time, the work they’ve toiled over will go to scrap, so rather than do “wrong” work, they don’t do any work at all.

For all you writers out there, here’s the best news: every single word you write—whether it “survives” or does not—gives you something enormous: it might teach you about the craft, it might open up a story path you hadn’t considered and will still use, it might produce a sentence or a character or an idea that would never otherwise have been born. Nothing you create when you sit down to create is useless.

And, as I considered the truth of this lesson, the importance of it, I realized all of life is like this. We all have experiences and moments that we kind of chuck into the garbage after they’re done (well, that’s over, thank god), and then we find ourselves facing the same kind of experience or moment over and over and we sigh and wail and throw up our hands (no, not that again!). But every one of our dreary life experiences also carries the seeds of life lessons embedded within. And, I think, if we pay attention and reflect, we can certainly find the creative genius in those challenges, and that the residual effect is specifically valuable and true to us.

There is no waste of time in the mountains of balled up, cast-off pages landing in the trash, and there is no waste of time in the things we do that don’t end up so pretty and perfect. We are all… wait for it … you know it’s coming … works in progress.


Deb: I LOVE THIS POST! All the stuff I know but needed to be reminded of. Barb, you and I know firsthand how this is. We have written and rewritten our scripts over and over and then over again. We always had the same can-do spirt about it, I think, based on this philosophy. But as Barb knows I am trying to write this kid's book that has been in my head forever and I NEEDED this lovely and positive reminder. Thanks, Barb. Thanks, Barb’s teacher!

32 comments:

  1. So many people I know that need to hear that. Thanks for sharing this! Very insightful! :D

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    1. I was going to write a nice long comment but half way through I thought, "What the heck!" So didn't bother..

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    2. Thanks for the laugh, Nobby!

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  2. Loved this Barbara and I couldn't agree more. I am my sharpest critic but sometimes I just have to let it go or go with the flow and put out something that is good enough and be surprised by the response it gets. Good enough is good enough and nothing is perfect, ever..

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    1. Well, ain't that the truth?! Although I do like to get things to "good enough" :)

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  3. Thanks for the reminder. I am still in the process of revamping my own business. There have been days I thought, why am I doing all of this? What if it fails? I have to keep reminding myself, what if I don't do this? I will never know what I can accomplish?
    Heidi

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    1. I am so excited for you and your new biz, Heidi. If ever a person needed a reminder to not give up, it's the person starting a business!! Good luck!

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  4. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS...AND I LOVE YOU MORE!!!!! Gosh this is sooo delicious!

    Yes we are!! We are all works in progress... Everything happens for a reason. Every mistake we make NOW....is making our future more...ripe and juicy and delicious! Because its refining our skills!!! This is very helpful for me too coz I'm stuck with my painting. And when I say stuck I mean Ive stopped deliberately. I like prepaving before I work. And I am busy with other stuff (Almost over with my entrance exams prep...giving them In the first week of Nov) so I am not doing everything at once.

    This is really really really what we need to remember....THERE ARE NO MISTAKES!! Theres just learning! And.....Oh this is sooo good. Ya know how you said we go through stuff and then we are like "PHEW! OVER AT LAST!" and then it comes around and we are all "OHH FUCK!!!" again. Thats because Our mindset still expects it! We havent got outta the chain! We have to break it. We tend to think about it even after its done! And ohhh expecting things to happen plays such an important role too! We get what we expect. I have a friend who is working on her book too...just like you girls. And she was stuck for a while.(I think it was just around when you were having that block..we talked on facebook I remember) And we tried to soothe it. I helped her go general..and everything. But thats writers block was sooo in her face. She felt given up. And then one day she decided she was gonna write 10 pages. she sat in front of her computer and said "Universe, I know that I know what I have to write....I'm gonna start....you take care of the rest!" and she DID write 10 pages that day...and Good work...not "what am I writing?!??!" kinda work! Because she knew it would happen. She expected it to happen! HOW COOL IS THAT???
    I LOVE it when it happens!

    And Like I said we just have to trust and let go......and it works itself out! Happens with my paintings.

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    1. Beautiful, S! Love when that happens. Also, I love the whole calmness around "paving the way" for creative work. Real artist's block is not being able to work when you want to (like your friend), but often real art needs some percolating time before you can even start. And that IS working!

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  5. Yay Barb! This is RIGHT where I am, so it feels like you wrote this just for me (thank you!). AND, you wrote it so beautifully. I have been procrastinating writing projects (screen and sketch) because I'm always fighting with little miss perfect. She's such a bitch! I'm going to save this post and read it every morning.

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    1. Aw, so sweet, Eileen. I probably did write it just for you!! Let go of both ideas if you can, the idea of perfection and the idea that you're possibly wasting time. I bet you will get right back on track!

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  6. Love this post Barb! It fits perfectly with the change I am attempting to make in my attitude and the way I've been thinking about many things including writing. I admit I'd hit a low spot, a down deep in a hole don't want to come out to hell with seeking the sun kind of low. I'd come to the conclusion that nothing I did was worth doing. From commenting on my favorite blogs, to writing my own or even getting in touch with friends to cheer me up it all felt useless. I know what triggerred it but I didn't know what to do about it so I did nothing. I still don't know what to do or feel but I've started to realise that doing nothing is the worst choice to make in life. Nothing gets us nowhere and all nothing was doing was making me feel worse.
    I've had a few people this week remind me of that and so the message is really starting to get through. You're right it's not just in writing all of life is like this.

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    1. Isn't it amazing when we collect a bunch of reminders all in the same time-frame? This has also just happened to me -- which really convinced me to write this post. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been down in the dumps, but I hope you'll keep "working" at stuff, whatever that is. You are such a great person and such a treasure here that I want to make sure you know that even down you produce up-ness :)

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  7. Reason number 6 million 50 that I love you. There is so much wisdom in this post, and not just about writing. Natalie Goldberg says that if you want to write well, you must be willing to write the worst shit in the world. Why? Because if you aren't willing to go through the WHOLE process (ever notice how focused we are on the end product)? then you won't allow the foundational beginning and middle--the the parts that set up and hold up the ending. The creative process, no matter what it is--writing, art, LIVING--is a triad--beginning middle and end--and what we forget is that it is not linear--it's a circuitous process, so that we are always somewhere on that circle. And ultimately, what are we rushing for anyway? the process is the stuff of life itself--why wish it away? xo

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    1. Reason number 6 million 50 that I LOVE YOU, LORI! Perfect explanation :) <3 xoxo

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    2. Oh yes, yes, YES!! (I'll have what she's having ;) ) So so so love this, Lori! As always.

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  8. Was writing a paper for school and was stuck on how to drag it out another two pages......Then I came here! Not sure if this is what it was intended for but I am using this lesson towards my research paper : )

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    1. Yes, it WAS intended!! Glad you got the message, Kelly ;)

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  9. Yeah, great post! I don't have anything to add - I'll just agree with everything you say!
    This post did remind me of one of my favourite quotes: "Even when you fall on your face, you're still moving forward." To me, this means the same, that no experience is ever wasted - even the mistake-y, not-perfect experience is valuable. Only you put it much more eloquenty :-)

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    1. Oh and - very glad to hear you're having such a great time with the writing course!

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    2. I quite like how you've put it, Margo! And thanks for the laugh re the "fall on your face" quote. That's a keeper!

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  10. I wouldn't consider myself as a writer...but I do write a lot...and I know that feeling. I'm often so impatient (because I really want to achieve something...and I've waited long enough)...and I want to do it perfectly. And then at some point, I just don't like it, and don't want to continue. Or the thought of rewriting stuff frightens me.

    And I guess, it shows how I am. I'm often scared to make decisions, and try out new things. I'm sometimes displeased with myself, and have huge doubts...

    Maybe I should try to be more positive (yeah..it sounds so easy).

    At least I always try to not give up my "work" completely...

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    1. I think, from my own experience, it's way easier to keep working than to be positive. Because "being positive" means reflecting on your work, and that can be tricky and convoluted. But working -- there's the grace! It's just that. Without judgement, good or bad. So instead of doubting, just keep writing. And if you get negative feedback, keep working again. Trust me, you really won't regret it!

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    2. Sounds like a great plan! Will do that! :) Thanks. xoxo

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  11. I needed to read this post, Barb! Writing is one of my passions, but I'm a born perfectionist so I find it really hard to let things go. I have to remind myself that writing is a journey and no one ever gets it right first time. You have to push through, even when you're not feeling it, and never give up. Here's some relevant quotes that I've collected:

    'The only difference between a published and unpublished writer is a tolerance for imperfection.'

    'Perfection belongs to the Gods; the most we can hope for is excellence.'

    'Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.' - Samuel Beckett

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    1. Excellent, excellent quotes, Roz! thank you. More for my wall :)

      I kinda expected that when I wrote this, the writers would relate. So many writers I know (and don't know!) talk about this. But I think we all need the reminder to keep at it, ya know??? Let us do that, shall we?

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  12. First time commenter here - I just discovered your blog (and started one of my own) yesterday. I've been feeling frustrated at what I've perceived as wasted time - ready to go off on a grand adventure, but agreeing to abide by doctor's orders and wait until he declares me healed enough to travel.
    Barbara, you're so right that nothing we do is wasted. I worry so much about wasting time, wasting effort, wasting paper, that I don't produce nearly as much creative output as I could if I just stopped worrying. I have beautiful sketchbooks that I don't use because I don't want to mar their pages with mistakes. I have a set of paintbrushes that I bought in China, that I haven't used because I don't want to ruin them before I've learned how to use them the Chinese way. And I have my old blog, that I didn't write in because it was supposed to be about THIS subject, but I felt like writing about THAT subject, and so I didn't write at all.
    And now, as I wait impatiently to leave on my grand adventure, I will do those things that I didn't want to do for fear of wasting effort or time or paper. And hopefully I can turn that into a habit of doing what I enjoy, and who cares about whether the effort was wasted or not? I sat in on an art workshop the other day, and the instructor said, every artist needs to make thousands of mistakes to get to a place where they can create something great. So why wait? Make your mistakes early and often.
    Thanks for the ideas, and I look forward to reading your blog often and participating in this nice community you have in the comments, if I may invite myself.
    Hannah

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    1. Hannah, we would love love love to have you here!! This forum is nothing without the back-and-forth that Deb and I thrive on, so welcome!! Your comments basically describe the years I stalled (between 16 and 35), where I was too paralyzed by doubt and insecurity to go back to my first true creative love -- writing. I wish now that I hadn't wasted that time. THAT was a waste of time, NOT doing anything!! Everything I've written since has had its moments of grace and its mountains of crap. BUT I can always wade through the crap to pluck out that grace. Most importantly, the lessons of doing, the practice of doing and the -- nothing else like -- transcendence of doing! Have fun and ... just do it :) xoxo

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    2. I can't say I haven't produced anything - I wrote seven published textbooks - but I haven't let myself do anything creative. I feel as if non-fiction is something I can do, but fiction, well, others are already doing that better than I could. And besides, where would I find a publisher, and who do I know in those circles, and hasn't every good story already been written...
      Well, it's nice to hear you were in that slump and pulled yourself out of it - I'm 32, so maybe I can un-stall myself soon enough. I have dozens of good ideas for travel guides and food writing and children's books. I just need to start writing and painting and go.
      Hannah

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    3. And all that non-fiction writing is great for the practice and discipline and even financial security, etc, so you're already halfway there! I think the next step -- and you know this, I can see that -- is letting go of all the end result stuff (like who would read it and publishers) and just let go and let yourself write creatively, no expectations. That other stuff can come when it's ready to to come.

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  13. This is indeed so true! I remember this when I was doing my Bachelors, and I had to rewrite it all the time. I wasn't happy with it in the end, but I got my degree and that was enough. I am not a writer by any means, although I once dreamed of it. (I have dreamed of being almost anything and everything, so to pursuite my dreams would be a real hassle ;) )

    The Saga of me is definately still working progress although (my new favourite word)the first two books are definately done and first few chapters of the third book has been written. I refer it as being written, but it feels to me more like I am the one doing the reading. Also in this saga the rewriting part is quite not an option :)) I am just happy that I am able to follow one dream at the time (well two at the moment). I am able to study my Master's degree and travel. Ultimate job for me would be something where I could travel. I can't be a pilot because of my bad eyesight and can't be a flight attendant because I am too short.

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