Monday, November 19, 2012

Rewarded


Deb: There is someone in my life whom I have loved for as long as I can remember.  This person happens to be one of the kindest people I have ever known. She has been that way all her life. I am not going to say who as I do not want to invade her privacy to the world. Some may know who I am referring to, but that’s okay because they know her story.

The phrase “late bloomer” comes to mind when I think of her. She has always been very bright, very attractive, and very skilled. The one constant win she has had in her life has been her job, which she loves and which she is good at. The rest of her life has been fraught with challenges. When I say challenges I mean that she has had unfortunate and consistent bad luck. Beyond bad luck. Heartbreaking misfortune. 

She suffered in an emotionally abusive marriage for years that she struggled to make work until she could no longer ignore the obvious. She did not want to make a move away from the marriage because of her children and their very special needs. Finally she realized that it must be done for all their sakes and so she ended the long marriage. Each time I saw her deal with huge adversity, I would marvel at her absolute lack of judgment, vengefulness, or self-pity.  She seemed always to be able to deal with everything with grace. Even in the middle of extremely trying times, she would infuse beauty into the sadness or ugliness she was ploughing through. She has inherited this grace through her Mother, long gone and missed but who had enough grace to see her through the long life she did not get to have.

When my friend settled into her new life, she found her way to online dating, and I am sure endured some naysaying around that. I think online dating is a great way to replace meeting someone at the church social. So she went for it, and she did have to kiss a few frogs who, unfortunately, refused to turn into Princes. One night when we were having dinner, the memory of her last frog fresh in her mind, we discussed the subject of her continuing with online dating. This was when I saw the best example of her spirit. She said hell, yeah, she would keep going. She told me that she wanted romance and that she deserved romance and she was holding firm to the idea that someone was out there for her. She was right.

After many years, she has found him. And he has found her. It is a stunning relationship. They have a new bright happy home and a wedding a few months away at which I will dance with joy. I never would have thought my friend could acquire more grace than she already possessed. I didn’t count on her loving fianc√© adding his.

Happily ever after.

Barbara: I do love stories like this, Deb! Thanks so much for sharing it. When you reach a certain age, you see your fair share of romance-gone-bad, which, for some reason seems harsher and more frustrating than when you’re young and it feels more like it’s “part and parcel” and/or “just a matter of time”. It’s tough to listen to friends go through the whole dating/bad marriage thing, online or off, and wade through frog after frog after frog (yes, there are female frogs, too). And, of course, frogs are also relative.

So it’s a relief to be reminded that, if you are open to the journey, if you are bright and ready for it, ready for heartache, heartbreak, helplessness, and hell (not “literally” ready, but not scared off at the very whiff of it), you will also find yourself available to joy and discovery and connection and love. It CAN happen. Because relationships, even the great ones, aren’t effortless, so you might as well get some practice out on the field, know what I mean?

Even if I’m not in the dating pool, this is still a refreshing and positive example for me to share with my friends who are. Yay, love!

46 comments:

  1. What a lovely story!!! I gives me hope....I am so glad your friend has found love and happiness, sounds like it is very well deserved.

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  2. Awww! I do like such stories. And I dont know who she is...but she totally deserves it. I can tell that this is gonna be 10 times better than she wouldve imagined ever! Because she DESERVES IT! I agree with Barb. And after being in negativity for the last few days Ive realized that everything happens for a reason. I did say "BULLSHIT!!" to that when I was going through the bad stuff. But we realize it when we reach the other side and find the thing we were looking for. I havent found it yet. and I still feel sure about it. Well, I can drown in the wave or I can surf on it....I choose to surf!!!

    Its funny I was talking to my friend about relationships yesterday. (And Deb you might like this story...It involves you and Colin.) So, my friend and I were talking about moving to GTA and well how we'll manage things and blah blah blah. And I remembered this woman. She is a healer and she has visions. She sort of gets a sense of your soul. I didnt believe it at first but when she told me how I was feeling inside when I talked to her daughter... over skype....from Germany. I sort of started believing. She told me the other day..that a part of why I was getting such a strong calling to move to Toronto...and TORONTO only....was because my "PRINCE CHARMING" is waiting for me there. and I had that feeling. So...I mentioned this to my friend yesterday. HE started asking me about the kinda guy I would settle down with....and OBVIOUSLY...I said a little taller version of NATHAN FILLION.. and then as we talked I concluded... "So, in short he has to be like a little taller version of Nathan Fillion or Colin Mochrie" (Colin being the preference...but Nathan too..I couldnt decide!). And my friend was like "No you gotta pick one" So my answer was "I'll pick Colin over Nathan...ANYTIME....but..Only if he believes that I'm his Deb McGrath." :) I meant it!! I swear!
    so Prince Charming here I come!!! You better be tall...and know how to cook!

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    1. I love that Shalaka! And I especially like "you better be tall and know how to cook!'

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    2. Love your story, Shalaka! I would choose Colin too! ;)

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    3. I knew you'd understand my dilemma with cooking. Takes one to know one! ;)

      Steph!! Thanks!!! I know....Colin beats everyone!

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    4. Not sure there is a prince charming but there is someone for everyone.

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    5. I think there is a Prince Charming Madge! I think it goes both ways. I think the gal has to be a princess charming too! :-)

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    6. Perfectly said Deb! Perfectly said! I SOOOOOO believe that!

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    7. Still not sure that is a truism. :) But, after kissing a million frogs, I would just like a good guy-no prince need apply.:)

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    8. I am so happy for your "friend" Dad always said everything comes to she who waits.
      So worth it!

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  3. Lovely, heartfelt story. Although I am looking for my prince, I am not really dating at the moment. I am focused on getting my degree because, for once in my life, I am putting myself first.
    Great story to start the week off with, Deb!

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  4. I'm glad Steph! I think it's great that you are focused on your career right now. One thing at a time is a good way to go isn't it? Love will find you when the time is right. I believe that.

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  5. I hate to damper the mood but I am convinced if you are looking for Prince Charming your goals are set too high. I believe there is someone for everyone but not necessarily a Price Charming but just a good solid person. Princes and princesses really don't exist.

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    1. Ahh Madge. When I say Prince charming...I mean exactly that. And I believe... we can get any kind of relationship we want. We just have to BELIEVE and trust. And it becomes our reality.

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    2. I actually have to say that I don't agree Madge. I have found mine and many of my friends have wonderful marriages!

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    3. Well, actually the fact that you have found yours is what makes me sure that I will fine mine, Deb! I totally believe...if you believe you can achieve!

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    4. Sadly most of my friends have not found theirs and their marriages are merely because the woman is afraid to be on her own. Settling and that is not what I will ever do again. Glad you found yours Deb, it gives me pause.

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    5. I'm glad it gives you pause Madgew because I have seen it all around. It is out there.

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  6. You know I feel I can relate to your friend but she is much braver than me. Since Sam died (yes 20 yrs ago) I have been too afraid and unwilling to risk ever enduring that kind of loss again. But maybe I should, maybe I'm missing something or someone that could make me feel whole again? Thank you for this post it makes me somewhat hopeful and all the best wishes for your friend Deb. Looking forward to Thanksgiving break!!!!

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    1. I totally understand Mary. I have a dear friend in the same boat but her loss is just under two years. She wants to experience love again. I think it's all about what is right for each person.

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  7. Deb, I think you friend is very lucky indeed and she deserves all the happiness this new life will give to her. I have tried the dating mode for many years and had many winners and losers. Had I married the 3 who asked I would now be divorced 4 times instead of just once. I think I just love myself way more than the men I have found.

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  8. It is wonderful to love oneself and you have a rich and full life Madge. If you are happy, that's all that matters. I love sharing my life but I know I would be happy alone too. Just hope I never have to experience it!

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    1. Deb, I think it is the ability to know you could do it on your own that is the key. It saves you from settling your whole life out of fear. You are blessed to have found your "One" and that it is so successful.

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    2. I wish for you to have exactly what you want. With Madge or with Madge plus one would make me very happy!

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  9. What a great way to start a Monday (well, technically mine started 4.5 hours ago)! And a great Thanksgiving story for those of us in the US celebrating this week. I love "Happily Ever After" stories and I believe in Prince Charming, too. I found mine and I'm so very grateful.

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  10. Deb,
    Great story. Having waited till the age of 43 to get married, then have it all crumble in just a year and a half. His doing. I had a hard time trusting or believing love could happen. It hasn't happened yet, I am in not rush. I do believe there are still Prince Charmings out there. If I didn't I would turn into a bitter man hater. Which I refuse to do. The hardest part of being divorced, was I was truly embarrassed to say I was divorced. But because of your wonderful introduction to Annette, I have a different outlook. She has told me to embrace the word "divorce." That when I go to McDonalds, I should say "I would like fries, and I am divorced." Even though I don't say it out loud I do tend to get a secret giggle now if I have to say the word divorce.
    Life really is a matter of perspective. Middle age is not the end. It is just that, the middle.
    Heidi

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    2. Heidi,
      Told you when you originally shared your reticence with me and will tell you again now...if the guy you were married to didn't see the special that is you...the hilarious, the supportive, the friendly, the creative, the kind, the adventurous, the decent...well then we're glad he skedaddled and took his coke bottle glasses with him for there are none so blind as those who won't see...We want a guy for you who sees and celebrates every special bit of you! And the middle is indeed the middle...with any luck...lots to go before the ending is written.
      As to Deb's friend, happy for her that life delivered on its infinite promise.

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    3. Perfect Annette. Perfect.

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  11. I love the happy ever after,storey. It sounds great. Best wishes to your friend Deb . I hope that she keeps haveing more dreams come true .

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    1. Thanks Lyndsie I always feel your sincere well wishes!

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  12. Hey Deb, a friend just shared this quote with me.I think you'll like it. (Seana, you'll DEFINITELY like this one!)

    “The minute I heard my first love story,
    I started looking for you, not knowing
    how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.” ― Rumi

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    1. Shalaka I adore this. Really. Thanks.

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  13. I'm not really looking for my prince charming right next now. I would be happy to come across him but like Shalaka and others I am looking after myself first. I will be doing what I want and hopefully he will be somewhere along the way. I'm in no hurry. If I don't meet him I don't think I'll regret living my life this way.

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    1. If we love ourselves, everything falls into place.

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  14. Sometimes I just need a wonderful heartfelt story to make my whole day happy! Thanks for sharing! Inspiring and just what I needed.

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  15. It's people like that who deserve a happy ending. Very happy she has found hers! :]

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  16. Deb, I'm thrilled your friend has found her kind of happiness. It may not be everyone's idea of paradise, but she has believed and fulfilled her dream and I wish her much love and peace.

    I did the on-line dating thing. Yep, lots of toads (not just frogs), but I did end up finding husband #2. That didn't work out. I'm not in a hurry for marriage #3. I want my own space first, enjoy that for a while.

    Right now I am not my version of a "catch" at the moment, and I don't want to subject someone I REALLY TRULY care about to the mess I currently am, and am in. I don't just have baggage, I have a storage unit, and I'm not happy enough yet to share that.



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  17. Dawn I understand what you are saying. I have had many moments in my life when I was not the catch, but I have to be honest and tell you that I was not always aware of that fact. You will know when you are ready to offer your best. Would that we all did.

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  18. I read the post. And, I read the comments. And, for some reason, I can't stop thinking about the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I don't know why.

    "I don't remember Frump Girl. But, I remember you."

    Oh, how I love that movie. *dreamy sigh*

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  19. I just watched that movie Rigel!

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