Friday, November 23, 2012

When Good Brows Go Bad


Deb: My eyebrows are antsy. Apparently no one told them they were lifers. As a result, they are trying to escape. Taking the cowards way out, they plot after hours, when I am asleep. Unlike the hairs on one’s head, eyebrow hairs do not suddenly stick up or fly away in broad daylight while you are looking in the mirror. Head hairs are the fair players we depend on them to be.

When you are losing head hair, you know it. It falls out. When your ends are splitting or your grey is growing, head hair is totally upfront about it. No so with the sneaky brows. They possess the stealth clandestine traits of Geisha who’s late for work.

I guess we should have known all along we couldn’t trust the brows. I mean, come on, look at how easily and swiftly the brow can change your emotions or express your thoughts. They are the Hal of facial parts. They are con artists, these brows. These shifty, funny, happy, crafty, devilish, sheepish, angry, pained, disappointed shape shifters.

The mistake we make, I fear, is the plucking. For at that point, just as we are reaching puberty and our bodies start to party, we start plucking the brows. Poor plucked bastards. And we pluck and we wax and we weave. And finally, with themselves raised, the tables turn. And now they are in control. We are hapless Keir Dulleas.

And while I sleep the vengeful brows are curling and twisting and reaching for the light, looking for the end of the tunnel. And when I wake up, there is nothing I can do about it. So I pluck.

And the cycle repeats. Your move brows.

Barbara: Hilarious, Deb! I’ve noticed the eyebrow rebellion—mostly on men, whose brows tend to be more … hirsute. The head turns, it hits the light just so, and there it is this strange, otherworldian filament, doing god knows what, but not in the least resembling a “normal” eyebrow anymore. That said, for myself, I have to say, the brows are more in “disappearing mode”. As is most of my body hair. I guess it’s still a good development—chores like shaving and plucking and waxing have taken more and more of a far-backseat (compared to grooming days of yore). Of course, I may still face the errant brow escapades one day, but for now, the escape seems to be all a disappearing act.

31 comments:

  1. OMG Deb you are the funniest!

    Barb....all the body hair disappearing??? You lucky girl...
    Yeah yeah.... I'm the positive one...I should LOVE MYSELF including the hair and all. But....I dont SUE ME! Well...not really like I dont. But I'm not a fan of it either. If I didnt wax or thread my brows and my body hair...One day I'd look in that mirror and see a Sasquatch...And yes it is that bad. I live in India for god sake.. Russell Peters is right...Its friggin hot and WE'RE HAIRY!?!?!!?! (Yep women too) We need the hair removal techniques....we NEEEEED them.
    And its funny you brought this up today...coz

    I've been thinking about threading my eyebrows... But it is true that I dont really mind. But yeah brows are pretty important for emotions. Especially for me...I seem to confuse people even when I talk normal....Well guess what chaos I would create without brows. Yikes!

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  2. I have never been hairy. Scottish you know. I say you should do what you want. If you want less hair, then go for it. But if you like what you see, let it lay. That's funny. I've never heard the Russel Peters line!

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    1. I envy you! :P I do I dont give a damn....I want less hair...and I'll FIND A WAY TO GET IT!!

      He is funny...watch this..
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKioNI8huo4

      Ohh...and not all of us have that accent. You've heard me right! :D

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  4. Oh my god this is an excellent subject, I'm surprised we didn't cover this on Saturday.

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  5. Did you get my message on FB?? Ive sent like a mushy message to both of you... and well..expressed how much I appreciate you girls. If you havent... Here's the gist. I love you. I cannot express how much I appreciate you and How lucky and extremely grateful and happy I am that I ever found friends like you and Barb. You've accepted my weirdness and my obsession law of attraction and about feeling good I am absolutely positive that we share bond very deep and we will uncover the depth really soon. I always say to Barb.. you two are a part of a bigger manifestation in my life... This is just a prelude and its sooo beautiful.. and I cannot imagine how beautiful the manifestation will be.(The last few sentences are kinda creepy.) And I gotta tell you something very very important....I'm glued to you two.....and its too late and you can't get rid of me!! ...Oh boy that was corny! But true feelings... ;) And funnily...this is the week I found the blog last year. And Ive had a GREAT YEAR! And Thanks for this amazng year! Youve been a big part.....Ok..now I sound like I'm gonna die in a few days..Ill shut up! LOVE YOU! xoxoxo

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    1. I didn't Shalaka. I will go look for it now. This is beyond sweet and lovely. Just like you. xo

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  6. I've never had to really worry about my eyebrows or body hair in general, being blonde does have it's perks! Although when I was younger and my hair was really blonde it didn't look like I had any eyebrows at all. I do however have one rogue hair that drives me nuts on my chin, it's darker and thicker than any other hair on my body and always seems to appear overnight. I mean seriously why one hair and why there?

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    1. Yes Erin I have a good friend who is blonde but the problem is she always has to wear masscara and do the brow thing because they don't show up otherwise! Grass is greener I guess.

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  7. I have errant grey hairs that one day bend into the brow and others hurt and need to be plucked. I go every three weeks to a professional plucker otherwise I would pluck way too many off the brow. The twisty ones hurt!!! Great topic.

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    1. It's true Madge. Really easy to go pluck mad! You are wise to go to a pro. I'm going to too now.

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  8. Thanks for the chuckles.
    As for shaving and plucking, pain in the ass that they are, my body is grateful and oh-so-appreciative of any little bit of attention I give to it.
    Something tells me it is very, very important.
    I'd rather the ministration of aromatic body oils but what can you do.
    What do you think of the ruckus re the Art Gallery of Ontario distributing Frida Kahlo's eyebrows around the city?

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    1. Kate I didn't know there was any ruckus. The posters are gorgeous. I haven't heard anything.

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    2. It would be a great topic for the Middle Ages "gang" I suppose ...
      Let me find a news story.
      Here's one:
      http://www.artinfo.com/news/story/841731/a-reply-to-critics-of-the-art-gallery-of-ontarios-frida-kahlo
      On the CBC Radio program Q one day this week, they had guests pro and con. You can listen to it here: http://www.cbc.ca/q/blog/2012/11/20/is-the-agos-unibrow-promo-in-bad-taste/

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  9. Cute story, Deb! I love the way you personify objects and body parts. I never pluck my eyebrows, so maybe they won't run away on me in a few years' time.

    Funny thing about eyebrows - when I lived in Korea, on Korean soaps I noticed that the evil female character always had perfectly sculpted and plucked eyebrows, while the female protagonist had natural-looking eyebrows. I now have a predisposition to prefer the natural look - sculpted brows look evil to me.

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    1. That is so funny Hannah about the different eyebrows on the evil and the good female characters. Yeah there is kind of a Kardashian look that just looks evil to me!

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  10. Deb, I am sitting here laughing myself silly. This is so true of us women of a certain age.
    Heidi

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    1. Yes. And I have chosen to laugh!!!

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  11. Love the way you wrote about the eyebrows Deb!!Made a wonderful little scene in my head as I read. I have always hated my eyebrows.....they are way too big for my head. I think my brother and I ,despite being 3 yrs apart, got each other's eyebrows. My brother's are thin and nice looking, mine are unruly and need grooming constantly!! UGH. I am not much of a girly girl so I dont go for the the really really thin sculped style but still taking care of all the body hair is such a downside of being a lady GRRRR :),

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    1. But Kelly if it really bothers you, you can have someone do them who knows enough to let them remain natural but groomed. That is the key, I think. Or, trade with your brother! ;-)

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  12. Ok..I cannot believe I didnt think of this before....HOW THE HELL did I call myself Sasquatch...and didnt call myself...CAPTAIN HAIR!!?!?!?!?! (In a completely different way though) I mean...it was right there.....Damn it the moment's gone now!!! :D

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  13. SO funny Deb! I guess those eyebrows are sleeping giants. I was just getting used to a few unruly nose hairs, but soon I may have to lasso eyebrows!

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    1. Maybe not Eileen. I don't think it happens to everyone and I certainly hope mine are getting bored!

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  14. I have just had one or two at this point and I have always taken care of my own brows but I'm going to let the pros do it now!

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  15. I'm one of those lucky people who doesn't need to pluck that often, but there's an alarming trend amongst a lot of people I know to pluck until you literally have to squint to see their eyebrows. It's scary. It's like all you can see is this faint shadowy thing and then it hits you: those are supposed to be eyebrows.
    Personally, I think my eyebrows and I have reached a fairly complimentary truce: I am allowed the ability to raise a single eyebrow, they are allowed to mostly do as they like. My head hair, on the other hand... not so much.

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  16. Deb, you make me giggle all over sometimes. :)

    I over-plucked my brows to the point of near baldness during my high school years, so they don't give me TOO much trouble. The problem now is they do a sort of fade kind of thing. They are darker ("thickest") at their innermost point, then fade out drastically over most of the rest of the brow line into nothingness.
    Most of the time I don't care. (Yay for glasses!). However, on those rare occasions I know I'm going to be in a picture, I'll do a little enhancing with some light brown eyeshadow. I used to use pencil until someone told me about the softness and subtlety of the shadow. I'm not particularly GOOD at subtle, but I do wind up presentable at the end of it.

    Now, EYELASHES on the other hand... WOULD KILL for those.

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  17. I'm an odd gal, I guess. I don't pluck, wax, shave, or anything of the sort. I've just never really thought of my body hair as something bad, or something that needed constant removal. The only time I ever break out a razor is on those rare occasions when someone forces me into a dress, but the rest of the time me and my hairy self are perfectly happy in jeans and sweatshirts.

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  18. Souzan Rezai from Vancouver, BCNovember 26, 2012 at 3:58 PM

    Baha!

    Yes, the life-cycle of eyebrows seem so cruel and so unusual. I'm Persian, and like Shalaka, if I didn't go into constant battle against my body hair, it would up-rise and suffocate me in my sleep. I agree, Shalaka, why on earth we come from a land of heat, heat, and more heat, and then are given life-long parkas to wear... and yet those Nordic women are all pale blonde and peach fuzzy at best...I'll never understand. Never. What the hell, Science? What the bloody hell?

    My brother jokes that if he was a superhero, his power would be how fast and intensely his facial hair grows. I get angry because I tell him that I have the exact same expletivingly super power, but I had to take a laser beam to it, cause there is no money to be raised from me joining Movember...

    I applaud and am happy for everyone to love and feel comfortable as they are. But, if you don't live with an extreme (extreme body hair, extreme breastage, etc) I just don't think you can fathom what it's like to want it OFF.

    And the cruelty of the eyebrow comes in that I know, even while I have to pluck on a daily (yep. daily) basis to earn myself the privilege of having TWO distinguishable eyebrows, the day will come where I'm paying a woman to tattoo them back in...

    Seriously, Science. Wtf.

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    1. Souzan, I am DYING here! SO freakin' funnny!! Thanks so much for that needed laugh. Two---tattooing them back in... "SNORT" Hysterical!

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  19. Souzan Rezai from Vancouver, BCNovember 27, 2012 at 1:52 AM

    So happy I made you laugh! It's funny cause it's true, Dawn...it's funny cause it's true. xo

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