Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Deb and Barbara Have A 3-way With Souzan: Having The Christmas Balls


On Friday’s blog-post, Souzan added a comment that was so apropos to the topic at hand and to the season in general that we thought we’d post it here in case you missed it. This is a treat!

Souzan: Last year I had a really difficult time for a number of reasons, not least of which was a traumatic 'break-up' with my best friend. The 'break-up' happened late summer, and Christmas was really difficult as it was the first milestone that I no longer had my best friend. I was setting up my Christmas tree, and one of the types of ornaments I have are those generic thin aluminum Christmas balls. To make them more special I created what I call "quote balls" where I wrote quotes from my friends on different ones. I love it—seeing all those inside jokes and testaments to my friendships (which are very dear to me) honestly fill me with love. Except for the ones of my ex-friend. Those filled me with rage. Before I knew it, I had taken the ex balls and was throwing them with all my might, shouting curses as they shattered.

It. Was. Awesome.

A key note is that I flung those things into the bathtub—because sure I was emotionally volatile, but I was also responsible for cleaning it up. When I was done, I simply took the vacuum to the bathroom, hoovered the tub, and went back to my day like I was not an emotionally deranged and unhinged human being.

Breaking those things was an incredible release. The cleanup was a breeze, and it cost about a dollar and sixty cents. There you have it: the Christmas Ball Method.

Yes it sounds ridiculous and overdramatic, but honestly, the release it gave me was real, and my anger had a safe channel to express itself through, without causing any real damage or hurting any real things.

Barbara: I love this for so many reasons, Souzan. Not the least of which is that a break-up with a friend is often no less traumatic and emotional than one with a lover/spouse. I’ve often thought we should blog about that here (and we will—but we’ll save that for another day). I also love this because of the happy symbolism of the ornamental keepsakes. What a lovely way to honour friendships and memories on the Christmas tree! Reminds me of our beautiful “blog-wish” Christmas tree and wreath (coming back soon to a blog near you!). But I also love the sheer audacity of the purge. I mean, those ornaments do shatter awfully dramatically and easily, don’t they? What a fun, cheap, impulsive way to get rid of toxic memory baggage to help us move on. Thanks, Souzan!

Deb: Souzan, this is brilliant. Can I throw breakable ornaments into the car windows of crazy drivers????.... okay, so I am waayyyy off topic.

I love this, Souzan, because you didn’t take it in to your guts. You got it out. You smashed the hurt, literally and figuratively, without hurting anyone. You cleansed yourself. We are so about the trying to calmly work things out in our modern civilized world and denying the fact that sometimes you just need to let it out. You found a great way. Plus, being the tidy house gal I am ... loved the economy and easy cleanup!!! If it were in a House Beautiful magazine it might say something like, “When you are smashing decorations in anger and hurt because you’ve had a fight with a friend, do it in the tub. Easy to see, easier to clean up!!!

29 comments:

  1. Great way to get rid of the anger instead of internalizing it.
    The smashing must have felt so good. I feel like buying a set of those balls and keeping them on hand throughout the year, sure beat a punching bag. You have the smashing sound, with the shattering of the little pieces and then "suck it up".....the vacuum and disappearance. BRILLIANT!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha, yes, my thoughts exactly!! How could I resist sharing this one?!

      Delete
  2. lol...."Can I throw breakable ornaments into the car windows of crazy drivers????"...Deb you're funny.....

    But seriously...is it LEGAL to do that?

    I REALLY LOVE THIS! I told you last time.....what I do is I just play some PC game. Right now I've playing Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. You can to KILL PEOPLE in that... And You can....wait for it.....SHOUT THEM TO DEATH!! You shout.They just get blown away...literally..and then they die.

    I would love throwing Christmas ornaments in the bathtub. But if you know me at all you'll know I love the drama... (Ask Deb and Barb they know...VERY WELL or read my comments here.) So... I would like throwing christmas balls in the tub...but I LOOOVEE killing dragons and trolls. LOVE SHOUTING THE TROLLS TO DEATH! And I love imagining...doing that to negative situations in my life. And anyway if I try throwing christmas balls in the bathtub and my mom witnesses it....Oh yikes! I cant even imagine that scenario. But when I get an apartment of my own... OHHH I'll get a set Christmas balls and fling them in the tub for fun!!! And...ofcourse to clear negative patterns. ;) :D

    Thanks for the WONDERFUL idea Souzan!! And thanks to Barb for posting it! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not of the video game generation, so never felt that cathartic release yelling at the TV, but I can truly imagine it would work wonders! (that said, I've been known to watch as my girls played -- maybe not as satisfying, but definitely interesting)

      Delete
    2. Well, I'm not a game person either. But when it comes to making a mess in my MOM'S APARTMENT.... I'd rather choose computer games. Its better to get addicted to a game rather than getting kicked out of the apartment!! :D

      Delete
    3. Souzan Rezai from Vancouver, BCDecember 5, 2012 at 4:53 PM

      Honestly, Shalaka, if I wasn't so awful at playing video games, I'd be right there with you shouting trolls to death. But, alas, I really do suck, and I can't stay engaged long enough to practice long enough to get any better so...breaking christmas balls I go...

      Delete
    4. I love playing violent video games. :P But sometimes they make me even more aggressive...*haha*

      At least I know when to stop.

      Delete
  3. I am thinking of buying Christmas ornament and balls for this very reason. Won't pass them in the aisle without thinking of this story.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think this is a great idea to reduce holiday stress! Although I don't think that I will do this since I don't have the funds for it and for the most part I have non-breakable ornaments, this is a fun way to get your anger and pain out without actually hurting anyone or doing any serious damage.
    When I end a relationship of any kind, I do like to get rid of anything that reminds me of the other person. I either sell it (might as well make a profit!), donate it, or trash it.
    As far as getting to release my anger, pain, sadness, I like to paint angry (that's what I call it anyway). Splash paint all over the canvas and create something beautiful out of something terrible. Actually, a lot of my best work is a result of disputes I've had with people and the like. Emotion is a driving force in art and in life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ohhhh, yes, love love love this, Steph. Not being a painter myself, I could still utterly feel the benefits of this strategy. Especially if I wasn't trying to "create" something per se, but was looking to purge. Love it.

      Delete
    2. Oh yes, it does the job!
      Interesting little fact about my day: I went to a used books shop and bought a book (among the many books that I purchased) that happened to have the previous owner's name written in it. The previous owner was my nemesis from high school!! We never got along and, Mean Girls style, she went after the guy that I was interested in!! GRR!!! Anyway, I was thinking about this post and decided that I could easily rip the page with her name to pieces and feel a bit of a release from the hurt that she caused! Yay!

      Delete
    3. Steph, I literally took a huge intake of breath on that one. Wow. Well, Yes, I think that's the ideal solution, isn't it? :)

      Delete
    4. Ha! Yes, I think it will work nicely!

      Delete
  5. To be honest I was a little skeptical, given the title. XD (I'm terrible, I'm so sorry!) This is a really neat idea though! I would have so many quotes up there; my Facebook is chalk full of really awesome quotes! I think it'd be a good reminder of those who were important in your life and stuck with you.

    Then again, I am graduating in 5 months, so I suppose I could save it for that as well :]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In couldn't help myself with that title :) But I do think it's a great way --especially for someone just starting out -- to acquire ornaments with meaning that don't break the bank.

      Delete
    2. Oh my! I didn't even realize the pun in the title! Ha!

      Delete
  6. Again I LOVE this idea! Nothing like therapy for about a dollar :) I can guarantee I will be using this idea in some form in the future! so Awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love this, two great ideas in one. A great way to make a keepsake and a way to release some anger. This really hits close to home as I "lost" my best friend of twenty years who was more family than friend about two years ago. She's my kids godmother and they called her auntie for goodness sake and I am still confused, depressed and you know what angry. I've just never let myself deal with it I just keep suppressing it and maybe letting it out would finally let me start feeling a little better. I keep tamping it down because nothing actually happenned between us and she still contacts me from time to time as if nothing has changed. I guess I feel like if I let myself get angry at her I have to admit I've given up all hope that maybe someday she'll be a friend again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Souzan Rezai from Vancouver, BCDecember 5, 2012 at 4:49 PM

      Oh, Erin, I'm so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. I felt the exact same way when I was going through it, and it took a lot of grieving before I began to feel at (some semblance of) peace with it. All other parties were happy to just pretend nothing know exactly what you mean, the hardest part of confronting my friend on the situation was that I had to accept I had given up hope that a) they would care enough about our friendship to do it, and b) that I'd given up the hope. The hope was very hard to let go, and I let go of it in tiny, tiny pieces. But that doesn't mean that there isn't hope on a larger scale, for friendships to persevere, Like Dorothy said of re-connecting with her long-drifted friend!
      I hope you find peace xo

      Delete
    2. Yeah, Souzan said it perfectly, Erin. I have been on both sides of the issue - both the breaker-upper and the breakee. It IS confusing. That said, I'm not entirely sure that if I approached my friends who I broke up with and told them exactly why if it would be so helpful. Classic case of so many parts to the whole. I think the grieving process, complete with anger and rage, is essential to go through. Like I said, this topic is really really worthy of its own post!!

      Delete
  8. Certainly an interesting and I imagine satisfying way to help move on. While I have luckily never broken up with a friend I did drift apart from one mostly cause we lived so far apart and just didn't keep up. This year we reconnected and it has been great - like 20 years went by - and we picked up like that time hadn't even gone by. (Well now that we are in a 60's (-did I really say that??) time is so much more precious.

    Anyway this year I knit her a Christmas decoration so I love this weird balance in life. Christmas dec's broken to help move on and Christmas decorations given to help move on.... Neat! (did I just say neat? see I am old!)

    Dorothy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, lovely, Dorothy. This so made me smile!! Thank you. I love everything you said -- and how you said it :) (did I just type an emoticon?!)

      Delete
  9. Souzan Rezai from Vancouver, BCDecember 5, 2012 at 4:57 PM

    I just want to thank you, Barb and Deb, for sharing my comment, and to thank everyone here for the amazing supportive messages. To be honest, when I told my own friends last year what I had done, I was actually received with much less understanding, and a lot more "what the hell is wrong with you" glances. I really, at best, thought people would find the anecdote funny. I never thought so many people would actually relate to me let alone want tojoin my crazy train... so thank you. It means a lot to me.

    Sincerely,

    Souzan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Souzan, thank you for allowing us to share it. I'm surprised your friends didn't jump at this one. There's so much abandon in it. Thanks for being here, xoxo

      Delete
  10. I like your idea of personal ornaments. Sounds nice. :)

    I suck at being angry...no that's not right. I hardly ever let it out. I'm mostly angry with myself...and I can't smash myself, I guess.

    Sorry...I'm not in a very good mood...haven't commented for ages, but didn't know what to write...

    Hope you all had a nice december so far. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy you're back, Becki! :)

      Delete
  11. We always miss you, Becki, but you do your thing. We're thinking of you! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.