Friday, January 27, 2012

Yearning (…or, Yeeeeeeaaaarrnnnning)

Barbara: I watched an extraordinary film the other night called Pina. Now this blog post isn’t really about the film, but I’m going to do a quick pitch for it anyway. It’s a documentary about legendary German choreographer, Pina Bausch (and because I loved it so much, I’m embedding the trailer at the end here). Mostly a pure dance film with only a bit of interview and old footage of Pina in rehearsal (sadly, she died recently), it captures the essence of modern dance and its powerful spirituality. Why am I telling you this? Because one of the sound bites in the film is a dancer saying that one common theme for Pina was in the question of why we, as humans, yearn so much.

I know it’s a simple question. Maybe even an obvious one. That we yearn is self-evident. But how often have you asked, Well, why? Why do we yearn?

We all want something so achingly badly, it hurts. To find love, to create something substantial, to leave a mark, to connect, to feel joy, to feel calm, to be safe, to have more, and then just a bit more, and on and on. But it’s always something that is just beyond our grasp.

And because we’re all so familiar with this fundamental state, I won’t keep on it. But when you ask “why”, well, that’s when the concept really gets interesting.

Do we yearn because it is an exquisite pain, something bigger than us, something so heartfelt it reminds us we’re alive? Do we yearn because it forces us to keep pushing ourselves to greater heights. I mean, without yearning, would any of this—this, look around, all this stuff—be here, or would we still be back in caves, not even a fire to warm us because we haven’t yearned it into existence?

I know what I yearn about. I yearn about love. So I seek it out, always striving to keep it around me, truly suffering when it is threatened (or worse). I yearn about getting my work out there, not so that it’ll be some award-winning achievement (although, sure, that would be nice), but in a way that will collect people around my “tribal fire” so I can tell them a story—true or fiction, both—and we can laugh or cry or wonder together (hello, blog buddies!). But here’s the rub: even when I have these things, the yearning doesn’t go away. The yearning yearns for that something to either be more than it is or it yearns against the fear that it might go away, as if there is an absolute certainty that something great will end and I will suffer.

So what do you yearn about? And why do you think we yearn at all?

Deb: What a provocative subject, Barb. Yearning, I think, is what keeps us going. I myself yearn for a very long life. That has always been my yearning. I want to live well and I want to live long. I yearn to travel the globe with my family. I want to see as much of it as I possibly can. The long life I yearn for will help with that quest. My yearning changed over the years. When I was younger it was always about art, and it still is, but not as strong as other yearnings, I guess. Clearly my yearning is still learning! 

PINA - Dance, dance, otherwise we are lost - International Trailer from neueroadmovies on Vimeo.


44 comments:

  1. What an interesting post Barb, yearning....we always want more even when we achieve what we are yearning for (I guess that is what keeps us moving forward) I think I mostly yearn for peace...calm...Raising 3 boys on my own makes me yearn for it both for me and for them, and happiness. Red(my horse) is teaching me the value of "calm" because he insists on it, and it makes me catch my self and then somehow when you become calmer with life and the situations it throws at you, peace and happiness start to creep in. I wish you all peace and happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beautiful reply, Mary-Jo. So lovely. I feel calm just reading it. And I do believe we get messages from all kinds of things around us on how to achieve some balm to our yearning. Animals are great for that.

      Delete
  2. It's interesting, my sister and I had a long discussion about this just the other day. I don't know why we yearn, but I think your right that if we didn't, we'd still be stuck in a cave with no fire. It progresses us as humans and as individuals. My question is why do we yearn for the unattainable? Some things that I want in life, I can make happen, like my theater or earning my Master's degree. Other things I yearn for even though I can never have them, but I still want them so very much and it hurts to know it will never happen. Why can't I just drop those?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that one might just be the question of the day, Molly: why do we yearn for things we know we can never have? Is it tied to that a basic urge for justice -- that we alone should somehow be able to right the world?

      Delete
    2. Well, Buddhism tries to answer this with the notion of dukkha. That typically gets translated as "suffering" for Westerners, but it means a lot more than that. It means an intense dissatisfaction, a loss of something intangible, a longing for things that never really meet our expectations. Which is an awful lot like how "yearn" is defined, isn't it?

      Buddhism tells us that dukkha exists because we're constantly in motion and constantly changing - so we can never reach and achieve a final stage or being or goal. We can strive to be happy, and become happy, but eventually that will pass - because situations change, people change, we change.

      So we get caught up in this yearn/achieve/yearn feedback loop, without really seeing that we're doing it.

      In order to see it, we have to move to the second noble truth, which talks about the different ways in which we yearn (or suffer): craving things that appeal to our senses, craving things that unite us and make us feel at one with something larger, or simply craving to Not Be.

      So now we've identified the fact that we suffer because we yearn, and the ways in which we yearn. We move on from there to the two other noble truths, which take us into other bits of Buddhism that really aren't relevant for non-Buddhists.

      But I do think it does a nice job of explaining the yearn/achieve/yearn cycle - both in motivating forward for things we yearn that are achievable, and things that are not - and why we have both.

      Delete
  3. Oh great now I'm going to be stuck in a loop of existential thought all day. Why do we yearn huh? Well the best I can come up with is that it seems many of us define living, really living, as pursuing goals and moving forward. It seems we have this built in drive that says we are simply existing rather than living if we don’t yearn. Does that even make sense?
    Maybe it’s because our needs basic or otherwise never go away. As we meet our needs they’re still there and so we continue to pursue them to ensure we don’t lose what we’ve already accomplished.
    Why though do we try to better ourselves in the first place, ummm is it as simple as human nature, or is it the fulfillment of one need revealing another need? But why….. ahhhh there’s that old loop going again.
    How about because darnit, that’s why, just because.
    Ugh well the empathy video you ladies posted earlier in the week got me checking out a few of his other ones and it just so happens there is one on motivation, I figure it relates:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, yes, Erin, I saw that one too! He's so amazing (and so is his animator). Great great loop, but you offer some great great ideas in there too. Why is "why" the most asked question by young children? We must be hardwired for it. I like your idea that because our basic needs will never go away (to eat, be safe, be sheltered) that we are programmed to keep yearning. And when those needs aren't an issue, the yearning seeps over everything else...

      Delete
  4. I yearn to have another blog devoted to that most compelling of subjects...as in ME! I had such a great day and the post inspired so many people to contact me in so many ways to say such lovely things that there is really naught else for me now besides quelling the desire for the kind of validation ...Righting the world is no longer on my horizon ladies...:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See the thing is, Annette, I yearn for you to throw off the mantle of world-righting and set about being the centre of a writing universe. This was actually our master plan bwa ha ha ha.

      Delete
  5. My yearning has waned as I have aged (now 63) and I have the luxury to do what I want when I want and I think I always yearned for the ability to say no. To believe in myself and achieve. To take a stand and not care what others thought. To be my own person, to dye my hair whatever color I want. Now for some reason I don't care what others think as much and I found it okay if people don't like me. I love me. I yearn still to do my writing and my painting. I yearn on any given day to have a lover that is a keeper. I yearn for continued good health and I yearn to have a good exit plan if my health fails. I have yearned to love life. Wow, this post got me going. Now I yearn for my kids and their kids to have continued happiness and wonderful, fulfilling, giving lives.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent yearnings, Madge. I am full of most of these too.

      Delete
  6. I've never heard of Pina, but I'm not really into the "dancing scene" (off topic: Dancing is such a wonderful thing. And I admire people, who can do incredible things with their bodies, and express feelings through moves and gestures).

    Yearning. That's interesting. I yearn for love, attention, love, happiness, inner peace, love, understanding, acceptance, love.

    And you're right...sometimes it gets so bad, it hurts so much. And you can't stop it.
    And you're never satisfied. You always want more.

    As you said, it would be pretty boring, if we just gave up and live without yearning of anything. Look at our human history...it wouldn't have been possible without yearning.

    Maybe it is one greater force that keeps us going. Something that drvies us.
    If you don't yearn for something, you're already dead.
    Maybe the pain shows us that we can't have everything, and that it is exhausting to achieve something.
    And I guess yearning is an emotion. And humans need emotions. They need to feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dancing is great. Modern dance is one of those things that you need to try and be open to. It can be amazingly powerful. Your yearning observations are so lovely. Made me stop.

      Delete
    2. I guess I would be too shy for modern dance.
      I had some dance classes in school. My teacher said that I had a special way to dance (don't know if that was a positive thing *lol*).

      I'm not that thin and stuff, and I always felt embarrassed (we usually wore tight outfits when performing).

      But I liked dancing. =) I started with jumpstyle. There you can wear loose-fitting clothes. *haha*

      And did I tell you that I also started with some "gymnastics". Well, sort of...

      But after one year of practice, I can now nearly do my splits. Yay me.

      Oh, and btw, my Grandma is in hospital again...*sighs* Wish she would take better care of herself.

      Delete
    3. Hope your Grandma is feeling better soon and can get home. My grandmother's health is great, so I know what its like to deal with the in and out hospital visits.

      Delete
    4. Thanks, Steph. *hugs*
      I don't know...I'm just afraid that she might die... :/
      *sighs*

      Delete
  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sorry for the above. When I log onto my computer it logs me on hers (it's b/c we share a youtube account....)

    Good post today. Lot to think about.

    I yearn for doing what is right, even if it's against the majority. Sometimes it's hard, and sometimes it's not achievable. When I was younger, I used to yearn for acceptance; being like people, people liking me, pleasing people, etc.

    Right now, I'm yearning to just be better. Be better in what I say, do, how I eat, interact with others and how I care for the patients I see on a weekly basis. But as Deb said, my yearning is still learning. Still got a long way to go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kelly, that's how I feel with all my on-line identities: never know which one might pop up here!

      As for the yearning. It obviously changes as we age and grow in terms of what we neeeeed, but it doesn't seem to ever actually stop. Which makes it feel like some essential human element...

      Delete
  9. I think what I want (is that different from yearn?) is a balance between yearning and contentment. What I yearn for now is to feel some sense of security. Once that is achieved, I yearn for a life filled with people and experiences and the freedom to travel.

    Thank you for sharing the Pina trailer. It looks so interesting, something Chloe and I would enjoy watching together. She's been talking about taking up dance again after a two year break.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Lisa, I think you guys would LOVE Pina! It would be right up your alley. As for the yearning: security is a base yearning. It kinda trumps all the others, doesn't it (although not so much that you don't stop yearning for other stuff!)

      Delete
  10. I never really thought about all the things I sort of wish or yearn for each day. With this post I paid attention today and I realized that I really need to get my head on srtaight. I realized today that I am rather selfish in the things I wanted. Like an extra hour of sleep or to be accepted and fit in. These are not the things I should be yearning for.
    I have got to broaden my thinking : )
    You guys are going to make me a better person through this blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, Kelly, I would say that your yearning is in perfect keeping with the rest of us. To me, being accepted is "love" and wanting that extra hour of sleep is "survival".

      Delete
  11. I'm new to reading your blog, but I just want to start by saying I really enjoy it!

    Yearning is such an interesting topic. I find that, as someone who believes in God, it's absolutely wonderful and calming to know that there is someone there who cares about you and will always provide you with whatever you need. I think it is because of this knowledge that even while I yearn for many things (to be kinder, more thoughtful, a better friend, daughter, sister, dancer, artist, student ... I could go on but I better stop there); even while I yearn for many things this knowledge grants me inner peace. I can rest assured that, no matter what happens, someone wiser and more knowledgeable is taking care of everything.

    Hopefully that's not too preachy ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aimee, not preachy at all! We welcome worshipers of all faiths here. And I also think a lot of us do indeed find grace and comfort in a belief that there is a higher Good. It pulls us out of our smaller selves.

      Delete
  12. yearning. why DO we yearn so much? after much ongoing yearning of my own, (I yearned my way through countless meditation and Buddhist philosophy classes, yearning for inner peace, yearning for knowledge, yearning to have hair as pretty as the person next to me, yearning to know more, yearning for the class to end so I could get the cup of coffee I was yearning for) I have finally decided that although yearning is a form of suffering (as Kelly said the Buddha pointed out) we NEED to yearn in order to fully experience the experience of being human. Yearning to me is the catch-all emotion of wanting connection, of struggling to remember that we are all one. the problem occurs when we mistake/mislabel what it is that we're yearning for. think you're yearning to get your work out there? wrong. what you're yearning for really, is to be known, to be seen, to CONNECT. to be validated for just being you. distracted by yearning for love? what you really want is to merge with the stuff of consciousness itself--with the whole and energy of LOVE itself, not lover. all those things you yearn for are your spirit's way of wanting to connect to the divine consciousness, wanting to connect to the essence of another. we yearn to be safe (from death) ultimately. we yearn to be embraced by the other because it feels like something is missing. we yearn because yearning drives us to search. Yearning is an essential part of living because what we really yearn for is to endlessly repeat what Swami Muktananda called the "divine play of consciousness." we yearn to be a part of the play over & over & over again because that is what makes us feel alive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As usual, Lori, you slay me with your astute observations and spiritual messages. What a great summation of the concept of yearning and its why. Your last line really speaks to that "exquisite pain" I was interested in when I first posted this. Thank you!!!

      Delete
    2. Barbara...i notice that when I am at a concert or a performance or an exhibit or im the company of someone a mazing i yearn to be doimg creating touching them myself. I now try to convert yearning into deep inner listening for what's missing for me at that moment, and try to generate it for myself and support and celebrate the object of my desire....not to mention, accept what is (see upcomimg blog post). By the way, yearning has led us all to one another..... ;)

      Delete
    3. Yes, me too! Hence the whole Pina motivation here! And the whole process of "converting yearning to a deep inner listening" is so what I am trying actively to do right now. It's amazing the source of answers. And I ABSOLUTELY agree that our yearning has led us all to each other. That's it, in a nutshell.

      Delete
    4. PS Lori, I know we link to you in our blog list, but please let us have the link here too.

      Delete
    5. Barbara: I just saw this.....it's Leonard Cohen (I revere him) speaking about the nature of longing.....I thought of you......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHqbIuN1diE&feature=related

      Delete
    6. and thank you for requesting my link!!!! It's www.consciousnesscreativity.com maybe we should do a collaborative blog? ;)

      Delete
  13. What I primarily yearn for, especially nowadays, is to yearn to be helpful, available. I work with some people who are going through things a human being should not go through (although it's getting better, praise God), but lately I've just had this notion to want to help as much as possible! It sounds crazy, but at the end of the day it makes me feel better, because I'm helping someone else feel better. :)

    By the way, I WANT to see that movie. When I was in England this summer one of my teachers mentioned "Pina", and we ended up doing some writing exercises pertaining to dancing! AAH!

    *now i miss England*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That "being helpful" yearning feels to me like the yearning for connection. It's fundamental, isn't it? (and see Pina!!)

      Delete
  14. I think we yearn for things our soul thinks we're missing. In my mind, one doesn't yearn for material things. I'm dying for a cup of coffee, but I'm not yearning for it. It's more intangible, like feelings, or "being," like being friends, or being in love.

    I yearn mostly for peace of mind. Thanks to my psych therapy, I'm closer than I ever would have believed. But it's not truly attainable.

    That's another thing about "yearning" I believe: that it gives us things to dream for or to work toward. Maybe they ARE unattainable goals or wants, but we are given purpose in our lives by trying to come as close as possible to achieving them. One works hardest for the things they want, or yearn for, the most.

    The exquisite pain comes from knowing that, no matter how much you try, some of it truly is unattainable. Another thing I yearn for is the one thing I don't like to discuss because it's too painful. I hope that, along the way, I find that what I think I'm yearning for is actually there, just not in the way I was expecting or originally yearning for.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dawn, you who has come so far is the best and surest indication that the seeking road is the right one. Man I am in awe of you! (and I hope your painful yearning finds its solace)

      Delete
    2. Barb

      xoxoxoxoxoxo

      The friendships surely help!

      I think also that we, as humans, can be a tad unreasonable at times, yearning for something we can't have, instead of appreciating what we do have. That's a constant lesson to be learned.

      Delete
    3. Acceptance. That's the word I was looking for. Acceptance for the way things are, instead of comparing it to what "should" or "could" be, but isn't or won't be.
      Give me enough time at a keyboard and I'll REALLY go into what I've learned about in the last couple of months. :)

      Delete
    4. Yes, acceptance. A great word. A great concept. And, Dawn, I will read whatever you come up with on a keyboard.

      Delete
  15. i have been thinking about this topic a lot for the last 24 hours or so . i am curious to know what is the difference between yearning and ambition .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, I think it's in the feeling. Ambition seems to carry a kind of plan and method with it. It's more in the head. Yearning is really visceral, emotional, usually not complete with a plan and drive and such. It's in the heart. For me, that's the difference. Great question.

      Delete
  16. I think I yearn for love, that is, to love and be loved, but that is something that I already have. I also yearn for knowledge, but not too much, just enough. I think sometimes people get sucked into a vortex of wanting too much knowledge and it can take them over in a bad way. I yearn to make a difference in at least one person's life in some small way. I yearn for everlasting happiness. I yearn to laugh and live. I yearn to...be.
    For me. I kind of feel like there is a difference between wanting and yearning. Wanting, to me, is more of an external feeling, while yearning sort of pulls from the inside. I don't know if that makes any kind of sense, but there it is!

    And on a side note, I love ballet. Pina is amazing. I took ballet for a while when I was a kid and loved it. It's a wonderful way to express oneself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steph, great yearning! I like your thoughts about how people can get sucked into "a vortex of wanting too much knowledge". So interesting. And I agree about your thoughts re the difference between yearning and wanting (see my reply to Linda)

      I also think dance is one of the most amazing, potentially non-competitive physical wonders of our world. I LOVE to dance, although more in the free-spirited, let-loose-on-a-dance floor kind of way than in a classroom -- although not against that either.

      Delete
  17. 1. I yearn to not live so completely consumed by loneliness. I yearn to not be so isolated and unbelonging and rejected, cold through and through. My best friend doesn't even cut it anymore because all she has is Southern Baptist answers. And, before anyone says, "You have your son," stop. I do not have him. He has me. Think of the directionality of parent-child.

    2. I yearn to not live in poverty.

    3. I yearn to not be trapped in this hellhole town with no hope of escape (which directly feeds #1 and #2).

    4. I yearn to not live with constant physical pain.

    Any more profound, deep yearnings I may have or have had do not and cannot count in the face of these 4. These 4 destroy me.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.